Your “The Cupboard is Almost Bare” Late Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Two games at the 4 spot! Two games??? And women talk about their right to choose being compromised! What of the lonely, whitebread, devastatingly handsome, small town huckleberry up in The Canada? What about his right to flip back and forth between five or six games being played? I’m a taxpayer, goddamnit! This will not stand. [realizes he has no recourse whatsoever] Ah well, let’s make the best of a bad situation, shall we? TO THE GAMES!

Hou/Sea: The inmates at the Texans prison facility are third in points per game and fourth in red zone efficiency. The Seahawks D is ranked about the same in the same categories. #strengthvsstrength Qb Watson and his gaudy 15-5 TD/Intercept ratio will have a difficult time against cb’s Sherman and Griffin-their average passes-defensed success rate is 63.5. But ya gotta start Hopkins, right? One Achilles heel the Truthers do have is defending the run and Houston is thrilled to get back their best O-lineman, Duane Brown. I see plenty of Miller and Foreman in Seattle’s near future.

Dal/Was: The emergence of Chris Thompson (all 5′-8″, 190 pounds of him) has been a revelation-he’s leading the team in rushing and receiving. [Kelley and Pryor take a long, hard look in the mirror] That’s some good news that doesn’t make up for the bad which is that the Dacteds have 17 players on their injury report including 4 of their 5 starting offensive linemen. Ouch. The Bryant/Norman Battle of the Divas will be renewed again today. Dez hasn’t been looked at as often as in the past but he still has 4 TD’s on his scorecard.

Away with ye words and such, scoundrels!

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Brick Meathook

I love that Bud Light Renaissance Faire commercial as much as I love Renaissance Faires and you better believe I always spell it with that extra “e” on the end because that’s my favorite part except I don’t like Bud Light and I’ve never been to a Renaissance Faire but they seem like very sad places despite what people say there’s a lot of pain there just bubbling beneath the surface waiting to explode in uncontrollable rage. Dilly Dilly !

Doktor Zymm

RenFests are actually super fun, and they serve much better beer and wine than Bud Light. Mead is surprisingly strong.

Brick Meathook

See what I mean about the suppressed rage?

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’d like to beat the next person who says Dilly Dilly to death with a Renaissance Faire turkey leg. (on TV, not on this board is what I mean.)

King Hippo

get a touched down, DAK!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Using yo feet and not yo arm plz k thx.

The Maestro

“REMEMBER, JIMMY GRAHAM IS A FORMER COLLEGE BASKETBALL PLAYER”

FINISH YOUR DRINKS FOLKS!!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Does he fly his own plane to work?

litre_cola

Will there be fish thrown?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe. Who’s asking?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh. Then no.

Doktor Zymm

I just ordered food. I plan on enjoying it

King Hippo

garbage pizza ordered. Not proud, but I don’t wanna leave the house. Recluse 4eva!

Spur

Lyrica sounds dangerous but I trust the FDA.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, I’ll take my chances with my diabetic neuropathy over the possibility of suicidal thoughts and all the rest.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Holy shit it should be this!

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’ll call them the [*Redacted] s the day this becomes their logo.

comment image/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/180?cb=20140121032409

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey look….it still works.

King Hippo

Nice pass defensing

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I heard Dan Snyder is going to change the name to avoid being racist. Next season they will be the Washington Plantation Puppies.

King Hippo

heritage not hate!!!

Dunstan

Only because Houston had already reserved “Inmates”

Mother Puncher

Grading is done! Time for weekend to begin.

Doktor Zymm

Dammit Sean Lee, don’t kill opposing players, that’s bad form

Redshirt

So I see a dead Cowboy and a Slur being congratulated? Another Bounty Bowl?

Spur

Sean Lee just killed Niles Paul

King Hippo

I fucking hate you, Redacteds.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Hey! Jamison did a good!

King Hippo

Unless COusins wants to sneak, that’s ok

King Hippo

NO RUSHING TDs, Redacteds. FUCK OFF with that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe just one?

King Hippo

Fat Rob Kelley can eat shit and die

The Maestro

Man, that review was just… what? God damnit, Seattle.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

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Gratliff

Now that slurs pose no threat, I’m actively rooting for them. Stop being shit, slurs.

