Your “The Purge Has Begun” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Ye olde Jizziants have begun the housecleaning and who knows where it shall end. When The Wreck of The Ereck Flowers was jettisoned the initial reaction was, ‘hey, someone in management finally watched some game tape!” and did what anyone would do. But lo, next to go was the Apple of ex-GM Jerry Reese’s eye. Kinda surprising given that the Giants have maintained that the secondary is thin as far as footballers go. But they get a fourth rounder next year. (and a 7th in a year after) The news that Damon “Snacks” Harrison was unloaded for a fifth a fifth!!!! has made it clear that everyone, new kids and old, are on the block. Next to go should be Jackrabbit Jenkins and the 62 million albatrosses counted against the salary cap. See ya. Another team apparently doing the same thing are the Raiders. Rumors abound that Gruden has ‘lost the room’ so he’s going to go out and get himself a whole new room. E.M Forster is hoping it has a view.

TO THE GAME!

Doll Fingers/Tex Ands:

Miami’s hot 3-0 start fooled exactly zero watchers of football. They now sit at 4-3 and should get back into their usual comfy .500 spot a few hours from now. This may be the last time you see Frank Gore and his leather helmet on national tv so give that old war horse and his 4.6 ypc average (!!!) a respectful salute, would ya? Burp Osweiler is slinging the ball at a rate of 8.2 ypa and has a 6/2 TD/Intercept stat but much like avid bingo players, the dozen or so followers of his career have seen this B4. Look for Houston’s OC/qb Watson to target some corner by the name of Torry McTyer. “Who?”, you say. Why that’s the corner that has given up 12 passes for an average of 18+ yards per and has a passes defended success rate of 25%. Oik!, I say.

Wipe down your monitors, there’s work to do.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
429 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

King Hippo

put Gore back in, you shitdicks!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Ray Lewis, trying to get his cronies to rectify the terrible mess he made

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

I concur! Drake is on my bench! DON’T MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE CHOICES GASE

King Hippo

goddamned 500s

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Adam Gase: confirmed shitdick

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, I don’t think I’ve seen BEERGH this pissed before. I’m not sure we’ll see another flag all game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ha ha, just kidding, it’s not like the game features the Patriots playing against themselves.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Welch’s pandering to the hardass biker demographic is a bold choice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bikers love de grape jews.

WCS

Halftime in Morganhole. Mountaineers squeaking by Rapey U., 41-0. And it isn’t even that close.

King Hippo

I am angry at myself for not using a credit card at the dodgier of my two sportsbooks to bet the shiot out of that. I assume the spread was less than 20…

WCS

WVU by 14!

Spanky Datass

Every time I looked up a blue uniform had the ball running full speed in the open field. Just an ass whoopin’.

King Hippo

I just patiently explain to anyone who would inquire that, being older than 11, I am not eligible for Halloween, or Halloween costuming.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Depends on how you do it.

comment image

Senor Weaselo

You mean you’re not dressing up as Sexy Peter Potamus for Halloween?
/Similar to Rule 34, it has to exist somewhere, right?

blaxabbath

Call me crazy but I think Brock Osweiler has a lot of potential and it’s situations he has been in that have permanently stunted his development. He’d have flourished in a situation where a good team was bought in on him. He’d have been a good backup opt for GB when he left DEN.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Look you can bring the kid into a house with lead paint, but you can’t make them lick the walls

King Hippo

and that doofus has eaten his share of paint chips, let’s be honest here

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

I predicted to my brother this week that Osweiler is gonna go on a tear, Fins are gonna sign him to a 3 year deal and let Tannehill walk. Then next season he turns to shit and realizes his destiny as the next FitzMagic.

King Hippo

oh, I could surely see that

litre_cola

THis sounds absolutely correct to me.

blaxabbath

This is the future.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One punt in six minutes of game time? Come on, guys, you’re never gonna set a record that way.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Come on, Fox, if you’re gonna pander to the xenophobes you gotta make the Asian man have a “hilariously exaggerated” accent.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

HERRO RIVE FROM HOUSTON ME NO RIKEY NEW SACK RULES

blaxabbath

Banner

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I wonder if the current NFL rules would allow you to have the front of your uniforms be a disorienting pattern like the one below. It would distract your opponents, and the quarterback is almost always looking at the back of the receivers.

comment image

Redshirt

I…can’t…look…away! Send…help!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, BEERGH is clearly displeased. That should have been pass interference.

