Yes, Sulky-assed Mourinho’s United and what tattered remains of Lester played a wet fart of a Friday nighter, but the sooner we forget that happened, the better. On to a full slate of magic!
Spurs are at the Barcodes to start us off (7:30, NBCSN). Now, the toothless ones flirted with relegation last season, and based on their cheapskatedness in the summer, look as if they could easily do so again. But they’s tough at home, and will be well fired up for a prestige opener. Spurs had lots of players who went balls deep into World Cup play too, so don’t be surprised by a halftime Newcastle lead, and/or an eventual draw result.
A 4-match 10:00 window you expect, and what you get. Only Huddersfield hosting yet-again-in-turmoil-ish Chelsea is on the tube (NBCSN), with Litre’s beloved Fulham (home to Palace) leading the NBC Sports Gold line (and the above gift of the day is Margot Robbie in her Fulham scarf). Yeah Right’s Cherries also host “we’re just here to collect our check and go right back down, thanks” Cardiff, whilst the Moose-Hornets get the Seagulls in the nickname Derby.
Oh yeah, Everton get the opening Spotlight Dance (12:30, NBC). Problem is…shiny new central defenders Yerry Mina and loanee Kurt Zouma won’t be ready in time, so home side Wolves look primed to give the Blues a proper hiding. Regardless, there are goals in this’un for sure, so do tune in.
OK, the wakey-wakey Sunday match is the Redshite beating the piss out of West Ham (8:30, NBCSN). Watch Soton/Burnley on NBC Gold or dodgy Eurostream if at all possible. New-look Arsenal hosting Man City (11:00, NBCSN) is a damned fine way to close out the weekend, though. A great early indicator whether the Blue Mancs will reprise their role as steamroller who crushes all hopes and dreams (like life itself, ya know?) or if the Gooners want to rejoin a more competitive joust at the top of the best League in the world (added to annoy Balls).
And that is that. The Froggies are the only other liga mejor that starts this weekend, and I will be damned if I can find a compelling matchup there (I even tried, FFS). Enjoy this as a warmup to various pre-season festivities, ye fuckin’ degenerates.
Ever punch a horse in Newcastle… ooooooon weeeeeeed?
new thread will go LIVE! in like 4 minutes
/hopes #BFIB have working margin by kickoff so I can safely change shirts
//yes, this is something I seriously worry about
Trump dildos; many colors to choose from.
It’s kind of wild that the AL East has two teams above .600 and the entire National League has none.
but that’s not what Father Flanagan says!
“Dems can’t even make a fake cover of a REAL magazine. Sad.”
-Donald T.
“Shall I have another Cuba Libré?”
– Rikki’s internal monologue
[I think we all know how this scene is going to play out]
I have bought TWO large Samuel Smith’s ciders for DONKS WOO!!! pretend action tonight (which I did also bet on). This is my version of living on the edge.
I am not real partial to ciders or Coronas; anybody want a beer while I’m up?
I have a particular beer in mind, yes.
Where’s the lime?
Oh, ok. Never mind.
“It’s two to one.”
-Drunk Hippo.
Manager of quality control at the Chinese (Beijing plant) sex doll factory.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2naTw9y7zsE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdcleUk-T4U
Echo?
What?
Eh?
Need sleep.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjWhOoT2h7w
There’s a “no peanut butter left” joke here.
It might involve a dog.
European Vacation had some underrated moments.
“He may pork her, Russ. Eat. “
I hate that one, mostly because of the casting of Russ and Audrey. They both annoy the shit outta me.
Now, Audrey in Vegas Vacation? You betcha!!!!!!
Please note how well she has aged…
Plus, this never gets old….
Vegas Vacation is by far the best. Audrey is gorgeous. She’s on Riverdale now. Yum.
Imma need to start watching that I suppose.
you are now the 1st and 2nd ppl I have heard of liking that movie. I know humour is inherently subjective, but outside of Police Academy sequels, that might be the least funny “comedy” ever made.
Beverley D’Angelo singing in a tight fitting gown, dude.
And Wayne Newton before this happened….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dov75vm0_KU
You used a picture of Bruce Jenner.
I miss the word ‘fraught’.
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4789886.Danger_Slater
Dude really meant it when he gave the instructions “Defend yourself and obey my comands at all times”.
This Maryland football story is horrendous. I hope criminal charges are filed.
“Table five needs more ice water and you’re glued to your phone. One more strike and you’re out, mister! AND QUIT STARING AT MY TITS!”
I’d rather see them die than real turtles.
ah mean, sacrifices have to be made to build such an awesomesauce powerhouse like Maryland
/let them learn the hard way about calling someone a “pussy bitch” on Level B Yard
That is because you are soft. IF YOU WERE A TERP WE WOULD MAKE YOU HARD!
Couldn’t happen to a better set of assholes.
also, anyone surprised this guy worked under Harbaugh at Meeeechigan AND Urban Meyer?
I am. I’d have expected him to have been from the Brian Kelly coaching tree.
“Natalie Portman starring in a ‘Field of Dreams’ reboot! Who’s with me?”
-Hollywood executive 30 minutes before he gets fired
Having just re-watched Field of Dreams last night (yes, seriously)…
If she builds it, I will come.
