Your “The Cupboard is Almost Bare” Late Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Two games at the 4 spot! Two games??? And women talk about their right to choose being compromised! What of the lonely, whitebread, devastatingly handsome, small town huckleberry up in The Canada? What about his right to flip back and forth between five or six games being played? I’m a taxpayer, goddamnit! This will not stand. [realizes he has no recourse whatsoever] Ah well, let’s make the best of a bad situation, shall we? TO THE GAMES!

Hou/Sea: The inmates at the Texans prison facility are third in points per game and fourth in red zone efficiency. The Seahawks D is ranked about the same in the same categories. #strengthvsstrength Qb Watson and his gaudy 15-5 TD/Intercept ratio will have a difficult time against cb’s Sherman and Griffin-their average passes-defensed success rate is 63.5. But ya gotta start Hopkins, right? One Achilles heel the Truthers do have is defending the run and Houston is thrilled to get back their best O-lineman, Duane Brown. I see plenty of Miller and Foreman in Seattle’s near future.

Dal/Was: The emergence of Chris Thompson (all 5′-8″, 190 pounds of him) has been a revelation-he’s leading the team in rushing and receiving. [Kelley and Pryor take a long, hard look in the mirror] That’s some good news that doesn’t make up for the bad which is that the Dacteds have 17 players on their injury report including 4 of their 5 starting offensive linemen. Ouch. The Bryant/Norman Battle of the Divas will be renewed again today. Dez hasn’t been looked at as often as in the past but he still has 4 TD’s on his scorecard.

Away with ye words and such, scoundrels!

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King Hippo

Imitation Dan Bailey seems to have settled down a bit

...

The Slurs need to make their throwback uniforms their regular ones.

Doktor Zymm

Agree

King Hippo

DAK DAK DAK DAK

SAK SAK SAK SAK

King Hippo

Jesus, Redacteds

Viva La Tabula Raza

Jesus, DeShaun

WCS

Oh, Washington…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Time to head downstairs and get dinner ready I guess.
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Doktor Zymm

This game is stupid. Football is stupid. Cousins is stupid.

LemonJello

Hey, how’d you get a U*NC “student’s” thesis?

Doktor Zymm

Plagiarized it off the internet, then ran spell check

theeWeeBabySeamus

They do misspell “is” quite often.

Unsurprised

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Gratliff

Oh Cousins

Doktor Zymm

Aw, the 49rs are advertising their suites on local TV.

Viva La Tabula Raza

How much would YOU pay? But wait, there’s more!!!

WCS

Buy two, and you get to play offensive tackle!

King Hippo

tell me full hobo Tomsula does the ads?

theeWeeBabySeamus

This is how you run block. Sign that frog up.
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Doktor Zymm

I can’t wait until my furniture shows up. An air mattress is really just not that versatile.

herodotus450

Have you tried filling it with gravy, though.

WCS

In Indiana, that’s called a “water bed.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

DC upcoming end of half sequence…
(artist’s conception)
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The Maestro

Is he wearing a kippah? Is that what’s falling off at the end of this sequence?

King Hippo

was thinking eyeball popped out

Doktor Zymm

What is he even trying to do there?!

theeWeeBabySeamus

We could ask Kirk Cousins the same question.

WCS

Give himself a concussion.

King Hippo

Cousins is a wet fart. In light khaki pants.

Spur

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...

Speaking of imitation sports leagues, I must share with you the worst logo in North American sports.

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It’s like 1994 is reaching through time to sear my retinas.

The Maestro

The good news is that the homeless guy who owns a vintage Starter jacket with this logo on the back is gonna be cozy as hell this winter.

...

It’s such an incredibly dated logo. Everyone else in MLS has mimicked a real soccer club except New England.

Doktor Zymm

I take it back. The spice level might be right, but this is also the greasiest Indian food I’ve ever had. I think this is like 20% pure oil. I can’t even finish 1/3 of it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe you’re just not trying hard enough.
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Doktor Zymm

Aww, kitty bloopers!

herodotus450

Carolina Hurricanes really puttin butts in seats today, looks like they might be almost to 10% capacity.

Doktor Zymm

Are there any teams called the Earthquakes? If not, how come every other natural disaster gets a team named after it, but not that one?

WCS

I think there’s an MLS team.

