Of course, as a player you might be just fine talent-wise but your contract might not be to management’s liking. Or perhaps you’ve got the requisite amount of experience but there’s a rookie that the coaching staff is curious about. Maybe you were favoured by a previous regime and the new GM wants to impress upon the players that, “It’s My Team Now”. You could be on the Patriots and Mumble Bill cut someone else but none of the lackeys had the courage to ask for a second pronunciation. Maybe you ended up banging the backup qb’s mistress at some point and word got out.
What I’m trying to say is that, much like us mere mortals that don’t get paid to crack heads, there’s really only so much in your control. Them ‘vagaries’ of life can be a bastard, no doubt. I mean, just today I went to my favourite iced-cream place in Ottawa (Piccolo Grande Gelateria, not a sponsor) and they did not have on hand the usual chocolate peanut butter offering I desired. That’s kinda the same thing, right?
Anyhoo, there’s a whack-ton of games on the sked that don’t mean much to you and I but mean everything to (let’s say) Franky Upstart from South Rodrigo State. The special teams’ coach loves his hustle and work ethic and Franky sure as heck doesn’t want to pump gas back in his hometown again this year. I can’t remember which team he’s on so I’ll just list all the games being played and you can go look for him. Hell, there’s probably some version of the fella on the squadron that you support.
The games in question are-Cle/Vage, Itsa/Boy, Momma/Mia, NYJ/Phi, NEW/Jackcity, Jax/Thebox, Car/Pet, Wash/Yourballs, Thai/Chi, LAC/Kingsubstance, Barbi/Dal, Oak/Tree, KC/BBQ and TEN/ToThree.
Enjoy.
This CLE-DET game doesn’t make any sense. Not the part about Detroit being down by 25 points at halftime, that makes sense. I’m talking about the part about Cleveland having a 25 point lead at halftime.
Didn’t they go 4-0 last preseason?
Lions colour guy is so frustrated with the players I think he might run onto the field and knock someone’s block off.
I’ve been listening to Bengals radio since 1992. If Dave Lapham hasn’t bitchslapped a Bungal between then and now, I think the Lions are safe.
So I am sitting in the lab with a couple of the new hires. I ask them where one of them are, specifically this girl we hired like a year ago. The purpose of this course is to speed these kids up to do field work and its basically their first drive class.
So its like “Um…anyone know where Sally is?”
One of the guys “She’s out on bereavement leave”
“Oh okay…well now we got control power on and we need…”
“She got shot in the face”
“Wait…what the fuck?!?!” The kids just stare at me. “Look this isn’t funny. Are you serious?”
Turns out they were. Like in March, she was visiting friends in Norva and two dudes came up to the porch, demanded money. Her boyfriend ran inside the house, locked the door, with the two girls still outside and they shot Sally. But it only knocked her out because it was really low caliber bullet.
I thinking this is complete bullshit…and then one of them pulls up the news article. The arrested the two dudes almost immediately. She only got a concussion physically, but I got to imagine she is a mental wreck.
http://www.nbc12.com/story/37800306/police-arrest-2-men-after-woman-shot-during-robbery-on-lamb-avenue
That is not the shot-in-the-face story I was hoping for.
For that one ask Balls for a link.
I ain’t linkin’ any balls,
Something tells me she won’t be a fan of that anymore.
Most women aren’t anyway, but I’d bet she would be even more against the shooting.
After “bereavement leave” I thought it was gonna be another classic “JSD run-in with millenials” and she was out cause her pet hamster got sick. Ykies.
I feel terrible for her. I saw her after this happened and she had a black eye. I just figured she was in an accident or something minor.
I straight up don’t know how the fuck your lady has a gun pointed at her, and your first inclination is to run into the house and lock her outside.
How do you lock the door on two women, one of them your girlfriend when they’re being robbed?
You fucking got me.
I met her boyfriend once. Imagine thick glasses, ill fitting cloths, and a pedo stash.
I asked him was he does for a living.
Artisan grill cheese.
I asked if he went to college for that and he said no. He went for a degree in visual arts.
I asked what he future plans were. He said he wanted to get into education. Work as an elementary teacher.
“How the fuck can you work as a teacher when the parents are calling the cops whenever you show up to the parking lot?”
I started laughing…no one else did. It was the last work party I was invited to.
South Rodrigo State is a big threat to University of phoenix and DeVry this year.
To be fair I have never been eating cereal during an earthquake.
Don’t sleep on Western Governors
or with
Yeah but you know Trump University will make the playoffs since any losses they have will be pardoned by the end of the year.
/Halftime Interview: “Matt Patricia, your players are playing as though they were instructed to act as a deer in the headlights. Thoughts?”
MP: “Well, deer are usually pretty quick on their feet so I’m not sure what the flaw in the game plan is. Still, the Browns headlights are pretty bright-I’ll give ’em that. We’ve just gotta bear down and be better deer. It’s that simple.”
Ain’t care, Matt and Troy.
She can slap the meat.
Knowing she’s a huge cock fiend only enhances the effect
I’m sure the rumors are true.
Snodgrass, Luckenbaugh, and Gillikin: Northwestern special teamers or the best damn law firm in Missourah if you ever get charged with teaching evolution in school?
BOILER UP!!
Payne He’Bert, that is. OL for Northwestern.
The eyes say weed; the rage says they didn’t get the pizza order right.
Part of me wants Wentz and Foles to go down and Hackenburg to lead the Eagles to another Super Bowl win just so Jets fans heads explode.
Ahem, Sudfield.
I’d be impressed they won a Super Bowl with only 9 men on offense.
Purdue seems to be indifferent to tackling.
