Your “Huh – A Quality Monday Night Game. How’d That Happen?” Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Ezekiel Elliott gets to play Sunday against the [Redacteds].
    • The NFL was denied an expedited preliminary injunction in advance of the October 30th hearing into their appeal of the injunction related to a different appeal.
      • The earliest Zeke can be sidelined is November 5th.
  • Vontaze Burfict will not be suspended for his kick to the helmet Sunday into Steeler’s RB Roosevelt Nix.
    • He’ll probably just be fined.
    • FYI – whatever happened to KSK Kommenter Vontaze Me Bro? Is he hanging with Otto Man? Wither Sarah Sprague?
  • Texans LT Duane Brown has ended his holdout, and expects to play & not be traded.
    • He wanted out of the remaining two years of his deal, feeling his efforts were under-appreciated (i.e. – money).
  • Key injuries from Sunday:
    • Joe Thomas (Browns) – torn triceps. Prognosis: done for year.
    • Jay Cutler (Dolphins) – cracked ribs. Prognosis: out indefinitely.
    • Matt Slauson (Chargers) – torn biceps. Prognosis: done for year.

Finally, in case you didn’t see it (HA!), lots of people had fun with last night’s Fog Bowl II.

There were the serious,

the serious,

the ridiculous,

and the idiotic.


Sometimes, when he’s bored, Internet Dad will let me clear out the spam filter, because he knows I have no credit cards and thus can’t be swindled into paying for whatever boondoggle is offered our way. (Pfft – “Help Puerto Rico”?) After all, it’s important to keep people like Russians & carpet dealers from interrupting our enjoyment of dick jokes & Moose gifs.

Last night, however, we were almost treated to this in the Open Thread

I had so many questions: (sadly, not 25)

  • Who were these girls?
  • Where were they incarcerated?
  • How desperate are they?

Sadly, what I thought was a clickbait-dream turned out to be nothing more than a spam site offering cheat-codes for a fee. Why, it wasn’t even worth running around the school board filter to try & access. TRY HARDER, COMMIES!


Game preview: Washington at Philadelphia

It seems funny now that this game is, for all intents, probably the deciding game for the NFC East this season. The Ginats have been out of it since Week-3, and the Cowboys are reverting to the 8-8 Jason Garrett mean. If Washington has any hope of making the playoffs as a wild card (at minimum), they need to go into the Eagles house & smash in their teeth like the Eagles did to them Opening Sunday.

Carson Wentz has blossomed into a possible real-deal in his second year under Doug Pederson. The offence has been expanded each week, as Wentz’s skill set shows he’s ready for a broader range of QB options. Receivers like Alshon Jeffrey & Torrey Smith help compensate for the learning curve, and Zach Ertz has become the Eagles’ Travis Kelce as Wentz’s reliable check-down option. The defence is solid yet unremarkable, as they really have yet to be tested; the hardest game they’ve had was against Carolina, and they bounced Newton all over that field.

Meanwhile, future-other-team’s QB Kirk Cousins is both playing for bonuses & auditioning for roles elsewhere, so look for him to sling the ball all over the field, to whomever’s healthy enough to be in the lineup. And speaking of healthy, there’s no Josh Norman for the foreseeable future, so good luck covering the deep route. All they can really hope for is to run the ball & eat the clock, because they will lose an air war with the Eagles.

Prediction: Eagles by 10.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Washington at Philadelphia – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en espanol en ESPN2
  • NHL:
    • Sharks at Rangers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  •  NBA:
    • Raptors at Spurs – 8:30PM | TSN2
  • WWE
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • last night’s PPV was a schmozz due to viral meningitis & mumps bringing down a bunch of scheduled wrestlers, so they have to work their replacements into the canon. Or not. Either way, it ought to be a blast figuring out.
      • Also, they’d better follow-up on this:

FOR EVERYONE’S SAKE!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Mr. AyoBrettFavresColonoscopyUnsurprisedBeerguyrobSenor Weaselo Recent comment authors
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I fucking hate ironing in hotel rooms. I don’t even iron at home.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh man, fuck this week

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fuck. That took forever. And I feel worse, which is like … WTF.

Wakezilla

/Reads Raw results:

Did I go back to 2002,

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

My winner in the clubhouse was my friends getting me a Fudgie the Whale cake that read “Happy Birthday Dickbag” for my 21st.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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WCS

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Wakezilla

I’m sure the wife was happy with that one

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

She was fine until she finished eating that entire cake

theeWeeBabySeamus

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WCS

On das radio side, Boomer Easisiaiasiason just said, “That was a hell of a game by Carson Palmer.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Jesus hates Kirk Cousins, but that’s understandable I guess.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Jesus Christ shut up already

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

So what is Wentz’s Lord Jesus Christ doing when Wentz throws a pick or gets sacked? Taking a shit, mixing a fresh drink?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rubbing out a li’l savior.

Gratliff

According to Bill O’Reilly, he’s fucking with him.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

That seems like a dick move on The Prince of Peace’s part.

