Here we are, as usual, sitting on the cusp of the next week(end) of glorious football. How’ve you been? Good? Good. I’m glad we got those inane pleasantries out the way quickly. Are you in the mood to briefly scan some silly tidbits that may/may not be relevant to the tilt that is about to fill your eyebulbs? Wonderful! Why don’t we head… TO THE GAME!
KANSAS CITY/OAKLAND: We here at Door Flies Open will never stop making light jabs at His Heavy-ness, the only man that includes an entire chocolate waterfall in his daily diet, the coach that time forgot (sorry, forgets the time), the eater of all the ribs, wings and other things on the Family Feast Plate, the one, the only Andy Reid. Say what you will about the guy but man, does he ever take care of business in the regular season. The Chiefs have a lovely little 12 game winning-streak going against all comers in the AFC West, including 5 frickin’ straight vs. the Raiders. Sure they’re coming off a loss to the Steelers but Oakland went down to the Lawnclippers last week. Sheesh! Many folks (including yours truly) thought that the Raiders would be in the thick of things this year playoff-wise but that doesn’t seem to be the case and the recent Carr crash didn’t help things at all. Statistics say that Derek would be wise to air it out to Amari because the Chiefs have given up the most number of ‘long’ plays (defined as runs of 11+ yards and passing plays of 15+) in the NFL. I wouldn’t sleep on wr Crabtree though-he’s grabbed 5 TD’s on only 25 receptions. Te Kelce has had some ringing in his ears recently (concussion) but the decibels have dropped to an acceptable level so he should bounce back from last week’s lousy game. Biggest surprise I had while prepping for this post was discovering that the Niners’ Navarro Bowman will be starting for the Raiders. Is there a student-exchange kind of thingy going on in the league now?
You know what to do.
Saya perlu berlatih minggu depan di Malaysia. Saya tidak bercakap dengan Malyasian. Ia memerlukan keseronokan.
Penyelia saya idiot.
I guess JSD benched Cooper, too.
Me too. In 2 leagues. Grrrrr
I HATE fantasy football
As a starter of Tyreek Hill and the Chefs D in money league…right there with ya.
So, it’s a shootout, eh?
First I was going to make a joke about how it’s in tribute to the imminent move to Vegas.
Then I was like, no, too soon, that’s tasteless.
Then I was like, shit, it’s not like treating it with the solemn respect it deserves is going to make the slightest fucking difference when it comes to preventing the next one, so I might as well make jokes.
Well, they knew what they signed up for.
If you don’t make the joke soon, another shooting will happen and then your chance is gone forever.
Naw, it’s just more ammo for the next one.
It’s like
Bath SchoolColumbineAuroraSandy HookOrlandoLas Vegasall over again!Lol Cooper
Wow. There’s soft zones and then there’s that.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Obviously, you chose poorly.
Man, you called it. Think I could get the PowerBall numbers for the next drawing? Thanks.
I pray to god that you didn’t make that decision based on what I wrote.
Yup. It’s ending tonight.
I was in a company director’s meeting today. An individual in that meeting uttered the word “Paki” while describing how he almost got scammed. Oof.
“I AWLMOST GAWT SCAMMED AT THE PACKY TOO. BY A DIRTY RAGHEAD” – Tawmmy
How is that not insta-fired at this point?
Things are way different in Northern Ontario. We’ll catch up to the rest of the world in 10 years or so.
oh yeah, we gets bonus #ThePauls coverage next Sunday morning!!
What did we do to deserve that?
“We” allowed Cleveland to have a 2nd team.
Against Case Keenum too! Doesn’t get any more #Mandatory than that.
Reminds self: it’s just a game.
Attitudes like this are what’s killing viewership
That and heart disease in the Wisconsin market.
Hey my numbers are right on target!
Now if you’ll excuse me I have a cheese curd and bacon pizza to eat.
/you wish I was joking
//donut for dessert, washed down with a monster rehab. Calories you know.
Monster Rehab is the best!
that an those disresspectful thugs who NEEL during the Anthem #MAGA
that’s quite the nimble KHunt!
Evening. I need beer immediately.
how many Los Dodgeros got?
Who sat Amari Cooper?
Spur
me
“At least their uniforms are white.”
/Riley Cooper
Eat a hairy pussy Aaron Rodgers!
“Why is her penis so small?”
Oh, good, another thing America needs: more deification of the military.
Requisite “Fuck the Troops” comment
Debbie Does Fort Sam Houston?
I’d watch that for the “political commentary.”
With a strap-on, I suppose.
“Deification? Our troops deserve an A-ification! [cuts service members basic pay the next day]”
-Your President
Banner caption:
A NOBEL PRIZE FOR THE INVENTOR OF INVISIBLE BABY BACK RIBS
Alternative:
I COULD EAT THE ASS OUT OF AN ELEPHANT
“It’s-a-me, Giorgio!”
Sound effects Romo. He’s TOTES a pillhead!!!
THAT MAKES HIM A GRUDEN GRINDER!
I fucking knew it. Fuck you Cooper!
Wait, wait, wait. THEY PICKED UP THE FLAG???
Spoiler. Some of us watching on the interwebs is behind.
MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What does Mike Pence have to do with this?
BED BUG FLICKER!
Just going to drizzle a little baseball in your football: The Cubs are going to lose tonight and I’ve made peace with that.
Now you can hope the Astros can win the next two and stay alive.
Nah, we’re headed for Yankees/Dodgers and I’ll just pretend no baseball is being played.
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Let’s hope the meteor hits Citi Field. My brother lives too close to Chavez Ravine.
