There was a lot of bad football played yesterday (even if you don’t count fookin’ Everton). Wanna talk about it? Here it goes.
There is deep voodoo, whereby Jacksonville is awesome on odd weeks, and dogshit on even weeks. There is no other commonality to explain it, and all seven data points now support this hypothesis. No Leonard Fournette? No matter, BORT will just throw for 280+ in the first half. The Humps, apparently shocked beyond the point of reason, lost at home 27-nil.
Also deep voodoo? The London game, where you can count on one side not really making the Transatlantic flight. You know it won’t be our erstwhile RRRRRRRRAM IT!!! crew, right? Arizona, come on down! Drew Stanton mopped up after a Carson Palmer broken arm, and shit got ugly. 33-nil ugly.
Denver completed the troika of suck-ass, getting shut out (first such event since Hippo was 19, back in 1992) at the Shitty Clippers. Home crowd advantage in the Lesser Footy stadium was nae enough, with terrible OL play, few healthy NFL-caliber WRs, and a clearly exposed “needs to return to clipboard holding” QB. 21-nil here, as this one was boring as fuck.
Other ugliness – Truth Biscuit completed four motherfucking forward passes in a 17-3 home win over back-to-shitty Cam Newton’s Panthers. John Fox continues to baffle – is he a mad genius, or just a grumpy old man trying to take the game back to the 1920s?
Speaking of awful quartered backing…Brett Hundley was a puppy abortion out there today. Yes, your Packer WRs are completely unplayable in fantasy, even at home against the fucking Saints. 12-25, 87 yards. Just wow, dude. Ted Ginn almost doubled that up (in receiving yards) alone. Ted. Ginn. You can guess who won, though the Saints didn’t pull away until late.
#ThePauls made it to overtime today, in a game without TDs. Tennessee was far less than impressive, but they field goaled last for the 12-9 road victory. Meh.
Minnesota played very well today, with the caveat that Balmer blows goats. 24-16, thanks only to a very last second garbage time Flacco TD. Vikes featured Murray over McKinnon today, which right pissed Hippo off.
You had two games that could reasonably pass for “almost good” – with Miami clawing back from a 28-14 deficit to defeat the J-E-T-S 31-28. Alas, it was not Catler leading the charge, but a much more effective Matt Moore (following a rib cage injury to our feline hero). One suspects it will be Moore for the duration.
The other was a back and forth affair between Buffalo and Tampa, with the opportunistic Bills’ defense creating the turnovers that made the difference. A late strip/fumble recovery set up the winning Hauschka FG, 30-27.
Your late slate (Denver/Shitty Clippers already mentioned) was a pile of shit. Dallas butthammered the Tomsulas 40-10, with the only item of interest being 2nd half extra points taken by safety Jeff Heath. He went 2-for-3!
The Stillers pulled away from Cincy late in Yinzburgh, as Andy Dalton shrank like a turtle into his shell. In other news, water is wet.
Finally, Elisha and his band of no-receivers took on Seattle, and eventually the dam broke open for a 24-7 SeaTruther win. Evan Engram is really good, but without OBJ…there’s just nothing else happening for that offense. And they don’t get to play Denver again (sigh).
As far as I am concerned, there was no Sunday night fixture. Get fucked, NBC. See everyone for Iggles/Redacteds.
If I wasn’t an absolute unrepentant heathen I would say eggs Benedict is proof that there is a kind and just God.
So fucking hungover.
A now-closed breakfast place near me used to do a version with salmon and potato pancakes, (yes, they were Polish!), that was out of this world.
This should also be fun viewing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evdFfYgLlXo
there is WAY MOAR about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles than one might expect, and our intrepid host doesn’t even appear crunk this week
That personal foul that Ingram got in the frame image above was such horseshit. “Hitting the quarterback really hard when he wasn’t expecting it, fifteen yards!”
agreed, think he just got it for Trevor’s pitiful sad face. Really made coked-out Red Zone guy mad.
I’m pretty bummed out about all the white trash bigots boycotting the NFL this season because they’re going to be the ones who take credit for the NFL’s ratings drop. Even though viewership will be down across all types of broadcast devices, Fox News will praise the 2% decline in trailers with televisions with rabbit ears as the market the league needs to win back.
In actuality, the NFL is very unwatchable this year. My Week 6 broadcast lineup was ARI/RAAMMIT, NYG/SEA, and the SNF Al Michael-TB12 Subliming Cumsplosion. Cumulative points scored by the losing teams on this broadcast slate: 14.
That is not a quality product.
And let us not forget that Roger Goodell is a national disgrace
Ppl forget that
19 in 1992 you say? [carries the one] So you’re almost a Colt-45?
hopefully I will be ded before next June, but otherwise, yeah
If we’re lucky, we all will be by then.
PRAISE JEEBUS
Youngsters. 56 as of today.
mazel tov!
One thing I can say for certain, the Vikings defense is outright fucking fierce. We’re 5-2 without a starting QB and they’re the reason.
How much is Baltimore paying Flacco again?
#Flaccjob
I figured Odin would favor aggressors.
oh, and HUZZAH!
Koeman got sacked in the (USA) morning!
I think I’ve figured out how to calculate the BBFB (Blax’s Bad Football) stat:
For each play in the football game,
1) Count 1 for each penalty (even if not accepted by the opposing team)
2) Count 1 for each blown coverage
3) Count 1 for each missed block
4) Count 1 for each premature snap
5) Count 1 for each fumble (even if recovered)
6) Count 1 for each turnover
Add the total and divide by the number of plays. This can then be expressed as a percentage.
Example: the Browns’ BBFB was 93% against the Titans.
considering RZ may have shown 7 plays in Donks/Shitty Clippers (despite only 3 other matches in the window, one of which had a 30-point working margin), I reckon that was your winner winner, chicken dinner.
/oh, an’ Donks fan are reacting reasonably:
https://www.milehighreport.com/2017/10/22/16517528/broncos-chargers-instant-reactions
Also they are barely literate.
hey you try finishing a pony keg of Coors during that piece of shite and see how goodly u rite imo godbless
I didn’t realize Samuel L wrote for a Broncos fan page
I get credit for this awesome product that uses my name and I don’t have to put any work into building, maintaining, or justifying it? Well, I’ve got the perfect word to celebrate this business proposition:
Covfefe.
is this the DFO version of DVOA, but for game watchability?
Yeah this season kind of sucks so far. All the teams I hate are winning and all the teams I like don’t exist.
I did not realize you liked the Texans…
*500s
I still have to write that!!
“Get on that”
–The only direction needed during that filmshoot
It’s written. Probably post tomorrow.