Nothing brings excitement to the air like the anticipation of Arizona/Seattle national games!
The battle for mid-tier rights in a garbage division turns the dial all way up to seven tonight as Russell Wilson and his Duane Brown-reinforced invisible offensive line prepare for a shootout with Adrian Peterson and “The Quarterback Who Held Off BLAINE GABBERT”, Drew Stanton. Aging-but-solid backfields for both squad should provide explosive hits in novelty uniforms and adequate fodder for I HAVEN’T SEEN TWO UGLIES BUMP THIS HARD SINCE _____ takes. So slap on your Kangol and jam an entire Fruit By The Foot into your mouth (just like you jam that Loose Change DVD into your Xbox) and get ready for some football-on-3-days-rest!
This Gen Stat of the Game:
Combined record of 4 teams Cardinals beat: 5-21 All in last place in division.
Combined record of final 8 opponents: 34-30, 33-23 minus NYG.— Jody Oehler (@radiojody) November 7, 2017
Seahawks/Cardinals: Vegas has SEA -5.5 (O/U 41.5). A final score of 18 to 25 seems quite implausible in the modern NFL but it does kind of make sense for these two teams. The redbirds D is a competent matchup for the Seahawks while Arizona’s Drew Stanton-led offense appears (to this sports expert’s surprise) to be alright with focusing on just handing the ball to Adrian Peterson. Seattle (5-3) is a game behind RAMMIT after falling at home to the [*Redacted] s while the Cardinals (4-4) are a paper swan — with half their wins having come against SF –who need to, starting tonight, double-up on SEA and beat RAMMIT during DFO-con to have any real shot at a tie-breaker-based division title playoff birth.
Fantasy Notes: Eddie Lacy is out (groin/overactive chewing) so you’re gonna want to plug n play Thomas Rawls (or, not — ARI has a strong rush D). Dion Jordan is expected to make his first appearance for Seattle because, hey, it’s been a few years since Pete Carroll has gotten some production out of an injury-prone headcase. Only Arizona player worth starting is Peterson so, naturally, I have Fitz plugged in and expect JJ Nelson to record 75% of Drew Stanton 165 yards on the YACs of two passes.
For those of you who aren’t interested in Seizure Rush TNF, a lean night:
- JV Football
- Georgia Southern (0-8) at Appalachian State (5-4) — 7:30PM | ESPNU
- North Carolina (1-8) at Pittsburgh (4-5) [from Heinz Field] — 7:30PM | ESPN
- NBA:
- Cleveland Cavaliers at Houston Rockets — 8:00PM | TNT
- Oklahoma City Thunder at Denver Nuggets — 10:30PM | TNT
- Womens Soccer:
- Canada vs. U.S. — 10:00PM | ESPN2
- Young Sheldon
- Poker, Faith, and Eggs — 8:00PM | CBS
When Roy Moore said he was a huge fan of Jesus, I assumed he meant Jesus of Nazareth, not Jesus Quintana.
I like how Sean Hannity went on his show to defend him and then chastised the women that spoke out, reminding them the ten commandments say “thou shall not bear false witness.”
Its like the fucker is trying to lose his sponsors all at once…
Almost as bad as some Reps playing the “Mary was a teenager” card. Maybe not the best strategy for defense.
Hey Dok? Moose is gonna send you a few files for you to post on his behalf if you would do that please ‘kay? thanks…
Make sure you have some eye bleach handy
Meh, sure. We can play “Moose pic or Zymm pic” with me intentionally obfuscating things!
Just don’t ask me to watch you obfuscate.
Site froze on my laptop for an hour. I missed all this self love in front of people action.
The site doesn’t load automatically.
We are being punished.
https://i.imgur.com/ubGEg9f.mp4
Hmmm….
imgur still shit
Love Lewis Black’s random live Q&A things he does. Just watched him rip the shit out of an audience for booing him for even responding to a question regarding Michigan’s impending “Guns in School” law even though he never even got to the point of expressing an opinion.
OPINIONS ARE FOR ASSHOLES
Higgins from Magnum PI has died.