King Hippo

Thanks to the loss of 1, the Wentz side is winning by .03, but if the Iggles get it back, he’ll lose due to taking the knee. FUN FANTASY SHIT.

King Hippo

and he loses by .07

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I THOUGHT YOU WERE OK WITH THE KNEE PROTEST.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, you meant……..

King Hippo

I am, the Wentz guy is a game behind me in the division.

/now 2

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT WAS THE JOKE.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The one with the nice ass, circa Eyes Wide Shut to Cold Mountain.

Gratliff

I regret to inform you that Jake Elliot is bad now

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I remember when I first saw a giraffe tongue wrapped three times around the cell bar at the local zoo/animal prison, and thinking “man I’d love to have that to serve the ladies with.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

There’s a 116.33 (Wentz) v. 116.10 (Blount) game in my money league. It will flip if Blount gets 3 yards and/or Wentz takes a knee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Pizza fries are the fucking truth

King Hippo

cheese? KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So you like it melty too!

WCS

And here, I thought we were friends…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck….in the words of Early Cuyler……. that looks gooder than hayul.

I’m off to the kitchen to try to replicate this. The THC has made me weak.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Woooo!!!!
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Pure porn.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

Meat dreams are made of bees
Owls have eyes that kiss a tree
Unravel a girl with 7 knees
I don’t think I’m singing this song right

WCS

Seven knees? 2/10 would not bang

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

EVEN HARDER TO FIND G-SPOT!!

Col. Duke LaCross

“Mmmmmm… meat dreams”

~A. Reid, Kansas City, MO

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I received a DoD-wide email from SecDef Jim Mattis this evening on my work email. The very first sentence is this:
“The start of a new fiscal year serves as an opportunity for greater alignment as we
reconfirm our commitment to the America.”
The America? WTF?
It goes on to say:
“We are a Department of war. We must be prepared to deal with an increasingly complex
global security situation, characterized by an accelerating decline in the management of the rules-based international order. North Korea’s provocative actions and reckless rhetoric continue
despite United Nation’s censure and sanctions. Russia has violated the borders of nearby nations
and seeks veto power over the economic, diplomatic, and security decisions of its neighbors.
China is a long-term strategic competitor that seeks to intimidate its neighbors while escalating
tensions in the South China Sea. Iran continues to sow violence and remains the largest long-term
challenge to Middle East stability. Despite recent gains against ISIS, terrorist groups continue to
murder the innocent and threaten peace.”

We’re all going to die.

litre_cola

Whoa. I would rather get emails from Ukrainian hookers, Nigerian princes, and dick growth pills thank you very much.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Our chastity-belt-like firewalls keep those amusements out of our inboxes, but there’s no screening these official missives.

hippofant
hippofant

“an accelerating decline in the management of the rules-based international order”

Huh. I wonder who’s asleep at the switch. Hmm.

King Hippo

I’m ready. I don’t have my full Seppuku supply of Oxy thanks to those damned hillbillies in WV, but I’m pretty sure I can still get the jerb done.

WCS

I used to get emails from Don Rumsfeld.

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Seems like the good old days, now….

Doktor Zymm

Ok, I just finished brushing my teeth and it’s sleep time, but ijust need to say, the dacteds are not getting n a plane. It’s like a 2 hour drive. They have a bus

Col. Duke LaCross

And why would they just leave a dude?

hippofant
hippofant

“We should make a commercial where someone gets judged by their name.”
“That’s a great idea! But what would the name be?”
“Hmm, well, let’s think of some names that people are really judgemental about and might have a huge negative effect on people’s lives… Hmmmm.”
“I GOT IT, what if someone was like Kevin Bacon, but their first name was Chris P, instead?!”
“BRILLIANT!”

rockingdog
rockingdog

Im out.
Whoooo Wentz gets me points!!!!!

rockingdog
rockingdog
Petronel

Welp, I’m set for nightmare fodder for the evening…

rockingdog
rockingdog

He is just contemplating about how Matt Moore took over and won.

Gratliff

Blount has 10 runs for 2 yards. Shut the fuck up, Jon.

litre_cola

BUT ITS BLOUNT TIME!

Col. Duke LaCross

The King with a flamethrower is the stuff of nightmares.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?????

– Joan of Arc

Petronel

Totes.

– Ann Askew, Hugh Latimer, et al.

hippofant
hippofant

YOU DON’T SWING THE ANVIL, JON. That doesn’t even make any fucking sense! Have you ever seen a fucking anvil in your life?!

Senor Weaselo

Fronkenshteen

YOU LIKE THAT!

Doktor Zymm

Ok, I can stop watching now. This game is done. Nighty night, dudes and dudettes

theeWeeBabySeamus

Night Dok.

Col. Duke LaCross

Vaya con dios.

Petronel

Oyasumi nasai. Hope lunch works out better tomorrow.

King Hippo

Kirk throw to wrong catchman HARF

litre_cola

Now throw a TD to Jeffery and I am set.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Eagles are now the best team in the NFC?
Wait…… that feels weird.

Fronkenshteen

Saints?

rockingdog
rockingdog
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