2018 Quotables – Week 8 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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Sorry — I owe you all Cardinals Bye Week and a Halloween number this week so Qs was a bit of an afterthought.  That said, away we go.


“See kids? Thanks to Trump, men are men again. MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

“Mr Cohen has received Buffalo’s $1million ‘consultation fee’. Now where is the executive order your citizens would like signed?”

All Steve Keim hears is “drinks”

Brock Osweiler: Pinball Wizard

“I SHOULD HAVE TRADED AMARI FOR THIS GUY!” -J. Gruden

I’d call this the least appropriate attempt to honor the Tree of Life Synagogue Choir…but the President hasn’t issued his remarks yet.

There is only one man who can fix this…GREGGGGGGGGG!

You know, I haven’t tried holding my breath until I die for a few decades….

 

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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2018 Quotables – Week 8 (Results) – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] 2018 Quotables – Week 8 (Submissions) – October 30, 2018 […]

Downfield Matriculator
Downfield Matriculator

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Brock Osweiler starring in the disappointing sequel “Sex Cannon II: The Ejaculate Reception”

SonOfSpam

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Those are the most careless Texans with a stray ball since Lance Armstrong.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beerguyrob

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And in the prison lounge while watching the game, Jerry Sandusky & Darren Sharper had to be subdued for separate, similar, disturbing reasons.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Makethiscatch savecoach’sjob…makethiscatch savecoach’sjob…makethis***well, shit.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Another week of Lunchables with that booger-eater we’re stuck with at QB…my colon can’t take much more of this.”

Game Time Decision

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I’ve obviously been here too long as i keep watching this clip waiting for the Kool aid guy and/or Andy Reid to come through the wall.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Where’s the victory champagne?”
-S. Keim

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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As the result of a fling with an actual bear, Daddy Bear is too ashamed to ever invite Scare Bear to any of the family outings, leaving deep psychological scars.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“This is the costume I’m wearing after you put the little bears to bed, Daddy.”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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“THAT’S Steve Wilks? No wonder this team sucks. They need more Arians.”

nomonkeyfun

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As Gurley seems to have an open path to the endzone. “See now this here is the problem with the blacks today. They have no respect for the game or not showing up their opponent.”
/Sees Gurley go down to end game. “These blacks will never get anywhere because they don’t have that instinct to go for the jugular. This is why we shouldn’t offer them Social Security. They’ll just wait around to collect it off the backs of white men.”

-Attorney General J. Sessions

nomonkeyfun

And if you will excuse me I must go buy some lye and sandpaper to wash myself clean.

ballsofsteelandfury

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My name is Shawn Spencer and this is my associate, Jazz Hands.

Downfield Matriculator
Downfield Matriculator

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You know that’s right!

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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If the defending team were the Patriots, that would have been called an illegal forward pass.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Leave it to a Bills fan to finally figure out what has been obvious to the rest of the world for years.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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“Take the job” she said. “It will be good for your career, how bad can it actually be?” she said. This conversation replays in his mind as he realizes her long term scheme to degrade his mental and physical health till the inevitable, fatal heart attack, stroke or suicide.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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I felt a disturbance in the internet, as if thousands of Fantasy Football players shouted out, and were then silenced.

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, this is good.

nomonkeyfun

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“Oh, for the sweet release of cholera.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Is ‘Hands Up, Don’t Shoot!’ still a thing with today’s youths?”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Halloween Submission:
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It was only after the play was called dead that the receiver realized he had caught his teammates severed head, and not the football.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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“If he uses jazz hands, I bet he uses jazz cigarettes! It’s all his fault Martavis Bryant got suspended 2 years ago!” – Yinzer Nation

BrettFavresColonoscopy

nomonkeyfun

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This fan was later called a cuck by MAGA fans for using left justified printing.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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THIS DAD, I CALL HIM THE INTENSIVE CARE BEAR, BECAUSE BASED ON HIS SIZE AND LOCATION, THAT’S WHERE HE SPENDS A LOT OF TIME.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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A tip of the cap in Arizona is both a compliment and a threatening motion in the eyes of a police officer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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What do you expect out of the greatest minds of Buffalo?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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When asked who he thought would be the newest coach of the Browns, Mike Tomlin suggested they might try looking outside the NFL. “Think Utah,” he explained.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“I know you’re frustrated Julio. Todd Gurley is leading the league in scoring; maybe watch some film of him and try to do what he does.” – Steve Sarkisian

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“We got robbed!” Houston fans screamed, but it was unclear whether they were referring to the result of the play or to Brock Osweiler himself.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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What percentage of Arizona voters do you think assumed the two guys in suits had the titles of “warden” and “assistant warden”?

Game Time Decision

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In future years Timmy and Tommy were able to pinpoint the exact moment things went wrong for them. This moment would reappear many times in therapy

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

/Realizes they are a Bears family

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s like the moment when some character realizes that he’s a Bundy on Married … with Children.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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When asked if he knew what kind of bears the costumes represented, Jay Cutler declined to comment.

Game Time Decision

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Upon further review, the bank was not called before the snap, therefore under paragraph 2, subsection J of the “Is that a catch” rules, this it NOT a catch.
-Ref

Game Time Decision

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It’s great to see that the NFL’s inclusion training is finally taking hold on the field.
/jazz hands

Game Time Decision

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When you realize that they fired Hue and not you (yet) and that you still need to do this next week.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Phew!

–Mason Crosby

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The Hue Jackson Highlight Reel had to end some time.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The Care Bear-istocrats!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Jared Lorenzen: [is triggered]