No word if he had a secret history of raping people.
The night is young.
I mean, probably
Just in time for the holiday the Louis CK doll! Pull his string and he says three popular phrases!
“Can I jerk off in front of you?”
“Oh God, I’m sorry I’m just in a bad place.”
“It’s okay I’ll just do it in my dressing room alone.”
I mean, he could at least draw a face on it and pretend he was doing a Punch and Judy show
“Mom, why do all these shows end with Punch puking icing?”
Something about the link between domestic violence and substance abuse? The substance in this case being buttercream?
“Red-haired rosacea shame glaze”
I have hardly lived what you would call a sheltered life, but at no point in my colorful past have I ever had the desire to ask a woman to watch me (insert your favorite synonym for masturbation here).
Different strokes for different folks, as they say
God no. I have had a few exes who requested this but I definitely never put it on offer.
Were they into watching gay male porn too?
For about a year in the 90s, Buddy couldn’t get off the photos of Gino Odjick. It was a different time.
Weirdly enough no. I asked what tgey watched in porn and it was strakght porn or dudes masterbating. Both of the women that requested this.
Okay, so it was an incredibly specific set of fetishes then. Just thought I’d compare notes.
Odd. It’s really not an attractive thing to watch, even, or perhaps especially if it’s someone you’re attracted to and have a relationship with.
“Oh yeah, hon, I’m just imagining this hand is you! I even rubbed it in reed diffusers to get the whole essence!”
Yeah. Was back to back.l girlfriends about 5 years ago. I thought it was a ‘thing’. I guess they both just had the same turn ons
I don’t even like watching me masturbate. I have a paper bag blinder on my screen just for that purpose.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3QwfZ9YqUk
This is the first football related gif that shows up in a GIS for “derp condition”
It probably belongs in the bye week report immediately preceding but meh
Bears are like….the opposite of Antonio Cromartie
Here, just do what this page says for images
https://www.w3schools.com/html/html_images.asp
Pretty good write up tonight, eh?
I dunno. I think Scotchy was on drugs.
😉
I’m guess the https thing still applies too?
Al Gore was right, chicks can do the interwebz!!!
I totally didn’t break Facebook this week! Or last week!
Apparently Google now has a smartphone out. Can’t say I didn’t see that coming.
Umm…it’s their 2nd one. They released the Pixel last year.
I have a Pixel now and it’s super annoying that they don’t use regular microUSB for charging. I HAVE SO MANY MICROUSB CABLES
MicroUSB is toast. USB-C doesn’t do shit for data transfer, but it massively increases power transfer. In fact, the new MacBooks have 4 USB-Cs and a headphone jack and THAT’S IT. So prepare for obsolescence.
So, are you saying I should get rid of my VCR?
This just reminds me that I miss MXC.
img src = “http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/07/ralph-wave.gif”
Well, that obviously didnt work.
In the weird triangle bracket things. I can’t type them cause they don’t show up cause it reads them as html tags, but it’s the shift . and , buttons
2 people who dont speak html, trying to describe html. Aren’t we special.
+1000000000000000000000000
well, 8 pts is covering. BARELY.
remember, Hippo said 19-7
So, now the Truthers need…two safeties?
¿ɹǝʇʇǝq sıɥʇ sı ¡ʇı pǝxıɟ ı ʞuıɥʇ ı
stroke sequence…initiated!
+1
Who’s keeping score of the likes?
Herodotus has an abacus going.
Preliminary results:
Low Battery.
Huh.
Huzzah, way to be Drew Stanton.
NOW get me some MOAR points, SeaTruthers.
I guess embed code doesn’t work?
ZYMM GOT A GIF EMBEDDED! Teach us!
img src = “url” in those triangle brackety things.
WHAT IS CATCH: Loose Change Edition
So…they call that incomplete just because a turnover is too much fuckery?
[derp condition red.gif]
Upvote.
Is plaid imminent?
Plaid would be better than these uniforms.
WOMP WOMP yay HippoBET
DERRRRP!
Does anyone live in Phoenix on purpose?
