Your “Can You Feel The Excitement!?” Sunday Afternoon NFL Open Thread

It’s the day before Christmas and lives hang in the balance-well, fantasy lives anyway. Best of luck to all you bastages that made it this far and will win some sweet, sweet moolah. The rest of us will hustle and bustle about, searching desperately for some place, any place that sells Modelo. I don’t care what the price is, I MUST HAVE IT! What’s that? It’s very affordable, perhaps even ‘cheap’? Well, then… I guess I’ll just have to pick up the last bit of things required to feed a ravenous in-law crew of eighteen or so. Who counts nowadays? After I’ve rolled the last morbidly obese faux-uncle out the door, washed the mashed potatoes off the wall and checked my billfold for the third time you can bet that I’m headed… TO THE GAMES!

Buffalo/New England:

The Bills are 10 point dogs but Hippo is taking them because he expects that this’ll be a defensive tussle. Wr Benjamin is back from his torn meniscus while rb White and wr Hogan are out for the Patties.

Denver/Washington:

Qb Cousins is donning his best dress pants/shiniest tiara for his audition for the starting job that the Broncos might offer this coming off-season. The Dacted’s are all set at the rb spot with the Loud Cough/Short Circuit duo of Perine and Bibbs.

Cleveland/Chicago:

A certain TruthBiscuit was asked what it was like growing up just 25 miles (that’s 40 kilometers to the rest of the world, btw) from Cleveland and cheering for the Browns. His reply?-“I don’t really remember and I’m pleading the fifth just in case.” Here’s yet another chance for the Winless Wonders to remove the blemish from their record and grab that Brown (ewww!) ring.

Tampa Bay/Arizona:

The Panthers have won 6 of their last 7 and have run down the Saints at the top of the division. Them Bucs are little more than cannon fodder at the moment.

L.A. Clippers/New York Jets:

The combinations and permutations are many but at 7-7 the LawnClippers must win out in order to squelch into the post-season. The Jetskis have won 4 of their 5 total V’s at home.

Miami/Kansas City:

In true Fins fashion, (“called it”) they followed up their possibly season-changing upset of the Pats with some quality fall-on-their-collective-faces action versus the Bills. This is where the Chiefs slam the hell out of that toe wedged in the playoff doorway.

Atlanta/New Orleans:

Three playoff squadoos are coming out the NFC South so this tilt comes down to who wants at least one home game in January more than t’udder.

Detroit/Cincinnati: 

The Lions thin hopes are dependent on either of Carolina or New Orleans dropping their last two games. Good luck with that.

L.A. Rams/Tennessee:

The Rams have done the work earlier in the season and now have it relatively easy-peasy. All they have to do to take the division is win one of their last two. The Titans look  good on paper at 8-6 but they’ve stumbled in their last two against the cards and the Niners. Still, they’re 5-1 at home.

Do yer jerb, sofa kings/queens.

 

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Since we all now live in Geohell, I’m thinking I need to embrace and it root for a Browns win today.

Plus, I’m obsessed with the idea of the Bears having 4-5 wins and all but one over playoff teams.

rockingdog

Alright Alex smith…. your in the red zone now. THROW it to KELCE!!!!

ArmedandHammered

Merry Christmas.

Senor Weaselo

Have we mentioned the current Rodgers IR drama?

King Hippo

what is said drama??

Doktor Zymm

That he went on IR right after the Packers were eliminated from playoffs I guess? Dunno

litre_cola

Free agency is demanded.

King Hippo

my sportsbook gave me a $25 free play for Shitsmas. Ain’t that nice??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

and I bet it on the Imaginary Texans!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

It’s like when your crack dealer tosses in an extra rock, solid customer service

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I just saw this fact on Twitter: The John Fox coached Bears have *never* won a game in which they were favored.

