Quotables Results – Week 14

As previously advertised, Blax will not be the final judge and arbiter of this week’s Quotables submissions.

HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID!

All kidding aside, everything is fine and me being picked to replace him as judge has absolutely nothing to do with me being circumcised though not Jewish.  Call me King Solomon’s Gentile sidekick and adviser.

So, Sharon Stone then?

Well done, you heathens!  Here are this week’s results:

“Of course Mexicans in Missouri are Raiders fans.” – Unsurprised

TBH, if we find alien life on other planets and we determine their DNA to be Mexican, I bet you we find a Raiders baseball cap nearby.

“One of the tens of “fans” in the stands: “You think this show will get picked up for a full season?” Another “fan,” while disinterestedly checking their phone: “As long as I can add it to my IMDB page, who cares?”” – LemonJello

Would have also accepted Instagram, Snapchat, or Grindr.

“The best part was when Jameis Winston ran on the field and tried to steal him.” – SonOfSpam

That’s just… Reason #247 why SonOfSpam is the funniest motherfucker I’ve ever met.

“Case Keenum demonstrates typical white Minnesotan behavior. Kill the black man in a polite manner.” – nomonkeyfun

Hey, Fargo was Fargo for a reason…

For this one, we have a tie:

“[Sound of bowling pins falling]” – Unsurprised

“Here at the Factory of Sadness Research & Development Division, we’re always looking for new and more heart-breaking ways to lose.” – LemonJello

That’s just outstanding work, both of you!

Another tie as we were all thinking the same thing:

“Jim Irsay tries to calculate the street value of Ralph Wilson Stadium at that moment.” – LemonJello

“It’s never an easy day for the cleanup crew after one of Jim Irsay’s Saturday night shindigs.” – RikkiTikkiDeadly

“And another one slips by the NFL’s “Concussion Protocol”” – LemonJello

The look just sealed it for me.  That’s future Trent Greene Purple Monkey Dishwasher.

Extra credit goes to two DFOers for quality contributions outside the established format:

Brick Meathook:

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no comment needed

BrettFavresColonoscopy:

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I love you people!  Blax will see you next week.

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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[…] still sore about being tossed off results last week, even though Balls did a fine […]

SonOfSpam
Member

Thanks for the shoutout Balls. If I can be half as funny as Mike Huckabee, then I’m happy.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Four? FOUR!

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AHHHhh-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

GREAT FUCKING HUSTLE!

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Ahh, Honorable Mention. This is where all the hard work pays off. This is what it’s all about.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Ugh, I hate that feeling of ” I have so much to do but I only have 10 minutes before my next meeting so I’m just not going to do anything” and then the stuff keeps piling up and you feel worse and worse and start to worry you’ll never get it done and are in over your head and should just quit out of shame and move somewhere to live in a hut.

Just me? Ok, carry on.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

This is why less than 3 hours of work actually gets done in the average eight-hour workday.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Hey I didn’t see your invitation post until almost 24 hours later!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

What?

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

You were in Huntington Beach.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Oh, yes. For a hot second. I didn’t realize that was your 20. Also, I was probably drunk.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

I think I know just what the doctor ordered for this exact situation:
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Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

love how in the Raider VS Chiefs video there’s the random thing that drifts by at the end and the 12 yo boy in my thinks it’s a UFO

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

You see aliens, naturally you’re going to expect UFOs.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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The term “best and the brightest” went from laudatory adjectives about Robert McNamara’s Harvard “whiz kids” to a sarcastic pejorative term for dipshits with their heads up their own asses.

Two generations later, the #Pauls front office has truly lived up to their grandfathers by assembling their own Frankenstein’s monster using the ignorance and hubris Harvard Men are now renowned for worldwide.

My point is I’ve never met a Harvard alumnus who wasn’t a worthless sack of shit who deserved to be punched in the face and the Browns have assembled a team of these cretins to do what they always do – fail and still somehow get rewarded for their incompetence. Sure, Sashi is gone, but the rest are still there.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m in a bad mood.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Turns out I not only didn’t go to sleep before midnight, but I haven’t at all.

Anyway, Tom Savage looks like a middle schooler whose face is going through puberty faster than the rest of him.

Oh, finally, TWOFER! Woohoo! Yay, me!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Dude, as a confirmed insomniac myself, I say this out of love…

Go get some sleep you idiot.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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/CUMS. HARD.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member
Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The gif is a nice touch, but for some reason just seeing ‘via GIPHY’ beneath my comment made me laugh my ass off.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

One could say, if one were so inclined, that it’s perfect for the Raiders to move to Vegas because Las Vegas is Mexico’s Raiders cap.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Unrelated, musical interpretation of tWBS complaining about other people complaining about his musical tastes:

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

YEAH, REALLY DAMNED FUNNY ASSHOLE!!!!

Hehehehehe.

I really was only acting mad about that last night, btw.
I do find it funny. Sorry if it came across otherwise.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

That being said, there will be a TGISF theme in the not too distant future designed just to annoy the shit out of the folks who hate certain “artists”.

Muahahahahahaha

laserguru
Member

Oh Jesus.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Haha. Even He won’t save your earholes.
Only problem is I won’t be able to stand over everyone personally and force them to click the linked music.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

You mean there isn’t an underground network of animal minions vets can call on to do your bidding?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Don’t I wish. I’d be Emperor of teh Earth by now if there was.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

*cough* autoplay *cough*

Senor Weaselo
Member

Instead of ugly sweater parties here we have ugly music parties! Because we don’t wear sweaters! (Or pants obviously.)

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Hirsute sweaters don’t count?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Nah, I knew you were joking, but this got in my head this morning so I had to share the ear worm.

Also, as you pointed out, it is really easy to make fun of you.

Out of love.

Or something.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

LOL. Then I’m the most loved man on teh planet I suppose.
Ah, good times.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Spam is indeed the man

nomonkeyfun
Member

The Maestro
Member

Pretty weird that you waited until you were 27 to get circumcised, but to each their own, I guess.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

It wasn’t entirely voluntary. Or done by a doctor. Or in any way legal.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yikes. I opened up DFO just now and saw that banner photo and thought… “Oh shit, did I get drunk last night and post something without remembering?”

Thanks for the brief heart attack, balls.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

oh shit.
I think I made a terrrrrrrrible mistake guys….
I made the playoffs and decided to keep CJ Anderson on my bench.
He just got 15 pts……

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

It wouldn’t be FF without disastrous roster choices. No one ever remembers the guy who wisely picked his lineup. All the best stories are of what could’ve been.