Your “Can You Feel The Excitement!?” Sunday Afternoon NFL Open Thread

It’s the day before Christmas and lives hang in the balance-well, fantasy lives anyway. Best of luck to all you bastages that made it this far and will win some sweet, sweet moolah. The rest of us will hustle and bustle about, searching desperately for some place, any place that sells Modelo. I don’t care what the price is, I MUST HAVE IT! What’s that? It’s very affordable, perhaps even ‘cheap’? Well, then… I guess I’ll just have to pick up the last bit of things required to feed a ravenous in-law crew of eighteen or so. Who counts nowadays? After I’ve rolled the last morbidly obese faux-uncle out the door, washed the mashed potatoes off the wall and checked my billfold for the third time you can bet that I’m headed… TO THE GAMES!

Buffalo/New England:

The Bills are 10 point dogs but Hippo is taking them because he expects that this’ll be a defensive tussle. Wr Benjamin is back from his torn meniscus while rb White and wr Hogan are out for the Patties.

Denver/Washington:

Qb Cousins is donning his best dress pants/shiniest tiara for his audition for the starting job that the Broncos might offer this coming off-season. The Dacted’s are all set at the rb spot with the Loud Cough/Short Circuit duo of Perine and Bibbs.

Cleveland/Chicago:

A certain TruthBiscuit was asked what it was like growing up just 25 miles (that’s 40 kilometers to the rest of the world, btw) from Cleveland and cheering for the Browns. His reply?-“I don’t really remember and I’m pleading the fifth just in case.” Here’s yet another chance for the Winless Wonders to remove the blemish from their record and grab that Brown (ewww!) ring.

Tampa Bay/Arizona:

The Panthers have won 6 of their last 7 and have run down the Saints at the top of the division. Them Bucs are little more than cannon fodder at the moment.

L.A. Clippers/New York Jets:

The combinations and permutations are many but at 7-7 the LawnClippers must win out in order to squelch into the post-season. The Jetskis have won 4 of their 5 total V’s at home.

Miami/Kansas City:

In true Fins fashion, (“called it”) they followed up their possibly season-changing upset of the Pats with some quality fall-on-their-collective-faces action versus the Bills. This is where the Chiefs slam the hell out of that toe wedged in the playoff doorway.

Atlanta/New Orleans:

Three playoff squadoos are coming out the NFC South so this tilt comes down to who wants at least one home game in January more than t’udder.

Detroit/Cincinnati: 

The Lions thin hopes are dependent on either of Carolina or New Orleans dropping their last two games. Good luck with that.

L.A. Rams/Tennessee:

The Rams have done the work earlier in the season and now have it relatively easy-peasy. All they have to do to take the division is win one of their last two. The Titans look  good on paper at 8-6 but they’ve stumbled in their last two against the cards and the Niners. Still, they’re 5-1 at home.

Do yer jerb, sofa kings/queens.

 

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rockingdog

big props to Cousins! hes ballin!

King Hippo

SIGH. WInning NFL moneylines be hard, y’all. Even when you catch the vibes just right.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Tampa should go for the first and the win. DUMB.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

Hey guys! can I join your party?

King Hippo

note that I DID at least say so before he missed

...

Small brain: Jesus was white.
Regular brain: Jesus was brown.
Big brain: Jesus was divine.
Galaxy brain: Jesus was a golden retriever.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wrong order, except for GB.

Oh, you meant Divine, ok.

...

I debated the order and I think you’re right that I have them mixed up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Another plus vote.

Romonobyl

So thaaaat’s why all dogs go to heaven!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

So, starting Theo Riddick over Duke Johnson was clearly stupid.
Glad it doesn’t matter this week.

yeah right

I’ve got Gurley and Jordan Howard trying to carry me to glory.
Its looking good.

Fuck it let’s drink.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sounds like a fine idea to me!!!

Spur

it’s good 51 yard FG for Cincy. NICE

rockingdog

what the what happened to the carolina offense? dude….

Spur

Shula

Spur

Cincy! Cincy!

...

You guys, I think everything just became clear.

If matter and anti-matter annihilate each other when together, then if we can compact the Browns and Patriots into the same compact space, we’ll be rid of both them!

Doktor Zymm

A) most football teams don’t have anything in common with subatomic particles

B) if we use a trash compactor that’s a moot point anyway

...

Yes, I know I’m right.

Merry Christmas.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

Futurama memes are like catnip for the Dok.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d watch that.

Spur

Cupp down

King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spur

lions cant stop Bernard. just hand off to him.

