Yes indeed, tis that time once again. Cheerleaders to leer over, prospects to scout, GAMBLOR to hail. Let’s get to the #ACTION!
James Madison at NC State (Noon, ESPNU)
How does a match like this garner national teevee coverage? Wolven QB Ryan Finley, soon to dominate Mel Kiper wet dreams, and leader of the Most Interesante 6-6 or 7-5 team in the land. For the entire badass defensing unit (led by #5 overall pick Bradley Chubb) graduated to the NFL, you see. People will boil alive in that stadium today, tune in and watch them die!
Oregon State at Ohio State (Noon, ABC)
The fecklessness of tOSU’s “punishment” of Head Coach “See No Evil” (she fell, okay!) will be quite apparent today. Sparty’s scare Friday night against Team Secular Big Love State demonstrates why B1G athletic directors take no chances whatsoever in scheduling.
Texas at Maryland (Noon, FS1)
Watch this, or be a pussy bitch.
Ole Miss at Texas Tech (Noon, ESPN)
Hey, an actual competitive, interesting fixture! I would even watch this one in October. Probably have to stream this while watching my Shitty Wolves ™ on the big screen. There will deffo be points.
Washington v. Auburn @ Megatron’s Butthole aka NO HOMOES CHIKIN DOME (3:30, ABC)
Another interesting matchup that could very likely be decided by West Coast team travel. When in doubt, always bet on SEC West front seven athleticism. Though I wouldn’t bet this one at all, given how much of a yo-yo side War Damn Eagle tends to be.
West By God Virginia at Tennessee (3:30, CBS)
WCS has to put his game face on early, as these teams meet fer the first time in EVAR?? (that don’t sound right) Pour one out FOAR Butch Jones, who these pages don’t have to kick around no more. Sad Hippo.
Washington State at Wyoming (3:30, CBSSN)
You want Sleeper Interesting Game? Here it is, as two Hippo/Litre 2017 betting talismans clash in Laramie. Laramie is kind of a post-apocalyptic wasteland, FWIW. Good for one’s sinuses, apparently.
Cincinnati at UCLA (7:00, ESPN)
I know nothing about either side, other than I hope to laugh at Chip Kelly and how much “gritty” talent he has managed to assemble in La-La Land. Also, Redshirt and Balls need to make a side bet to keep things interesting here, night slate is kind of liquid shit.
Michigan at Notre Dame (7:30, NBC)
You know, the great thing about Lesser Footy is that when two asshole sides like this clash, one can always root for a Draw. With lots of crippling injuries.
Middle Tennessee at Vanderbilt (7:30, SECN)
Oh come on, you know this will be fucking hilarious.
Louisville v. Alabama @ Orlando aka “Mr. Disney sez NO JEWS!!” (8:00, ABC)
Did the teevee folk expect Ville to remain good post-LAMAR! Because, I have a surprise for them coming. Especially given they weren’t particularly hot LAST year, once folk had FILM on LAMAR! Over/under on puppies sacrificed as Roll Damn Tide builds 5 TD lead too slowly for Saban’s liking? 7.5
BYU at Arizona (10:45, ESPN)
Your first late night tweaker fixture is solid, as Bear Down FOAR Midterms hosts the Stormin’ Mormons aka Team Big Love, Original Recipe. If this game goes into like 5 OT, won’t the magic undies crew have to forfeit due to the clock striking Sunday?
AWFUL lot of calls have gone Au-burn’s way in this game, is what I would say if I was an sec-hater
SHADES OF PLANO EAST!!
Maybe it’s cause I’m not a Lions fan, but I always found Matt Millen to be on the good side of tolerable as an announcer/analyst
Everyone switch to Big 10 Network. Its happening again!
App St. recover an onside kick or something?
Yup, and scored a TD.
Oh tricky Mountaineers!
The fuck happen in Oakland? A year ago, they looked like a potential Superb Owl winning team in the next two or three years. Now they look like they’re rebuilding.
Confused boner right now.
It knows what it’s doing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON4sOlxvtbU
Sudden change in favour of War Damn Eagle!
http://gifcandy.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/gifcandy-funny-54.gif
AND NOW THE RAIDERS HAVE CUT MARTAVIUS BRYANT, WHICH MEANS THEY GAVE UP A 3RD ROUND PICK TO THE STEELERS FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Jon Gruden is gonna absolutely burn that franchise down to the embers.
Nice job packing that pussy.
black pussy, no less!
As if AJ McCarron’s career could get any worse….
https://www.cincinnati.com/story/sports/nfl/raiders/2018/09/01/raiders-trade-aj-mccarron-bills/1175751002/
yeah, he has to feel like a Jerry Bear bong at a Dead show by now. Remember when Marvin said they’d need TWO #1s to move him?
I can’t wait to talk to all of my friends that were certain that he would be a dramatic improvement over Dalton.
I mean, Connor Cook is also a soulless ginger, and apparently he’s a clear upgrade there. In Gruden’s world, anyway.
My friends were like that, I was the one who said he’s a younger, less experienced version of Dalton.
Well, I could say sommet about that offensive playcalling, Maryland coaching staff. One first down wins the goddamned game, and you don’t throw ONCE? Not even 3rd and 6 from the Horns 45?
