AFL Beat – 2018 Round 2

This week,

The pornstache is no more
What? I didn’t push him!
And Fremantle scores maybe?

So,  remember those happy days when it seemed like we knew what was going on with this league? Yeah, me neither.  There were a LOT of upsets this week.  Let’s get to it!

Welcome to Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat!

Round 2

The Round started with a Grand Final rematch at Adelaide Oval.  At the last minute, Tex Walker joined the team from the injury table.  That and the home field advantage was enough to carry the Crows to a well-deserved 36 point victory.  Here are the highlights:

The first North American Friday night game provided an opportunity for one team to get their first win.  The St. Kilda Saints were initially saved by the fact that the North Melbourne Kangaroos couldn’t hit a target. Not even a 15m shot from right in front.

However,  this only lasted for a quarter and then the Roos completely took over the game and the scoreboard.  The final 52 point margin reflects just what a demolition this was.  The highlights:

Carlton played a tough game last week but eventually succumbed to the reigning champions.  The talk from the Carlton camp throughout the week was that moral victories were not enough.

Well, they couldn’t even get that. The Gold Coast Suns felt no ill effects from last week’s slog through the Cairns mud as they easily disposed of the Blues by 34. Here are the highlights:

Poor Collingwood can’t get a break.  This week they were matched up against the leaders,  the GWS Giants,  and,  even though the game was at the MCG and they played really well,  the Pies couldn’t hold off a furious GWS comeback in the fourth.

In the end,  the Giants left the MCG with an important win and the Pies were left wondering how they managed to lose.  Here are the highlights:

In a somewhat similar vein,  the Brisbane Lions have been playing well but failing to get on the scoreboard enough to secure a win.  The Lions mounted a nice comeback to get the game even with the Melbourne Demons in the fourth. Unfortunately,  that was all they could muster and the Demons ended up winning by 26. Maybe next week?

/checks schedule

Maybe not.  Here are the highlights:

The West Coast Eagles lost their debut at the new Optus Stadium last week.  This week,  the Fremantle Dockers faced the Essendon Bombers at Optus Stadium in their home debut.  Would things be any different?

Surprisingly,  yes.  The Dockers played much much better than in Round 1 and took advantage of Bombers turnovers. The home field advantage is back in Perth.  Here are the highlights:

So,  remember back when the Western Bulldogs won the Premiership? That seems a LONG time ago.  The Doggies are playing horribly and are headed for the Wooden Spoon if something doesn’t change.  The West Coast Eagles beat them by 51 in Melbourne and it wasn’t close.  Here are the highlights:

So,  if you like surprises,  you’ll love this one: The Port Adelaide Power,  the team that plays well at home against bad teams and shitty on the road against good teams, overcame a third quarter deficit to beat the Sydney Swans in Sydney by 23. Yeah,  I can’t make sense of it either.  Highlights:

Finally,  the Geelong Cats took on the Hawthorn Hawks in a special Easter Monday clash at the MCG. I did manage to watch the first half and it was a very good game.  Unfortunately, work pays the bills, so I went to sleep at Half Time. As I wake up on Monday morning and get ready for work,  I see that….

Horsefeathers. He are the highlights:

Let’s take a look at the ladder, shall we?

1 GWS Giants 2 0 0 8 175.4
2 Port Adelaide Power 2 0 0 8 155.7
3 Gold Coast Suns 2 0 0 8 147.2
4 Hawthorn Hawks 2 0 0 8 119.0
5 North Melbourne Kangaroos 1 1 0 4 136.7
6 Melbourne Demons 1 1 0 4 113.5
7 Adelaide Crows 1 1 0 4 113.3
8 West Coast Eagles 1 1 0 4 111.9
9 Sydney Swans 1 1 0 4 103.3
10 Geelong Cats 1 1 0 4 100.9
11 Essendon Bombers 1 1 0 4 97.9
12 Richmond Tigers 1 1 0 4 95.3
13 St. Kilda Saints 1 1 0 4 84.8
14 Fremantle Dockers 1 1 0 4 83.0
15 Brisbane Lions 0 2 0 0 75.4
16 Collingwood Magpies 0 2 0 0 74.5
17 Carlton Blues 0 2 0 0 73.0
18 Western Bulldogs 0 2 0 0 47.6

It’s only Round 2 and it is still SUPER early, so we really can’t make any definitive statements about the season other than noting that the Western Bulldogs suck monkey dong.  I mean, seriously. Also, I hope Gold Coast enjoys the Top Four while it’s there.  That is NOT going to last…

Here is the patented Balls (TM) Graph:

