TGISF… Eye Of The Beholder

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it’s a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles.When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
theeWeeBabySeamus

I had an appointment with the eye doctor yesterday.  I was very nervous about it.  Not that I’m afraid of going to the eye doctor per se.  But more that I was afraid of what she was going to tell me.  So afraid was I, that I’d put off this appointment for over two years.  Seriously.

A little over two years ago, when my then still current eye prescription was about to run out of date, I bought a boatload of contact lenses before it did.  Just so I could put off going back for as long as possible.

Why?  Well, the short answer is because my eyes suck.  The long answer is more complicated.

Corrective Lenses

I first had to get glasses when I was less than two years old.  No shit.  The problems with my eyes were/are many and varied.  And all of them are about as severe as humanly possible, short of blindness.

As a youngster, I had two surgeries on my eyes to try to correct one of the problems.  The first surgery didn’t work.  The second one made the problem worse.  Thanks Johns Hopkins.

I absolutely hated wearing glasses as a kid.  Wearing glasses when one is trying to play sports, or even just play for that matter, is a huge pain in the ass.

Ever try to hit (or field or pitch/throw) a baseball with your glasses steaming up from the sweat?  Or shoot a basketball?  Or hit a golf ball?  And that’s not even taking into account the fact that the quality of vision with glasses, at least with my prescription even as a kid, just sucks ass for hand/eye coordination matters.

Plus, they just totally get in the damned way.  I broke more pairs of glasses playing sports (and also again, just playing) when I was a kid that it’s not even funny.

Then there’s the social issue.

Kids are mean.  And trust me, when they’re trying to be mean and get under your skin, they take the easiest material.  One of the reasons (though certainly not the only one) that I’m such an asshole as an adult is that I got good and damned tired of bullies thinking they could use the fact that I wore glasses to try to find a way to intimidate me.  Pretty soon, it got to the point that if any of them even breathed that bullshit to me, they found out real fast that my attitude was that the best defense is a good offense.  I learned to fight, and kicked the crap out of more than one bully who had some smartassed shit to say to me about my glasses.

I ended up in the principal’s office on numerous occasions.  But I was never suspended.  Teachers and staff loved me.  I was good at schmoozing them.  Lucky for me.

(It’s not lying if you believe it)

But I digress…

In my late teens, when I was finally able to wear contact lenses, it was like I was born again.  It was the best freaking thing ever.

Even now, as an adult, I hate wearing my glasses.  I wear them only when I have to.  Which is generally only at night when I take my contact lenses out.  Very few people in my adult life have ever even seen me in my glasses.  It’s not so much a vanity issue for me, though I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t at least part of it.  But it’s more the fact that I don’t like the quality of vision they provide, and I don’t like the way they feel.

I’ve gotten so used to the contact lenses over the years that the glasses now feel foreign to me.

The last time I tried to drive with my glasses on instead of the contact lenses, I was driving long distance a couple of years ago.  It was in the middle of the night and not surprisingly, my contacts were dry and kept clouding up.  I pulled into a rest area and took them out and put my glasses on.  It was probably the first time I’d driven with my glasses on since I was a teenager.

The vision quality (because of the magnification, which is due to my shitty eyes and the prescription I have to have) was so terrible and so disorienting that I literally had to pull into the next rest area and put the contacts back in.

Artist’s Conception

 

In summation, I hate wearing my glasses.

Sooooooooo….

The reason I was scared (I’m not scared….YOU’RE SCARED!!!!) to go to the eye doctor, and the reason I had put it off for way too long, was that the last time I went to my eye doctor she said the meanest and most heinous shit to me imaginable…

You know, you’re getting older and your vision will just get worse.  Your prescription is pushing the limits of contact lens technology/availability as it is.  Eventually, maybe relatively soon, possibly even the next time you come back, you won’t be able to even use contacts anymore and you’ll have to go back to glasses exclusively.

Well….Fuck you bitch.  Maybe I just won’t come back then.

And I didn’t.  Until yesterday.

My New Eye Doctor

Now, even if my old eye doctor was a horrible hurtful piece of shit, I do realize she was only doing her job.  She can’t help that she’s a horrible hurtful piece of shit.  I get that.  But so pissed was I still at my old eye doctor that I totally would have gotten copies of my records and gone elsewhere this time.  But I was saved the trouble because the insensitive quack apparently got fired since the last time I was there.

My new eye doctor is a cute little Indian gal.  She even told me I smelled nice.  Which is at least better than telling me I don’t smell nice.

But the best part?

