Belated Hippo Thoughts – Week 8, 2018 Season

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

Sorry, I have had techincal dificil in addition to the familial bullshit of Sunday night.  The shit rain, it is unceasing.

Week 8 was NFC “Prove It” Week, and we can say for certain that RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! and the Saints are for real, and seemingly on collision course.  Wait a minute, they play next Sunday at 4:25!  If you aren’t blacked out, you get this on Fox, and it will no doubt be worth your time.  8-0 @ 6-1.

A.A. Ron and pals had no intention of making things easy for the new kings of the block, and it was a 58-minute dogfight…until a fumbled kickoff denied a visibly pissed off Rodgers a chance to answer LA’s go-ahead score.  This was followed by something remarkable in today’s NFL – a truly professional, selfless act.  On 3rd and 11, Todd Gurley broke open on a beautifully designed toss play (great timeout by the OKC bomber, NEVER stop coaching), then pulled up and let himself be tackled at the 3.  This in the middle of a 2nd consecutive rightful MVP campaign, with gaudy TD records in his sights.  But his side was up 2, with 57 seconds on the clock.  Suppose Greg the Leg missed the extra point, or had it blocked?  One-score game for A.A. Ron.  Even if not, why give the Packers any infintesimal chance whatsoever?  Gurley is one of maybe 5 guys who would say “fuck my stats, 100% chance to win beats 98%” and that’s the hallmark of a championship team.  Would you be ashamed to give anything less than your all with that guy in your locker room?  I sure as fuck would.

That said, Bay of Green is nae totally ded yet, as Minny justified my semi-snub with another Captain Dingleberry-infused home loss, 30-20 to N’Awlins.  Yeah, it’s Taysom Hill’s world, and we all just livin’ in it.  Sean Payton doesn’t like all that praise going to OKC bomber McVay, I guess, and he’s coaching his arse off.  Plus, they just have too many weapons to prepare for.  I apologize for missing a large chunk of this game, but watching Cousins’ last, hapless TD drive told me all I needed to know.  Captain Dingleberry, ahoooooyyyyyy!!!

The Prophecy lives for our Bearistocrats! – 24-10 winners over the Jest and “bye over tie” fractionally in 1st place.  Don’t look now, but Bollo de la Verdad may be maturing before our very eyes.  I mean, he will always be stupid – but he is quite athletic and seems open to the excellent coaching he is now getting.  Chi**** is deffo an interesting team to watch.

Washington’s Redacteds continue to look like the most likely team to lose to the Black Panthers in the Wild Card round or be obliterated by RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! in the Divisional round.  I swear, if Adrian Peterson were white, they’d build a statue for him there.  But the defensing unit is the real story in the capital.  Los Gigantes have turned into a genre of porn so nasty even the Germans won’t watch.  Or at least won’t enjoy.

Philly managed to stay alive at 4-4, beating the Dissatisfied Burlesque Customer Fulham Jaguras, 24-18.  Other than the cool scoreline, very forgettable game.

Somehow, the SeaTruthers are 4-3, after smacking down the Cuck Lions 28-14.  I don’t think I am ok with this.  TRIVIA NOTE: Like all clubs, Seattle requires cut players to turn in their playbooks, but Petey insists that everyone keep their complimentary copy of Protocols of the Elders of Zion.  Seriously though, read Josh Marshall’s important summation of what’s going on in this sick fucking country/culture.

Raise yo fist!!  36-21 over the previously-hot Ratbirds is no small beer, and Charlotte’s pride and joy just might be hitting their stride.  In Charm City, those flannel-clad shouts for LAMAR! may start getting a little louder.

Fucking Yinzers beat #ThePauls 33-18 because that’s how #ThePauls roll.

Oh noes, we can’t forget Birdcano/Tomsulas!  This was a shitshow to end all shitshows, which should by all rights have ended at 5-3 or 3-2.  But the 2nd half featured TDs, even a decent comeback winner drive by Chosen Rosen.  The last play was fitting, though.  7 seconds on the clock and needing a quick 5-7 yards to make a tying FG plausible…the Tomsulas snapped the ball 10 feet over CJ Cregg’s head.  18-15, fin.

The Humps fat-shamed pre-Vegas 42-28, causing the crowd to boo.  Man, when you lose the Black Hole…

Oh yeah, of course the Chefs beat the Donks in Arrowhead.  Sun came up this morning, too.  Nice of them to get the backdoor cover on a late FG, though.  Not that I bet it, but still.  ENTROPY!!  Kermit the Frog continues to look like the 2nd most promising QB in the NFL, after Baby Buster.  Even though he’s on KC, I hope he stays healthy.  Fun to watch.

Finally, the Striped Pylons bungled away an 18-point lead to BloodSugarFitzMagic, but pulled the winning FG out of they asses, anyway.  37-34, thanks almost entirely to Beatie Mixon’s first half dominance and Rapey Jameis’ turnovers…constantly.  Cincy is such a weird team.  They have the components to be good, I just don’t know if they can or will pull them together in time.

