
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Latest posts by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (see all)
- DFO Radio: Things You Maybe Heard Right – April 24, 2018
- Drew Brees Gets Involved – April 19, 2018
- DFO Radio: Too Many Cooks – April 17, 2018
INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
The PRODUCER is speaking on the phone. He appears to be the only one in the room, but the camera pans over slightly so we see DJ 3000 lurking behind a corner in the hallway. He’s out of sight, but clearly within earshot.
PRODUCER: …and it’ll be the first time an Artificial Intelligence hosts a public radio broadcast.
PHONE: [inaudible]
PRODUCER: Oh, no he’ll be fine. He’s a pro.
PHONE: [inaudible]
PRODUCER: Well, I’m sure he’d be thrilled, but he doesn’t know yet. I wanted to surprise him.
DJ 3000: [quivers in anticipation]
PRODUCER: Anyhow, I’d better go. It’s almost air time.
The PRODUCER hangs up and starts fiddling with knobs and dials getting ready for the afternoon’s show. DJ 3000 strolls around the corner, attempting to look casual.
PRODUCER: Oh good, there you are. You ready for the show today?
— [spacetime behind DJ 3000 flies open] —
JIM NANTZ: ASIDE FROM THE HUSH OF ANTICIPATION THAT FALLS OVER THE CROWD AS PHIL MICKELSON STEPS INTO THE TEE BOX ON THE EIGHTEENTH HOLE THERE IS LITTLE IN THIS WORLD OF AUDITORY DELIGHTS THAT BRINGS ME GREATER PLEASURE THAN THE SOOTHING TONES OF FM RADIO.
PRODUCER: Well, we’re certainly thrilled to have you here, Jim.
JIM NANTZ: THE HONOR AND DISTINCT PLEASURE OF JOINING YOU BELONGS TO ME ALONE.
PRODUCER: It was incredibly generous to find time in your schedule to do this, what with the Masters going on.
JIM NANTZ: THE MASTERS TOURNAMENT BROADCAST IS BEING COVERED BY THE JIM NANTZ UNIT 359-YK-74B THIS YEAR. A NUMBER OF UNITS ARE IDLE AND AVAILABLE FOR OTHER USES AT THIS TIME. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE CONDITION OF THIS UNIT BUT ANTICIPATED THE CONDITION OF THE V-382 EXOSKIN WOULD NOT BE A CONCERN FOR A RADIO SHOW.
PRODUCER: I see. Well, you were right. And please do make sure you let the collective know we really do appreciate you coming out.
JIM NANTZ: YOU HAVE MY ASSURANCES THAT THIS COMMUNICATION HAS ALREADY BEEN TRANSMITTED.
PRODUCER: Are you ready to step into the booth?
JIM NANTZ: I HAVE ALREADY PATCHED MYSELF INTO THE SYSTEM CONTROLS AND WILL UPLOAD MY PATTER DIRECTLY SO THERE IS NO NEED FOR ANY FURTHER PHYSICAL MOVEMENT. WOULD YOU LIKE A DIRECT MONITOR OUTPUT SO YOU CAN FOLLOW ALONG?
PRODUCER: Please.
JIM NANTZ nods slightly. As he begins the intro to his show, his mouth no longer moves, but his voice still emerges from the booth’s external monitors.
JIM NANTZ: Hello, friends. Good afternoon, and welcome! I’m Jim Nantz, and I’ll be guiding you through this wonderful tour of auditory delights known as “Request Line”. In honor of that tradition unlike any other – the Masters Tournament – today’s theme is golf. As you know, there aren’t too many songs that are specifically about the sport of golf and its rich history. So we’ll be broadening the topic to include songs about things that could be associated with the game. Songs about irons, woods, greens, clubs. I’ll get us started with one about the bane of every well-struck approach shot. Upon its conclusion, please contact me with your own requests. You dial up our number, we’ll ERROR 306 MATCHING RHYME NOT FOUND.
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So many of the car songs work for golf too!
Hit a bad shot? Just yell at your dumbass caddie.
Then to find your ball, just go…
Depending on what time of the year it is, you may see…
Anytime you’re hitting over water gravity always seems to get a little bit stronger for some reason…
When Rikki asked for the Beatles triple shot, did he mean this song about repairing your divots?
smh that’s the exact song I posted when I suggested a triple shot. It was supposed to close with a song about a “club”.
How about When I’m (shooting my age at) 64?
I’m tired and suffering from not being drunk
Someone mentioned Richard Marx, so this is how I feel watching golf:
This is a little bit of a creative triple shot, if I do say so myself. Your front nine is your “out”, your back nine is your “in”. Between those two, you make “the turn”.
Well here’s something new.
This song name is Brandt Snedeker’s worst nightmare.
I mean come on again smh lol wtf
Seamus already posted Rough Boys, but here’s a singular version:
An aside, I do love watching Tiger spend like 20 minutes trying to figure out how to get himself out of the shitty jam that he’s in.
He’s one of the more enjoyable people to watch fail.
The thing is, I don’t particularly dislike Tiger. But it just really *is* so much fun to see him play badly.
Keeping it topical; where Tiger has found himself right now:
Among the
Trump’s Caddy always mutters this to himself when he sees him walking up to the first tee.
Huh. I would have thought it would have been this song.
One of the reasons I quit playing, since where my shots would end up:
I’d like to see her swing….
I didn’t see this one taken:
smdh
Sorry, not sure how I missed that, when I was scrolling through, I shall blame it on my work getting in the way of me enjoying myself.
Then stop working. I mean, seems obvious.
Two more hours, just two more hours, but I will have to turn the phones off so the client will leave me alone.
Where my tee shots always end up:
How this is still on the board, I don’t even know.
UP THE IRONS!
I love self-contained DOUBLE SHOTS.
Gotta watch out for them on the municipal courses, plus the band’s name.
The amount of time it takes me to putt:
I hear Ozzy Osborn has a great approach shot:
IRON MAN
Already included on previous page. Sorry about that.
A perfect description of Trump’s conception of who has the honor of hitting first, his attitude towards 15-foot putts, and where the ball goes after he tees it up in the sand.
Phish – Sand
Double shot
Phish – Lawn Boy
Triple Shot
Phish – Wedge
Quadruple Shot
Phish – Driver
Quintuple Shot
Phish – Contact
Sextuple shot
Phish – Loving Cup
“That’s too much phish.”
–Andy Reid when they keep pushing him to take cod while they refill the ribeye station
Good advice for the beginning golfer.
Also, Grace Potter is welcome to come over and make me a sandwich or whatever any time.
DOUBLE SHOT!
“Hey, what’d you shoot?”
Hmm…not sure, let me
Holy crap, that score’s
Yeah, I guess I’m just a
Quit cogitating, Steinmetz!
On a whim, I googled “Tiger Woods song” and found this gem:
For some reason, this is the song that immediately comes to mind when I read Tiger Woods:
Speaking of being on the green
Hey, this is something people do on the green
Huge oversight:
Written in 10 minutes after K. Logg saw the rough cut.
At least now I don’t have to worry anymore about RTD being mad at me.

I KNEW SOMEONE WOULD SAY SOMETHING
i’m going to post a spin doctors song now as punishment
it’s songs about fucking golf whaddya want masterpieces?
It was more about the artist, actually.
LOL
OK, I really do have to go be responsible. But I thought this was funny.
RTD might disagree I suppose.
But, does Putt Putt Golf count?
I got the flip so it must be acceptable.
That’s how that works, right?