I know quite a few people that live there. The native-born Phoenicians don’t seem to know any better. The transplants moved there for monetary reasons.
Or because their bitch ex wife threw a hissy fit to move closer to her retired and bigger bitch of a mother.
Then got stuck there for longer than anticipated even after everything went to shit.
Hypothetically, of course.
Weird desert people, retirees, and people right out of college who didn’t know better
This almost makes me wish we were back on UPRO…
/passes out with dart sticking from neck.
[imagine a gif of beautiful breasts swaying , barely encapsulated in a flimsy shirt. This should have been posted on Sexy Friday….. but you know]
Yo Gabbert Gabbert, owning that Tooth Fairy outfit goddammit.
Also, do the comments not autorefresh anymore?
Negative. Manual refresh for now
But that’s what got Louie C.K. in trouble.
They do. Just press F5.
[imagine a gif that shows someone failing miserably at some physical endeavor, preferably from a rope swing near a pond]
Ouch! That’s gotta smart!
Yeah, the YouTube video says he were OK, but what was he trying to accomplish?!?
[uses edit button to change “were” to “was.”]
Are there ever YouTube videos where the comments say he really wasn’t okay?
Yes. “He ded.
‘
FUCK OFF Charmslinger.
[imagine me upvoting your comment, hitting it twice more only to get the “You already voted on that, you fucking idiot.” message]
“This is Great.”
[imagine weird obscure gif that has nothing to do with game or other comments]
it’s beautiful in my mind, dude
[imagine me upvoting your comment]
Help me imagine properly, please. Is this gif erotic or bizarre or just plain gross?
This is becoming tiresome.
!!!! ARE THE COMMENTS BACKWARDS BECAUSE PETE CARROLL IS PLAYING ON 11/9 !!!!
See, I’d like to LIKE that. Why has thou forsaken me internets????
I’m just thumb-upping at the screen and hoping it gets through
HOLY FUCK we are through the looking glass ppl!!
Ohhhhh….I see what you did there.
Very nice.
+1
Well done.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2017/11/09/this-defense-of-roy-moore-is-amazingly-bad-from-start-to-finish/?utm_term=.5067d4b45d16
Good. God.
(No pun intended)
This motherfucker better be at least 19-7 at the half.
Haha – I thought this comment was a reply to the Roy Moore post above this.
I assume that has to be about that State Auditor weirdo.
/imagines the Demmycrat who ran against that guy breaking a whole bunch of shit at home this evening.
So, is it even worth hooking up my antenna that I haven’t taken out of the box yet, and hooking it up to watch this game, or should I just unpack a bit more, drink some wine, and check the score every 10 minutes or so until I get bored doing that?
Make sure can get HD on said antenna, or the SeaTruther highlighter unis might blind ya.
It was only 3 minutes for me.
/NOT the first time I’ve heard that.
I am weirdly disturbed and aroused by this.
please don’t pull it out, Louis
In my experience that is a great combo.
Change is not necessarily good. Is this how the comments are going to be or is it a work in progress?
I would ask if it’s me or the comments that are upside down, but I just got home and haven’t even opened the wine yet, so Imma assume it’s the comments
I’d like to post a snarky but appropriate gif but…
NOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s part of the new Netflix advertising deal. “Upside Down for whatever”.
So I read the Times article about CK and he’s a fucking weirdo, but he didn’t do anything criminal.
If you didn’t read it, his thing is that he asks women if he can pull his dick out or jerk off in front of them, but if they say no, he doesn’t pursue it further. Two people in the article accepted it when he asked them, and now are saying it was “sexual misconduct” because they didn’t say no.
CK comes off as an absolute creep, but the people who consented to him asking now saying they’re victims is a but much.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apc85Cp4lQQ
Not saying no does not imply consent. There are all sorts of reasons (shock and surprise top among them) why someone might not immediately respond with a firm NO even if they are very much not okay with that.
wait, to explain further what I said below – if the person says YES then I have no problem, you obviously can’t take silence as an excuse to whip it out. Not even marginally ok.
I’d take silence as worse than a “no” quite frankly.