Doktor Zymm

Play action in spanish is play action

King Hippo

c’mon MRSA Men. I believe in you (for GAMBLOR purposes)

Spur

I liked Dalton when he played at TCU. Can that version of Dalton show up today.

tomsellecksmoustache

No, he’s been in Cincinnati for too long.

Fronkenshteen

Appears not

King Hippo

7-6 #ThePauls win, c’mon!!

litre_cola

Morning gents, just had a hot tub in the snow with some Baileys and coffee, smoked a joint out there, I am ready for Sunday.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, that sounds good.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

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King Hippo

Tits/RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! getting kind of amusing

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What porn are you watching?

King Hippo

u don’t even want too noe

JustStopDude

Well…that is ball game. No way the Browns are keeping up with the Bears…

rubbing alcohol and gin…that mixed together is how egg nog is made right? That is all I got in this fucking house…

Doktor Zymm

And ice cubes if you got em

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s probably too early to start yelling JuJu I guess, especially on Jeebus’ almost birthday.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did JuJu kill jesus?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Burfict would prolly say yes.

King Hippo

NEED GRONKDOWN

rockingdog

WANT COOKSDOWN!!!!!!!!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Settle for Gostkowskidown. Dangit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The evils of FF.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

cum at me bro!!

Doktor Zymm

I don’t think that’s phrasing so much as spelling…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Aren’t we doing spelling anymore??”

theeWeeBabySeamus

I bet you wish you’d let me play your reindeer games now, huh?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“My fucking nose is red now, bitch!”

King Hippo

it will help me greatly if OKC bomber gets mad and starts going fer two now

King Hippo

double points Baby Buster/Gurley ManDOWN WOO!!!!!!

rockingdog

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RAMMMMMM IT!!!

rockingdog

LOL
Mariota throws another INT!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

mas que un bar! Mas que un restaurant! Mas que un hotel!

tomsellecksmoustache

Stuck with the painful Lions v. Bengals game. Can’t wait to see how Burfict commits a personal foul against Stafford.

Spur

am worried it has been on RedZone yet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

your weekly reminder that Alex Smith sucks donkey balls

rockingdog

So the rams got Johnny Heckeer (punter) throwing into double coverage…hahahah
Fake punt trial and error….

JustStopDude

I want to get away from my family, everyone is ready to start fighting each other physically, and I am trying to watch a shitty feed of the Browns-Bears “Battle of the combined 4 and 24 teams!”

Fuck I hate my like right now…

rockingdog

http://buffstream.com/watch/nfl-5.php

Hopefully this helps makes things better…..

Spur

Run Kamara into the ground today.

King Hippo

fading Breesus, yes PLEAZ

theeWeeBabySeamus

But not litrully plz, k thx.

rockingdog

http://live-nfl.stream/watch/20536/1/nfl-redzone-live.html

Here is A redzone stream (Hansen) if anyone needs it…..

Spur

Bengals please!

Doktor Zymm

Ok, i’ve got buf/ne in low def broadcast en espanol. I’ll take it!

Doktor Zymm

Oh. And also lac/jets, and real madrid

Doktor Zymm

And a 30 for 30 marathon

theeWeeBabySeamus

¿Estás contenta?

King Hippo

Canyonero? YA!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

Hey there! thats the fun stuff I like to see!!!!! woooo onside kick!!

rockingdog

Hey yea guys!!!! Its football sunday!!!! whoooo!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not 100% confident in that predictions

Spur

my day needs more Peyton Manning.

King Hippo

singing “Can I rest my balls right here?”

rockingdog

“please let sweet death kill me now!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As a Bears fan, I can’t root against the Bears. But as someone who loves Schadenfreude and can’t wait for John Fox to be run out of town on a Tomsula car, I’m more than ok with a Browns win today.

Spur

my Redzone is ded??!

King Hippo

coming back online, thank God

King Hippo

Hanson needed to finish his line

Spur

cleaning up the yard avoided.

King Hippo

RedZone TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Spur

let’s go Saints…..that feels gross to type out.

