Welcome to The One Where Everyone Went On Bye.  Except Vikes and #ThePauls, who went to London, with predictable results (Vikes broke away late to win, in a very forgettable contest).

That meant a 7:2 RedZone split, which usually is some bullshit.  But in this Week 8, it meant seeing almost all of the Game of the Season, a wacky shootout between the pissed off 500s/Inmates at the SeaTruthers.  Contrary to all the wisened punditry, this was not a bridge too far for Deshaun Watson, who connected deep with Will Fuller V almost instantly.  Each QB topped the 400 yard mark, with 4 scores.  But he who charmslung last, charmslung best, for a 41-38 Seattle win.  Coach Buttchinski – once again – played it close to the vest and hurr durr gotta trust mah defense in a game he led 38-34, running up the middle on 3rd and 6 with about 1:50 to play.  This didn’t even burn up any clock, since SEA had a time out left.  As such, all it did was mean the SeaTruthers had maybe one less play they could run on the ensuing drive.  That’s all the advantage HOU got in exchange for foregoing a chance to win the game by letting Watson make a play against an 8-man front.  This bullshit cost HOU the New England game, and it burned them again.  Wilson hit 3 medium-deep plays across the middle in quick succession, leaving 21 seconds on the clock to spare.  Great fucking game, though.

Dallas at the Redacteds?  That “featured” contest was a bit of a weather/banged up OL shitshow, with the Cowboys looking more like one expected them to look all season.  They move to 4-3, but will no doubt give back that progress next week.  Court also looms early this week for Zeke, who was magnificent (as expected, prolly the League’s best mudder).

Did I pay a great deal of attention to the early fixtures?  Can’t say that I did.  Highly distracted by my Everton angst.  Christ, that was some next-level shite.

Anyway, Cam sucked again, but it was against the Bucs so who gives a fuck?  17-3 Panthers.

The Raiders traveled East, it was kinda wet and super duper cold.  Predictable results followed.  34-14, Bills.  Don’t sleep on that Buffalo defense, that is one of the quiet, major stories of the first half (or like 46%) of the season.

Patriots/Shitty Clippers was on RedZone a lot, and it was super derpy.  Gostkowski missed twice from like 43.  Brady was off-target (at least in the red zone).  Chris Hogan got ded.  But somehow, Fight FOAR LA was even worse.  One almost felt bad for King Laserface at times.  But not really.  21-13 New England.  That 21 included a safety, which would be fun had the P*ts not done it.

The Fightin’ Tomsulas are back to being a complete tire fire.  33-10 Iggles.  Nifty INT returns happened, I noticed fuckall else.

Our Humps of Humpville went into Cincy and had the Bungles beat, but Jacoby fucked up and threw a DL Picksixerception to lose it, 24-23.  Twas a hell of a play by the defender, but still, dude…

Chi****’s offense continues to be blatantly obscene in the Truth Biscuit era, despite the best efforts of a monster defensive unit, who kept giving them chances (and holding Breesus Christ to 20 in Dome Sweet Dome).  But 12 from your offense won’t cut it against almost anyone.

Oh, Jets.  It’s hard to put it into words, or perhaps I’ve just forgotten.  But oh, Jets.  25-20 ATL, avoiding the AFC East oh-fer.

Sunday Night Footbaw in Detroit, I watched a lot of el beisbol, trying to avoid the certain lame-ass Jerome Bettis jokes (as Al no doubt tried to avoid his constant fear of being mugged).  Matt Prater was kind of awesome, at the apex of his fat kicker prowess.  But Detroit could not make touched downs, nor cover Juju, and both were costly.  Sad Lions are sad.