INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
DJ 3000: …and ownership wouldn’t even tell you who it’s going to be?
PRODUCER: That’s right. They said it was going to be a special treat, though.
DJ 3000: Maybe it’s Tombstone!
PRODUCER: Don’t get me wrong, Tombstone’s great, but I don’t think he’s got enough star power to get them to play coy like that. They’d just tell me it was going to be Tombstone.
DJ 3000: Monsoon?
PRODUCER: I doubt it.
DJ 3000: Son of Whyachi?
PRODUCER: I’m telling you, it’s not going to be a robot.
DJ 3000: Russell Wilson?
PRODUCER: What did I just say?
The intercom buzzes.
RECEPTIONIST: [via intercom] Your guest is here. Oh wow.
PRODUCER: Send him through, I guess.
— [door is kicked open] —
FORMER PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Gentlemen, it’s a pleasure to be here.
PRODUCER: [is speechless]
DJ 3000: [displays spinning wheel]
OBAMA: [smiles, clearly this is not the first time this has happened] I apologize for cutting things so close, I’m sure you’re familiar with the Obamapocalypse of traffic that happens when word gets out that I’m coming to Los Angeles. I’ll head right on in and we can get started with my conversation with the American people?
PRODUCER: [manages a weak nod]
FORMER PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA steps into the recording booth and expertly gets himself set up. Once he’s settled he gives the PRODUCER a thumbs-up. The PRODUCER counts down from five, and they go straight to air.
PRODUCER: [recapturing his professionalism] Good day, and welcome to the 2018’s final installment of Request Line. I am incredibly honored to welcome to the studio the former President of the United States of America, Mr. Barack Obama.
OBAMA: Thanks very much, it’s a pleasure to be here.
PRODUCER: Now I noticed when you were setting up in the booth you seemed very comfortable, I suppose you’ve done many more than your fair share of radio interviews.
OBAMA: That’s right, this is not my first rodeo.
PRODUCER: Speaking of Rodeo, it was recently announced that Rodeo Road, which connects the neighborhood of Crenshaw to Culver City will be renamed in your honor.
OBAMA: That’s right, they wouldn’t let me have Rodeo Drive, so Rodeo Road is what I got. [laughs lightly] But seriously, I was headed to Arizona for my friend John McCain’s funeral so I thought I’d drop by and see what I’m getting.
PRODUCER: We were very sorry to hear of John’s passing.
OBAMA: He was one of the finest Americans this country has ever known. Many American disagreed with his politics, but you’ll have a hard time finding a reasonable person who would slander his patriotism or his honor.
PRODUCER: I understand you and John were both football fans.
OBAMA: That’s right. As you know I’m steadfastly loyal to my Chicago teams and John fell in love with the local teams when he settled in Arizona. John and I had a bet over which of our teams – his Cardinals or my Bears – would be the next to win a Super Bowl; it saddens me that I’ll never get to collect that batch of homemade spice rub he put on the line.
PRODUCER: Did you really think you either one of you was ever going to collect on that bet?
OBAMA: [chuckles] I can’t say I was holding my breath. But that brings me to why I’m here. I’m here to talk to your listeners about the future of this country. There’s a sense that the values we hold dear are being chipped away, that everyone is cheating the system, and getting away with it, and if you’re not doing the same then you’re the world’s biggest sucker. But I don’t think that’s true. And I don’t want Americans to feel like plunging into the depths of cynicism is the only way they can survive in these troubling times. I’m here to remind them there’s another feeling they can embrace, and it’s called hope.
PRODUCER: [smiles and nods]
OBAMA: As you know, the preseason is over, and the regular season is just around the corner. For me, just like for many other football fans throughout this nation, this is the time when our sense of hope is at its absolute peak. Certainly, once the first week of games is in the books I’ll have to face the fact that my Bears are going to be dogshit yet again, but right now, this week, I can still feel hope. Every American can. And I want to encourage Americans to take this feeling, and revel in it, and remember it, and let it blossom. So my theme for this week’s Request Line is “Songs That Make You Feel Hope”. I realize that might come off as kind of abstract, and that’s fine. It’s a personal topic – many different things give different Americans hope. I’ll get us started with a request from one of the station’s owners, which he says is a reminder that it’s okay to feel good about things. Specifically, it’s okay to feel good about a tiny man that lives in the refrigerator and shills for dairy products. It doesn’t make sense to me, but it makes sense to him, and it makes him feel hope, and that’s what matters. So give me a call – no death threats please, that’s a federal crime – and let me know what you’d like to hear, what songs give you hope. Lines are open now.
—
Editor’s Note: All right folks, you know the drill. It’s been a wonderful offseason, and I’m grateful to everyone who participated. I can’t wait for the games to begin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwrHwZyFN7M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzIE3mRFypQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEH2ICPkLlU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAR_Ff5A8Rk
Whoops, duplicate from RTD pick.
