Editor’s Note: Three weeks ago, doorfliesopen.com parlayed a, how do you call it… Replica: exchanged an accurate replica of a Super Bowl LII media access lanyard for an interview with Quincy Jones. Attorneys for the legendary producer and arranger sent an “intent to sue” letter, to which the crack DFO visual design team made a graphic reply. Escalating displays of contempt generated mutual respect, and the interview occurred last Tuesday night. Then vulture.com scooped the salacious stuff. But we got Mr. Jones’s takes on today’s fútbol matches (or “soccer”, as Mr. Jones calls it). Here they are, with some [editing] or [clarification] for context and to save space.
Bullshit. People talk about [fútbol] like the English game and the Spanish game are wholly different, like comparing Tin Pan Alley to Death Row [Records]. No.
La Liga : All times Central
Málaga (20th) vs. Atlético Madrid (2nd) – 9:15 AM, BeIn Sports
What’s the worst thing that can happen to a musician? You’ll hear the usual: women, drugs and booze. I stopped drinking some years ago and I [alleged virtues of sobriety].
But no. The worst thing that can happen to a musician—to a performer, to any artist—is to let fans get in your head. You gotta do your thing. Let your vision come through. Atleti’s Antoine Griezman gets whistled at home for pulling back on a counter in injury time last Sunday, and he shows up the fans. Kid’s an Aries *shrugs*
In sweeter times, via giphy.com
Leganés (12 th) vs. Eibar (7th) – 11:30 AM, BeIn Sports
What about you? You grin like a Cancer. No. Don’t tell me. Leganés… How’s this: second year in La Liga, lucky to survive relegation last year. Now they’re 11 points clear, solid in mid table and can tie Eibar with a win. Back when Franco was dying I went to Madrid with Herbie [Hancock] to record with Paco de Lucía. We’re walking towards the studio, and there’s Richard Feynman, just walking towards us. Herbie yells out “Hey it’s Bongo Dick!” because [story about the Manhattan Project employing members of the Duke Ellington Orchestra].
Real Madrid (?4TH!?) vs. Real Sociedad (14th) – 1:45 PM, BeIn Sports
This is not the sort of thing I want to get out there published for everyone to read before my biography comes out. But Real Madrid is fucked: 19 points behind Barcelona and only six points clear for playing in Europe next year. The only trophy they can get this season is the Champions League, but the play upfront has been more jumbled than Michael’s third nose.
English Premier League – All Times Central
Tottenham Hotspur (5th) vs. Arsenal (per tradition, 6th) – 6:30 AM
* Laughs * Too early for [fútbol] man.
Everton (10th) vs. Crystal Palace (14th) – 9:00 AM
Back when we were recording Thriller, I took Eddie Van Halen to Tommy Iommi’s cabin for lasagna. He was stingy with the sauce, but [meal and narcotics review].
Swansea City (17th!) vs. Burnley (An Entrenched In Mid Table 7th) – 9:00 AM
Tom Jones. Damn. Great singer, world class crotch.
Via dailymail.com
Stoke City (18th) vs. Brighton and Hove Albion (13th) – 9:00 AM
It’s crazy that any [fútbol] club from 7th on down could face relegation this season. Not that you could tell many of them apart. Like pop music. Interchangeable, basic, very little reward. Just so we’re clear because I tell the truth: that was shade towards Le Click. Call me when you’re dead.
West Ham (Soft 12th) vs. Watford (11th) – 9:00 AM
Nobody would watch this. Don’t ask me about this, you cock[fútbol].
Manchester City (1st By a Mile) vs. Leicester City (Stuck Comfortably in 8th) 11:30 AM , NBC
Sometimes you got to finish a job first before going to more interesting projects. Guardiola has kept the team motivated in Barcelona and Bayern winning leagues and reaching Champions League—Scorpio. That’s what you are. Asshole.
************BONUS COVERAGE*************
College Basketball, U*NC @ NC State – 12:00 M Central
May U*NC get fucked, now and forever, go Wolfpack
S/O to SonOfSpam for linking the interview. It’s uh, something. Banner via Getty Images.
Zebs kinda screwing Purdue in East Lansing.
