Your “The Roster, The Practice Squad or The Street-It’s Your Choice” Thursday Night NFL Pre-Season Windup Open Thread

Of course, as a player you might be just fine talent-wise but your contract might not be to management’s liking. Or perhaps you’ve got the requisite amount of experience but there’s a rookie that the coaching staff is curious about. Maybe you were favoured by a previous regime and the new GM wants to impress upon the players that, “It’s My Team Now”. You could be on the Patriots and Mumble Bill cut someone else but none of the lackeys had the courage to ask for a second pronunciation. Maybe you ended up banging the backup qb’s mistress at some point and word got out.

What I’m trying to say is that, much like us mere mortals that don’t get paid to crack heads, there’s really only so much in your control. Them ‘vagaries’ of life can be a bastard, no doubt. I mean, just today I went to my favourite iced-cream place in Ottawa (Piccolo Grande Gelateria, not a sponsor) and they did not have on hand the usual chocolate peanut butter offering I desired. That’s kinda the same thing, right?

Anyhoo, there’s a whack-ton of games on the sked that don’t mean much to you and I but mean everything to (let’s say) Franky Upstart from South Rodrigo State. The special teams’ coach loves his hustle and work ethic and Franky sure as heck doesn’t want to pump gas back in his hometown again this year. I can’t remember which team he’s on so I’ll just list all the games being played and you can go look for him. Hell, there’s probably some version of the fella on the squadron that you support.

The games in question are-Cle/Vage, Itsa/Boy, Momma/Mia, NYJ/Phi, NEW/Jackcity, Jax/Thebox, Car/Pet, Wash/Yourballs, Thai/Chi, LAC/Kingsubstance, Barbi/Dal, Oak/Tree, KC/BBQ and TEN/ToThree.

 

Enjoy.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This CLE-DET game doesn’t make any sense. Not the part about Detroit being down by 25 points at halftime, that makes sense. I’m talking about the part about Cleveland having a 25 point lead at halftime.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Didn’t they go 4-0 last preseason?

Redshirt

I’ve been listening to Bengals radio since 1992. If Dave Lapham hasn’t bitchslapped a Bungal between then and now, I think the Lions are safe.

JustStopDude

So I am sitting in the lab with a couple of the new hires. I ask them where one of them are, specifically this girl we hired like a year ago. The purpose of this course is to speed these kids up to do field work and its basically their first drive class.

So its like “Um…anyone know where Sally is?”

One of the guys “She’s out on bereavement leave”

“Oh okay…well now we got control power on and we need…”

“She got shot in the face”

“Wait…what the fuck?!?!” The kids just stare at me. “Look this isn’t funny. Are you serious?”

Turns out they were. Like in March, she was visiting friends in Norva and two dudes came up to the porch, demanded money. Her boyfriend ran inside the house, locked the door, with the two girls still outside and they shot Sally. But it only knocked her out because it was really low caliber bullet.

I thinking this is complete bullshit…and then one of them pulls up the news article. The arrested the two dudes almost immediately. She only got a concussion physically, but I got to imagine she is a mental wreck.

http://www.nbc12.com/story/37800306/police-arrest-2-men-after-woman-shot-during-robbery-on-lamb-avenue

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is not the shot-in-the-face story I was hoping for.

litre_cola

For that one ask Balls for a link.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I ain’t linkin’ any balls,

Senor Weaselo

Something tells me she won’t be a fan of that anymore.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Most women aren’t anyway, but I’d bet she would be even more against the shooting.

herodotus450

After “bereavement leave” I thought it was gonna be another classic “JSD run-in with millenials” and she was out cause her pet hamster got sick. Ykies.

JustStopDude

I feel terrible for her. I saw her after this happened and she had a black eye. I just figured she was in an accident or something minor.

I straight up don’t know how the fuck your lady has a gun pointed at her, and your first inclination is to run into the house and lock her outside.

Redshirt

How do you lock the door on two women, one of them your girlfriend when they’re being robbed?

JustStopDude

You fucking got me.

I met her boyfriend once. Imagine thick glasses, ill fitting cloths, and a pedo stash.

I asked him was he does for a living.

Artisan grill cheese.

I asked if he went to college for that and he said no. He went for a degree in visual arts.

I asked what he future plans were. He said he wanted to get into education. Work as an elementary teacher.

“How the fuck can you work as a teacher when the parents are calling the cops whenever you show up to the parking lot?”

I started laughing…no one else did. It was the last work party I was invited to.

litre_cola

South Rodrigo State is a big threat to University of phoenix and DeVry this year.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To be fair I have never been eating cereal during an earthquake.

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Spur

Don’t sleep on Western Governors

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

or with

herodotus450

Yeah but you know Trump University will make the playoffs since any losses they have will be pardoned by the end of the year.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ain’t care, Matt and Troy.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She can slap the meat.

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...

Knowing she’s a huge cock fiend only enhances the effect

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I’m sure the rumors are true.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Snodgrass, Luckenbaugh, and Gillikin: Northwestern special teamers or the best damn law firm in Missourah if you ever get charged with teaching evolution in school?

ALXMAC

BOILER UP!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

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Payne He’Bert, that is. OL for Northwestern.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The eyes say weed; the rage says they didn’t get the pizza order right.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Part of me wants Wentz and Foles to go down and Hackenburg to lead the Eagles to another Super Bowl win just so Jets fans heads explode.

litre_cola

Ahem, Sudfield.

