Other Reasons Jon Gruden Will Cut a Player

Photo Credit: NBC Sports

As our own Mr. Weasel pointed out last night, Jon Gruden cut* Raiders punter Marquette King for either a desire to avoid personal foul penalties (a category the Raiders tend to finish high in no matter who their punter is), to send a message that showboating (or lots of social media usage or mocking jewelry ripping antics off of teammates) won’t be tolerated, to save $2.9 million in salary cap room, or to very backwardly commemorate the 50th anniversary of the assassination of a much more famous King (h/t to Spam for that one).

*And by “Jon Gruden cut” we mean “Jon Gruden had Reggie McKenzie do the cutting because Jon Gruden is a fake tough guy.”

Seems like Gruden is living up to his reputation as a no-nonsense coach, and word is leaking from Raiders-land that there are other likely grounds for dismissal for the team, including:

  • Failing to concuss at least one opposing player during a rivalry game
  • Publicly supporting any cause that might piss off a generic white guy from Philadelphia
  • Eating an actual Gruden grinder without prior written approval/determination of having earned one from the Coach
  • Wearing jewelry that you haven’t ripped off of an opposing player’s neck
  • Acting all goth and shit
  • Avoiding full contact during walk-through drills
  • Criticizing the Spanos’ family’s decision to relocate from San Diego
  • Failing to force small children into youth football leagues
  • Eating Chinese food at non-P.F. Chang’s restaurant locations
  • Being “uppity” [only applies to a certain subset of players]
  • Non-sanctioned team haircuts

We’ll keep you posted as additional infractions become known, likely through sleuth reporting from the DFO clubhouse without getting off of our asses/putting down our beers.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation's capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
Please Login to comment
13 Comment threads
2 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
10 Comment authors
litre_colaDoktor ZymmDon TUnsurprisedSonOfSpam Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
litre_cola

I love that Goth Carr is now a thing. Bring on The Cure!

Doktor Zymm

Rubbing, smashing or crushing instead of grinding

Don T

Has a Me-Me-Me smartfone. Reall men use Razrs!

SonOfSpam

Blackening up your blackness to an uncomfortably blackish level of black.

Game Time Decision

having a phone that was made this century
having any social media account

Game Time Decision

pausing game film to eat and\or sleep.

WCS

Drinking Sol or Modelo instead of Corona.

Senor Weaselo

Not starting a sentence about a teammate with “THIS GUY”

Not going into the wedge for kickoffs

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wings sit for too long and are cold by the time they are served to the customer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hanging around with known criminals.

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Where are the photos with Haslam and Snyder?

ballsofsteelandfury

Eating at the Tilted Kilt

comment image?w=816

Game Time Decision

-not running Spider 2 Y banana as every play, every down, offense or defense

Senor Weaselo

The real reason Marquette King was cut was they didn’t run it on the punting unit! It all fits!

ballsofsteelandfury

Having better dance moves than the rest of the team combined:

comment image