Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 6, 2017

Twas a wacky week, with lots of points, reversals of fortune, untimely deaths, and blown giant leads.

Of course, the biggest news was the broken collarbone of Aaron Rodgers, ruining the Vikes/Packers matchup (as Brett Hundley made Case Keenum look like Fran Tarkenton).  As noted during the liveblog, I am on record predicting Green Bay will very quickly sign Colin Kaepernick.  He actually fits their system pretty well, and winning means more to that franchise than owner blackballing solidarity and/or local racism.  Jerick McKinnon looked good again for Minny.

Sticking with the North and sudden changes…yikes, Lions.  Went to the Superdome and dug a 10-45 hole.  No, that is not a misprint.  Even more wackily, Detroit had the ball with plenty of time remaining, having cut that margin to 38-45.  But then they threw a hilarious own end zone pickerception, and that set the final score.

The Bearistocrats won on the road in overtime, despite Truth Biscuit completing a grand total of 8 forward passes (the last being  a back footer into traffic to set up the winning FG, which was probably a bad idea).  Folk singer Leonard Cohen scored a TD passing, and the Ratbirds scored two return TDs but still lost.  What an interesting shitshow!

Reminder: The NFC North must submit a representative to the playoff competition.  /shudders

Against all odds, it looked for a quarter and a half like the New York Jets were gonna hold onto first place.  But then reality set in, along with a ridiculous overturning of a late Austin Sefarian-Jenkins touchdown/turned touchback.  Try to be more subtle showing your preferences next time, League office toadies.  Fuck weasels.

There would be no reversal of fortune for #ThePauls.  They fell behind 3-33 to Deshaun and pals, and don’t let the garbage time scores fool you into thinking they were mildly competitive.

Good news!  Bartlett administration press secretary CJ Cregg got the call for the Tomsulas mid-game, and really turned that ship around.  A dumb OPI penalty and some questionable play calling cost them a chance at the winning FG, but turning a 17-0 hole on the road into a 26-24 loss to the Redacteds is an encouraging start.  San Francisco, unlike Cleveland, seems to be getting closer to figuring shit out.

Also blowing a 17-0 lead like their grandchildren’s inheritance at the Indian casino? (no ofence) Your favourite Superb Owl eternal villain Atlanta Falcons, at home to Catler’s Dolphins without DaVante Parker.  They blew it for keeps, losing 20-17, complete with red zone Matty Ice pick in the final minute.  Just FUCK THOSE GUYS.

Remember that Jags domination at the Stillers last week, and how that changed everything?  Well, forget everything about it.  The Yinzers predictably walked into Arrowhead and dominated the Chefs, with the 19-13 scoreline being quite generous.

It works both ways, with our mighty Jaguras falling at home to RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! 27-17.  No, they still can’t stop the run.  Or play special teams, apparently.  Or just maybe, it really is an even v. odd week juju thingy.

AFC West upside down Sunday continued unabated, with Oakland losing at home to Melvin Gordon, and pretty much only Melvin Gordon.  The Shitty Clippers are now on a 2-game winning streak, and I don’t care for that one bit.

Noted scrotum bruiser Adrian Peterson was surprisingly effective in his first desert act, but then again it was on Bizarro Day, and against fucking Tampa.  Here was one more insanely large blown lead, with 31-0 whittled down to 31-20, and again to 38-33 before Birdcano recovered a 2nd consecutive onside kick and ran out the final 2:00.

Our Sunday Night fixture sure looked more intriguing when OBJ was facing down Two of the Good Ones and the No Fly Zone, but Roger Lewis will have to do.  And I duly caffeinated for the full monty, because Donks WOO!!!  Anyway, the game started and Denver shat all over the field, pretty much start to finish.  As the Dead Milkmen sagely noted, Life Is Shit.