Editor’s Note: Three weeks ago, doorfliesopen.com parlayed a, how do you call it… Replica: exchanged an accurate replica of a Super Bowl LII media access lanyard for an interview with Quincy Jones. Attorneys for the legendary producer and arranger sent an “intent to sue” letter, to which the crack DFO visual design team made a graphic reply. Escalating displays of contempt generated mutual respect, and the interview occurred last Tuesday night. Then vulture.com scooped the salacious stuff. But we got Mr. Jones’s takes on today’s fútbol matches (or “soccer”, as Mr. Jones calls it). Here they are, with some [editing] or [clarification] for context and to save space.
Bullshit. People talk about [fútbol] like the English game and the Spanish game are wholly different, like comparing Tin Pan Alley to Death Row [Records]. No.
La Liga : All times Central
Málaga (20th) vs. Atlético Madrid (2nd) – 9:15 AM, BeIn Sports
What’s the worst thing that can happen to a musician? You’ll hear the usual: women, drugs and booze. I stopped drinking some years ago and I [alleged virtues of sobriety].
But no. The worst thing that can happen to a musician—to a performer, to any artist—is to let fans get in your head. You gotta do your thing. Let your vision come through. Atleti’s Antoine Griezman gets whistled at home for pulling back on a counter in injury time last Sunday, and he shows up the fans. Kid’s an Aries *shrugs*
In sweeter times, via giphy.com
Leganés (12 th) vs. Eibar (7th) – 11:30 AM, BeIn Sports
What about you? You grin like a Cancer. No. Don’t tell me. Leganés… How’s this: second year in La Liga, lucky to survive relegation last year. Now they’re 11 points clear, solid in mid table and can tie Eibar with a win. Back when Franco was dying I went to Madrid with Herbie [Hancock] to record with Paco de Lucía. We’re walking towards the studio, and there’s Richard Feynman, just walking towards us. Herbie yells out “Hey it’s Bongo Dick!” because [story about the Manhattan Project employing members of the Duke Ellington Orchestra].
Real Madrid (?4TH!?) vs. Real Sociedad (14th) – 1:45 PM, BeIn Sports
This is not the sort of thing I want to get out there published for everyone to read before my biography comes out. But Real Madrid is fucked: 19 points behind Barcelona and only six points clear for playing in Europe next year. The only trophy they can get this season is the Champions League, but the play upfront has been more jumbled than Michael’s third nose.
English Premier League – All Times Central
Tottenham Hotspur (5th) vs. Arsenal (per tradition, 6th) – 6:30 AM
* Laughs * Too early for [fútbol] man.
Everton (10th) vs. Crystal Palace (14th) – 9:00 AM
Back when we were recording Thriller, I took Eddie Van Halen to Tommy Iommi’s cabin for lasagna. He was stingy with the sauce, but [meal and narcotics review].
Swansea City (17th!) vs. Burnley (An Entrenched In Mid Table 7th) – 9:00 AM
Tom Jones. Damn. Great singer, world class crotch.
Via dailymail.com
Stoke City (18th) vs. Brighton and Hove Albion (13th) – 9:00 AM
It’s crazy that any [fútbol] club from 7th on down could face relegation this season. Not that you could tell many of them apart. Like pop music. Interchangeable, basic, very little reward. Just so we’re clear because I tell the truth: that was shade towards Le Click. Call me when you’re dead.
West Ham (Soft 12th) vs. Watford (11th) – 9:00 AM
Nobody would watch this. Don’t ask me about this, you cock[fútbol].
Manchester City (1st By a Mile) vs. Leicester City (Stuck Comfortably in 8th) 11:30 AM , NBC
Sometimes you got to finish a job first before going to more interesting projects. Guardiola has kept the team motivated in Barcelona and Bayern winning leagues and reaching Champions League—Scorpio. That’s what you are. Asshole.