Forces Texas to burn their timeouts. A screen pass or a safe pass would be okay, though.
I understand TWO runs, maybe. Not three. Have to get ONE first down. No timeouts and 2:30 is not a big deal in JV ball. Then they netted 15 yards on the punt.
one also has to consider…34-29 scoreline. I don’t do the “trust mah defense, hur dur” thing.
My plans assumed the punter and coverage could net more than one suburban backyard.
#PussyBitches get the ball back on an instant replay review, up 5 with 2:43 to play.
As if we needed more proof to dig up the entire state of Alabama, infect it with AIDS, and shoot it into the sun, Auburn just ran a fake kneel-down play.
What did the sun do to you to deserve that kind of abuse?
That means every single kneeldown is going to get a jailbreak blitz.
Hippo LIKE!
Fake kneel down! Love it!!
Washing ton offense decides to finally show up
Redemption for Aubie’s kicker
getting a nice storm down Raleigh way right now. Contentment level…rising.
TX/MD is still going on?! What hit them, a pop-up Category 5 Hurricane?
probably got cloudy a few miles over
/grumbles about snowflaeks for a few hours
Jake Browning really showing off his “call an audible too late then call a bad time out because of poor clock awareness” skills that will make him a perfect fit for the Browns nert year.
Big10 killer Appalachian St. on the prowl again.
Its not Michigan but this’ll be just as sweet.
“Happy Appy on top of Paedos” makes quite the headline
OrangeJello’s tuition moneys pays for some of their salaries!
what is a JV NFL catch???
Even Master Teague got in on the ohio state scoring action. No word yet on whether he’ll celebrate after the game with a bit of falconry or by doing some light soy futures trading.
I just picked up Alf Morris mere hours before McKinnon hurt himself again today.
Did anyone else who listened to Obama’s McCain eulogy think he sounded like he might’ve taken a couple of belts before he got up there?
It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s not hitting the sauce seeing who followed him.
Also, I think McCain would be the type of guy that would’ve welcomed it and even encouraged it.
who gots GAMBLOR in this window? I need a rooting interest.
I abstained, though if I had I would have gone Tennessee and Aubie and been 1-1, it seems.
Senator Doug Jones is gonna make this a very good Karma footbaw year for Roll Damn Tide and War Damn Eagle, it seems.
Does he have an election this year?
NAWT until 2020. And he’s doing a great job having town halls and talking to people all over, even in hostile areas, wouldn’t be surprised if he won again. Southern folk can surprise that way.
In Alabama? How Democrat is Jones? Is he moderate, pure, or Socialist?
EDIT: Ah, he defeated Roy Moore, the Republican that broke this Conservative’s back.
He’s as far left as Bama has ever seen, but he’s fairly moderate by modern political standards. Pretty bidness friendly, but fairly solidly left on social issues. Made his bones as a Civil Rights attorney, so makes sense.
ABC in my region have abandoned the Beavers, but they’re still scoring. Within 50% of ohio state
yup, snuff film on ESPN News here. Aubie apparently is gonna have a “Dr. Jekyll” year, as they are well on their way to creating their own such film.
oh man, I totally want the Auburn D/ST in fantasy
No Allie LaForce, CBS?? What the holy tittyfuck!!!
It’s that time of year again:
Allie LaForce, Spanish for Allie TheForce.
Ohio State offense may score 100 points…because their defense may give up 60.
Rick Neuheisel is playing guitar on my (thankfully muted) teevee box, for some unholy reason.
TX/MD in a rain delay?? I sat through an entire NC State/South Cakalaky contest played in the remnants of a fucking hurricane.
10-nil win, BTW
I shall be quite annoyed if the North Cakalaky ABC affiliate is forced to show the entirety of this snuff film instead of going immediately to Aubie/U-Dub at 3:30.
/even if I am trying to do actual worky work
//I don’t wanna
on any list of “universally agreed coolest black guys” he has to be Top 5, yeah?
him and Bryant Gumbel, yeah
Ohio State: 1 play 75 yards pass TD
Oregon State: 1 play 80 yard run TD
Did someone forget to tell the defenses the game’s back on?
Have you ever sat in a sauna for 15 minutes with a bunch of fat naked old men? I just did, and it’s not nearly as erotic as it sounds.
Bom-chicka-wow-wow
EROTIC IS AS EROTIC DOES, BRICK.
And Maryland shows why you only go for it on your own side on Madden. Especially if you take 20 seconds to decide to go for it.
JMU kicks a field goal on NC State’s 3 yard line.
/NOTEBOOK FLIES OPEN
they previously kicked on 4th and inches from the NC State 4. Their conservatism has saved us.
Mike McCarthy approves!
James Madison driving….
…away from Washington to escape the British?
Too soon?
Looks like Eifert is getting the Antonio Gates treatment this season; passing downs & red-zone only. Thoughts?
He’s too fragile to be a TE, so maybe being a glorified WRing-TE should work.
WILL DRINKING MAKE ME FEEL BETTER? I DON’T FEEL LIKE DRINKING WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.
never hurts to try?
It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.
That the soberness talking. You won’t know for sure until your drink.
Just don’t use your Raiders shot glass.
…and God is tired of the OSU Bowl.
Whoever created this NCSU team forgot to replace the default name for one of the runningbacks. R. Person?