Your “In Which We Learn That Beating The Falcons is a Foles’ Errand” NFC Playoff Game Open Thread

A hale and hearty “Hullo!” to all my fellow pigskin huffers. Boy, did you ever hunker down to the funkiest spot on the net for the football watching. Say, here’s a trivia query: “When was the last time the overall #1 seed was a home dog?” No googling! If memory serves, you’d have to all the way back to 1935 or so when the Camden Meat Maulers hosted the Decataur Drooling Horde. What happened was that the Horde’s general manager up and snuck Notre Dame’s recently-graduated triple threat quarterback Sonny “The Ukrainian Tornado” Poroshenko onto the roster thus ensuring the victory. Apparentlly, the story goes, Commissioner Judge And Jury Kenesaw Mountain Landis (his billfold bursting at the seams with a very recent infusion of sawbucks) saw nothing wrong with this cheeky maneuver. The rest we’re all very much aware of-meat was mauled, hordes drooled, the body count totaled 3 and the final 0-0 score left the crowd chanting (for the very first time) “GO, METEOR!”. Will events unfold in a similar matter today? For the answers we must go… TO THE GAME!

Atlanta/Philadelphia:

She’s gonna be a cold one for the players today-it’ll be about 20 degrees with the windchill or what Canadians would call “a day at the beach’.

Injuries:

Yeah, there’ll be a few.

Good King Wentz Is Lost:

The before-amentioned Nick Foles has quite a bit on his plate today. Them Eagles finished up 13-3 but their brand new-ish starting qb finished up 23 for 49 in their last two tilts. (That 2013 Pro Bowl appearance back in ’13 seems like a two careers ago) On third downs over that two game stretch the news doesn’t get any better-he’s 1 of 17 passing on third downs. Did I mention that he’s fumbled in each of his last three starts?

Keep An Eye Out For:

The Falcons D, per the last eight weeks of the season is a top 5 unit overall. Most impressive has been 2nd year lb Deion Jones. He’s the one that intercepted Brees in spectacular fashion to save the Falcons playoff hopes and also batted down a potential TD score while shadowing Sammy Watkins in the end zone.

My Hot Takeaway:

It’ll take some time for each offense to get going so the first one to 20 wins. Falcons over Eagles 20-13.

I’m done but you’re just getting started-“GO GO GADGET FINGERS!”

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Gratliff

Gotta sneak it.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

no td

theeWeeBabySeamus

FolesFumbreRecoveryDown?

WCS

That was the Folesiest touchdown of all time.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In that it won’t actually be a touchdown?

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

huh

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

FOHHHH-les TD

Gratliff

lolwut

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

Derpdown, Eagles

Gratliff

Oh hey. Thomas Jefferson’s rapping in commercials now.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

Was it directed by Michael Bay?

litre_cola

I read that as raping.

Gratliff

No, he already did that part.

Spur
Spur

It’s what the kids like

Spur
Spur

Come on Eagles fumble that ball. Get Foles more involved

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY FRANK REICH I CALL HIM HENRIK IBSEN CAUSE THAT PLAY DESIGN WAS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.

WCS

iPhone commercials should be tried at The Hague for crimes against humanity.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

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rockingdog
rockingdog

Run it. you got Blount guys!

Redshirt

Now that’s how you do a WR run. Not running to the sideline and turning a slow corner while the defense catches you; just making a hole and getting the ball up field before the defense realizes what’s up.

litre_cola

Just fucking score.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

When did Andy Reid become defensive coordinator for the Falcons

Gratliff

I mean, I don’t have any real reason to use Andy Reid jokes with Atlanta, but come on.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Come on eagles! put it in for 6!

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

TRICKY IGGLES

Gratliff

IGGLEA DOING THE FUCKING THING

Spur
Spur

All part of the plan to raise your hopes before the crushing defeat

Gratliff

The Seed 2.0 was a good ass song.

rockingdog
rockingdog

The gang was able to complete a pas! yea!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey Ajayi…good job. But don’t go getting all hyped up on yourself that you fucking cough it up again.

Act like you been there before and take care of bidness, pinhead.

Senor Weaselo

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t think he’s ever been there before.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Neither have I. But if I was as big of a fumble risk as him, I’d sure as shit figure out how to act like it.

