So it’s come to this. The truest of the tests of your football fanhood. This one is such a stinker I feel as though it should be played in London. The thing is, it doesn’t even have that “I can drink in the morning and still pretend to feel good about myself” (East Coast bias) aura about it. At least make it a division game between some bottom dwellers-that shouldn’t be too hard. But no. I’ve half a notion to pick up Kenyon Drake and plop him on to my fantasy team so that I’ve got some sort of rooting interest in this. Still, there’s a job to be done. [sigh of resignation] TO THE GAME!*

Miami/Baltimore: The cat tower has been installed on the Fins sideline and you best believe that it’s not a no-smoking zone. It appears that Jay won’t be chasing squirrels for at least a week or two. That’s backup Matt Moore stumbling into the breach once again. Last year he won a few games after Tanneyhill went down and got them into the playoffs. Last week he threw a few TD’s in the fourth to vanquish the Jets. He’s regarded as a positive presence on the team/in the locker room. Why? The consensus is it’s because he “Dooooooooooes Caaaaaaaaare”. The reason he’s still not trusted to run the team full time is because he has 32 interceptions and 17 fumbles in fairly limited playing time since 2011. Ouch! If rb Ajayi and his 442 rushing yards and ZERO! TD’s (thanks a lot!) can get going perhaps the Fins can pretend that they’re not last in total offence and scoring. LOADED QUESTION ALERT: Who do you think is the 31st? Them Black Birds, that’s who. A large amount of focus has turned towards the room temperature milk-swilling wunderbread qb Joseph Flacco and his 7th-highest salary. Why hasn’t he miracle-whipped this team into shape? It may have something to do with 3 rb’s, 3 te’s and 4 O-linemen having been taken out of the offensive equation.

Do your thingy.

*the exclamation point is for decoration only-it is not a signifier of excitement in this circumstance