60 minutes into the college football season, and heeeeeerrrre commmmmes the buffering on the espn watch site app thing.
Bengals have no timeouts. 0:07 left in the half. Ball is on the 20 yard line. Colts line up 7 players behind the 10.
A Bengals receiver still gets behind them for a Touchdown.
Folks
Awe-inspiring that Ryan Van Denmark can play college football for Uconn and still run an entire country* the same time.
*it is a European country but it still counts.
Aaaaaah C. Hackenberg DEAR GOD N—wait, he’s playing as the backup for the Iggles.
(screaming throw DFO Clubhouse ceiling)
“Weaselo! You got yourself on the roof! You can get yourself off the roof!”
Parker Boudreaux: adult French board game company, protagonist of the creole remake of Ferris Bueller, or UCF OL second stringer?
Clearly, the answer is “Yes.”
“Parker Boudreaux Can’t Lose!”
Parker Boudreaux Ne Peut Pas Perdre!
Madre Weaselo got a new phone, which means I get to play tech support!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=st6-DgWeuos
The best thing about PreSeason Game 4, when you see a busted play and a lineman watching the QB and RB get destroyed by a blitzer, you can almost hear him say “That’s it; I’m fired.” to himself.
I’m being “treated” to (for?) ‘Dacteds v Ratbirds on the picture-box. Not sure if even I deserve this kind of punishment.
I’m sure if you look *very* carefully at your past actions you’ll eventually find out why you’re being subjected to the game.
I think we all know why:
I was young and needed the money! Don’t judge me for fucking Amy Schumer!
At least say tequila was involved,
Pretty sure it was Cena.
But ten bucks is ten bucks.
SIT B.M.! PUT IN THE BRO!
I think I recognize that tongue.
Uconn Offensive Lineman Ryan Crozier is what happens when a rogue Brooklyn Pastry Chef combines Ryan Shazier and a croissant.
Is his grandfather Roger Crozier, the first player from a losing team to win the Conn Smythe trophy?
Nope, Hergy is from Montreal, Crozy if from Plantation, Florida. Well I guess that’s not exactly conclusive, but I can’t confirm either.
Wasn’t the guy on *checks* Spring Street?
Uconn has a big mountain to climb to win this game, but they’ve got
[looks at depth chart for 6th string DL’s name]
Tenzin Pharachesur to guide them up that mountain.
/It’s a Tenzing Norgay joke, don’t you see
BREAKING! BREAKING!
Uconn jumps out to an early season name-game lead with their kicker Michael Tarbutt.
Also they have a guy with the first name Heron. And a Canaudiouun with the first name Hergy.
That is all. You are now free tor return to your normal lives. If you can…
Do I have to go back to my normal life?
Is this movie New Jack city the inspiration for Samuel L jackson to wear Kangol hats?
Six seconds into the college football season and I’m already so sick of these commercials I want to murder myself and my whole family.
Helpful Tip: Murder the family first, otherwise you’ll have difficulty accomplishing this desire.
I just assumed they would die of grief.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zmvt7yFTtt8
Alternately, take out a large life insurance policy on yourself with your wife’s help, then make your suicide look like a murder.
M. Knight Rikkishyamalan
The Lions are a pukey shambles.
Looks like the fourth string now. They may look bad tonight, but will be doing well at UPS tomorrow.
I dunno. The Bills starters made the Bengals starters look scarily good.
https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1035156103980408833
https://twitter.com/CaptAndrewLuck/status/1034096704700604416
Gang Green is still quartered in New Amsterdam, you fool!
bahahaha! this is good twitter!
Son: “That Moose guy. Where does he get all those gifs?”
Me: “He’s very gif’ted, isn’t he?”
Son: “Goddamnit!”
Me:”WHOOOO!!!!”
*Moose has no life
Male Commentists: “Eww!”
Female Commentists: “Hmm…”
Browns (the Browns) are running at will against the Lions D. Stafford is gonna throw his arm out trying to catch up this year.
Third stringers in preseason is always a good indicator.
But yes, he will.
So the Browns are running loose in the bowl?
Well, might be a log jam in the second half.
Hungry Howie’s is a game sponsor. Anyone ever forced anything down their gullet from that place?
Is that Hungry Howie’s the restaurant on Sunset or Hungry Howie’s the dildo store on La Cienega?
[coughs, slowly walks backwards]
Nice! Kinda figured that Katy Tur would be type that is into roleplay
Oh, he dead, right?
No, but he is helping raise our medical costs significantly.
Nah, that looks like Europe. Either way, he won’t be doin’ that no more.
Could be; still looks like shitty US windows and rain gutter.
But I appreciate sinking the medical cost joke.
Matt Barkley’s knee is hurt. If you’re Fantasy Draft goes to the 123rd Round, please take that into account.
dude is back up for andy dalton/bengals right?
He was in a Position Battle with Jeff Driskel (ex-49ers QB) for Bengals QB2. He’s been declared OUT so it doesn’t look good. The PreSeason stats are close and Driskel’s stats are better.
They do have a 4th straight QB but he’s a Practice Squad QB.
Colts may have settled the Bengals Backup QB role.
Lions/Browns showing in this hotel room.
And they’re showing everything.
Two plays into the season and a college footballer is already ded?
Before the season, even.
PreSeason Game 4: Colts @ Bengals
Regular Season Game 1: Bengals @ Colts
Heck of a job, NFL Scheduling.
Purdue-Northwestern to start the JV foobaw season is Peak B1G.
yea im watching New jack city tonight!!!! oh yea!!!
I’m convinced that Donnie Bitch Tits thinks every part of every city inhabited by African-Americans is exactly like that movie.
LOVE the games!