Just saying.
duly noted. Dons looking pretty good on my +500, tho
I go 2-for-2 on a +600 and a +500 (those being my games with double-digit underdogs), I feel pretty good about myself for a brief moment.
I don’t think Hoya Saxa or however you sez it is very well-coached.
/also, my cat’s insistence that the remote is his personal back massage implement is getting old as fuck
Ya think?
Sidney Lowe would like a word.
After UVA and Xavier, I’d put Purdue 3rd. No idea who’s #4.
‘Nova I think. But I’m not sure either.
Big dog. Biiiiiigggggg dog.
Purdue going inside, bet Izzo did Na-zi that comin!
DePaul and Providence finally breaking through today! They been on the verge. Yup, I bet both (though I wish heavier).
The winter olympics would be even more interesting than the summer games if the competitors had to be naked like in ancient Greece.
h
ttp://www.imagebam.com/gallery/f9bsabgry1wceh1egw41vmcqqscl36ui
I’m starting to think Purdue might be fo’ realsies.
This bothers me, but it is what it is.
I liked this matchup. Put a couple bills of my Pokes money on Purdue ML. 😀
Russian Curler
https://gfycat.com/CreamyVerifiableGossamerwingedbutterfly
she can curl mah…
I’d let her slide my stones.
Net on that for me (that make-up foul call in the X game)? A little over $997, including the wagered money coming back.
Between Pokes and X, I am already up $300 for the day, even if every single other bet fails.
Well aren’t you all fancy n shit?
the Xavier ML spread went from +107 to +140 after the conclusion of the Pokes game, so I put another 2 bills down. Xavier is Vegas’ Rodney Dangerfield.
smgdh
And I thought I had a problem.
THE ODDS WERE RIGHT. Trust the process, as a wise man once said.
YOU GET BACK INTO YOUR DAYTIGHT COMPARTMENT AND KEEP CHOPPING WOOD THERE, PAL!!!!!!!!
Wyoming v UNLV! WHO YA GOT????
WY!! Duh.
/I put $55 on them, ML
I disagree. Maybe WY ATS, but dey not gon’ win.
But that means nothing.
I bet them as a talisman, and out of HOME STATE loyalty only.
Hahahah, that’s right. How do I always forget that?
Hippo: Wyoming Native errrbodeh!!!!!!!
Their football team wom me a bunch of scratch this year
OK, $100 VPI ML +575
$100 Tennessee ATS (-1.5 in Tuscaloosa)
Suck my balls Gamblor!!!!!!!
Ha, suck it Blue Jays.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA, justice!!
all my other games (so far) are coming in, too. This is SUCH a turd.
outright theft
Yup.
Wow. Merry Christmas Creighton.
Merry Tiltmas HIPPO
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Don’t
Still, just get a fucking rebound, dickasses.
NEVER touched him
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Xavier fucking wants me ded. What I ever do to them, but sing they praises?
This Cowbells loss is gonna sting (for them, I ain’t bet it).
OK Hippo, I gotta axx…
What did you and/or what are you going to do about UVa/VPI?
I can’t decide. I’m probably going to abstain, in fact.
2 bills, VPI moneyline. May decide to bet same ATS as well.
That’s about what I thought too.
But I just can’t seem to trust Mr. NoNeck’s squad. I can see them standing up to the challenge, but I can also see them shitting themselves righteously.
UVA just has to lose sometime in the League
Yep. And I think this could be the night they’re ripe for it.
I just don’t trust VT.
I need to get drunk and think on it.
+575 is difficult to lay off tho.
was +626 at one point!
In a DEEEEEEP sleeper moneyline pick, I took the San Francisco Dons at BYU (+500). Up 8-2 early! Only put $100 on this one, though. Didn’t feel as strongly as Okie State and VPI.
Hey, we used to be really good. Before you were born.
-San Francisco Dons
“San Fransisco Dongs? I’m intrigued.”
-Anonymous, Green Bay WI
I want to start a DFO Curling League. Who else is interested?
I will gladly bet on it!
I have a feeling it would just devolve into a free for all of hitting one another with brooms and big rocks.
So hell yeah, I’m in!!!!!!
I’m in!!
Curling by Mail? Like chess by mail?
Xavier making Hippo sad. Oh well, watching games with no GAMBLOR interest instead.
