JV NFL 2018 Kickoff Posting

Yes indeed, tis that time once again.  Cheerleaders to leer over, prospects to scout, GAMBLOR to hail.  Let’s get to the #ACTION!

James Madison at NC State (Noon, ESPNU)

How does a match like this garner national teevee coverage?  Wolven QB Ryan Finley, soon to dominate Mel Kiper wet dreams, and leader of the Most Interesante 6-6 or 7-5 team in the land.  For the entire badass defensing unit (led by #5 overall pick Bradley Chubb) graduated to the NFL, you see.  People will boil alive in that stadium today, tune in and watch them die!

Oregon State at Ohio State (Noon, ABC)

The fecklessness of tOSU’s “punishment” of Head Coach “See No Evil” (she fell, okay!) will be quite apparent today.  Sparty’s scare Friday night against Team Secular Big Love State demonstrates why B1G athletic directors take no chances whatsoever in scheduling.

Texas at Maryland (Noon, FS1)

Watch this, or be a pussy bitch.

Ole Miss at Texas Tech (Noon, ESPN)

Hey, an actual competitive, interesting fixture!  I would even watch this one in October.  Probably have to stream this while watching my Shitty Wolves ™ on the big screen.  There will deffo be points.

Washington v. Auburn @ Megatron’s Butthole aka NO HOMOES CHIKIN DOME (3:30, ABC)

Another interesting matchup that could very likely be decided by West Coast team travel.  When in doubt, always bet on SEC West front seven athleticism.  Though I wouldn’t bet this one at all, given how much of a yo-yo side War Damn Eagle tends to be.

West By God Virginia at Tennessee (3:30, CBS)

WCS has to put his game face on early, as these teams meet fer the first time in EVAR?? (that don’t sound right) Pour one out FOAR Butch Jones, who these pages don’t have to kick around no more.  Sad Hippo.

Washington State at Wyoming (3:30, CBSSN)

You want Sleeper Interesting Game?  Here it is, as two Hippo/Litre 2017 betting talismans clash in Laramie.  Laramie is kind of a post-apocalyptic wasteland, FWIW.  Good for one’s sinuses, apparently.

Cincinnati at UCLA (7:00, ESPN)

I know nothing about either side, other than I hope to laugh at Chip Kelly and how much “gritty” talent he has managed to assemble in La-La Land.  Also, Redshirt and Balls need to make a side bet to keep things interesting here, night slate is kind of liquid shit.

Michigan at Notre Dame (7:30, NBC)

You know, the great thing about Lesser Footy is that when two asshole sides like this clash, one can always root for a Draw.  With lots of crippling injuries.

Middle Tennessee at Vanderbilt (7:30, SECN)

Oh come on, you know this will be fucking hilarious.

Louisville v. Alabama @ Orlando aka “Mr. Disney sez NO JEWS!!” (8:00, ABC)

Did the teevee folk expect Ville to remain good post-LAMAR!  Because, I have a surprise for them coming.  Especially given they weren’t particularly hot LAST year, once folk had FILM on LAMAR!  Over/under on puppies sacrificed as Roll Damn Tide builds 5 TD lead too slowly for Saban’s liking?  7.5

BYU at Arizona (10:45, ESPN)

Your first late night tweaker fixture is solid, as Bear Down FOAR Midterms hosts the Stormin’ Mormons aka Team Big Love, Original Recipe.  If this game goes into like 5 OT, won’t the magic undies crew have to forfeit due to the clock striking Sunday?

 

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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herodotus450

AWFUL lot of calls have gone Au-burn’s way in this game, is what I would say if I was an sec-hater

herodotus450

SHADES OF PLANO EAST!!

herodotus450

Maybe it’s cause I’m not a Lions fan, but I always found Matt Millen to be on the good side of tolerable as an announcer/analyst

Redshirt

Everyone switch to Big 10 Network. Its happening again!

herodotus450

App St. recover an onside kick or something?

Redshirt

Yup, and scored a TD.

Redshirt

Oh tricky Mountaineers!

Wakezilla

The fuck happen in Oakland? A year ago, they looked like a potential Superb Owl winning team in the next two or three years. Now they look like they’re rebuilding.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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tomsellecksmoustache

Confused boner right now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It knows what it’s doing.