Doktor Zymm

If the Stupid Team From Dallas is going to score, could it at least be passing TDs?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Noooooooooo it cannot, thank you.
-The Management

theeWeeBabySeamus

(my opponent has both Bryant and Witten, btw)

Doktor Zymm

I’m okay with Dak running it in

theeWeeBabySeamus

I like Dak. And directly he is no threat to me winning this week.
But it’s still probably best for me if he has some sort of problematic health issue which removes him from the game.

I’d settle for flu.

Spur

That doesn’t make up for your fumble Zeke.

King Hippo

7 > 3 ,, ppl forget that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I actually, literally shrieked like a frightened baby bird.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow. Boston College is no match for these Dallas Cowboys.

King Hippo

is lesser Gruden no longer fat? Did we successfully body shame him?

Doktor Zymm

It’s probably a medical side effect of having to deal with Dan Snyder on a regular basis

Doktor Zymm

Witten truly irritates me

Spur

What? That’s like hating puppies.

Doktor Zymm

I mostly hate how he’s never covered

King Hippo

puppies just destroy furniture and piss and shit all over the place

#CrazyOldCatPerson

Brocky

Is utter inconsistencies as as a fantasy player? Please give me some material

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

EDITED

King Hippo

I trust you, Buddy. Won’t give them the clicks.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Here you go, an imgur alternative!

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clint greasewood

Have you been to Barstool sports, there comment section are mixture of a Charlottesville white nationalist rally and jimmy Fallon’s and Rachel Dratch’s Boston characters from SNL.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

PFT went to the dark side. I am sad.

Dolph Ucker

Wonder who’s gonna step in PC’s gum. Slob!

King Hippo

I truly hate Kirk COusins

Dolph Ucker

He speaks highly of you.

King Hippo

Liar. Nobody has EVAR done that.

Doktor Zymm

So you do not, in fact, like that?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But Jesus LOVES him.

King Hippo

apparently not enough

theeWeeBabySeamus

Love is difficult to maintain when you’re dead.

King Hippo

throw a touched down, Dingleberry

Doktor Zymm

I do like the Redacteds’ throwback unis. The colors are actually correct, unlike on the modern unis

theeWeeBabySeamus

Helmets no matchey.

Doktor Zymm

I seem to recall that they used to have matching ones, maybe the equipment guy lost them or something

theeWeeBabySeamus

They got spray paint at Home Depot.
Just saying. 😉

Doktor Zymm

HAHA ZEEK FUMBAROO

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hate everything.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Except you, Moose, you’re okay.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, I’ll drop off your loved ones at the designated place now; you fulfilled your end of the bargain.

King Hippo

my only exception is Steven Hauschka

King Hippo

join the club, buddy-guy

...

Hard agree.

Doktor Zymm

Think I’m gonna order Indian food..

Romonobyl

Pemmican?

King Hippo

Nice statement, 500s

theeWeeBabySeamus

Stamina

King Hippo

goddamnit, Popeye’s is too far away and now I don’t want my garbage shame pizza no more

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

Holding a banana like that, while wearing that outfit, she was asking for it – every MRA asshole.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OOOOK!

Spur

Spoke a tad too soon Texans fan.

Dolph Ucker

Sherman has lost a step. Or two.

Dolph Ucker

Earl Thomas, however…

King Hippo

Guess I should have started Watson over Cousins, regardless of turmoil/matchup.

Dolph Ucker

Umm, hold on a minnit.

King Hippo

well, at least I will win in DFO ball, as Will Fuller v. SEA is a better play than Julio v. NYJ, naturally. WOO

The Maestro

Fell asleep there for a while. I regret nothing. God, I love football on grey, rainy Sundays. There’s honestly nothing better.

Dolph Ucker

Well that sure quieted the Yardbird’s crowd. Legion of Boom, as in “Boom, there’s another one.”

Spur

This guy Watson is good

Doktor Zymm

Coverage switched to the Bears game just in time to show a Truth Biscuit interception. Nice.

Gratliff

Son of a bitch moderation fucking up my very good Rey Mysterio based racist sister-fucking joke

Gratliff

My favorite part of the banner image there is Overt Racist Slurs Fan wondering if Rey Incesto is one of those dirty illegals

Spur

Did the Texans actually do anything?

Doktor Zymm

This will likely be a breath of fresh air after watching the 49rs/Eagles game

Spur
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