Your “Post-London, All-American Centric” Batch of Early Afternoon NFL Games Open Thread

That’s one game under our respective onion belts. Let’s have more of this shall we? TO THE GAMES!

DEN/BUF: If the Broncs can shut down the Zeke-ster they shouldn’t have a problem with the Real McCoy should they? Fans of Denver worry about this being a ‘trap game’ but I don’t see it. Sure it was ugly but the Bills held the Panthers to only 9 points last week. Look for the league’s 2nd leading tackler, lb Ramon Humber (who?) to stick his nose in C.J. Anderson’s face.

N.O./CAR: As our own King Hippo has pointed out, qb Cam’s shoulder is nowhere near healed and this week he’s listed as questionable. If he can throw it more than ten yards he should get the win because the Saints secondary has been hot garbage ever since that Super Bowl win oh so many years ago.

PIT/CHI: Forecast: A steady rain of “WE WANT TRUTH BISCUIT!” will fall from the stands as the Bears get slowly eviscerated by the Steelers.

ATL/DET: Here’s my pick for the highest-scoring game of the one o’clock spot. Lions qb Tubby McFatterson does just enough to lose (late 4th quater pick perhaps?) a close one at home is the prediction here.

CLE/IND: WARNING: Watching this tilt puts you at an elevated risk of contracting eye-AIDS. The loser of this game is relegated to the CFL.

TB/MIN: The Bucs are still waiting on Doug Martin to return but seem to be doing okay with the trio of Sims, Barber and Rodgers splitting the work. Vikes star cb Rhodes gets a healthy helping of the near unstoppable Mike Evans this week.

HOU/NE: How about another home loss for the Pats? A guy can dream, can’t he? Stupid New England will get the usual mismatches in the passing game that they always do and will keep the Texans D off-balance. Ho hum.

MIA/NYJ: The Jets latest “longest year ever” continues. All is not extraordinarily bleak however. Wr Kearse, the afterthought that was thrown into the ‘get rid of Richardson’ deal, has caught 11 of his 15 targets and has 2 TD’s so far. Along with next year’s high draft pick the Jetskis also have a ton of cap space with which to trick/lure free agents into coming on board.

NYG/PHI: Goddamn it, I wish the Giants had a qb along the lines of Carson Wentz! HC McAdoo will continue to call all the offensive plays that the dreadful O-line won’t be able to execute. The End.

Get at it, lovelies.

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King Hippo

really cocked that one up, G-men

Redshirt

Wow!

Gratliff

DO IT IGGLES

Senor Weaselo

Is that seriously a rule or are they making it up as they go along?

Gratliff

HOLY SHIT, DETROIT GOT FUCKING ROBBED

The Maestro

THE MICHIGAN SCREWJOB

King Hippo

he didn’t even control the ball until he crossed the goal line!

Sharkbait

58. 58 god damn points sitting on my bench.

Romonobyl

Golly, I sure hope NY/PHI overtime is a repeat of the 1st quarter!

The Maestro

Wooooooooow, Lions. Wow wow wow. That’s some serious bullshit.

Senor Weaselo

They also have to sing the I’m Very Sorry Song.

IronAvenger6491

JO MUTHAFUCKIN HOWARD

Gratliff

Holy shit, Detroit

Senor Weaselo

Can Shank’lor be praised for a punt?

Shogun Marcus

Right at the contractually obligated wire!

King Hippo

Surely one must let The Giraffe air it out

Gratliff

Watson has a monster arm

IronAvenger6491

A Howard Game winning TD would just be beautiful.

King Hippo

ask and…

Brocky

1st and Howard

Gumble has been mentally affected by this game

...

lol Jesus

Gratliff

Big fan

...

The Bears do not deserve to win but that was a TD.

Redshirt

No, Deep Voice! Don’t go to Cincinnati-Green Bay game! Fuck NFL Contractual Obligations!

Sharkbait

Watson channeling his inner Andy Reid.

King Hippo

hey, he finally threw it to goddamned Hopkins!

LemonJello

He’s using the buffet tray instead of a plate?

Mother Puncher

Does Hue Jackson get fired if he loses all 16 games by a field goal?

Shogun Marcus

Even I say he’s in.

Gratliff

Goddamn, what a step right before the line

Col. Duke LaCross

Oh for fuck’s sake.

LemonJello

Yep. But it’s the Bears, so BOHICA (Bend Over, Here It Comes Again)

Brocky

I see grass between the shoe and the sideline

LemonJello

Cue sad trombone for Chicago. Not a TD. Yet. Should be reviewed.

Brocky

he looks in to me

...

He didn’t step out.

...

THERE WILL BE NO JOY FOR US BEARS FANS

Brocky

fuck me sideways

King Hippo

Eric Ebron is the worst footballist in the world.

Redshirt

That’ll do, Bears. That’ll…oh, fuck you BLEERGH!

Gratliff

oh thank god

King Hippo

Make the NFL Great Again

Senor Weaselo

Goddammit Redshirt, why did you say something?

Redshirt

Because I picked the Pats in the Suicide Pool.

litre_cola

Same here

King Hippo

As did I. Still rooted for HOU

The Maestro

NEVER. COUNT. OUT. TOUCHDOWN. TOM!!!!!!!!!!

Sharkbait

WOOOO!

King Hippo

I’ll give the cocksucker credit this time, no bailouts. That was just amazeballs quartered backing.

litre_cola

Nice penalty Alshon

King Hippo

Coulda gone for it, Buttchinski. ONE YARD.

Redshirt

Let this PIT/CHI game be the first OT game where the first team runs a 10 minute drive and doesn’t attempt a score.

fleshwound_NPG

you tried, cleveland

Sharkbait

COOKSDOWN!

...

The Bears will lose by three.
The Bears will lose by three.
The Bears will lose by three.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Remember, no need for ot if Cooper doesn’t Lett it happen

...

Which is why they will lose by a margin that that TD would have been prevented.

IronAvenger6491

Come on Bears/Steelers. OT for the OT gods

IronAvenger6491

I hope so.

LemonJello

Cold water is not known to be beneficial to the D.

litre_cola

No. You take that back scotchy

King Hippo

run, fat boy, run!

Redshirt

WTF, Patriots? You’re going to lose twice in September?!

Senor Weaselo

Shhhh, don’t say anything.

Sharkbait

I do not approve of this.

The Maestro

NEITHER DO I

Mother Puncher

Kizer is on a roll.

I’m not as good at these as you guys are