************BONUS COVERAGE*************
College Basketball, U*NC @ NC State – 12:00 M Central
May U*NC get fucked, now and forever, go Wolfpack
S/O to SonOfSpam for linking the interview. It’s uh, something. Banner via Getty Images.
In “I’ve Said It Before, I’ll Say It Again News”-
The last 45 minutes of “Predator” is extraordinary film-making.
/kudos to you-director that I won’t bother to google!
Too bad about most of the script and lead…..
*Unless viewed as a comedy.
You just posted a gif of an owl perched on a toy train. Your onion is invalid!
That makes it opinion FACT.
I’m probably in the minority; most people view Auwnoald as a great thespian and orator.
Arnold is trying to destroy this god-awful creature RIGHT NOW!! Why are you messing with me?
Next time just think of the mouth as a vagina.
I never figured you as a Republican
Vagina Dentata; get it.
If it bleeds, we can kill it.
(Also applicable to Moose’s vagina joke, btw.)
HippoCash!!!!!!
WHEW. I quit watching, and tried not to check the score. FUUUUUCCCCCK did I need that! Thank you, Lord GAMBLOR!
They tried to fuck it up at the end by celebrating too early and not defending the desperation 3 by WVU. But Dude missed it anyway. You’re good.
By the way, I did break down and pay 20 quid for S1 of Atlanta on Amazon, and it was well-worth it. Fan-fucking-tastic. All in for S2.
I thought it was on hulu
probably is, but I only pay for Netflix and Amazon Prime. So was easier just to one-time buy on Amazon as opposed to paying for another service. I will keep up on f/x going forwards.
Good to know. If you have Amazon Prime you should watch The Big Sick. It’s really worth the time. Also has one of the best punch lines I’ve heard in awhile.
I shall put on my list!
So $27.66?
Hey man, Lesser Footy thread, we use proper vernacular
If you mean 20USD then it isn’t. 14.46 GBP
Today anyway.
I am a liberal you can’t expect me to understand how money works. I just spends it.
NC State is ahead 2-nil. I move to close the proceedings.
Nice work, DonT. That made more sense to me than most soccer posts.
I was browsing for a local butcher shop, I’m looking for a specialty meat item for various reasons, and found a nearby meat store in Manhattan Beach. On the Google search page there was a section for questions directed to the business.
The only question was “Do have turkey chops?”
Now I don’t want to leave the house.
Is that for Kung-Fu turkey?
Related…
Asking a girl if she’s “looking foar a specialty meat item” is not a good pick up line.
I had to be a little vague for Sunday Gravy reasons. I’m going to end up going to Whole Foods and spending 90 bucks a pound I just fucking know it.
I didn’t know they carried cheap caviar.
It’s Hormel caviar.
rage, rage, and MOAR RAGE
+2 for the tits. -1 for the vacant “Real Doll” stare
And the lip thing, but Hippo; you know.
Also; it could be the nachos acting up.
She looked fine before she bought the tits IMHO.
Win PMOY, then decide it’s time to start fucking around with your looks. So apparently she also stupid and cray cray.
Again I say….so sad.
Why isn’t the real doll stare a plus?
Well she’s kinda fucked up looking now.
So sad.
You need to move to the country and relax. To that end, I’ve got just the place for you. You can pick it up foar a song. It’s a shithole, but it’s got potential and is isolated from the world.
(I’ve decided to go ahead and sell RG’s house…is my point. You should buy it.)
Johnny Cakes on their way to 3rd win in a row. Just Marquette this time, but still.
#pullingformullin
I’ve so much respect for a physically talent-less white guy that worked far beyond his talent and ended up succeeding.
Pokes just playing with Hippo’s fee-fees now. It mean.
Jordan Peterson is the latest cock of the walk. That said, I’m sorta curious about his “Hitler was far more evil than you think” logic. What say you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMqQBLZwRIE
did he brush his teeth in the office shitter?
Red wine with fish?