#metoo
– Chris Mack
Fucking Cubs sign Yu Darvish, too. BLECH
Are we allowed to make the Asian eyes thing yet or will Joe Maddon kick us in the nuts?
Don’t forget the fauria accent too!
11/17 on FTs.
Doubled up on the glass.
Hey Kevin Keatts…this is why you’ll go the way of Sendek, Lowe and Gottfried. Good luck at your next job at Elon in five years.
12/19 now on FTs.
That’s worse btw.
oh shit, 1-and-1
/THANKS ALLAH
Hahahahaha.
Nobody else gets how funny that is. But I do. Hehehehehehe.
This is the poorest display of half-court defensing one will EVAR witness. Just deplorable.
Give it to TBBHOA!!
He sucks at rebounding too, btw.
Which is why any NBA team which might be stupid enough to draft him will be sorry.
think that ship has sailed, he barely plays for a pretty sucky college side.
I still love him, though.
His game has improved offensively, admittedly.
But he’s a liability on defense, ‘specially on the glass.
Hey look, ball last touched by not one but two Carolina players, but zeb still trying to give possession to Holes.
PRO TIP: It’s hard to beat a team when you allow them to score every goddamned possession of the 2nd half.
They have to have as many offensive boards as we have defensive. At least as many.
Yep…they have 13 off, we have 13 def.
39-20 total on boards.
It’s not like anyone is playing half-court defense. How can you then not be in rebounding position, either?
Lack of effort and lack of being taught how.
Those are the only two fucking reasons and I think we’ve got both going on big time.
With our size, there is no damned valid excuse for them to be doubling us up on the glass. We’d be up by 10 if we knew how to rebound.
Seriously, when we stole the inbounds pass is the only possession I can recall the Holes not scoring in at least 10 minutes of game time.
Jesus Tapdancing Christ
God hates us. We’ve known it for awhile. That bullshit shot going in is just further proof.
I really want to punch Luke May in the dick.
Making Luke May look like Kevin Motherfucking Durant here.
Right????????????????????
I enjoy Kansas not being very good this season.
#metoo
(well except foar the $250 they blew for me by not covering last week. But yeah otherwise fuck those guys.)
What is this “Heroes of the Dorm?” Is the ACC Network doing some kind of amateur gay porn contest?
Amateur?
What’s going on with Ol’ Roy’s face?
Looks like a flesh-eating bacteria. Ewwwww
Syphilis from Lawrence finally caught up to him?
That would explain a lot, actually.
syyyyyyyyyphilis
it started with a simple kiss
now I find it very hard to piss…
Hehehehe
Hopefully a stroke.
If NC State could rebound, we’d be dangerous.
Same shit, different year.
that will be new coach’s fatal flaw
And there’s no fucking excuse for it, either.
Spoiler Alert!
The ending of Predator 3 is really contrived.
also, fuck U*NC with the rustiest dildo on earth
True Fact:
Rusty Dildo is one of the more successful actors in the home improvement/gay porn genres.
If there’s one thing DFO knows, it’s gay porn genres!
The best two teams in the nation are UVA and Xavier.
Agreed.
The lesson of ‘Predator’?
Arnold wins always. Always. Forever.
Q: Who would win in a fight between a giant Arnold and a dozen mini Arnolds?
A: Chuck Norris’ beard.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Chuck Norris blows goats.
You can’t prove that!!!!!
LMFAO
My investment rationale is if I hate it, it’s probably really popular and worth a ton of money.
Looking at you eSports.
Oh come now. I don’t believe this chart.
People in Wyoming and Idaho can’t read.
Lots of Mormons in Idaho.
I don’t know about Wyoming. I guess cows learned to read?
As always, fuck Texas. Texas is the worst.
Zymm would argue Wyoming doesn’t exist even though I sent you all a picture of me at the border.
German Food Alignment Chart.
It appears Herb Sendek has taken the HC job at U*NC.
He really don’t like using timeouts, he’ll show all you whippersnappers
19-0 run? Meh, fuck it.
Sad part is that against us he’s probably right that he didn’t need to.
I don’t know if they work on children anyway.
/watching “Predator”
If you have enemies in the work place, cover yourself in mud. they can’t detect you afterwards!