Your “Pulse is Steady, Will Continue To Monitor Vitals” 2nd Round of NFL Football

It’s another one of those slogs but with each other’s support, I think we can make our way through this. Shall we keep the ball rolling along its merry way? Sure we will! TO THE GAMES!

Bills/Colts:

I can recall way back in 2018 when this was Nathan Peterman’s team. It didn’t last too long however. Shortly afterwards it became Josh Allen’s side. Alas, due to injury it became Peterman’s again. Now? In steps venerable, grizzled vet Derek Anderson. He’s had all of 15 or so days to memorize all the plays that fall short of their/his aim. They tell me he was once (and only the one time) a Pro-Bowler. It’ll likely not matter that much. The Colts D is like the Swiss Guard-more of a ceremonial unit trotted out on special occasions. They’re giving up more than 30 points a game these days.

Browns/Bucs:

With Carlos “The Jackal” Hyde traded away, it might be time for The Chubby Bubbster to assert himself in Cleveland’s offensive backfield. Both squads are looking to get their 3rd win of the season which will vault them into the oh-so-precious “.500 Zone”. The weirdo stat working against the home team is that Baker Mayfield is standing on the shoulders of the giants that came before him. The Bucs are 1-10 vs. rook qb’s since 2010.

Lions/Dolphins:

How are the Fins at 4-2? My best guess is a weaker-than-a-toddler schedule and a league-leading 11 interceptions that create more chances for the O than they legitimately deserve. Detroit is coming off a bye though and you know what they say when Matt Patricia has had two weeks to prepare for an opponent… They don’t say anything? Huh.

Panthers/Eagles:

My cherry-picked stat (it’s for you!) tells me that the Eagles, despite their troubles still have the #1 pass rush in this here league and they’re 17-3 in their last 20 at “Duck? That’s Not A Duck! Ow!” Field. You will anyway but you fine gentlemen should start your Ertz. Carolina has had some issues covering that spot.

Pats/Bears:

One of these 4-2 teams are not the same. Or are they? New England doesn’t have a road win this year. Gronk is out with a wonky spine. Mack (he has such teeth, dear) and his ankle are in. Done.

Texans/Jags:

Both teams have superior run D’s so don’t expect a helluva lot on the ground. I see plenty of stalled O’s and a game that has “12-10” final written all over it.

Vikes/Jets:

As mentioned in the previous thread, the super sexy weasely pick for those that are down and out receiver-wise is Deontay Burnett. He’s an undrafted slot wr that was Darnold’s fave at USC last year. That’s 86 catches, 1,100 yards and 9 TD’s worth of fave.

One o’clock EST beckons… We can do this!

 

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Gratliff

Michael Bennet’s jersey is somehow smaller than last time

Doktor Zymm

Coop trade rumors. Chuckie 2.0 is just gonna shop all the good players on the team I guess? Is his mandate to get as many draft picks as possible lined up so they can crush when they move to Vegas?

Fronkenshteen

Looks like the Donks are chopping it all up too. And Joseph is in “ coach for your life” mode. How inconvenient!

King Hippo

Our Equine Lord and Saviour is on the Swag Wagon!!

clint greasewood

3-2 Ray v Indians

fleshwound_NPG

Rays pitching staff woefully undertalented, lead won’t hold

Redshirt

Tampa Bay Rays 3 – Cleveland Moderately Offensives 2

bk109

Is it time for some… Fitzmagic yet?

Doktor Zymm

I love it when football scores == hockey scores

Redshirt

Tune into SNF. We may get a College Basketball score.

King Hippo

throw it to Gabriel, you functional illiterate shitstain

Spur

no, let stay with Trubisky rushes.

fleshwound_NPG

Only offensive play Chicago has is Biscuitscramble

Doktor Zymm

And that’s no good without gravy

fleshwound_NPG

“Absolutely.”

– Andy Reid

Spur

haha Eagles kicker is ass.

Doktor Zymm

If my last name was Godert, I would name my kid ‘Sir’
It sounds like the sort of name that would be really good at killing Saxons in the Welsh borderlands

Doktor Zymm

Is there ever really a need to say things are getting a little nasty in Philadelphia?

King Hippo

Oh, look. The jism rains have started again.

Spur

Ertz got flipped like a bitch.

bk109

Btw, Over/Under on BigCat shooting up the ‘s offices tomorrow?

Gratliff

Zack Ertz and Eric Reid looks like a hell of a fight. Let ’em do it.

Doktor Zymm

Aw man, so close to DOUBLE SAFETY DAY

Gratliff

Panthers run D maybe sucks ass

fleshwound_NPG

“New England does not have much of a pass rush. Chicago has a great offensive line.”

[Mitch getting pressure early and often]

Doktor Zymm

The very fact that sports reporting is often total crap is the main reason no one has bothered to yell ‘FAKE NEWS’ at it

bk109

lol, you should listen to sports radio more often to stave off boredom, then, ’cause FAKE GNUUUZ bitchin’ is a staple of late,lol (at least on TalkSport and some local shows in Ireland)

Doktor Zymm

I only listen to the radio in the car, and Bay Area sports radio blows, except for some occasional fun Raiders stuff. This is a seriously shit sports town.

Redshirt

I hate migraines. Anyone has some Excedrin or a power drill?

bk109

I can offer ya a Makita combi-hammer or y’know, a short-barrel Saiga..