Redshirt

Before Today: “Hey! True Lies is on!”

After reading that Eliza Dushku was assaulted by the stunt coordinator at the age of 12: “Aw. I’ll never like True Lies the same way again.”

rockingdog
rockingdog

True Lies is still a cool movie.

Redshirt

I didn’t say it wasn’t. I’ll just reassure my self that Dushku was still able to have a moderately successful career and that toe scum eater who took advantage of a 12-year old is out of the industry and has first class accommodations ready for him in Hell.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I forgot how young she was when they made that. Ick.

Gratliff

Can run and can stop the run. YOu know it matters, Grat. Stop being a panicky asshole.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

The Dark web is clearly not dark because it’s most likely covered in jizz.

Spur
Spur

Shitty web

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Redshirt

Yeah. The Dark Web is a nasty place to come into.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

The Gang Completes A Pass

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Way to be hiv positive

rockingdog
rockingdog

Ajayi with the Erotic Smashmouth!

Senor Weaselo

Listen, I’m not gonna judge you for playing “All-Star” in the bedroom, but… wait no, that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Redshirt

It depends on what he’s doing. If he’s going on a date with Rosie Palms, judge away.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Are you watching, Falcons?

THIS IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE A GIGANTIC SECOND HALF LEAD.

Gratliff

Carson Wentz takes that option 40 yards

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

the iggles look good when foles does nothing

Gratliff

Ajayi is good again

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

mikaela shiffrin

yes.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I can get on board that….errrrrr, I mean with that.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

THIS EAGLES OFFENSE I CALL THEM RAMSAY BOLTON, BECAUSE THEY ARE BRUTALLY TORTURING THEIR FANS INTO SUBMISSION.

Spur
Spur

Hodor

Redshirt

“This is a cluster from the beginning.”

Okay, we are clearing living in the End Times because Collinsworth is starting to make sense.

theeWeeBabySeamus

“It may have been delay of game…I dunno”

That’s because you’re drunk and stupid, Al. Jeebus.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

so much stupidity in the modern nfl

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It totally make sense that they delay the game to announce a delay of game penalty.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Oy vey

Gratliff

HORSESHIT. LET THEM DECLINE

Spur
Spur

Go for it

Gratliff

LOVE THAT COX

litre_cola

Huge on that play

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

YUGE

rockingdog
rockingdog

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Spur
Spur

I see the Philly fucks are off to a shitty start. Excellent.

Gratliff

Wide open Julio Jones. God fuck damn.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well YOU try covering him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, so my dog just came back inside the instant the Eagles punted. I was kidding before, but now I’m not so sure.

Spur
Spur

Folks

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, it’s spelled “Foles”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

On a related note, how crazy is it that there’s a quarterback named “Foles” and a quarterback named “Fales” and they are both terrible.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

No, it’s spelled “Fails”

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

FOHHHH-les

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Falcons defense is basically every bully-toady pair that picked on Nick Foles’ during elementary school with the old push-from-in-front-while-someone-is-kneeling-behind combination.

Senor Weaselo

It’s called table-topping, sheesh.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Stupid nerd showing off his vocabulary…

Senor Weaselo

10-year olds trying to get each other during Little League summer games! And then we’d play Manhunt because it got dark!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey guys, let’s see if we can get Rikki to violate his Aaron Rodgers resolution by giving him the easiest setups imaginable!” – Senor Weaselo

theeWeeBabySeamus

10 year olds you say?

– R. Moore

LemonJello
LemonJello

I’ll take “Things Andy Reid calls the Golden Corral buffet” for $600.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

“Real people, not actors. Shitty actors.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are there any Falcons fan Commentists? Or is it all Grat and Whyeagleswhy today?

litre_cola

Hi actual human I met….

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shit, I forgot you’re an Iggles fan. Probably because you’re a Canuck.

WCS

I don’t think there’s a single NFC South commentist.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Its all ESS EEE SEE, all the time, PAWWWLLLL.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

it’ll be an all-SEC NFC title game (ATL/NO)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep. It’s no coinky dink I did two of their previews/bye weeks.

Senor Weaselo

The closest we got is DJ Taj?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Right. I forgot about that guy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He doesn’t like the Saints?

Senor Weaselo

I meant to an NFC South Commentist, should’ve specified.