The Maestro

No, she was asking about a team from a legitimate sports league.

...

The San Jose MLS team.

https://www.sjearthquakes.com

herodotus450

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Now, The Plague(s) would be a good nickname
Well fuck, tried to make it a spoiler so it wouldn’t be so big.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d support “Dinoflagellate Red Tide”

Too regionally specific maybe?

Doktor Zymm

I like it!

Brick Meathook

How about The Sinkholes?

King Hippo

We love our Whalers!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You think it’s bad now, wait a month ’til the college hardwood goes in.

WCS

GO BACK TO HARTFORD

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good boy, Dak. Hand that fucker off for the rushing score.
/still surviving

...

Dak rhymes with quack.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Money, get back
I’m all right Jack keep your hands off of my stack.
You fucking Quack.

I like it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Oh for fuck’s sake. Maybe this is a sign I need to start drinking

Spur

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. he almost made it.

Doktor Zymm

Crowder having a day, unexpected. Also, Cousins is clearly comfy handling soggy balls.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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...

I need to get two cats so I can watch them play flight.

King Hippo

that is VERY SERIOUS predator training, inferior human!

Doktor Zymm

4.42 40

Senor Weaselo

Okay, we played our stuff. Now I just have to wait to listen to children.

That didn’t come out right. Also that.

Brick Meathook

Which one of these guys whacks off in public while naked and which one wears a uniform?
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Okay, this is a good Indian place. The Saag Paneer isn’t just mush and it’s actually medium spicy, not just exactly the same as mild.

Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

On the sidelines: “Thompson leads the team in receiving and rushing.”

Doktor Zymm

Woohoo, food has arrived! Mmm, garlic and onion naan

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Counter strike!

WCS

Are the Bills…. good?

Fronkenshteen

“YAY McEVOY!”

– nobody

Brick Meathook

Kirk Cousins wants you to be his friend
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Doktor Zymm

And I want him to be a consistently excellent QB, but we can’t always get what we want

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

I miss Dan Bailey 🙁

herodotus450

These Seahawks I call them mid 90s TV ratings because they are getting destroyed by a Will Fuller V Saga

Spur

i just saw Sherman getting torched.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Atlanta Cheers

clint greasewood

NASCAR ratings down 15% percent this year.

Any of you who think kneeling is killing the NFL want to explain that drop?

The Maestro

“NUH UH WE’S WATCHIN IT, THUH LIBRULZ KEEP STEALIN’ THUH RATINS WITH A BIG SAT’LITE DISH IN AREA 51! FAKE NEWS!!!111!!”

herodotus450

Probly all that corn gas smdh

King Hippo

yeah, I find this kind of shit hilarious. ALL sports (and tv in general) see ratings decrease with options increasing and people using various weird, hard to track streaming options, etc. The NFL generally has smaller decreases, but everyone likes to declare it dying for their various pet causes, just because of its prominence. BUNCHA CRAP.

Spur

Cuts into their rallies and Fox News time.

The Maestro

Of course I had Will Fuller on my bench. OF COURSE.

Viva La Tabula Raza

TXns offense actually looks kinda competent today. I am encouraged.

Spur

Just keeping running the ball with Zeke. Their defense will be completely worn out by the fourth.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Listen to this man.

Dolph Ucker

Yah… Watson’s pretty good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s what I get for overthinking things…

DeAndre Washington > Jalen Richard

Dammit.

King Hippo

I deserve to lose for benching Deshaun Watson for shitass Cousins, no matter what the extenuating circumstances.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nah. Sucks. But all indications were in that direction.

The Maestro

Speaking of food: has anyone here ever visited the Popeyes all-you-can-eat buffet in Lafayette, LA? Because I think if I were gonna commit suicide by eating, that would be the way I’d go, hands-down.

If Popeyes did delivery, I think I’d have died years ago.

Doktor Zymm

You can probably get Popeyes delivered now, via one of the various delivery services

Spur

I get sushi delivered now. It rocks, i can use a fork and no one gives me any dirty look.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Be careful if you’re by yourself and eating the poison blowfish.

Spur

Garrett has balls today.

litre_cola

I dont link good. But white hoods at jets game

theeWeeBabySeamus

I presume there’s a burning cross somewhere?

King Hippo

look at those #GingerBalls!