Brick Meathook

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herodotus450
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

AND NOW THE RAIDERS HAVE CUT MARTAVIUS BRYANT, WHICH MEANS THEY GAVE UP A 3RD ROUND PICK TO THE STEELERS FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Nice job packing that pussy.

Redshirt

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Redshirt
tomsellecksmoustache

I can’t wait to talk to all of my friends that were certain that he would be a dramatic improvement over Dalton.

Redshirt

My friends were like that, I was the one who said he’s a younger, less experienced version of Dalton.

Redshirt

Forces Texas to burn their timeouts. A screen pass or a safe pass would be okay, though.

Redshirt

My plans assumed the punter and coverage could net more than one suburban backyard.

herodotus450

As if we needed more proof to dig up the entire state of Alabama, infect it with AIDS, and shoot it into the sun, Auburn just ran a fake kneel-down play.

LemonJello

What did the sun do to you to deserve that kind of abuse?

Redshirt

That means every single kneeldown is going to get a jailbreak blitz.

herodotus450

Washing ton offense decides to finally show up

Redshirt

TX/MD is still going on?! What hit them, a pop-up Category 5 Hurricane?

herodotus450

Jake Browning really showing off his “call an audible too late then call a bad time out because of poor clock awareness” skills that will make him a perfect fit for the Browns nert year.

herodotus450

Big10 killer Appalachian St. on the prowl again.

Redshirt

Its not Michigan but this’ll be just as sweet.

LemonJello

OrangeJello’s tuition moneys pays for some of their salaries!

herodotus450

Even Master Teague got in on the ohio state scoring action. No word yet on whether he’ll celebrate after the game with a bit of falconry or by doing some light soy futures trading.

Fronkenshteen

I just picked up Alf Morris mere hours before McKinnon hurt himself again today.
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Fronkenshteen

Did anyone else who listened to Obama’s McCain eulogy think he sounded like he might’ve taken a couple of belts before he got up there?

Redshirt

It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s not hitting the sauce seeing who followed him.

Also, I think McCain would be the type of guy that would’ve welcomed it and even encouraged it.

Fronkenshteen

who gots GAMBLOR in this window? I need a rooting interest.comment image

Fronkenshteen

Does he have an election this year?

Redshirt

In Alabama? How Democrat is Jones? Is he moderate, pure, or Socialist?

EDIT: Ah, he defeated Roy Moore, the Republican that broke this Conservative’s back.

herodotus450

ABC in my region have abandoned the Beavers, but they’re still scoring. Within 50% of ohio state

herodotus450

It’s that time of year again:
Allie LaForce, Spanish for Allie TheForce.

Redshirt

Ohio State offense may score 100 points…because their defense may give up 60.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

him and Bryant Gumbel, yeah

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Ohio State: 1 play 75 yards pass TD
Oregon State: 1 play 80 yard run TD

Did someone forget to tell the defenses the game’s back on?

Brick Meathook

Have you ever sat in a sauna for 15 minutes with a bunch of fat naked old men? I just did, and it’s not nearly as erotic as it sounds.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Bom-chicka-wow-wow

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

EROTIC IS AS EROTIC DOES, BRICK.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

And Maryland shows why you only go for it on your own side on Madden. Especially if you take 20 seconds to decide to go for it.

WCS

JMU kicks a field goal on NC State’s 3 yard line.

/NOTEBOOK FLIES OPEN

WCS

Mike McCarthy approves!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

James Madison driving….

Redshirt

…away from Washington to escape the British?

Fronkenshteen

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Redshirt

Too soon?

Fronkenshteen

Looks like Eifert is getting the Antonio Gates treatment this season; passing downs & red-zone only. Thoughts?

Redshirt

He’s too fragile to be a TE, so maybe being a glorified WRing-TE should work.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

WILL DRINKING MAKE ME FEEL BETTER? I DON’T FEEL LIKE DRINKING WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

WCS

It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.

Redshirt

That the soberness talking. You won’t know for sure until your drink.

yeah right

Just don’t use your Raiders shot glass.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

…and God is tired of the OSU Bowl.

herodotus450

Whoever created this NCSU team forgot to replace the default name for one of the runningbacks. R. Person?