My prescription has not changed one iota since my last visit.  Nearly four years later, and my eyes are no worse than they were.  And no glaucoma and no retinal problems either.  Aside from the fact that I can’t see for shit without corrective lenses, I have the eyes of a 30 year old.  Yes, she actually said that.

And as long as that’s the case, I still get to keep wearing contacts.

So yes, I really like my new eye doctor.  Even over and above the fact that she’s cute, thinks I smell nice and complimented my sexy retinas (ok, admittedly she didn’t say  “sexy” ….but I know that’s what she meant….it was implied).

I’ll probably even go back on time this time.  But just in case, Imma still buy a boatload of lenses and stockpile those bad boys.

Fuck you, glasses.

And fuck you too, old eye doctor.  I hope you rot in hell.

Sexy Girls In Glasses

Yes, I’m a hypocrite.  I can admit it.

I hate my own glasses, yet there is something about a pretty girl in glasses.  Is it that it draws you to look at her eyes?  Is it that it implies intelligence, or at least can?

Hell, I don’t know.  And I don’t plan on trying to figure it out tonight.  Or probably ever.  I just know what I like.

 

 

(and I may or may not personally know one of the young ladies below….so be nice)

Enjoy….

 

Ooooof.  Kinda makes you glad you’re not totally blind, huh?

Have a great weekend everyone.

Love ya’s

(even if I can’t always see  ya’s)

😛

Do you have a “request” or an idea for a future TGISF theme?  Drop me a line…

twbs@doorfliesopen.com

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.

357
Leave a Reply

Please Login to comment
145 Comment threads
212 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
19 Comment authors
Moose -The End Is Well NighUnsurprisedBrick MeathookWakezillaGratliff Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Is anyone else still up?

I should go to bed, but I’m not tired. I’ve fucked up my sleep. I should finish the War Nerd Iliad.

I can’t believe I can see 1 movie a day and I’ve still missed seeing movies I wanted to see.

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I went to see The Long Goodbye last night (It was apparently a double feature with Gemini, which is being hosted with the director because he’s from Portland. They’ve done one every night Wednesay through tomorrow. I’m going to go see Gemini tomorrow) and it’s really good and pretty damn funny (someone behind me was annoying me with their laughter, I guess because I’m an asshole). For some reason the biggest laugh I had was at the very end, and I think it’s because it felt like it was a reversal of the final shot of The Third Man. Or something. Anyway, that was a great movie and I can’t believe I never noticed how tall Eliot Gould was.

Speaking of which, the trailer for the new Mission Impossible seems to go out of its way to hide the fact that Henry Cavill is a foot taller than Tom Cruise.

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Thanks, but I think we can give up looking for my contact.”

Wakezilla

The shitty thing about getting movers: They take forever to arrive to your new place of residence. I want to play on my PS4, damnit!

comment image

Gratliff

Some good and safe wrestling taking place tonight
comment image

Wakezilla

Who is this guy? He looks familiar.

Gratliff

Pierre Carl Ouellet. He used to look like this:

comment image

Wakezilla

Right! That picture is when he was Jean Pierre Lafitte. Perhaps it was because I was kid, but I really enjoyed his feud with Bret Hart, who at that time, was in midst of one of the better Intercontinental title runs. Those two had great chemistry together.

His time in the WWE was too short. I’m assuming he got offered more money at WCW

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

In the foreground are two vintage flashbulbs I recently bought. They’re G.E. #50 bulbs, and they are atom-bomb-test bright. The wrapper is falling apart but the bulbs are perfect. Behind them is a 1951 Speed Graphic Pacemaker 4×5″ camera, with a Caltar 215mm f/4.8 and a flash unit synced to the Ilex shutter. This camera works perfectly and that’s a great lens and I’ve got Kodak Portra 160 color negative and TMax 100 B&W negative, and I’m going to take this rig outside in the open one night and fire it off. I could go to the beach near here and photograph the ocean. These bulbs are brighter than any electronic flash or strobe ever made, like a localized lightning bolt, and they say that if you are standing near one when it fires (and you better be behind it) the ozone charge makes your hair stand on end at firing. the energy for the bulbs is that they are filled with magnesium wool, and the small battery charge in the holder just ignites it. I’m kind of afraid to do it near LAX because it might draw Homeland Security who knows.
comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You should take it up to Mulholland Drive and see how much of the L.A. Basin you can ignite light up.

Wakezilla

” I’m kind of afraid to do it near LAX …”

If you’re white, you’ll be alright. They only harass Latinos around that area.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Hey that’s perfect! I’m gonna take it Dockweiler and take a huge surprise flash of everyone around their fires. Then they’ll try to come chase me but they can’t because they’re blind.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image
.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

He can pin the blame on yeah right.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

Wakezilla

She can give me mouth to mouth anytime. Especially because, you know, that meant I was dying.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Do you think the single reference to Michael Jackson was the one bone they decided to throw people who looked at that one page from Ready Player One and noted that there’s not one motherfucking thing on that page that even acknowledges non-white and non-Japanese people exist?