JustStopDude

Took sister to a Catholic Mass at request of my mother. If there is a god, he will answer my prayers and smite the Browns organization.

Gratliff

Too late

...

I was gonna say, I think the smiting has already been done.

King Hippo

if Gurley Man ain’t the MVP, they need to cancel the award

theeWeeBabySeamus

Since when is that not a safety?
Jeebus NFL officials suck.

theeWeeBabySeamus

RAMMMITTTTTT!!!!! needs to let Woods play some now.

rockingdog

here here!
Chop wood carry water! lets go RAMMMMIT!!!!!!

King Hippo

counterpoint: NO

rockingdog

Hippo wants Cupp I suspect?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Two girls too?

King Hippo

nein, just have Baby Buster and Gurley Man, opponent has Woods.

rockingdog

DIONLEWISDOWN!
YES YES YES!!!!!

Gratliff

You had a good run, Bills

Doktor Zymm

They’ve gotten better at not breaking down completely until the fourth

King Hippo

there we go! Sets up nicely for Tits cover/RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! win

King Hippo

THROW TO TYREEK

theeWeeBabySeamus

Boo this man.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Browns not giving up garbage time Jordan Howard points is enervating

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Huzzah, BUCS!!

rockingdog

Cam newton do something!!!!!!!!!

rockingdog

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Viva La Tabula Raza

You can sure tell that Romo wants the Bills to win this game. Like about 90% of America, I reckon.

...

Trivia time!

Name the last two Browns QBs who won a Browns game.

rockingdog

Manziel and Fitzpatrick?

...

You have one right.

King Hippo

Horse Balls?

tomsellecksmoustache

RG3 and Johnny Football?

...

Winner!

Your prize: the grim realization of the scope of the Browns futility!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You expect me to remember that far back?

– H. Jackson

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Derek Horseballs Anderson and um Bernie Kosar?

...

All of the people answering Horse Balls on this one just wanted to talk about Horse Balls, I suspect.

rockingdog

uhhhhh
Damit. Brady gotta throw it to Cooks!!!!

...

NOT ENOUGH COOKS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Hippo would like 27-23 RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! victory

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

Alright Cam. go win the game!!!

Fronkenshteen

Nice WASH pick, hippo. I thought they was ded.

King Hippo

I actually took them early in the week, thinking QuarterPax was gonna start and line would move.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!

Doktor Zymm

Tha fuck is that PI?!

ArmedandHammered

When the other team is the Pats.

rockingdog

Some of these games are realllllllyyyyy pissing me off. grrrrrrr

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s the great thing about being eliminated in FF and having no betting action this week.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaKVy-FlaUA

King Hippo

Redacteds bet is safe.

Unsurprised
King Hippo

That was some PEAK FALCONS right there

Spur

Nice stand by the Saints

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

With that TD, I made up with DeMarco (left)
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Doktor Zymm

You’re robot hello kitty?! Awesome!

King Hippo

Lookit Jameis with the finesse, not trying to force it in there!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hee hee….ummmmm….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

If I were at Nisei today, I could have a Chicago Navidad: Modelo and a shot of malort.

Doktor Zymm

did you see? Nisei will not participate in tbox next year after someone puked in their toy donation bin this year

...

I heard directly from the owner that they would not be participating in TBOX going forward, but I did not near about the pukey donation.

I did hear the story of needing a scraper to remove the slurry of smashed cereal, booze, and puke from the bar floor one year, though.

Fronkenshteen

If Julio Jones grabbed my hat, I’d NEVER be able to get it back unless he died.

Doktor Zymm

Just challenge the ruling that he completed the grabbing with full control of the hat and the refs will give it back to you

ArmedandHammered

Lol, Browns fumbling as you go in for the touchdown. The Browns almost make me believe in supernatural powers, because their is no way a team can be that self injurous.

...

God: “Hmmm… I sure did like that time I fucked with Job. How can I do that again but bigger?”

/sees Cleveland
/smiles

King Hippo

ATL, running the ball, tryinmg to control the clock. SMRT!

ArmedandHammered

Too bad they didn’t try that at the end of last year.

King Hippo

u gotta zig wen they think u gon zag

ArmedandHammered

I still believe Shanny the lesser threw that game because Kraft or Goodell promised him a HC job somewhere.

...

Goddamn the Browns are sad.

King Hippo

when you get pity from the Bearistocrats!…you might be a shitshow

King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!

/now miss the XP, you fucks no need to cover

...

Our Savior.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

M-V-P! M-V-P!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

No can haz bunches of Funchess I guess.