BALLS THAT HIT THE POSTS SHOULD BE LIVE BALLS!
LL Cool J more like LL Chew J amirite?
Homer At the Bat is on. Everything else is moot.
‘As smooth as Butker’.
/look, I’m trying as best I can!
Dump off pass, 3 yards short. Only Alex Smith.
Don’t get the Las Vegas Raiders fan…weird people…
Mexicans, dude. Mexicans. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Closed a major project in Vietnam. Really crazy hours. I’ve been drinking since 3pm east coast time. I could blow fire with my breath and an open flame.
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SCREW UP RAIDERS UNIFORMS?!?!
I fucking HATE the raiders owners, the fan base, dear god a lot of their famous players, but their unis carry well. Black and grey.
TNF managed to fuck up Raiders unis!
Anyone who is surprised that Kareem Hunt is getting so much action obviously didn’t notice that he shares his name with a brand of barbecue sauce.
KC Masterpiece?
If that’s true, then there has to be a Sweet Baby Ray somewhere in the NBA.
There was, but then he got out of that elevator…
There was, but he died.
Oh wait I mean he went ring-chasing in Miami.
Khunt Grease
I promised my dog I wouldn’t yell during this game. Let’s see how long that lasts.
fortunately, he’s surely forgotten by now
Nope, bitches never forget.
But they love leaves!
I wasn’t on Twitter for about three days in the meantime it appears to have descending at least two layers further into Hell during that time.
Hi, guys.
Life pro-tip: just never be on Twitter. Forever.
I have two simple words:
Fuck Twitter.
I would love to buy Ving Rhames a few beers and hang out for awhile.
Nah, you wouldn’t. I have a friend who interviews celebrities for a living and his conversation with Rhames was his all-time worst.
That’s a shame, he seems really likeable.
Maybe order out some meat sandwiches from Arby’s. He probably gets a discount.
Yeah, this introduction about “embracing the hate” is just what America needs right now.
Good call, they didn’t really think that through so well.
Probably thought that up during the owner’s meetings earlier this week…
“THAT’S OUR SLOGAN, DAMNIT!”
-NRA
*ahem*
– Republican Party
“No embracing, that’s GAY!!”
– Tea Party
/A pair of jumper cables flies out of Mike Pence‘s ass
It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown is on, easily the ONLY true ‘murican Halloween TV special. It’s almost as old as I am, and just as much a classic. Trash my childhood pastimes and be prepared to pay dearly.
I can find you, I have that interwebs thing all the kids are crazy about.
I found out that The Great Pumpkin was a fictional character at the same time as I found out the same about Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy. Led to my lifelong atheism, using 8-year-old’s leap of logic.
His Bowman playing and if he his can he tea bag Klyce each quarter?
The Ice Giants are making we want to turn this game off.
The Chiefs uniforms are exactly the same.
“Same as they ever was?”
-Grammar-challenged David Byrne
Would you say they are … uniform?
Hippo needs many TyreekDOWNs and OAK turnovers.
…and zero khunts.
/just hoping
Hee hee, forgot I have to DFO root, too!
“I also want to avoid Dick Trickles, those can really cause trouble when you encounter one of them.”
-Rodgers
One? I got four in one afternoon!
W Chamberlain
Kareem to the Hunt and Kelce And The Grammers (two of the best Indy bands I’ve come across recently, btw) really need to perform tonight.
I put that bum Amari Cooper on the bench. He’ll end up with 3 TDs and 140 yards.
True Fact: Marcus Peters should be on him and he has at least one intercept in every game he’s played in Oakland in his career.
You guys know it’s Spur season?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxw2FZBd7aY
With you, amigo.
Gregg Popovich for President.
I’d be happy to have him as Dictator For Life.
Philosopher-King
Folks.
The latest “Hot Ones” dropped and my take-away is that Artie Lang will be shuffling off this mortal coil in 3 years or less.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_MFkqMZTt4
Look at the optimist over here!
Much like Artie’s, my glass is always half full!
Months.
Can we get Artie some help?
I think he’s given himself enough help. Short of cutting his hands and nose off and wiring his jaw, he’s doomed. And if you do all that, he’ll kill himself anyway and I wouldn’t blame him because that’s no way to live.
Cutting his nose off would just allow easier access.
Good point
“Just like Dad,” eh? Does that mean the son can hit Mom too?
Like Ray Rice or Ted Cruz?
Erik Karlsson is going to win the Norris trophy this year. Get that through your thick skulls, people.
Kris Letang could score 50 goals, finish with 110 points, play in all 82 games, block over 200 shots, and he still not get a Norris nomination.
I blame the media’s never-ending blowie of Sid and Evgeni.
Eh fuck the Norris and all those trophies, just a bunch of old-fart millenials circle jerking each other to memories of guys named Guy and wooden sticks.
/Totally not bitter about Lidstrom
Just what kinda chip are we talking about?
I can’t understand why the pregame and postgame shows continue to allow the crowd of idiots to holler in the background during the panel discussions so I can hardly make out what’s being said. They may as well hire the Air National Guard to do continuous F-16 flyovers during the shows. Of course, I may just be missing a bunch of shitty takes, so maybe no big deal.
I have no issue with some airstrikes on the sets of pre- and post-game shows.
Drowning out the “experst” on the panel so you can’t hear them? The crowd stays.
In the America, the NFL doesn’t hire the National Guard, the National Guard hires the NFL. Get your priorities straight.
What chips go best with Kool-Aid? BBQ flavored, I assume.
“Who said chips? And barbecue?”
— Andy Reid