Your “In Which We Learn That Beating The Falcons is a Foles’ Errand” NFC Playoff Game Open Thread

A hale and hearty “Hullo!” to all my fellow pigskin huffers. Boy, did you ever hunker down to the funkiest spot on the net for the football watching. Say, here’s a trivia query: “When was the last time the overall #1 seed was a home dog?” No googling! If memory serves, you’d have to all the way back to 1935 or so when the Camden Meat Maulers hosted the Decataur Drooling Horde. What happened was that the Horde’s general manager up and snuck Notre Dame’s recently-graduated triple threat quarterback Sonny “The Ukrainian Tornado” Poroshenko onto the roster thus ensuring the victory. Apparentlly, the story goes, Commissioner Judge And Jury Kenesaw Mountain Landis (his billfold bursting at the seams with a very recent infusion of sawbucks) saw nothing wrong with this cheeky maneuver. The rest we’re all very much aware of-meat was mauled, hordes drooled, the body count totaled 3 and the final 0-0 score left the crowd chanting (for the very first time) “GO, METEOR!”. Will events unfold in a similar matter today? For the answers we must go… TO THE GAME!

Atlanta/Philadelphia:

She’s gonna be a cold one for the players today-it’ll be about 20 degrees with the windchill or what Canadians would call “a day at the beach’.

Injuries:

Yeah, there’ll be a few.

Good King Wentz Is Lost:

The before-amentioned Nick Foles has quite a bit on his plate today. Them Eagles finished up 13-3 but their brand new-ish starting qb finished up 23 for 49 in their last two tilts. (That 2013 Pro Bowl appearance back in ’13 seems like a two careers ago) On third downs over that two game stretch the news doesn’t get any better-he’s 1 of 17 passing on third downs. Did I mention that he’s fumbled in each of his last three starts?

Keep An Eye Out For:

The Falcons D, per the last eight weeks of the season is a top 5 unit overall. Most impressive has been 2nd year lb Deion Jones. He’s the one that intercepted Brees in spectacular fashion to save the Falcons playoff hopes and also batted down a potential TD score while shadowing Sammy Watkins in the end zone.

My Hot Takeaway:

It’ll take some time for each offense to get going so the first one to 20 wins. Falcons over Eagles 20-13.

I’m done but you’re just getting started-“GO GO GADGET FINGERS!”

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King Hippo

quite the hurry-up, this!

litre_cola

This is just awful

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’ll show him…” – Doink

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Philadelphia just paid the troll toll

Spur
Spur

.

King Hippo

Foles definitely wants in that boy’s hole, I guess!

Spur
Spur

Why is this being reviewed?

King Hippo

play stands as called

YAY WAS WRONG

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s not getting overturned.
It should. But it’s not. Not clear enough.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK…I guess I have less faith in them than I should.

litre_cola

He fingerbanged it.

Gratliff

Hooooooooooly shit. Theese refs.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

Jeff Triplette retires and the officiating gets WORSE

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

He carried their burdens.

Spur
Spur

Flag. Killing the kicker

Gratliff

Oh god fuck damn. Again with this shit.

King Hippo

OH GOODIE, Iggles call timeout so they can muff another punt. Jesus, how could they imagine anything POSITIVE could possibly come from this situation??

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The Gang Attempts a Punt Return, Part 2

King Hippo

Dude is muthafuckin ON POINT tonite!!

Gratliff

If Wentz was in this game, Foles would still be playing at this point, because they’d be up by 30.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

matt ryan smacked by cox

litre_cola

He had Cox all over him you would think he was in Hungary.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

It’s gonna be weird seeing Elisha throw to Jags receivers next year.

It’ll be more weird for Jags receivers seeing balls thrown near them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why on earth are they showcasing that Raiders-Giants play?

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

All of the NFL’s film archives were deleted except for this one.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why, is another Patriots scandal about to break?

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

comment image

-Billy B.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

And now, another word from our sponsors:

comment image

Gratliff

Both Sides: The List

King Hippo

HUZZAH for (t), how anyone and could say that after Nov. 2016 is beyond me. Murrika has forfeited that FOREVS and then some.

/also MATT RYAN

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Tag yourself: I’m (v)

Gratliff

DFO is (b)

King Hippo

Every swear is goddamned motherfucking necessary.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Fuck yeah it is!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Huh, look at that, I’m:

B E N G A Z I

What are the odds?

