Request Line: Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Latest posts by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (see all)

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER is speaking on the phone.  He appears to be the only one in the room, but the camera pans over slightly so we see DJ 3000 lurking behind a corner in the hallway.  He’s out of sight, but clearly within earshot.

PRODUCER: …and it’ll be the first time an Artificial Intelligence hosts a public radio broadcast.

PHONE: [inaudible]

PRODUCER: Oh, no he’ll be fine.  He’s a pro.

PHONE: [inaudible]

PRODUCER: Well, I’m sure he’d be thrilled, but he doesn’t know yet.  I wanted to surprise him.

DJ 3000: [quivers in anticipation]

PRODUCER: Anyhow, I’d better go.  It’s almost air time.

The PRODUCER hangs up and starts fiddling with knobs and dials getting ready for the afternoon’s show.  DJ 3000 strolls around the corner, attempting to look casual.

PRODUCER: Oh good, there you are.  You ready for the show today?

— [spacetime behind DJ 3000 flies open] —

JIM NANTZ: ASIDE FROM THE HUSH OF ANTICIPATION THAT FALLS OVER THE CROWD AS PHIL MICKELSON STEPS INTO THE TEE BOX ON THE EIGHTEENTH HOLE THERE IS LITTLE IN THIS WORLD OF AUDITORY DELIGHTS THAT BRINGS ME GREATER PLEASURE THAN THE SOOTHING TONES OF FM RADIO.

PRODUCER: Well, we’re certainly thrilled to have you here, Jim.

JIM NANTZ: THE HONOR AND DISTINCT PLEASURE OF JOINING YOU BELONGS TO ME ALONE.

PRODUCER: It was incredibly generous to find time in your schedule to do this, what with the Masters going on.

JIM NANTZ: THE MASTERS TOURNAMENT BROADCAST IS BEING COVERED BY THE JIM NANTZ UNIT 359-YK-74B THIS YEAR. A NUMBER OF UNITS ARE IDLE AND AVAILABLE FOR OTHER USES AT THIS TIME. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE CONDITION OF THIS UNIT BUT ANTICIPATED THE CONDITION OF THE V-382 EXOSKIN WOULD NOT BE A CONCERN FOR A RADIO SHOW.

PRODUCER: I see.  Well, you were right.  And please do make sure you let the collective know we really do appreciate you coming out.

JIM NANTZ: YOU HAVE MY ASSURANCES THAT THIS COMMUNICATION HAS ALREADY BEEN TRANSMITTED.

PRODUCER: Are you ready to step into the booth?

JIM NANTZ: I HAVE ALREADY PATCHED MYSELF INTO THE SYSTEM CONTROLS AND WILL UPLOAD MY PATTER DIRECTLY SO THERE IS NO NEED FOR ANY FURTHER PHYSICAL MOVEMENT.  WOULD YOU LIKE A DIRECT MONITOR OUTPUT SO YOU CAN FOLLOW ALONG?

PRODUCER: Please.

JIM NANTZ nods slightly.  As he begins the intro to his show, his mouth no longer moves, but his voice still emerges from the booth’s external monitors.

JIM NANTZ: Hello, friends.  Good afternoon, and welcome!  I’m Jim Nantz, and I’ll be guiding you through this wonderful tour of auditory delights known as “Request Line”.  In honor of that tradition unlike any other – the Masters Tournament – today’s theme is golf.  As you know, there aren’t too many songs that are specifically about the sport of golf and its rich history.  So we’ll be broadening the topic to include songs about things that could be associated with the game.  Songs about irons, woods, greens, clubs.  I’ll get us started with one about the bane of every well-struck approach shot.  Upon its conclusion, please contact me with your own requests.  You dial up our number, we’ll ERROR 306 MATCHING RHYME NOT FOUND.

 

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.

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Senor Weaselo

So many of the car songs work for golf too!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hit a bad shot? Just yell at your dumbass caddie.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Then to find your ball, just go…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Depending on what time of the year it is, you may see…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Anytime you’re hitting over water gravity always seems to get a little bit stronger for some reason…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

When Rikki asked for the Beatles triple shot, did he mean this song about repairing your divots?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Someone mentioned Richard Marx, so this is how I feel watching golf:

theeWeeBabySeamus

This is a little bit of a creative triple shot, if I do say so myself. Your front nine is your “out”, your back nine is your “in”. Between those two, you make “the turn”.

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

This song name is Brandt Snedeker’s worst nightmare.

SonOfSpam

I mean come on again smh lol wtf

SonOfSpam

Seamus already posted Rough Boys, but here’s a singular version:

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Trump’s Caddy always mutters this to himself when he sees him walking up to the first tee.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

One of the reasons I quit playing, since where my shots would end up:

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

I’d like to see her swing….

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

I didn’t see this one taken:

SonOfSpam

smdh

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Sorry, not sure how I missed that, when I was scrolling through, I shall blame it on my work getting in the way of me enjoying myself.

SonOfSpam

Then stop working. I mean, seems obvious.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Two more hours, just two more hours, but I will have to turn the phones off so the client will leave me alone.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Where my tee shots always end up:

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

How this is still on the board, I don’t even know.

UP THE IRONS!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Gotta watch out for them on the municipal courses, plus the band’s name.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

The amount of time it takes me to putt:

Cuntler

I hear Ozzy Osborn has a great approach shot:

IRON MAN

Cuntler

Already included on previous page. Sorry about that.

Cuntler

Phish – Sand

Cuntler

Double shot
Phish – Lawn Boy

Cuntler

Triple Shot
Phish – Wedge

Cuntler

Quadruple Shot
Phish – Driver

Cuntler

Quintuple Shot

Phish – Contact

Cuntler

Sextuple shot

Phish – Loving Cup

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“That’s too much phish.”

–Andy Reid when they keep pushing him to take cod while they refill the ribeye station

SonOfSpam

Good advice for the beginning golfer.

Also, Grace Potter is welcome to come over and make me a sandwich or whatever any time.

nomonkeyfun

SonOfSpam

“Hey, what’d you shoot?”
Hmm…not sure, let me

SonOfSpam

Holy crap, that score’s

SonOfSpam

Yeah, I guess I’m just a

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

SonOfSpam

Quit cogitating, Steinmetz!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

On a whim, I googled “Tiger Woods song” and found this gem:

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

For some reason, this is the song that immediately comes to mind when I read Tiger Woods:

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Speaking of being on the green

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, this is something people do on the green

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Huge oversight:

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Written in 10 minutes after K. Logg saw the rough cut.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least now I don’t have to worry anymore about RTD being mad at me.
comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I KNEW SOMEONE WOULD SAY SOMETHING

i’m going to post a spin doctors song now as punishment

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

it’s songs about fucking golf whaddya want masterpieces?

theeWeeBabySeamus

It was more about the artist, actually.
LOL

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I really do have to go be responsible. But I thought this was funny.
RTD might disagree I suppose.
But, does Putt Putt Golf count?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I got the flip so it must be acceptable.
That’s how that works, right?