See y’all next week.  SHALOM!

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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ballsofsteelandfury

Fun fact: the Browns traditionally fire their coaches after the second Steelers game of the season.

scotchnaut

Funky Fact:

Ben doesn’t shower on a regular basis.

litre_cola

Next stop for Haley is some Florida University that we have never heard of. Does the University of Tampa have a football team? That seems perfect.

litre_cola

They did! The dude narrating is interesting.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s interesting that after eight weeks the AFC divisional races have fallen into the same predictable patterns:

East: Patriots
North: Steelers
West: Chiefs
South: Irrelevant

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

And it gets better, Tyrell Prior in Buffalo talking to the Bills. Supposedly offered a contract. Desperation, thy reek is Tyrell Prior.

SonOfSpam

So out of the Browns’ coaching triumvirate, GREGGGGGGG is the survivor?

“Ah, he seems to know the students’ names.”

– Principal Jimmy Haslam, presumably just before committing some kind of fraud

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Class after class of ugly, ugly players…”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Either I’m hungover and have lowered my standards, or is everything in the sports world extra funny today? I’m laughing my ass off at everything.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

It’s a glorious sports morning

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

– Hilarious firings
– Mascot hit with football
– Packer kick returner
– Dave Roberts sucks
– Jameis finally fired for oddball Harvard guy (the day after his Rose Bowl suckfest I went with my mom (see yesterday’s picture) to see the floats on display in Pasadena and I bought an official Florida State Rose Bowl coffee mug in his honor)
– the list goes on and on

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s definitely not just you. I’m having a delightful time too. I hope I can keep up this mood all day.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Delicious.

[Mr Blonde voice] ONE THING I WANT TO MAKE CLEAR TO YOU: I DON'T HAVE A BOSS. NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO. UNDERSTAND?https://t.co/k1p7LjCsKz

— Drew Magary (@drewmagary) October 29, 2018

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The Maestro

First Hue, now Boss Todd!

Bob Wylie inches ever closer to the head coaching job…
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ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Even better, the new head coach of the Browns – Gregg Williams! Looks like he will be paying out bounties that he took out on Hue and Boss Todd.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve been secretly hoping that Tyreek Hill will suffer a career-ending injury, and now I’m a little worried that some dark power is going to expect something in return for fulfilling my wish.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Grumblelord should be texting you for your mom’s number soon…

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Boss Todd was just told to move the IROC off the premises as well.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY THANK GOD FINALLY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can’t believe the Browns would fire a coach who had more than doubled his win total of the last two seasons combined.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hue fired, Lue fired…if I’m a guy named Due I’m gonna be pretty nervous right about now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I think a guy named ‘Due’ used to live here, cause I keep getting his mail.” – Todd Marinovich

SonOfSpam

You’re kinda en fuego this morning. Perhaps Hue leaving was a balm or curative.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m really happy about it.

Beerguyrob

They appointed Drew interim coach of the Cavs.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Firing Hue now makes sense, I would expect Haslam’s franchises to only get rid of something when it is year’s past the expiration date.

LemonJello
LemonJello

By GAWD, that’s…THAT’s an IROC-Z I hear revving in the FirstEnergy Stadium parking lot!

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Wait. With 2 wins and a tie this season, after going 0-16 last year, NOW is when the Browns Fire Hue??

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That should be good for their franchise quarterback

scotchnaut

The Sword of Bozocles was always dangling over Hue Jackson’s head.

scotchnaut

Everyone is throwing Eli under the bus now and McAdoo is not being given a shred of credit for recognizing and acting on it last year. My, how the chocolate pudding has turned.

blaxabbath

Shhhh…you’re ruining the narrative.

Game Time Decision

figured Eli for a fruit Roll-up guy

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Depends on whether Archie or Olivia was the one who went grocery shopping that week.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who got boo’d worse by their own fans, the Raiders or Dave Roberts?

SonOfSpam

Oh, the (white) Doyers fans HATE Dave Roberts. You can see the “doesn’t have the necessities” takes bubbling just under the surface.

blaxabbath

“Rosen comeback shows stuff of legends” is the headline on the Birdcano flagship today. Yeah, a fucking home comeback against a bottom-3 team is legendary.

No actually, they explain, it’s because Rosen doesn’t swear but he told the huddle, “We’re going to go fucking win this game.” WATCH OUT BREESUS, THERE’S A NEW SAVIOR IN THE NFL AND HE SPENDS CHRISTMAS WATCHING GAMETAPE!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aaron Rodgers refused to comment on whether he had talked to Ty Montgomery about his failure to take a knee on the kickoff and the subsequent fumble, saying only “this team is a family, and Ty is just like a brother to me.”

ballsofsteelandfury

Cincy will never achieve anything with Marvin Lewis in charge.

Also, Dave Roberts is the MLB Andy Reid.