Editor’s Note: Three weeks ago, doorfliesopen.com parlayed a, how do you call it… Replica: exchanged an accurate replica of a Super Bowl LII media access lanyard for an interview with Quincy Jones. Attorneys for the legendary producer and arranger sent an “intent to sue” letter, to which the crack DFO visual design team made a graphic reply. Escalating displays of contempt generated mutual respect, and the interview occurred last Tuesday night. Then vulture.com scooped the salacious stuff. But we got Mr. Jones’s takes on today’s fútbol matches (or “soccer”, as Mr. Jones calls it). Here they are, with some [editing] or [clarification] for context and to save space.
Bullshit. People talk about [fútbol] like the English game and the Spanish game are wholly different, like comparing Tin Pan Alley to Death Row [Records]. No.
La Liga : All times Central
Málaga (20th) vs. Atlético Madrid (2nd) – 9:15 AM, BeIn Sports
What’s the worst thing that can happen to a musician? You’ll hear the usual: women, drugs and booze. I stopped drinking some years ago and I [alleged virtues of sobriety].
But no. The worst thing that can happen to a musician—to a performer, to any artist—is to let fans get in your head. You gotta do your thing. Let your vision come through. Atleti’s Antoine Griezman gets whistled at home for pulling back on a counter in injury time last Sunday, and he shows up the fans. Kid’s an Aries *shrugs*
In sweeter times, via giphy.com
Leganés (12 th) vs. Eibar (7th) – 11:30 AM, BeIn Sports
What about you? You grin like a Cancer. No. Don’t tell me. Leganés… How’s this: second year in La Liga, lucky to survive relegation last year. Now they’re 11 points clear, solid in mid table and can tie Eibar with a win. Back when Franco was dying I went to Madrid with Herbie [Hancock] to record with Paco de Lucía. We’re walking towards the studio, and there’s Richard Feynman, just walking towards us. Herbie yells out “Hey it’s Bongo Dick!” because [story about the Manhattan Project employing members of the Duke Ellington Orchestra].
Real Madrid (?4TH!?) vs. Real Sociedad (14th) – 1:45 PM, BeIn Sports
This is not the sort of thing I want to get out there published for everyone to read before my biography comes out. But Real Madrid is fucked: 19 points behind Barcelona and only six points clear for playing in Europe next year. The only trophy they can get this season is the Champions League, but the play upfront has been more jumbled than Michael’s third nose.
English Premier League – All Times Central
Tottenham Hotspur (5th) vs. Arsenal (per tradition, 6th) – 6:30 AM
* Laughs * Too early for [fútbol] man.
Everton (10th) vs. Crystal Palace (14th) – 9:00 AM
Back when we were recording Thriller, I took Eddie Van Halen to Tommy Iommi’s cabin for lasagna. He was stingy with the sauce, but [meal and narcotics review].
Swansea City (17th!) vs. Burnley (An Entrenched In Mid Table 7th) – 9:00 AM
Tom Jones. Damn. Great singer, world class crotch.
Via dailymail.com
Stoke City (18th) vs. Brighton and Hove Albion (13th) – 9:00 AM
It’s crazy that any [fútbol] club from 7th on down could face relegation this season. Not that you could tell many of them apart. Like pop music. Interchangeable, basic, very little reward. Just so we’re clear because I tell the truth: that was shade towards Le Click. Call me when you’re dead.
West Ham (Soft 12th) vs. Watford (11th) – 9:00 AM
Nobody would watch this. Don’t ask me about this, you cock[fútbol].
Manchester City (1st By a Mile) vs. Leicester City (Stuck Comfortably in 8th) 11:30 AM , NBC
Sometimes you got to finish a job first before going to more interesting projects. Guardiola has kept the team motivated in Barcelona and Bayern winning leagues and reaching Champions League—Scorpio. That’s what you are. Asshole.
************BONUS COVERAGE*************
College Basketball, U*NC @ NC State – 12:00 M Central
May U*NC get fucked, now and forever, go Wolfpack
S/O to SonOfSpam for linking the interview. It’s uh, something. Banner via Getty Images.
Hippo’s bets?
PILEDRIVER…FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
put 2 and a quarter on Castrated Turkeys to cover as well. In case they come up short.
Looking good so far.
SMELL MAI FINGERZ!!
Seriously. Even without being all rapey n shit, Sparty are not contenders.
It took 8 on 5 at home for them to win by 3. And they still almost fucked it up.
Purdue still my #3
Usually with 8s and 5s at MSU you get way more than three
well, I’m up $900 thanks to DePaul and that Seton Hall miss. But CHRIST, Dons…
Awwww, only up $900. here….
This is my RUSH DAY, when I am feeling it. Now or never. Don’t need $600 going up in smoke.
My goal is to get up to a grand of house money and then divest and quit. VPI can do that for me tonight.
Alternate plan: Lose my slush and quit until next year.
WIDE OPEN 3 for stupid BYU.
and stupid fucking Georgetown couldn’t hit a free throw
Heckuva shot.
But sorry SpartyRapists, you got that one handed to you. You’ll be out in the 2nd round Izzo.
And this is coming from a historical Sparty supporter. Not no more tho. Fix yo’ shit up there you assholes.
Sorry, I guess these days it’s called the 3rd round.
smgdh
San Fran choking….UGGGGGGHHHH
There’s a good joke here, but I shouldn’t….I want to…but no.
Haas is one cool motherfucking Nazi in the paint.
Until the zebs let the spartyrapists foul him, of course.
Wow, Gene Keady looks like shit.
I guess that’s what I have to look forward to next year meself.
*sigh*