Hehehehe.
The European version; it’s a soccer field, she has to be on the nude beach most of the time…. I’ll have to limit the fetishes I put in here or the pitch will takes days.
Does chili pair well with egg noodles and drunkingness?
/asking for a shithead
Obviously
You’re getting dangerously close to Skyline territory, to be honest.
Making chili on a super-hot day because…I don’t know.
Mother requested that I do something.
Gov. BROWNback? Where is he when you need him?
I can’t upvote that enough.
“Once you start staring into those gorgeous blue eyes, yer gonna want to redistribute wealth all over the gotdamn place! We can’t have none of that!”
Who has one of these fucks at work?
There’s only one but she’s a youngster with an unbelievable body. I consider that a wash.
You’ve seen her in the shower?
[makes plans to install showers in the workplace, plans to blame Moose if things go sideways]
“It’ll be fine.”
Maybe she likes it “sideways”.
Let’s not rule anything out.
I stripped a bunch of dried basil seeds off one of my plants earlier and now my hands smell delicious.
Yeah, I’m not falling for that. Again.
Shit. I just looked in the fridge/freezer and realized I never bought alcohol this week because I was sick. Now I’m feeling better and I wanna damned drank, but now I gotta put shoes on (probably should put on a clean shirt too I guess) and go out in public.
DAMN YOU ALCOHOL SEMI-ADDICTION!!!!!!!
(hehehehe, I said “semi”)
So that’s what “Eat a bag of frozen dicks” refers to.
That’s icing, sugary sweet icing, but yeah. It seems a lot less angry this way.
Something we can celebrate.
Not what I thought ‘Moose Treats’ would look like.
These are pastry and not Moose trail apples, so eat them from balls or tip; your choice.
I am better now. No, fuck it I am still really mad at our new keeper. Fuck that guy.
Anyone else on dinner duty after this game?
Nah, I drew the short straw and got hostess duty. On the bright side, I look smashing in a tight black dress.
Those pumps make your ass look great
What are you doing after we get out of the weeds?
You got weed????
Asking foar a friend.
Yes. Yes i do.
*sigh*
I miss California.
Don’t over do the flair; It makes you look cheap and easy.
Nope. Going to a new beer release party at the brewery today.
Tomorrow though!
Yep, I have bone-in pork chops marinating as I type. The high today is only supposed to be 94F with some high clouds so I thought I’d grill a bit. Later though, around sunset.
Hippo, is Everton a good counter-attacking team or is Wolveretc wanting on D?
Wolves apparently rely on all-Championship calibre CBs. Not very good. Hard to tell how well Everton will counter this season, so much in flux. Supposed to be a pressing 4-3-3, though.
I bet $50 on over 3.5 goals (+140) and $50 on Wolves to win (+1640-ish) at 1-2, so I am guaranteed to at least make $20 on that fluky shite
goddamned lucky-assed fluke goal
Has Pickford ever let in a goal that was his fault?
very, VERY rarely
Was that the guy with the bum Achillles? He looked glued to the ground.
ha, no. That’s healthy Michael Keane. He just sucks.
Keane’s Air Concrete shoe deal was at best, a mixed blessing.
Uhhh…that was a sports bra, no?
Seems obvious to me that he isn’t getting enough support from his family.
HIPPPOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Like I said, no longer bitching re Richarlison’s fee. He good.
Umm, that was a cheeky thingy of a goal. Wowzers!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i7kQDne2Ns
Much like Einstein’s space traveller, time is slowing down for Hippo.
Pickford made himself big when he needed to
Oh to be young again…
Everton’s sub CB, Mason Holgate, has an achilles injury, and hasn’t played a minute of pre-season footy. There are no more central defenders on the bench.
How To Antagonize My Wife:
Just open up a second jar of peanut butter before the first one has been emptied. Repeat every time a new jar has been purchased.
Xeno’s Peanut Butter Jar.
“huh?”
“what”
“AHHH!”
-me, just now
Scotchy: Smooth or crunchy, Dear?
Mrs Scotchy: We’re not talking about peanut butter anymore, are we?
Scotchy (giggling): No.
Not for nothing, but what the hell is going on with Dez Bryant? Why were the Cowboys so eager to cut him loose when it leaves them so thin at WR. And why is no one showing any interest in signing him? I get the Cleveland thing because Josh Gordon (which, what the fuck, man?), but NO ONE ELSE could use a fast, strong, big-bodied target with great hands? I can’t read what’s between the lines here.
Maybe Jerry found out his mom retired.
My guess* is that GM’s see another T.O. that pulls locker rooms apart and makes everything about him. You know, OBJ in two years or so.
*pulled out of my ass with no concrete confirmation of any kind whatsoever
Hippo muttering to himself on the bank of the river Nile right now…
that red is the Euro version of “helmet rule 15-yard penalty” to the Blues internet right now
I need to know-was the word ‘wanker’ used?
Pickford might have gotten a glove on it if he hadn’t jumped to his right beforehand.
He didn’t trust his wall smh even though he paid for it
If I was him I’d have gone with a hedgerow. Much more fitting.
“Things Sasha Grey loves to hear.”
[Rips open envelope. Blows into it.]
“Down to 10 men at the forty minute mark.”