So my oldest sonny boy has shown an interest in cooking so I got him a few “Hello Fresh” thingies. He said he was going give one a go today and I knew that, because he didn’t invite me to join in the process, he wanted to tackle this solo. I said I was going to run some errands. (which I did. There are always errands. Always. Accomplished errands give birth to more errands). As I type, all the windows in the house are open and the ceiling/stove fans are going like gangbusters.

Me: “What happened?”

Him: “Pork has a tendency to burn.”

Me: “………..”

As Julia Child once so famously said, “When one wants to taste a bit of venison tartar, one must go… TO THE GAME!”

KC/ATL:

You were wandering through the streets of Copenhagen and you were famished. A street vendor called out “Kurt Benkert. Get your Kurt Benkert here for only 5 garflods!” Let’s not kid ourselves, 5 garflods for half a Benkert is a steal. So you bought it and asked for mayo on the side because you thought you were ordering frites in Brussels. Where’s your head at these days? The Precious Mahomes was knocked down 4 of the 5 times he tried to pass. [Alex Smith’s puny arm struggles to lift itself to his laughing mouth]

NYG/DET:

You wake up in the middle of the night. You yell, “My bed is all sticky-Spiderman, is that you?” Giants second-string qb responds, “No, it’s me. I’m the one that webbed your bed. I was really nervous.” You reply, “I would be too if Lauletta was that close to my tail.” Kenny Golloway is this year the exact same super sneaky sleeper fantasy pick that he was last year.

BUF/CLE:

Your wet dreams of Diana Nyad swimming the fetid waters of Lake Erie’s eastern shoreline have manifested themselves finally. You feel something like shame. As Mies van der Rohe always said, “Talking less about this game is more than one could hope for”.

MIA/CAR:

Despite James Taylor’s incantations, your mind refuses to go to Carolina. You’d rather stay in the abyss with Freddy N. Will you join him in hugging that horse before the two of you head to the sanitarium? Much like Tannehill’s reputation as a passable qb, it’s still up in the air.

ARI/NO:

The bourbon starts kicking in… Louis Armstrong’s cover of Jimi Hendrix’s “Star Spangled Banner”creates a starchild in your cerebral cortex. “When is it due”?, I ask. “Always”, you growl wordlessly. If you want to follow the Saints O backfield on the twitter, simply type #minkamara, #alvark, #vingram or #karkving into the searchy thing.

Ride the wild animal that is your keyboard. Nameste.