It’s the day before Christmas and lives hang in the balance-well, fantasy lives anyway. Best of luck to all you bastages that made it this far and will win some sweet, sweet moolah. The rest of us will hustle and bustle about, searching desperately for some place, any place that sells Modelo. I don’t care what the price is, I MUST HAVE IT! What’s that? It’s very affordable, perhaps even ‘cheap’? Well, then… I guess I’ll just have to pick up the last bit of things required to feed a ravenous in-law crew of eighteen or so. Who counts nowadays? After I’ve rolled the last morbidly obese faux-uncle out the door, washed the mashed potatoes off the wall and checked my billfold for the third time you can bet that I’m headed… TO THE GAMES!

Buffalo/New England:

The Bills are 10 point dogs but Hippo is taking them because he expects that this’ll be a defensive tussle. Wr Benjamin is back from his torn meniscus while rb White and wr Hogan are out for the Patties.

Denver/Washington:

Qb Cousins is donning his best dress pants/shiniest tiara for his audition for the starting job that the Broncos might offer this coming off-season. The Dacted’s are all set at the rb spot with the Loud Cough/Short Circuit duo of Perine and Bibbs.

Cleveland/Chicago:

A certain TruthBiscuit was asked what it was like growing up just 25 miles (that’s 40 kilometers to the rest of the world, btw) from Cleveland and cheering for the Browns. His reply?-“I don’t really remember and I’m pleading the fifth just in case.” Here’s yet another chance for the Winless Wonders to remove the blemish from their record and grab that Brown (ewww!) ring.

Tampa Bay/Arizona:

The Panthers have won 6 of their last 7 and have run down the Saints at the top of the division. Them Bucs are little more than cannon fodder at the moment.

L.A. Clippers/New York Jets:

The combinations and permutations are many but at 7-7 the LawnClippers must win out in order to squelch into the post-season. The Jetskis have won 4 of their 5 total V’s at home.

Miami/Kansas City:

In true Fins fashion, (“called it”) they followed up their possibly season-changing upset of the Pats with some quality fall-on-their-collective-faces action versus the Bills. This is where the Chiefs slam the hell out of that toe wedged in the playoff doorway.

Atlanta/New Orleans:

Three playoff squadoos are coming out the NFC South so this tilt comes down to who wants at least one home game in January more than t’udder.

Detroit/Cincinnati: 

The Lions thin hopes are dependent on either of Carolina or New Orleans dropping their last two games. Good luck with that.

L.A. Rams/Tennessee:

The Rams have done the work earlier in the season and now have it relatively easy-peasy. All they have to do to take the division is win one of their last two. The Titans look  good on paper at 8-6 but they’ve stumbled in their last two against the cards and the Niners. Still, they’re 5-1 at home.

Do yer jerb, sofa kings/queens.