Your “Where My Southpaws At?” Monday Evening Thread

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn’t doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn’t happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Senor Weaselo

(Banner image via Brawl in the Family.)

Thaaaat’s right, today is August 13th, which is International Left-Handers Day! No, I’m not joking, there’s a website and everything. It’s one of the silly holidays I actually like, being left-handed and all. Because we may have shorter lifespans, can’t use regular scissors in our dominant hand without minor strain and annoyance, and smudge the ever-loving shit out of any documents we write with our hands, in addition to ripping out the looseleaf paper in the binder it was written in, but hey, we get a day to ourselves. So, let’s indulge to take time to remember some of the left-handed throwers and kickers of the NFL. Like Steve Young, the only left-handed quarterback in the Hall of Fame! Or Michael Vick! Or Sea Bass! Or David Akers! Or Morten Andersen! The all-time points leader is a lefty, so woo! At least until Vinatieri breaks it this year since he needs 58 points to do so.

But see? They exist. I mean, there are zero lefty QBs currently in the NFL, but there are kickers. And punters, Superb Owl LII had lefty punters on both sides with Donnie Jones and Ryan Allen! Everybody seems to want a lefty punter for some reason. And Aussie Footy players. So a lefty Aussie Footy player? You’re golden.

NFL News
As tWBS alluded to last night… FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! This one between the Jets and the Redacteds in their joint practice. Sorry, these two, there were two different fights. A link to the video here. The fight started either due to ‘Dacteds OT Morgan Moses shoving Jets CB Trumaine Johnson as the former finished off a block, or a cheap shot on Moses afterwards. Probably the latter. The two teams play on Thursday.

The Jags have suspended Jalen Ramsey and Dante Fowler for a week due to “violating team rules and conduct unbecoming of a Jaguars football player.” Fowler was involved in a fight at practice on Sunday, which was reported on by Phillip Heilman, and Ramsey took exception to it on Twitter.

On the flip side, Hue Jackson made Browns WR Antonio Callaway play most of their preseason opener against the Giants due to not telling the Browns about a citation for marijuana possession and a suspended license last week, and Callaway didn’t tell the team until the dashcam footage was released on Tuesday. In a related story, after playing 54 snaps on Thursday, Callaway was limited in practice Sunday due to a rib injury, which Jackson noted was probably suffered during the game.

The Colts released Shamarko Thomas on Saturday after he was ejected for a helmet-to-helmet hit Thursday against the Seahawks. They then signed DE Ryan Delaire.

The Christian Hackenberg Experience returns! This time, with the Eagles. He’ll be around as long as Nate Sudfeld and Joe Callahan are hurt.

Other News
A kid from Staten Island threw a complete game to send his team to the Little League World Series. If you think strikeouts in the Majors are too high (which they are), he struck out 12 out of 18 batters. This concludes the website’s Little League baseball coverage, hopefully for eternity.

What’s on tonight?
Subway Series: The make-up game: Mets (deGrom) vs. Yankees (Severino)—7E, ESPN
American Ninja Warrior: Philadelphia City Finals—8E, NBC
FIFA Women’s U-20 World Cup, Spain vs. United States—8E, FS2
NFL Films is doing a year in review of teams apparently, with tonight’s being the AFC East, in reverse standings order; Jets, Dolphins, Bills, P*ts—8E, FS1

Um, I don’t have a closing thing. Sorry, but you know what to do.

Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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clint greasewoodBrick MeathookFronkenshteenMr. AyoBrettFavresColonoscopy Recent comment authors
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clint greasewood
clint greasewood

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here’s my desktop aboard Delta Airlines DL1589, crossing western Lake Erie at 35000 feet. The flight route skirts the southern edge of Canadian airspace, as shown on the tracking app on my iPad. I was in Seat 1A, which made me the senior ranking passenger on board.
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Fronkenshteen

Aretha is in hospice. All hail Aretha.
https://youtu.be/X2d2DD63POk

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, folks, we may have found a winner in the apartment search. It’s outside the original budget, but like Pam wisely said, you can’t put a price on good pussy.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

What area?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Walkoff for BFIB. Yay foar Hippo, et al
7-6 final.