[Ryan Leaf and Todd Marinovich are walking along the beach]
Leaf: Hey Todd, check out this awesome skim board I just found!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMsuDvrqZ2A
From me but originally courtesy of Mr. Right.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3N_Lkgftc4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI
Crap. I literally had my keys in my hand and was almost out the door to go to the booze store just now, when this one popped into my head.
Damn you RTD for giving me a happy ending.
Wait, let me rephrase that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5FAvBAvhb8
I mean come on, the song’s literally about holding on. Also, it’s a great windows-down-at-night driving tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-oHBkikDBg
OK, really time to go get some booze now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H5uWRjFsGc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1wOK9yGUYM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEQ0l_m3Xm0
Can’t decide whether this song is sad, hopeful, or both. So I’m choosing a cover (which is surprisingly good), and by rule, if the song is inappropriate for the topic, the cover makes it moot. (Why yes, I am on the NFL Rules Committee)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hH52tE1TcsI
In honor of my Grandma, who died yesterday, on her 89th birthday. I’m not doing the one with Ike because my my Grandma spent the last 6 years without having to deal with my Grandpa.
The official party song of the nomonkey family.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqIpkMDRjYw
Condolences.
All the best to the nomonkey family.
Trump: “Thanks.”
Not you, asshole.
(89 years is a good long time and a prime number, which is also good)
Sorry for your loss, dude.
Sorry to hear that. All the best to your family.
Thanks all. She had a great run, and was ready at the end. She didn’t suffer at all until the last day or so. All any of us can ask for.
Except perhaps being shot in bed at 90 by a jealous husband/wife(not our own).
“It’s, uh, not that great.”
– Steve McNair
Big hugs from the right family to yours.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtTj4cramPM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eab_beh07HU
This is just a damn happy tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjMJe8xKlqE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyGY2NfYpeE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyihQtBes1I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKLVmBOOqVU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XNaPX6MKlU
Another one that’s kinda personal, but it’s also a hopeful song. Plus, CUTE ANIMALS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C3zgYW_FAM
Haha, when you said cute animals I didn’t even need to refresh to know what it was.
Nice pick. Imma double it if that’s OK with you….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDIzMGh94vo
OK, I really need to go get booze now.
I’m really sorry for this one, gang. But I gotta…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPUmE-tne5U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDFKEQrPYmA
Blame Mr. Ayo for this triple shot…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYCuH-WauaE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvGk506ucEk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeYSqZPzwr8
And now it’s a quadruple…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Pre7bINBps
Sure, the singer is Cro-Magnon, but it’s a happy song tellin us we’ll be alright.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUE4oDunYkc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_CSjcm-z1w
Anybody makes a smart remark here, I might snap.
Hehehehehe….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv3RgbA2UTo
https://youtube.com/watch?v=5516FEi25Ng&feature=youtu.be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTAud5O7Qqk
I had this one pretty high on my board.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU
Three minutes of sugary sweetness.
The Beatles — Here Comes The Sun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfMXXMH9thc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM
The definitive version as far as I’m concerned.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NR-H2uFCQls
One of the few exceptions where the cover is just as good, if not better than, the original.
Yeah, I know you’ll all hate me for this one.
No worries, I’m used to it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ8xqyoZXCc
I mean come on.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnYA1R4vQaA
Kind of a cliche, but…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaGUr6wzyT8
Whoops, didn’t see you’d already posted that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyKVHQbJXhU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvfvb4FCZTA
Here’s a great song about getting fired up to have a kickass night. Or something like that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM
This is sad, this is the only song that I have ever felt made me hopeful:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQiOA7euaYA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpDXAZtT59s
Always liked the feeling of this song. Bill Withers is the man.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEeaS6fuUoA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnQ8N1KacJc
Yep, I’m that guy.
This shouldn’t be surprising to any of you.
Now you just need to add The Avett Brothers double shot.
Later. Right now I gotta go change Mom’s bandages.
Then go buy a shitload of booze so I can forget I just had to change Mom’s bandages.
I have questions, but I want them to remain unanswered.
Yes, trust me you do not want the details.
Sorry for this one. I probably need to go get drunk.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYOKMUTTDdA
Always a good idea…but I like this stupid goofy song, because it’s a stupid goofy song for the sake of being a stupid goofy song.
A few months early (it’s technically a Christmas song) but it works….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-kHleNYIDc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yam5uK6e-bQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_6ak9CYx48
Stars…dreams…sounds like Wes Welker going through the concussion protocol.
Hehehehe…that made me laugh.
Thank you.
This whole album came out at a time when I needed it. Probably other people liked it too, whatever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwKEdFoUB0o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co6WMzDOh1o
Ooh! The perfect Request Line for NIN.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv11vZj4Z0g
Aw, I miss him. And I’ll miss Request Line. Music to follow…gotta wax nostalgic for a few about better times.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKGjEvoEOUY
“I hope” you’ll all listen to this song.
Yeah, what I said was corny, I get it.
But everyone should listen to that song.