King Hippo

SNOW FOOTY!!!

King Hippo

In Chi****, maybe Cincy

theeWeeBabySeamus

I just realized that my uncle forgot to take home the bourbon I gave him on his birthday on Friday. It wasn’t a birthday present, just a dinner “provision”. And frankly he’s better off without it. Also, I’m not really a bourbon guy….

But that shit might go down today. Just saying.

Wakezilla

I start Christmas shopping in an hour and with a slight hangover. I’ll let you all know what the 5th layer of hell is like if I choose to return.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hell wit dat. I Amazoned the shit out of Christmas shopping this year.

Spur

RAMMMIIITTT

King Hippo

all night, all day, it’s taken over LA!!

litre_cola

No Greg the leg, I has a sad.

Fronkenshteen

Rammit LB Mark Barron a healthy scratch today? Hmmmm…

King Hippo

wha happen?? to NFL Fantasy Live? FUCK THEM HAVING SHITSMAS EVE OFF. Stuck watching plain NFLN like some plebian.

And what blind lunatic dresses Mariucci?

King Hippo

nvm, it just ain’t start til 12 today which is still some bullshit

Wakezilla

I dunno, they all got fired for sexual harassment?

King Hippo

something I noticed in yesterday’s cavalcade of Big Pharma ads – even in the Type II diabeetuhs spots, nobody is allowed to be fat.

King Hippo

heh, I did NAWT bet the P*ts/Bills, thanks very much. I do like TEN +6.5, SEA +4.5, WAS -3.5 (lines may have moved since but this is where I gots my scrilla in) and I have a string of my usual hunch moneyline bets (TB, SF, OAK, and of course #ThePauls).

As always, it’s not about whether you win or lose, but having fun yelling “no, no, NO!!!” at your teevee box.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I’d been having a little too much fun yelling “no, no, NO!!!” lately.

So no action for me this weekend. What can I say? I’m a lightweight.
Also, the “nawt a catch” in Yinzburgh really did genuinely piss me off, even if only momentarily. So what’s the point if it’s not fun anymore?

King Hippo

then a cooling off is best, I done that once this season

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’d like to see that reindeer jam his antlers up Michael Irvin’s ass.

King Hippo

“Do you know where that ass has been?

– Reindeer

Fronkenshteen

The “President” re-tweeted this today. Christmas fucking Eve.

https://mobile.twitter.com/shawgerald4/status/944700607624970240/photo/1

theeWeeBabySeamus

I read that as “drugged”.

Which is both funny and frightening.

Spur

again…can anyone imagine the Republican reaction if Obama did this. Their heads would have exploded.

Fronkenshteen

You catch the CNN logo on the bottom of his shoe?
ANY TIME NOW, MUELLER!!! THE WOODS ARE FUCKING BURNING HERE!!!

King Hippo

if I were the anti-trust lawyer for whichever corporate conglomerate it is suing the Fuhrer’s DOJ, this would make me smile this Shitsmas Eve.

/also bill 2.5 hours “Analyze open issues.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

To quote the Universal New Yorker Cartoon Caption, “Christ, what an asshole.”

Spur

Buffalo/New England is going to be war and let’s go Cincy!

Spur

Morning Folks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bortles, Funchess….suit up.
Brady, Fitzgerald…you’re out.

Evans…my top pick from the draft and you who’ve disappointed me constantly this year? You’re dead to me.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Big feature on ESPN on a 1985 sting operation in DC by US Marhals, sent free tickets to a bunch of wanted criminals and busted them all when they showed up for what they thought was a Redacteds-Bengals game.
Moral of the story, don’t accept free tix.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I just saw that. I remember when that happened.

litre_cola

Coffee, Baileys, and blueberry pie is an acceptable breakfast right?

yeah right

Acceptable? Fuck man, that’s legendary!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maple syrup on the pie = extra credit.

Spur

Pecan Pie

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