Senor Weaselo

I’d be impressed they won a Super Bowl with only 9 men on offense.

Spur

Purdue seems to be indifferent to tackling.

herodotus450

60 minutes into the college football season, and heeeeeerrrre commmmmes the buffering on the espn watch site app thing.

Redshirt

Bengals have no timeouts. 0:07 left in the half. Ball is on the 20 yard line. Colts line up 7 players behind the 10.

A Bengals receiver still gets behind them for a Touchdown.

Spur

Folks

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Awe-inspiring that Ryan Van Denmark can play college football for Uconn and still run an entire country* the same time.
*it is a European country but it still counts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Aaaaaah C. Hackenberg DEAR GOD N—wait, he’s playing as the backup for the Iggles.

Redshirt

(screaming throw DFO Clubhouse ceiling)

“Weaselo! You got yourself on the roof! You can get yourself off the roof!”

herodotus450

Parker Boudreaux: adult French board game company, protagonist of the creole remake of Ferris Bueller, or UCF OL second stringer?

LemonJello

Clearly, the answer is “Yes.”

Redshirt

Parker Boudreaux Ne Peut Pas Perdre!

Senor Weaselo

Madre Weaselo got a new phone, which means I get to play tech support!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=st6-DgWeuos

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

The best thing about PreSeason Game 4, when you see a busted play and a lineman watching the QB and RB get destroyed by a blitzer, you can almost hear him say “That’s it; I’m fired.” to himself.

LemonJello

I’m being “treated” to (for?) ‘Dacteds v Ratbirds on the picture-box. Not sure if even I deserve this kind of punishment.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think we all know why:

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LemonJello

I was young and needed the money! Don’t judge me for fucking Amy Schumer!

Redshirt

At least say tequila was involved,

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pretty sure it was Cena.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But ten bucks is ten bucks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

SIT B.M.! PUT IN THE BRO!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

I think I recognize that tongue.

herodotus450

Uconn Offensive Lineman Ryan Crozier is what happens when a rogue Brooklyn Pastry Chef combines Ryan Shazier and a croissant.

herodotus450

Nope, Hergy is from Montreal, Crozy if from Plantation, Florida. Well I guess that’s not exactly conclusive, but I can’t confirm either.

Senor Weaselo

Wasn’t the guy on *checks* Spring Street?

herodotus450

Uconn has a big mountain to climb to win this game, but they’ve got
[looks at depth chart for 6th string DL’s name]
Tenzin Pharachesur to guide them up that mountain.
/It’s a Tenzing Norgay joke, don’t you see

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

BREAKING! BREAKING!
Uconn jumps out to an early season name-game lead with their kicker Michael Tarbutt.
Also they have a guy with the first name Heron. And a Canaudiouun with the first name Hergy.
That is all. You are now free tor return to your normal lives. If you can…

Redshirt

Do I have to go back to my normal life?

rockingdog

Is this movie New Jack city the inspiration for Samuel L jackson to wear Kangol hats?

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herodotus450

Six seconds into the college football season and I’m already so sick of these commercials I want to murder myself and my whole family.

herodotus450

I just assumed they would die of grief.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Alternately, take out a large life insurance policy on yourself with your wife’s help, then make your suicide look like a murder.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

M. Knight Rikkishyamalan

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Looks like the fourth string now. They may look bad tonight, but will be doing well at UPS tomorrow.

Redshirt

I dunno. The Bills starters made the Bengals starters look scarily good.

herodotus450

Gang Green is still quartered in New Amsterdam, you fool!

rockingdog

bahahaha! this is good twitter!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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*Moose has no life

Redshirt

Male Commentists: “Eww!”
Female Commentists: “Hmm…”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Third stringers in preseason is always a good indicator.

But yes, he will.

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Redshirt

So the Browns are running loose in the bowl?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, might be a log jam in the second half.

Brick Meathook

Is that Hungry Howie’s the restaurant on Sunset or Hungry Howie’s the dildo store on La Cienega?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ALXMAC

Nice! Kinda figured that Katy Tur would be type that is into roleplay

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Oh, he dead, right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, but he is helping raise our medical costs significantly.

Brick Meathook

Nah, that looks like Europe. Either way, he won’t be doin’ that no more.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Could be; still looks like shitty US windows and rain gutter.

But I appreciate sinking the medical cost joke.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Matt Barkley’s knee is hurt. If you’re Fantasy Draft goes to the 123rd Round, please take that into account.

rockingdog

dude is back up for andy dalton/bengals right?

Redshirt

He was in a Position Battle with Jeff Driskel (ex-49ers QB) for Bengals QB2. He’s been declared OUT so it doesn’t look good. The PreSeason stats are close and Driskel’s stats are better.

They do have a 4th straight QB but he’s a Practice Squad QB.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Colts may have settled the Bengals Backup QB role.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Two plays into the season and a college footballer is already ded?

Senor Weaselo

Before the season, even.

Redshirt

PreSeason Game 4: Colts @ Bengals
Regular Season Game 1: Bengals @ Colts

Heck of a job, NFL Scheduling.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Purdue-Northwestern to start the JV foobaw season is Peak B1G.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

yea im watching New jack city tonight!!!! oh yea!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m convinced that Donnie Bitch Tits thinks every part of every city inhabited by African-Americans is exactly like that movie.

ballsofsteelandfury

LOVE the games!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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