Banner image courtesy of:

Howdy folks!

I feel it is my responsibility to remind everyone, well us U.S. residing folks anyway, that Thanksgiving is Thursday. Like, next fucking Thursday. As in 5 goddamn days Thursday.

And you haven’t even been to the grocery store yet have you?

HAVE YOU!?!

What are you thinking? That can of corn isn’t going to heat itself!

Man, if only somebody somewhere would have detailed instructions for what to do if you’ve waited too long to start your Thanksgiving meal preparation. Damn! Maybe someday. What a missed opportunity.

Back when I was a younger fella I used to be one of those lunatics who made the entire Thanksgiving meal by myself. Breads, pies, turkey all of the goddamn sides and I am here to tell you that that shit is LUNACY! Fuck that, man. You’ve got to do the group dinner prep. For the last several years eldest right and her husband have brought a smoked turkey and all of the dessert items along with some home brew that my son-in-law makes himself. That way all I have to do is make the breads and the sides. I can do that shit. Doing the whole meal is a young man’s game

This year I am bypassing the standard mashed potatoes – roasted garlic mashed potatoes at that – and am instead making my traditional Grandmommie’s dressing along with this beauty 

gratin potatoes with onion, and gruyere cheese from this past season of Sunday Gravy.

I will also be baking a loaf of fresh homemade bread,

another recipe from this past season.

Oh yeah.

Wait, why are you grabbing your coat and your car keys?

You’re not going to the store now are you?

Stop that shit! Go on Monday or Tuesday, we’ve got shit to do.

Tonight we are taking it easy. We’ve got games to watch, liquor to imbibe, perhaps sample a few smokeables and/or edibles if you so desire and we’ve got dick jokes to make!

If you want some hot early season NBA action, here’s the schedule.

If the NHL is your thing, well here you go.

Our own King Hippo gave you the college football rundown earlier in the day and I’m sure there’s a smattering of college hoops if that’s more to your liking.

Now on to the good stuff. Your broadcast maps, all courtesy of 506sports.com

CBS EARLY

█ Anchorage AK  |  █ Fairbanks AK
█ Honolulu HI

Holy shit, that is an unappetizing line-up of games. Is there really that big of a demand for Jacksonville/Cleveland in Nashville? Poor bastards.

Let’s see what Fox Early has.

FOX SINGLE

█ Anchorage AK  |  █ Fairbanks AK
█ Honolulu HI

Ah, no late games for Fox so they just jammed ’em all into the early window. Who you got on this graph? Maybe watch the Saints possibly drive the final stake into the hearts of the Washington Football Club? Tampa bay at Miami? The make-up hurricane bowl? Nah, fuck that. You’re watching my Vikes host the LAR aren’t you?

Good for you.

Finally here’s the CBS late window.

CBS LATE

█ Anchorage AK  |  █ Fairbanks AK
█ Honolulu HI

Here’s a fun fact. I just now discovered that Mexico City is in the equivalent of our Central Time Zone so the P*ts and Raider game is a 3:00 local start. Nice. Or I suppose you can watch the “What the Fuck Happened to You Two?” Bowl with the Bungles and the Donks.

I can smell the sadness from here.

First? Let’s grab a cocktail and get this motherfucking party started!

Check it out! There’s a jukebox in this joint.

Talk to me, people!