Drank milk straight out of the carton and put the empty back in the fridge?
“Washed his car on a Thursday rather than on a Sunday?”
-Resident of Zurich
They should construct some kind of camp FOAR ppl like that imo godbless
Disabled the smoke detector in the airplane lavatory?
Didn’t twist tie the Cheetos bag, just left it fucking open, people.
maybe guard #2 on the dribble drive. Dickasses,
This…is the day when everything goes awry
Why, what did you do now?
/prepares survival bunker for immediate habitation just in case
just bad GAMBLOR, no fallout FOAR greater humanity
(Pokes +600 ML was key)
Ahhh, gotcha. I’ve steered clear of action the past coupla days. Not enough sleep and too much alkyhawl to soundly assess.
Then again, I could probably just throw darts at the picks and do as well as I have lately anyway so it ain’t make no matter.
I felt sooooooo good re this slate
Pokes still in it. But they gon’ need to defend better than that.
Jesuschristinasidecar.
Should be making WCS happy at least.
[swipes left]
-Everyone, and all of their descendants
Have you ever not slept for an extended period, during which you drank a lot, and then finally slept a couple of hours, but then when you wake up you can’t tell if you just didn’t sleep enough or if you’re still just drunk?
Yeah, me neither.
/falls off chair
By “ever” do you mean “this week”?
“This is not a depiction of a Mexican wrestler rescuing a busty heroine from a large octopus-like creature. Hell, it’s not even a pipe!”
-Rene Magritte
“There is around fourteen fetishes in this depiction.”
-Balls
This should be painted in velvet and hanging on my wall.
Vardy!!
When did Man City hire Jacques Lemaire and Lou Lamoriello to design their play style?
Rinse and repeat.
Who else slept, off and on, for over 12 hours?
Donald Trump.
Someone give him some more melatonin!
[“accidentally” administers melanin] – Dr. Ronny Jackson
[becomes “Soul President”] – President Daughterfucker
Orange to brown.
ugh, Fulham
I dont even want to talk about it. I am furious
guess this is gonna be my GAMBLOR day, sorry for dragging the good Cottagers into it (will not repeat the error)
At least sunderland and norwich showed up in the 2nd half. Thank jeebus.
“Yes, full ham please.”
– Andy Reid
Hippo, can Everton still get in to the Europa league if a prem side wins the champions league?
No idea. But Everton won’t finish anywhere in Top 8
/I was reminded recently that this woman went off to the Great Shrubbery In The Sky awhile ago
I was buddies with two kids 5 houses away (their last name was Fearn) as I was growing up and spent a lot of time at their house. So much so that one of the boys took me aside one day-
Buddy: “My mom doesn’t want you to call her Mrs. Fearn anymore. She just wants you to call her Fern.”
Me: “Fearn? I can’t call her by her last name. That’s rude!”
Buddy: “No that’s her first name. Fern.”
Me: [tumblers begin clicking into place] “Fearn? Fearn? You mom’s name is FEARN FEARN! BAAAHHHAAAAWAAA!!!”
/he didn’t talk to me for a weeek
//look, I was 8 years old at the time. That’s comedy gold right there
You would think that she would have kept her maiden name.
I once knew a man named Sleiman S. Sleiman. Never found out what the “S” stood for though.
“Sly”, probably.
Stoke are going down, y’all. Thank God.
cock[futbol] is my new go-to insult
why haven’t you Whites gotten a 2nd, Litre?
Because they are playing in a swamp in Bolton. I expect 1 more for sure. Bolton has now decided to dirty tackle the Cottagers to slow them down. Typical.
-Aaron Burr’s dreaming slave
If we still had the technological ability to “like” an article, then I would award this article a “like” through those means.
Just make a comment that says “This is Great.” I’m still keeping track of them.
GOOOOAALLLL teh mighty Fulham. There you go Hippo
I likes moneys!
