Your DFO Christmas Morning Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Good morning Commentists. It’s your old pal Beerguy here this morning. Since the majority of us are nogging it up this morning, until the rest of the family awakens/arrives, consensus was that we create a Christmas playlist, to get us through the day. Feel free to include Christmas songs, holiday songs, or coping songs.

Since I was first here, I’m going to start with my top-3 favourites.

First, The Kinks “Father Christmas”, because they are my absolute all-time favourite band.

Second, because it’s a classic as well, RUN D.M.C’s “Christmas in Hollis”.

Third, it’s “Hard Candy Christmas” by Dolly Parton, because it combines two of my favourite things – Christmas & whores.

And, for my mood by the end of the day, “Sick Of You” by GWAR.

I’ll see you guys about 2:00 DFO time for the afternoon game. Until then, whatcha got?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Viva La Tabula RazatheeWeeBabySeamusSenor WeaselorockingdogSonOfSpam Recent comment authors
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Senor Weaselo

Alexa won’t play the Snowmiser theme, but she will play Dick in a Box.

Senor Weaselo

So for Hermana Weaselo:

theeWeeBabySeamus

When I was a kid, this was my favorite Christmas special.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Unbeknownst to tWBS, there was a third squirrel. Or maybe one of the original two from last night decided to come back for seconds.

Either way, he/she is currently in the house proper, though specific whereabouts are currently unknown.

On the bright side, it seems it might be motivating early departures of family members.

Sooooo….when I find his furry little ass I will reward him handsomely.

SonOfSpam

I’m about to drink a mimosa (shut up, it’s a totally macho manly drink), and my too-good-for-me wife is making Eggs Benedict (heh – “dicked”). Good day so far, back to work tomorrow, and I hope y’all have a bitchin Monday.

Senor Weaselo

And of course for BFC, et al:

rockingdog
rockingdog

YES!!!!

rockingdog
rockingdog

Jingle Barak!

King Hippo

Dolph Ucker
Dolph Ucker

If you’re older than 12 and you still think Xmas is worth the effort, you have more of something than I have. Not sure what, but it probably isn’t brains. One big frozen shitsicle of a holiday, completely coopted from the pagans and morphed into a celebration of the unlikely hatching of an off-planet killjoy in some third-world shitbox. And by celebration, I am referring to the widespread random and impulsive purchasing of Chinese gimcracks and lead-painted shit that nobody, NOBODY, actually needs and that will all be slowly decomposing in a landfill before the next one of these useless holidays rolls around. (Unless the shit is plastic, which means it will be here forevah. And it’s pretty much all plastic.)

And the music? Since you asked… it all sucks. From the bubblegum notes of some bewigged has-been wishing me a “holly, jolly christmas,” whatever the fuck that is, to the obligatory holiday song that every band has to croak out at some point to make a few shekels and to ensure that at least one of their pointless compositions will still be played once a year in perpetuity while the rest of their entire body of work is justifiably forgotten. Fuck christmas music, with Perry Como’s severed penis.

But at least we can say, “Merry Christmas,” again, thanks to our illustrious dear leader. Apparently. Christmas lends itself to a special brand of grandstanding douchebaggery and the peach-colored fuckbubble in the White House is the current master of both of these genres. His own daughter doesn’t even celebrate Xmas, for fuck’s sake and lighting a menorah would easily turn into a three-alarm Aquanet fire if an open flame got anywhere near his hair helmet.

Yeah. Bring on Boxing Day.

King Hippo

the ex is hosting for Xmas this year, so I am getting SWEET recluse time, listening to music, reading, and doing BLISSFUL FUCKALL

Gratliff

One of my weird personality quirks is that I’m a miserable cynic, but I’m extremely all-in for Christmas. I think it has something to do with the way Christmas was treated in my household as a child. I had a brutal, awful childhood thanks to incompetent, incapable, destructive parents. The yearly exception to that rule was Christmas, where everything would be perfect and happy for one (1) day before starting the awful grind again the next day. As such, I was brainwashed into believing Christmas is everything good about life. So, as an adult, I’ve done everything I can to make sure my kid experiences that same joy on Christmas. Of course, he doesn’t have the contrast of terrible to put it up against, but I still love doing it.

yeah right

As promised I’m putting on the walking gear and heading out. Figure I’ll do a little over 5 miles. Then come home, clean up and get in the kitchen. That rib roast ain’t gonna cook itself.
Merry Christmas everyone!

Senor Weaselo

Obligatory.

ballsofsteelandfury

Merry Christmas all! Here is my contribution:

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And I leave you with this as I head to Joshua Tree. PEACE:

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Overdone but appropriate:

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And more my speed:

Senor Weaselo

BrettFavresColonoscopy

In the spirit of the other night…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So much #CONTENT this morning! It’s a Christmas miracle!

Fronkenshteen

I do believe those are some very real goodbye tears in that Dolly Parton song. I’ll bet everyone involved had a fucking ball making that film. Best line: “I think it behooves the Jews and Ay-rabs to settle their differences in a Christian manner!”

Senor Weaselo

I didn’t get to participate in this year’s “We do an entire Christmas album in one day” but this’ll be the song I sing next year/next time I’m able.

theeWeeBabySeamus

From the “Hope Springs Eternal” department…

theeWeeBabySeamus

From the “This Sucks Just as Much as Every Other Year” department…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Merry Christmas, folks.
Also, I’m too old for this shit.

How early is too early to start drinking on Christmas?

monty this seems strange to me

I’ve already started drinking for next Christmas.

theeWeeBabySeamus

A man with a plan. I like it.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I fucking detest Christmas. It is my least favorite holiday.

Since no good deed goes unpunished….the year that I spent my Christmas vacation fixing my parents place up and getting rid of a lot of my father’s hoard has come back and brutally fucked me.

Apparently my parents are having about 30 of my extended family here for a massive, all day dinner. I learned of the plans this morning, when my parents woke me up to set up like 30 seats and tables in a tiny three bedroom row home.

People with felony convictions will outnumber those with college degrees three to one. I wish that was a joke. My one cousin, this is his first Christmas on the outside…in 18 fucking years. You want to know what you have to do in Baltimore to get 18 years? A lot of things, most of them violent and while currently serving an already significant prison sentence.

I told my parents that no one is to know where I live or what I do for a living and somehow I am now the bad guy for judging family members.

I am 100% certain that within the next month, my parents’ home is going to be broken into and robbed. I just hope they are not there when it happens.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I can relate more than you know.
Hang in there my friend.

SonOfSpam

Damn. Well, Merry Christmas anyway, and I hope it’s filled with comedy instead of tragedy.

jjfozz

Also best to all of you, my devils brigade. Sorry for being low level this year. Damn new job. I plan to fuck off at work now that they like me

Gratliff

Year One: Work through lunch, work unpaid overtime, peel responsibilities off your superiors.
Year Two-TBD: Browse reddit, read twitter, calculate playoff chances for favorite teams, leave work email open so it looks like you’re doing a thing.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Your strategy has worked for me; resting on my laurels since 2001. Of course, I work for the federal government, which may skew results slightly. Your results may vary.

monty this seems strange to me
jjfozz

Gifts opened. Kids insane. Bourbon in my coffee because I’m fancy today