I’ll acknowledge you west-coasters in the lede just this one time and then never again. There’s so much football, basketball and hockey coming out the ying yang, it’s an embarrassment of riches. And I must say that all commenters acquitted themselves quite well all day/night long yesterday. Now it’s time to do it all over again… TO THE GAMES!
Miami/Buffalo:
The non-existent money I have riding on this tilt says that Catler will revert back to one of his earlier, ineffectual lives after a truly wtf? performance last week vs. the Pats. I’ll go further-whoever gets the start between the likes of Taylor, Webb and Peterman will out-shine The Catman.
Baltimore/Cleveland:
The Browns march to the opposite of perfection continues unabated… The Ravens at 7-6 seem to be barely in the playoff race-a-roo but after this week they’ll be murderizing the Colts and Bengals so all is good on the post-season front for them.
Cincinnati/Minnesota:
The Vikes are looking to get back on track after losing to Carolina and that’s why they’re embracing a home date vs. the Bengals so closely to their bosom. Why? The awesome Minny run D faces down a Cincy rushing attack that averages less than 80 ypg. Gulp. So that puts the game in the shaky hands of Mr. Dalton and voila-there’s your Bengals loss exactly as it was drawn up on the Etch-a-Sketch.
New York Jets/New Orleans:
Qb McCown broked his dadgum hand last week. Was it the same dude that stepped on Fatty Stafford’s paw a few weeks ago? Is there a secret “QB Hand-Ruining Cabal” forming in the NFL? The evidence is thin at the moment but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about it day and night. Anyhoo, the Nathan Peterman of the Jets-Bryce Petty-will be playing the part of the sacrificial lamb today.
Philadelphia/New York Giants:
Eagles fans aren’t buying Carson Wentz’s malarkey about his injury being a part of God’s plan. No, they’ve adopted the “Fucking, Suckbagging Shit! Why Does This Happen To Us Every Time?” narrative. Why is it that drooling, alcoholic, racist dickbags can never have nice things? (“hey, I’m painting with broad strokes here-easy now, fellas”) Foles gets the start.
Arizona/Washington:
To be watched for fantasy purposes only. How you managed to get this far with anyone from these two squads on your team is a mystery for the ages. (Says the guy that cacked out last week)
Green Bay/Carolina:
Today’s hagiography is brought to you by the letters “A” and “R” and by the number “1”(man team). Props go out to Brett Hundley who did his best to staunch the bleeding by going a semi-respectable 3-5 while the league’s most valuable clavicle healed itself. As for this game, Andy Reid would say, “There’s a lot of steak here.”
Houston/Jax:
If the Jags win they be in. T.J. Yates has state, “Not if I have anything to say about it!”. So there you have it-the Jags are in.
Fire up your nipples folks, there’s work to do down below.
Hola mis amigos!
Tonight I’ll be making chicken pot pie either to celebrate or to mourn. Either way it’s be delicious.
Any of you made/going to make anything good lately?
Maybe a celebratory hotdish if Rodgers hits Adams for another score or two
Beef Vindaloo.
I’m going to make a phone call to an adequate pizza place later. Does that count?
/Have some ox (probably cow) tails in the fridge that I’m going to fool with tomorrow. Probably a ragu.
Capri Bibbs?
I’m not sure if that’s a reference, but it definitely brings back memories of halftime snacks in soccer
As Jerry Richardson looks over the fields…
This means so much more.
Eli hasnt been the same since watching the Last Jedi. More confident and he’s wearing a ring now.
fuck me, I shoulda started Captain Dingleberry
mah word the Jets has a touched down. The BRYCE PETTY JETS
browns are happy!!!! happy!!!!!!!!!
weeeee!!!!!!!!
get it Eli
BWHAHAHAHA! Forth and 1 and the Ravens go for it! Denied!
Wait…we still are down by 3 with zero way of scoring or moving the ball…shit.
Bring back Dave Shula!
Has anyone done the Macarena after a TD yet? These uns are all too young, aint they….
if anyone will…A.A. Ron
Macarena denied.
Lookit you, #ThePauls!!!
/moneyline them as well
Giants get a ShepherdDown like God wanted.
Giants TD is happening!!
Again? Already?
#ThePauls, playing super hard yet again.
Actual statement by Browns radio play by play…
“Why are their screens working?”