/still hasn’t shown up on Gamecast
livescore.com
More moist Englishmen running around in circles? Yes please!
Ha! Englishmen. Are you watching the 3rd division?
Ha! Who do you think I am, [runs back to Wiki] Lucian K. Truscott, Jr, the leader of the 3rd Infantry Division from March ’43 to Feb. ’44? I think not, sir!
Things that would make Hippo GAMBLOR very, very happy. Okie State win, VPI win, Man City loss/draw, Xavier win, Fulham win, Georgetown win, Stormin’ Mormon loss.
I appreciate Rhode Island’s curb stomping cover last night giving me a little extra scratch to play around with today. Feeling good. Angry the line isn’t MOAR than 3 in East Lansing, wanted to bet on Purdue ML but that’s not value.
Teh mighty Fulham win would have me through the moon
It’s the 2nd week of February and NBC is already starting to feature relegation scrap fixtures. Even dreadful ones like Stoke/Brighton & Hove.
[eagerly waits for collage basketball to begin]
-Romare Bearden
Bongo Dick is awesome.
4 stoppage minutes!? That’s the biggest travesty since the government of Pitt the Elder.
Your comment is just begging me to go down a Pitt the Elder Wiki rabbit hole. For that reason I can’t give this a thumb’s up.
LORD PALMERSTON!
Seems like the powers that be looked and soccer and realized the can’t make the game itself more complicated, so they thought, fuck it, let’s add all sorts of side leagues and cups and tables and such to make it more interesting.
Hey goalie with the headgear, this is football in the 2000 teens, not football in the 1930’s. Who do you think you are, Don Hutson?
Some John Madden-esque analysis from Pilkington-lite: “Well Arsenal need to score a goal to get back in this.”
One of these soccer talking guys sounds a lot like Karl Pilkington
speaking of, he making anything new?
Not sure, I listened to this the other day and sent me down the rabbit hole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zz0DKtWl-Eo&t=16s
Apparently he has a tv (or “telly”) show coming out this year, looks like a sitcom
I can’t see him acting. That’s mental, it is.
But “An Idiot Abroad” remains maybe the best thing I’ve ever seen.
He was actually very good as Dougie in the first season of Gervais’ show “Derek”. Worth a watch.
Just saw a replay of the header that resulted in a goal. Apparently, white guys can jump.
I was a late believer (in his being better than Big Rom. at least) but he’s pretty fucking special.
What’s a Hotspur and where can I get some?
“This guy can put it on a sixpence.” Priceless.
Folks that ain’t talk like us ‘er funny.
If I ever own a sprots team I’m just going to get all players named “Kane.” We’ll be unstoppable.
I’m drinking tea while watching a soccer game in England where it’s raining. Watch out central Africa, I’m feeling positively imperialistic!
You turned into Toto so gradual-like, we barely even noticed ,, smh
What if two sides held a North London Derby, and nothing fookin’ happened?
You can get +600 ML odds on BDSM State and VPI today. I ain’t sayin,’ I’m just sayin’…
There is a school for rough sex?
sure, down Stillwater way. You seen ’em paddlin’ away
Like clockwork Oxipug woke up decilitre with his cough so I am watching the early game.
I took a Buzzfeed quiz yesterday. Based on my answers I’m apparently a Spanish teenager falling in love with his same sex tutor in Madrid under the Franco regime. Also, I should be reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.
/Stupid quiz. I’ve already read that book.
See? Now this is why I want to be gay with DonT. He gets it.
Sadly, I don’t expect it to turn in the Wuffies favor today. We’ve had our moments this year. The implosion is imminent methinks.
Even still….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6azSHCHwPc
Also, I’m watching early morning Civil War Docs after drinking heavily, but not sleeping at all last night.
I think I want some Brandy.
(fuck…I’m old)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVx8L7a3MuE
Also, I don’t REALLY want to be gay with DonT.
As far as you know.
Yes, I’m drunk-ish.