Brick Meathook

comment image
Yeah, when she whips her dick out.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They spelled “Prince S.” wrong.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That’s dickovna to you sir

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I would be more surprised if she was able to retract it again.

Redshirt

4th and 1, you have Osweiller and you throw?!

King Hippo

oh, LOLfins. NEVAR CHANGE

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

As someone who expected Kenyan Drake to be the fucking man this year, Adam Gase fucking BLOWS. I’ve been suspicious about it for a while but this year really confirmed it.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I mean it’s a tough task to beat Canadian Drake

Brick Meathook

How is J.J. Watt not hurt?

Spanky Datass

HGH is a helluva drug.

King Hippo

powered by rock, flag, and eagle bitches!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh man BEERGH is not going to be happy to see his gift rejected.

Redshirt

Those Texans uniforms are ugly.
(remembers I designed a uniform in the videogame that was a black jersey with purple numbers outlined in blue)
Nevermind. I cannot judge another teams number color combo. Even though my numbers looked cool in the videogame.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Was your team the Batmen?

Redshirt

Coyotes. I was going for a shadow look.

King Hippo

As a Striped Pylon enthusiast, your fashion street cred is expected to be limited.

Redshirt

Why won’t they burn those jerseys and gone back to the ’97-’03 ones?

King Hippo

Mike Brown got a discount

King Hippo

Gore is fine, but this week we so HATE THE DRAKE!

Redshirt

BLEERGH must be up to something. They sacrificed a referee this week.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is superb.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Monday’s game featured one of the fastest first halves I can remember; this game obviously intends to do the reverse.

litre_cola

MOAR FRAGS!

King Hippo

YEAH, kickoff BLEERGH!

King Hippo

followed by extended ref conference!!

King Hippo

THEN ANOTHER RE-KICK BLEERGH!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I saw Extended Ref Conference open for Li’l Yachty at the Bleergh Factory a couple years ago. The lead singer had huge biceps.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

This whole Gruden situation reminded me of the reports that Pete Carroll was getting new players because his current ones had heard all of his motivational anecdotes.
https://deadspin.com/pete-carroll-needed-new-players-because-he-exhausted-hi-1825392620

jjfozz

I’m going to a Halloween party Saturday and i fucking hate, i mean hate like you hate dingleberries on a humid day, dresing up in a costume. So . . .what the fuck do i go as?

Brick Meathook

comment image

Redshirt

A nudist.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I hate and refuse to dress up. If I want to attend a party, I just go in my street clothes and claim to be portraying a degenerate.

Redshirt

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

King Hippo

or your skeeviest track plants, sunglasses, and raging boner – BOOM, Marc Trestman

King Hippo

put a wrench on a piece of string, wear it around your neck, tell ppl you’re a tool

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Put on a black robe, get blackout drunk, and go as Brett Kavanaugh.

/please don’t try to rape any fifteen year-olds, though

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The only alleged Ford riding should take place in your Focus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That should be a banner.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Joe Namath, just get shit-housed and make passes at everyone.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Spanky Datass

Golf shoes
Argyle socks
Bloused at the top of socks khakis
Collared shirt
Argyle vest
Kangol hat
“Hello my name is Payne Stewart” name tag

…too soon?

Viva La Tabula Raza

After watching the WS for the last two nights, I was looking forward to an evening sans Joe Buck. Alas.

Brick Meathook

This is Joe Buck’s World and we’re just living in it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you have Amazon Prime? Watch it through that – you can turn on British commentary!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

THIS GIANTS TEAM I CALL THEM ADAM AND EVE BECAUSE AN APPLE REALLY FUCKED THEM UP FOR YEARS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It is kind of funny how quick Adam was to throw Eve under the bus.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Incidentally, Hue Jackson is a huge fan of the Book of Genesis.

King Hippo

harbinger for the next several millenia

King Hippo

Must be killing WCS not to be able to watch his 2nd favourite side in the Castrated Turkeys…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There will come a day, perhaps within the next two weeks, when my defining interest in every NFL game will be which of the teams the Raiders have received a pick from (and if both, which is a higher round pick) and I must root against for draft positioning.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder if Aaron Paul made enough for doing that testimonial on Fox to buy an eight ball.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Have Rajon Rondo spit in his face

King Hippo

it will NEVAR be as good as that first time with Jane, though

jjfozz

Millenial at work the other day, “You know, I can make any kind of joke I want to around you, because I can tell that nothing offends you. Adn you have a sense of humor.”