And, of course, this assumes that he’s being truthful about not pressuring the women, which may or may not be a disinterested, objective description. (And did he tell them that he’d back off if they said no?)
He might not feel like he’s pressuring, but it’s such a fucking bizarre thing to ask, I can’t imagine a woman wouldn’t feel pressured, at least unless some kind of foundation has been laid first.
On the same note, I can’t believe there are people that believe a man cannot be accused of raping his wife. It ain’t hard to understand, no means no regardless of circumstances or paperwork from the state. Don’t like it? Get all mopey, go the the bathroom and rub one out, not like it’ll be the first time.
Sorry, but some things get me all soap-boxy.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
So yeah. There’s no amount of awful shit I can’t believe.
Sometimes I think it’s better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. Maybe not in this case, though….
so…well-known neurotic weirdo is revealed to be a neurotic weirdo? Film at 11?
Yeah, I can see why that would make people super uncomfortable to even be ASKED, but still…consenting adults is consenting adults and all that. And the LA/NY scene is full of weird casual encounters.
Anyone who pulls shit like that is an asshole. End of story. Fuck him.
With the floodgates open, I suppose it was inevitable someone I liked would end up being a fucking problem. If even one of them didn’t give consent to it, it’s sexual assault. It’s technically sexual assault if you walk around showing people porn without permission. Have to believe jerking off in front of an unwilling audience gets you on a registry. Either way, it’s definitely the end of his weird vulgar superdad persona.
“Louie” was a fucking groundbreaking show, and a character I really super related to, as a single dad who sucks at everything else in life.
Now I feel icky just thinking about it.
I’m going off the article, which I assume is true, the comedy duo story is iffy as they don’t say whether they said yes if they were asked or not. I’m not sure where he jerked off in front of an unwilling audience anywhere unless that story is elaborated upon. I guess even the phone call was creepy, but there’s no definitive evidence he was rubbing off while talking on the phone. Apparently there’s even conflicting information compared to the Times article and a Vox article on the topic.
He’s still a fucking weirdo who would be fired from any day job, but taking the article at face value, he hasn’t just jerked off nilly-willy in front of people.
Just found out a couple hours ago that two of the people killed in that church shooting on Sunday used to hang out at the wine bar I frequent. Pretty weird to know, hell, I bought my iPod from their son.
What’s with the new comment set up?
Double J did this since The League is enforcing Zeke’s “guilty till proven innocent” 6 game ban.
Russia hacked us.
And then he put highlighters on my sideline
BLEERGH is good
Said he put a safety in the end zone
BLEERGH is good
WHERE MOOSE POST GIF NOW??!? MOOSE NO CAN POST GIF!! MOOSE NO LONGER PAWN IN GAME OF LIFE! MOOSE BUG CARCASS ON CAR WINDOW!
You’re dead to us until Dad fixes things…
Weird, old repressed memories are starting to surface now.
You’re just going to have to type out your thoughts and feelings.
I CAN’T FUCKING DO THAT!?!? YOU KNOW THIS!?!? I CAN’T EVEN SPEAK THEM.
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/safety_dance_futurama.gif
It’s a safety dance!!
Safety for the safety gods!
I have the results here of a very complicated computer simulation which predicts the number of “This is Great”s we all would have received tonight based on our comments:
tWBS: 13
Moose: 6
Scotchnaut: 8
Russian Dating Site Spam Bot: 16
Russian Work at Home Spam Bot: 14
Herodotus: 1/0
10 Others: 5 or less
Go ahead and update your scorecards at home.
“This is Great.”
I don’t think I’ve even made 13 comments tonight, but I’m not above stat padding.
Me n the bots can fight it out for the top spot.
You know, I am starting to hate footbaw. Goddamned SeaTruthers, you are supposed to be PISSED OFF and instead can’t even beat Drew Fucking Stanton??
My Uncle Ed used to think the reason behind “color rush” was integration and white people being slow.
LT and the fearsome coloured rush ,, ppl forget that
I wonder who Uncle Ed voted for last November.
I prefer Thanksgiving to Christmas.
vastly