In that case, holy shit, what an incredible Fuck You.

Wakezilla

It’s a valid point that I didn’t even think of until you mentioned this. But how much would an Autistic white trillionaire know about 80s-90s black culture and that Warner Bros had copy rights to?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You’re right. I’m probably putting too much thought into it.

Wakezilla

What would you have included? My first thoughts were Cosby and Tyson, but, that wouldn’t have gone over too well. A Fresh Prince or A Different World reference would have been awesome.

On the other hand, less references for more storyline would have been better.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Run-DMC, breakdancing, Tyson’s gloves as a piece of swag, Menudo. Stupid shit like that.

Wakezilla

I went on #Upforwhatever recently to check out their best of 2017 music list. Holy fucking balls, it was terrible and whomever compiled that list should never be allowed to compile a list again. Like 90% of it was Indie Rock.

Anyway, one song that didn’t make the list but is a good song from 2017 is Kendrick Lamar’s DNA.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image
.

Wakezilla

I saw Ready Player One today. It was OK. I think the premise would have been better off if they left out the whole “Oasis distracts the masses from their shitty lives” and just left it as a competition similar to the 80s film “The Wizard”.

It’s a fun movie, but holy shit there are some huge holes in that film that aren’t tied up in the end.

comment image

Gratliff

IT WAS SHIT

Gratliff

I’m sorry, that was the “Grat sits in a theater for 2 hours while his 10 year old and the 40 year old behind him takes turns shouting out the things they understand the reference to” talking.

Wakezilla

Oh shit, that would have been a horrible experience.

I could see why you wouldn’t like that movie.

Gratliff

There were certain sequences that made me legitimately mad, though.

“Let’s break into this guy’s place and get the info.” *smash cut* “Awesome. Got the info. Let’s go get that key.”

I remember face palming hard near the end, but I”m having trouble remembering why exactly.

Wakezilla

One thing that made me cringe was when the cops came, as if they were the good guys. I was like “Uh, if things went to shit and there were numerous revolts, it would have been the cops who would have shut things down. In fact, they’d likely be shooting the protagonist down and siding with the CEO of a billion dollar company.”

Gratliff

Also, yes. It is like if the vastly superior “Wreck-It Ralph” was merged with “The Wizard” and 80’s pop rock.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Wreck-It Ralph Breaks The Internet is going to be interesting to compare to this.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

3 hours if you include all the fucking trailers.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They didn’t need an army of people studying his life and all his interests (and if they did that as their jobs, they fucking sucked at it), they just needed some people who took a couple undergraduate psychology courses.

I hate to be a purist or anything, but Spielberg is really stretching any credulity that remains about how close he was to Stanley Kubrick. Kubrick would’ve never allowed them to use any of his movies.

Gratliff

TIME FOAR LATE NITE VIOLENCE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

SonOfSpam

“My new eye doctor is a cute little Indian gal. She even told me I smelled nice.”

You probably smelled like a recently-opened place where you can get high-quality meats and cheeses.

You know…a new deli.

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!

comment image

WCS

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

She’s been there

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spur
Spur

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spur
Spur

Gratliff

12:30 am, and 4 more hours of professional wrestling to go. This is going to be a uniquely stupid weekend.

Spur
Spur

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Everybody’s gone from the depth chart!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

BAN THESE UMPS

Ahh, that’s better.

Senor Weaselo

Adam Jones can, indeed, get bent. I see him top step glaring at the ump.

Spur
Spur

King Hippo

A champion wearin’ golden gloves…little birdie singin’ “why’d ya fall so hard?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

And all I got left is this shit attitude!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

easy for HER to say!

Spur
Spur

she’s smuggling raisins.

Spur
Spur

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

King Hippo

somebody is enjoying his new purchase!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spur
Spur

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

oh my….

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

You rang?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Glassware near the bathtub? Very unsafe. Would not bang. NEXT!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

she can bring glassware to the bathtub

Senor Weaselo

Hmm, they cancelled Mozart in the Jungle. I guess that means nobody’ll be asking me if my life’s anything like that. Hmm, what was that? They never did? Well fuck you too!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So does that mean I shouldn’t rush finishing the last season?

King Hippo

Maybe applies to all the batsmen?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spur
Spur

Senor Weaselo

Oh fuck, Holder’s going in to pitch a second inning, isn’t he. Welp, shit’s fucked now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image