It all starts with planting seeds. There is hope. Maybe.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Fozz, I would be honored to work with you.

“Buddy, yeah, don’t call your millenial co-worker ‘a damaged zygote of society’. Save it for the threads.”

Redshirt

“Fozz, its HR again! Did you call someone a ‘Dingleberry on the Ass of Humanity’ again?”

Redshirt

It just dawned on me that the narrator on the Smithsonian documentaries is Liev Schreiber the actor. Hand to God, his voice sounds completely different.

jjfozz

And what in the fuck white people? Hasn’t the whole “gee black face is horrible” lesson not been explained? Christ. Although when I see someone dressed as a gangster I get so triggered that I have to swill down some homemade wine, smoke a cigar, and break their hands with a ball peen hammer.

King Hippo

It’s all about choosing the right shade of shoe polish! – Frank R., Philadelphia, PA

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Much like children learn not to touch a hot stove after the first time they burn themselves, it should be legal to physically assault someone wearing blackface so they learn not to do it.

King Hippo

#VerySpecificReparations

Redshirt

White people are stupid. Stu-pid!

Viva La Tabula Raza

To differentiate themselves from App State, WVU should change their mascot from the Mountaineers to the Black Lungs or the Breached Holding Ponds.

jjfozz

“What do people in West Virginia do at Halloween?”

“They pump kin!”

I’ll be sitting down with the other dads over there. . .

Viva La Tabula Raza

Works at Thanksgiving too.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I went to a college game last Saturday and was tasked with getting beer. I got mostly shit, some good stuff, and this motherfucker I hid in another fridge so no one would touch it.

https://foundersbrewing.com/our-beer/backwoods-bastard/

jjfozz

Damn democrats, sending pipe bombs to other democrats to blame the republicans so the voters will hate the republicans. Holy fuck fuck almighty. This country sucks ass.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Works for me!
comment image

Redshirt

Yeah, if the media would quit being fake and the enemy of the people, the people would quit sending them bombs. Its makes perfect sense!

jjfozz

I’m going through my bourbon at an alarming rate. Nothing wrong with that, but still.

Redshirt

https://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/2018/10/25/mcdonalds-mcrib-back-get-via-uber-eats-restaurants/1765990002/

Its back! Its in Ohio! Its been three years!

Don’t look at me. You know I make questionable decisions.

litre_cola

Celtics Thunder tonight, reminds me of my stripper days dancing in Derry.

Redshirt

Three JV games? Did I sleep through Halloween and Thanksgiving and go straight to Christmas season?

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve got 5 to choose from. WTF?

King Hippo

these JV matches will all be ass whoopins, so LOLfins/500s…sigh, we shall be there

Redshirt

“Wipe down your monitors, there’s work to do.”

I thought I saw my webcam move,

King Hippo
herodotus450

Classic MACtion

Brick Meathook

I will never get tired of this picture:
comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s truly awesome because there is so much going on.

Brick Meathook

There’s a lot of unanswered questions here.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I remember Haywood Jeffires used go all over Houston and say, “My names Heywood, as in ‘Hey would you let me get all up in that ass?'” He later toned it down to, “Baby, I got the run n’ shoot down to a science!”

Redshirt

WWE has decided that being insensitively stupid (no Megyn Kelly) is worse than condoning or aiding and abetting murder (yes Saudi Arabian show).

King Hippo

VPI loves teh flag!! so inspire-y!!111

ballsofsteelandfury

The local pre-game show keeps showing overhead shots of the stadium and you can still see the old Astrodome next to it.

How the fuck is that building still standing? There’s gotta be a story behind that…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Pete Carroll has a 346 slide PowerPoint as to why it’s still up.

herodotus450

3*4=12/6=2 = Two TOWERS!!!!

Redshirt

“Build me a new stadium or we’re out. That POS won’t last another five years. Ten at most!” – Bud Adams 1995

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think they still hold the annual stock show and rodeo there. Apparently they didn’t want the new stadium to smell like a barnyard.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Giants are officially cancer free.

King Hippo

Jim Kelly’s jaw is so jelly, guys!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Don’t eat the Apple

WCS

TOUCHDOWN MOUNTAINEERS

I will be foregoing the Shield’s TNF crap for Big Shit Conference JV foobawl.

herodotus450

You watching the App St. game too?
/The App St. Mountaineers that is

1 2 3 4