King Hippo

yup, turns out the Devil was just on the can for a few minutes. We cool again now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Satan gotz those monster shits. Give him a break.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

In the restaurant’s defense, the order was for cheese on the side.

Fronkenshteen

+100

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Next we show the kid horse “eggs.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was a pretty pitch.
Thank you, DirecTV, for outsmarting rain long enough to let me see that.

litre_cola

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

again, the voice in my head said “no betting”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

My gametracker says this game is exciting now. But my DirecTV says fuck you.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Stupid weather/climate change

King Hippo

real pitcher comes in, one batter too late

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

When I had it it mine would go out with heavy snow and some storm, but it was mostly reliable. I always kept enough on the DVR to ….. ride it out. Comcast and DTV, so not really any competition.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep…in winter, i have to regularly go outside and clear the ice/snow off of the dish.
What? I’ve never fallen off the ladder as far as you know.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I only had to clean it off a few times; I live in high wind off the foothills. It was almost as reliable as cable; that goes out every now and then.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

What’s the story behind this?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Do what I did; make some weird shit up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

And of course, now tstorms fuck up my direcTV signal.

Fuck this shit.

King Hippo

I dunno how Southern folk can tolerate the dish thingy. Sportsball is mah lifeblood.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Bcuz i’m far enough out in the sticks that Spectrum won’t run a line down my fucking road.
I got no other options, dude.

King Hippo

yes, that is bad

King Hippo

Birdos should bring in Chasen Shreve now. FUCK

King Hippo

Adams hits LHP about as well as I do.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Norris gon’ load ’em up. No shit.

Who do cards have in pen after this?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Never mind. Got bailed out.

King Hippo

like I say, should be Shreve but would probably be Mayers (Murphy can’t hit LHP neither)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Prediction… 5-6-3 DP.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry… 4-6-3

theeWeeBabySeamus

Or a wild pitch….that’s what I meant.
Bud Norris….still Bud Norris.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

You can take the closer off the Orioles…

litre_cola

Heh, DP.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeebus, Bud Norris is closing for the Cards now? He used to be a stinking Oriole!!!!!!
Holy shit.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Thats…not a good sign

King Hippo

yeah, we used our best reliever (who usually works the 8th) twice in a row, he won’t pitch tonight (young dude who has hit 104)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Just listening to the radio; there is hatred toward Lynch. WTF people; he’s a dipshit, not his fault, he got drafted high, again not his fault.

King Hippo

yeah, Elway has to answer for that one. He fell in love again. I mean, he TOOK THE WUNDERLIC. It wasn’t any secret.

I’m glad Kubes is back in town, Elway is good, but he needs someone who can speak truth to power and call him out when he’s wrong.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, that was a fucking helluva play to end the inning. No shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

MASN announcers wrap up the inning… 4 runs on 2 hits and….

Oh shit, it’s only two outs. Fuck.

King Hippo

Our Dad, out there somewhere looking for cigarettes, just smiled and pumped his fist a little too.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think he’s probably been asleep since like….8.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Buffalo Cauliflower is like preseason football

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Holy fuck, did you lose a bet?

King Hippo

maybe his ladyfriend did, having to sleep next to him after that??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Power AND speed.

King Hippo

what do I say?

M-V-MARP!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice

theeWeeBabySeamus

Boom goes the dynamite.

3 run dinger. 6-4 cards.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK; you are calling a game on the radio; do you do it naked or at least pantsless to keep that edge?

King Hippo

#BFIB excitement is coming to Donks-ville soon, so lube up imaginary buddy-guy! 😀

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

tWBS goes full nude; he just didn’t want to say.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I used to do it naked and slabbed up in Crisco. But now I’ve matured.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, olive oil is better for the skin, good move.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Matt Weiters still sucks…check.

2nd and 3rd now on passed ball.

King Hippo

well, he’s a bat-first catcher, he just can’t really hit no more either

theeWeeBabySeamus

Two words…

Georgia. Tech.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ohhhh….opposite field single to right.
2 on 1 out….4-3, good guys (according to Hippo) down by 1.