There are three distinct packs starting to take shape:  The Top, The Bottom, and the Big Middle. It’s early, but I have a feeling GWS, Hawthorn, Port, Brisbane, and Carlton will stay in their respective packs all season long.  We shall see…


Footy Tipping Contest

Here is where we are after Round 2:

P TIPPER Round Tips Round Margin TOTAL Tips TOTAL Margin
1 JolietJakeDelhomme 5 7 12 18
2 Sunrisesunrise 4 25 12 54
3 SonOfSpam 3 24 11 26
4 SpankyDatass 3 28 11 42
5 BALLS 3 51 11 75
6 WhyEaglesWhy 2 45 10 50
7 Litre_cola 3 39 10 54
8 BFC 3 41 9 44
9 Dolph Ucker 3 59 8 69 (NICE!)
10 nomonkeyfun 4 47 8 73
11 Sharkbait 5 36 8 112
12 Game Time Decision 6 54 7 90

So,  I sucked the big balls this weekend,  didn’t I? Wow! Just goes to show that you never know with this league!  Big Props to GameTimeDecision for coming up with the high score on a week when we all came plummeting back to earth.  Also, props to our new leader, JolietJakeDelhomme, who also had a good week and jumped several spots to get to first.

There’s always next week…


AFL Round 3

Here is the schedule for this week (all times Pacific):

Friday, April 6, 2018

2:50 AM (Late Thursday Night) – Carlton Blues v Collingwood Magpies at the MCG

The eternal rivalry gets another go in what is now a hugely important game for the two winless sides.

8:45 PM – Port Adelaide Power v Brisbane Lions at Adelaide Oval

This is a beatdown waiting to happen.  I haven’t seen anything like this since Ray Rice was in an elevator.

9:10 PM – Melbourne Demons v North Melbourne Kangaroos at the MCG

Luckily, we get an alternate to the beatdown with this game being played at roughly the same time.  This should be a close and competitive contest.

11:35 PM  – Gold Coast Suns v Fremantle Dockers at Optus Stadium

This is technically a home game for the Suns, but since their stadium is being used for the Commonwealth Games, the game is being held in Perth.  That’s kinda fucked up, isn’t it?

Saturday,  April 7, 2018

2:25 AM (Late Friday Night) – Sydney Swans v GWS Giants at the SCG

Undoubtedly, this is the Match of the Round. The fact that Sydney is coming off a shock loss at home makes it even more interesting…

2:25 AM (Late Friday Night) – St. Kilda Saints v Adelaide Crows at Etihad Stadium

Methinks the poor Saints are in for a rough one at home against the Crows.  This could get ugly.

8:10 PM – Richmond Tigers v Hawthorn Hawks at the MCG

This one is a close second to the Match of the Round. And it’s on at a decent hour too!

10:20 PM – Western Bulldogs v Essendon Bombers

The Doggies are reeling and the criticism in Australia is mounting.  Unfortunately for them, they get the Bombers after a tough loss.

11:40 PM – West Coast Eagles v Geelong Cats at Optus Stadium

Back to back games at Optus stadium this week!  We’ll see if the new turf holds up to the wear and tear.


That’s all for this week.  You can blame the Geelong-Hawthorn game for the abbreviated version as I didn’t really know until Monday morning the final versions of the ladder, the footy tipping contest table, and whether a highlight video would be posted.

Once again,  though,  the AFL has proven that anything can happen on any given week.  Reason# 69 why the AFL is run better than the NFL.

See you next week!



International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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Dolph Ucker
Dolph Ucker

Just 2 weeks in, but I feel like this is setting up to be an unpredictable season.
/unpredictable by me, apparently


And just think what GWS would have done it Toby Greene hadn’t been a late scratch

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

I’m embarrassed that one tipper didn’t even put in just the tip and DOUBLED my score for the week. Shameful.
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I haven’t watched this weekend’s GWS game yet, so I will return to read and comment on this after today’s flight. Thanks, WatchAFL’s download function!


My buddy who is a Crows member says their injuries will hurt them and the Saints have a chance.


Janos Slynt is a treacherous piece of shit and I wouldn’t trust a single word he said.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

How does an Australian get the nickname Tex?

Game Time Decision

damn it, i took all the long odds, they’re not all supposed to come through


“So that’s where he’s been…” – Ryan Leaf, wondering why he hadn’t seen his roommate for the last six weeks.


I assume he’s Australian.

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Senor Weaselo

The Russian judge gives it a 3.7, stating it might have been impressive if it was vodka.


Because she’s Australian.