/not really

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least my under bet is looking good so far.
Both sides suck.

yeah right

Greetings from the West side. Here as we battle through the depths of Winter it’s…
82 at the beach.

Someone get me a goddamn beer before I die!

Spur
Spur

Noice run

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

Making movies about Soldiers is the only way Clint Eastwood can get a boner anymore.

Spur
Spur

They have pills for that

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

they make his pills shaped like M-16s

Gratliff

I do not wish in any way wish computers were more like phones. Stop doing this, chromebooks.

King Hippo

my asshole vegan kid INSISTED on a Chromebook instead of a laptop identical to the one I bought off Amazon

/6 months later, she borrows my laptop every other day

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The only good gift for kids is emancipation

litre_cola

Ok, pick 6 coming here, or Matt Ryan gets hurt, then pick 6.

King Hippo

Your average high school QB should be able to hit that. Put some goddamned air under it.

/even Al said the “air” thing, and he’s 80% gin

Spur
Spur

Great looking float Foles

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nick Foles looks as prepared as a Mormon missionary on his first night in Tijuana

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

11 pass attempts to make 59 yards

welcome back, alex smith!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did Andy Reid and Alex Smith secretly infiltrate the Eagles’ sideline?

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

bored with bbq, he back for cheesesteaks

Gratliff

fuck fucking fuck

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

We all know what happened the last time a Reich offensive encountered winter? I am of course talking about the 1993 AFC wild card game. What’d you think I was going to say?

King Hippo

where are these 20-yard passes Foles can allegedly throw? Shit, I’d settle for 10.

King Hippo

I was previously annoyed my ex-wife chose 4:15 to have serious parenting discussions, leading me to miss Q1.

OK with it now.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Just do the same to her during the Oscars red carpet.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You should call her back in the 3rd quarter to make sure you covered everything.

Redshirt

“Have they a felony or a mortal sin? If not, it can wait until halftime.”

King Hippo

abortion did come up!

/no, one isn’t preggers, but one apparently does have a “body count” as the kids now say?

Redshirt

Ah. I see. Incoming Conservative Rant. (Get the thumbs down ready!)

Just remind them that sex isn’t just a thing to do when your bored; its a gift from God that is to be shared when two people love each other so much that having sex is the natural way to express it. Also, conception isn’t the risk of the action; its one of the main purposes of the action (everything else we do simply tries to avoid that result). If they chose to lie down, they should be able to stand up and face the consequences.

If that doesn’t work, just remind them that the family reserves the right to replace you with the significant other.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

just about everything about this game is ugly as shit

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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WCS

GGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

that is one fuckin yuuuuge head

rockingdog
rockingdog

This jabroni lives in Kentucky?

LemonJello
LemonJello

It’s amazing how far up his own ass he can shove that thing, too.

King Hippo

hoping the extra v-profen will help

/if not, there’s always #3

Gratliff

I guess when you get 43 fucking plays inside the 20, you’re bound to score

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Damn straight.”

– Derek Carr

Spur
Spur

That was ugly. How did thr Rams lose to this team?

rockingdog
rockingdog

Your right. Wait, why does Chris Collinsworth think that that was actually GOOD QB play?

litre_cola

I have an idea, let’s not fucking turn the ball over. How does that sound????

Spur
Spur

No! Do the opposite

litre_cola

Spur, we are internet friends off today

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

Bullshit conquers all.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Says a lot that was the best pass of the day

Gratliff

Dumb fuck luck Ryan

Gratliff

Cox up the middle, Cox from behind, Cox down their throat all day long.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Is this Sasha Grey’s version of “Live, Laugh, Love” ?

rockingdog
rockingdog

BLERRRGH!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I HATE THE FUCKING EAGLES!

Not really, I just love The Big Lebowski.

Spur
Spur

What the fuck was that Ryan? The guy was open

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was another bad call. It was close, but he let go in time.
I’m sick of this shit. Imma cook dinner.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

matt ryan is garbage

Gratliff

5 yard automatic first downs is the dumbest shit

litre_cola

Oh fuck off you fucks.

rockingdog
rockingdog

BLEERRRRGH!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love it when football games devolve into battles of supremacy between DFO deities.

Redshirt

There is no god before BLEERGH!

Petronel

As flies to wanton boys are we…