King Hippo

Don’t use that OTC migraine stuff. Go to a neurologist and get real drugs.

bk109

Or a good blowjob, then you’ll feel better… or if it’s a dorman aneurysm, at least you’ll go out happy 🙂

Doktor Zymm

Shady ded

King Hippo

c’mon, Jaguras. Hippo need moneys

bk109

Well, I think I know how you can get some moneyz,lol comment image

King Hippo

I thought the going rate was a sixer? Damn you, Rickety Cricket!!

bk109

What, no… I was thinking tacky and overpriced t-shirts! Jeeeebus, get your mind outta the gutter :p

fleshwound_NPG

Last week the Greatriots did not have a flag, nor punted. First time in the Superb Owl era, maybe ever.

As usual, they start 2-2 and will not lose until December, and then get a 2-week bye until the AFC title game.

Doktor Zymm

SAFETY SAFETY YAY HAHAHAHA BUCCS

Fronkenshteen

Gah!

Spur
Redshirt

THE SAFETY GODS WILL NOT BE DENIED!!!

Gratliff

It seems like so long since Ryan Fitzpatrick was gonna take Tampa to the playoffs

Doktor Zymm

Lions eating some catfood that is NAWT Dolphin safe

Doktor Zymm

Holy Shit, bruised lung sounds horrible

Doktor Zymm

Braised lung might be okay though

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bruised Lung would be a good name for a punk rock band.

Doktor Zymm

That only plays Aqualung covers

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hee hee….that made me giggle.

King Hippo

as do a 12-hour bus ride to fookin’ Jacksonville

Redshirt

As someone who had a burned esophagus, I can say its a unique experience to feel pain while breathing.

Doktor Zymm

Yep, that sounds horrible too. I don’t miss my childhood asthma

fleshwound_NPG

Welp, good thing the ice footbaw season is starting to get on track…

bk109

Evening, pervosaurs! 🙂 How’s yer evening so far

King Hippo

Everton got all 3, so a’ight

bk109

Well, at least someone is happy with the result today,lol 😀 Wifey is still whinging about yesterday’s ManUre “performance” and I can’t say anything, so I don’t jinx our game against the Foxes tomorrow…

Col. Duke LaCross

Nice tackling assholes.

Spur

has your coach tried clapping yet?

Doktor Zymm

They Jets are wearing their color rush unis and also playing like it’s Thursday

Smithchez

Afternoon, gents. That was fast.

Col. Duke LaCross

This game already sucks.

Doktor Zymm

aBortle!

Spur

soon to be illegal in all states.

Doktor Zymm

Is Sony Michel actually named after the electronics company?

Mr. Ayo

Fun fact: It’s what his parents were listening to when he was conceived.

Gratliff

Welp. Bears gon’ lose

Spur

Come on Sex Panthers. Wentz is a punk, punch him in the nuts.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m hungry. My soup isn’t cooking fast enough.
Damn you InstantPot, why must thou smite me so????????

House smells good though.

Fronkenshteen

BOOOOOOOOOOOO

Spur

If Mack can decapitate Dreamboat here that would be great.

fleshwound_NPG

don’t hold your breath, he didn’t even touch brock lobster last week

Doktor Zymm

The pre-air Red Zone music is really not horrible for what is essentially elevator music

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

King Hippo

2-nil to the good on Merseyside. Beautiful assist from Lookman to DCL (double subs in the 81st) broke the deadlock. Jordan Pickford saved a dodgy penno earlier in the half.

Fuck Anthony Taylor, the rat bastard

Gratliff

In retrospect, I feel like this moment is where I truly found my inspiration for life.
comment image

Doktor Zymm

It feels so weird to look at Pats/Bears and feel like the Bears might have a shot rather than a shat

King Hippo

REALLY wanted to bet it, but worried about the jinx factor and couldn’t get proper odds. Expecting double digit rogering.

/cue Original Art by make it snow

//RAWR

fleshwound_NPG

Mitchy with the Kyle Orton neckbeard

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Baltimore Orioles still have not hired a new manager or GM yet, btw.
I’m honestly considering sending them a resume just to see if I get a response.
I would hope the response would be “stop being a stupid asshole you idiot”.

I get than one a lot.

Gratliff

Aw yes. Iggles in Ingland. What are D Batteries in metric?

Spanky Datass

Not sure about the metric conversion but I’d lay even money there’s a superfluous and annoying “U” in it.

Doktor Zymm

I think they’re still D, but you have to exert Joules to throw them at km/hr

theeWeeBabySeamus

P*ts/Bears and BlackCats/Iggles here on local.
Dear Lord above, what have I done to deserve this?

/looks at 4 o’clock window

Dude???????????

King Hippo

BEARISTOCRATS! are gonna do one on the P*ts methinks.

Considering benching Michel for Duke Johnson, y’all. Is this cray-cray?

Gratliff

I hope the one they do involves a broken dreamboat

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least I don’t have to root foar Tawmmy today. Of course, he’ll probably put up 30. And of course Wentz will probably go down to injury in the 1st series.

/is not good at Fantasy Footballingz

Spanky Datass

HORSE BALLS!

Spur

Cant keep track, who bet the Chargers to cover?

Fronkenshteen

Present!

Gratliff

Turned on NFL Network while I wait and Mariucci appears to be wearing a giant pentagram necklace?

King Hippo

GO HORSE BALLS!!!

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