King Hippo

according to INTERNET DAD and all sorts of goodhearted ppls

plus Satan hisself ,, ppl forget that

King Hippo

from the game thread (NAWT me):

Thank you satan!
Does anyone have any spare first born kids?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe. Meh. I could try to make one, but it seems like too much effort.

Brocky

Seamus, alexa is angry

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh you bastard.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Dirt Cowboys Manager, Jeff Banister, fills out the line-up card in calligraphy. He also uses native writing for Asian players.

The More You Know … Dirtball people are fucking crazy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Alright, Nats pitching change.
I really am shutting up now. I got some serious masturbating to do anyway.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Now I’m vested in this game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Stand by…lemme see if I can get an erection to photograph for ya.

No promises.

King Hippo

Here comes the man we call Handsome Greg!

King Hippo

/he will NAWT stay in to face a lefty, que lastima

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, that one has the distance.

4-3. Sudden change.

King Hippo

the only kind of homers #BFIB ever get. No doubters, and solo.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wong single.

Hee hee. That sounds funny.

theeWeeBabySeamus

BFIB turn two. That ain’t easy vs Turner.

Going bottom 8th, 4-2

King Hippo

tis a good defensing MIF. Kolten Wong is an absolute treasure, though that one was PDJ all the way.

PDJ is a #DevilMagic guy, a college 3B we turned into a SS at the major league level because we had a vacancy and a need. He started defending really well, and all of a sudden started hitting with way more power than expected. Started taking walks this year.

Funny thing is, he first started hitting while playing some 2B during a Wong injury, but he was total crap at 2B defensively,

theeWeeBabySeamus

It really was a very pretty defensive play.

King Hippo

Harper ain’t great v. LHP

King Hippo

SEE?

King Hippo

/well I didn’t, but metaphorically and shit

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, yeah.

I’m shutting up now either way.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Webb gonna fuck this up worse now.

King Hippo

Webb has been surprisingly adequate, since being plucked off the scrap heap to replace the guy we cut and the guy we pretended was hurt

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t disagree. But not tonight apparently.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Leadoff pass.

King Hippo

he is left-handed, there is a limit to his adequacy

King Hippo

plus this be a very low leverage sitch

theeWeeBabySeamus

TREA TURNER MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!

OK, now the rest of the Nats need to fuck up.

King Hippo

just like on NC State radio broadcast, the hog farmers of Mizzou think that a sportsball campaign to paint themselves as totes environmentalists guys!!111 is a fine idea. Sometimes, I seriously worry about humanity.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck humanity.

And I say that lovingly, of course.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck you, Harper.
Still 4-2 heading to the 8th.

(yes, you guys now all see why I never could keep a job calling baseball)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Miller can’t find the zone, and doesn’t even seem to fucking care.
this could get interesting.

theeWeeBabySeamus

One out single to left by Martinez. Cards got a little sumpin’ maybe.

King Hippo

nae

theeWeeBabySeamus

Now there’s a shitload of assholes on teh field.
For some reason.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Did they bring back disco demolition night?

theeWeeBabySeamus

That would be awesome.

King Hippo

except with bro country?

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Country as a whole should die a painful death.

King Hippo

ah will defend Hank, Sr. to the death. Not a whole lot else, mind.

Brocky
theeWeeBabySeamus

4-2 at the stretch, Hippo.
Turn off yo’ radio. You know I’m moar entertaining.

ADMIT IT!!!!!!

King Hippo

it’s like stereo, man

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus Fucking Christ illiterate motherfuckers…

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King Hippo

ROLE TIED!!!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

No DFS for Rugby, but there is DFS for WNBA. Something is wrong here.

King Hippo

what can I say, those lesbians sure do love a wager!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Artist rendition of Hippo after he takes a wrong turn at Souix Falls and ends up in Wisconsin for 6 months living on expired pills
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WCS

I didn’t know Hippo was Mike McCarthy’s even dopier little brother.

King Hippo

define “little”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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