“Well their linemen seem to do their assignments”
Flaco is loco! what a run.
Okay, I bought a Modelo by mistake. Who drinks it and what is its reputation?
I like Modelo, it’s a solid cheap Mexican beer
[fans himself] “Oh my! It’s slightly stronger than a Corona. I don’t believe I’ll be able to finish it!”
I was about to say the same thing almost word for word.
HOT TAEK – Mexican beer is goddamned awful.
Eagles D just hasn’t been the same since it lost Carson Wentz
at least I moneyline bet Los Gigantes, and can feel SMRT about that.
ok, Striped Pylons, just get me a backdoor cover. 10-12 point loss.
The Browns are actually a great example of why we should have relegation in American Football
The Browns are a great example of why we should have a perpetual revolution and the bourgeois are yearly placed up against a wall to be liquidated by the masses.
What would even be the implications of that for Cleveland?
Of those who have seen both-Kingsman or Logan Lucky?
I recommend Logan Lucky.
I second that
Somebody called that Dalton mess-up….
These Bengals, I call them all mail carriers for painfully obvious reasons.
Clay Matthews can die in the fire. Cheapshot asshole.
Ok, this bad ff first half means that the 2nd half will be great right? RIGHT?
I see the Bengals are playing this one for how they feel about Marvin.
Hell, I guess it’s time to start getting shitfaced.
Football sucks.
Eli’s getting that Squeeze It at halftime
[Tavaress King owners breathe a sigh of relief]
YES!!!!!!!!!
Well fuck, that backfired on me.
Fuck you Sean Payton.
/thing that actually happened at the beer store
Me: [grabs 3 cans]
Cashier: “Just the 3?” (the unasked question: “What’s it like being a lightweight?”)
/don’t tell me there’s no drinking culture in Northern Ontario
It’s Canadia, so he couldn’t come right out and call you a pussy
It…it was a woman. [sobs]
/not joking
Need that ThomasDOWN reversed, please
Agreed.
as long has it does not lead to a Kamara down.
Kizer is pretty much everything I fucking hate about the Browns.
A nice young talent…serviceable. In a good system, he rides the pine for about a season or two. When he starts playing, the playbook is tailored for his ability and the players around him.
In the Browns system, he is thrown to the fucking wolves. He has no fucking talent around him what so ever. The play calling is a shitshow because the head coach refuses to get an OC and spent the entire season trying to get the GM fired (new GM already said in his first press conference that the Browns do not have any “legitimate football players”). So Kizer is getting utterly destroyed and the fans blame him for being garbage.
I hope the Pats fucking pick him up. TAWMMY goes down with an injury…and Kizer just looks fantastic and the Browns organization and fanbase can just consume itself in rage and fury because that is all we deserve.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HOLY SHIT!
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Oh man, if the Pats just played the Browns every week, I would watch.
Davante WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cincy your derp is showing.
Thanks for nothing, Cincy.
Getting kinda tired of the Mark Ingram show in ‘Nawlins.
Restored Kamara is mere decoy this week.
tWBS haz teh sadz.
God, the difference between A.A. Ron and fucking Hundley is amazing.
That whole qb guru tag BlueBunny has is ridiculous.
ut oh…. hurt Jaguar RB???
I actually find it kind of hard to be super concerned about an ankle nowadays. Might hurt like a bitch and take a while to heal, but that shit ain’t gonna cripple ya for life
Are you allowed to tackle the QB in a slide if he yells ‘wheeee!’ ??
Brings up a number of questions-what if he’s being pushed on a swing?
18? Cobb? Who? Was he on the practice squad?
stomp on Rodgers nuts please
Jesus christ what uncle touched you inappropriately? ALL?
I did a good guys
that fuzzy asshole needs to throw it to Ertz.
better
http://buffstream.com/watch/nfl-red-zone-1.php
Ol’ Stretcher Balls Foles out there slinging
who’s left if/when he dies?
Moar Kaepernick Collusion Evidence
Kevin Kolb
Live look-in at Kolb on the bench:
Kolb Job i believe
throw it to Ertz you asshole.
NO! Bad Spur!!!
Ded Eagle alert.
Make Ertz ded PLEAZ
now you assdicks better shoot up Davante with horse tranqs and get his ass back on the pitch