Mr. November Brings His A Game – JV NFL Open Thread

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

Holy shit, kids.  This slate is amazeballs.  To the point where I can’t even say anything smart-ass, just want to play badass band of our times The National’s epic John Kerry song:

Nebraska at Ohio State (Noon, Fox)

This is on national Fox…why?  This will feature some epic tOSU vengeance, for Redshirt’s viewing pleasure.  I am watching to scout the QB, and to collect my first #HAILGAMBLOR of the day (bet this at -17, now up to -19).

Texas A&M at Auburn (Noon, ESPN)

Battle between the two SEC West sides I simply can’t get any sort of read on.  Profiles as a defensive struggle, so my early bet for 45-42 bananacakes action.

Michigan State at Maryland (Noon, ESPN)

Sparty only favoured by 3, this is taking candy from a baby.  But who would eat turtle-flavoured candy?  Ewwwwwwwww.

Georgia at Kentucky (3:30, CBS)

Perhaps the most interesting match of the afternoon, personally.  This could go two ways – Jawja could just rip UK a new one, shaking off its offensive doldrums…or Kenfucky could control the clock with its run game and defense, and pull things out of their ass in Q4 once again.  Either way, I like to see epic atmosphere in places not used to same.

Florida State at NC State (3:30, ABC)

Did you see anything the last two weeks to indicate that my shitty wolves should be 9-point favourites against anybody right now, even a dysfunctional Noles squadron like this?  They still have enough talent to at least keep it close, so $50 on the opposition it is.

West By God Virginia at Texas (3:30, Fox)

There Will Be Points.  Had UT won last week, I would have bet the fuckers du cousins here, but in present circumstances I shall just be an interested spectator.  Grier is another QB I am scouting for Donks WOO!!

Paedo State at Michigan (3:45, ESPN)

On a normal JV day, this would be high on the watch list, not the #4 option of the viewing window.  At least one of these shitsuckers has to lose, eh?

Duke at Miami (7:00, ESPN2)

I have the Devils ATS (+9.5) and ML (+300).  Da U is hot garbage, kiddies.  Duke has lost 3 ACC matches, but most in heartbreak-y fashion.  This is the kind of opponent they beat under Cutcliffe.

Alabama at LSU (8:00, CBS)

Here’s your moneymaker, and the way we can get at least ONE of Notre Dame or the B1G champion out of the playoffs – LSU wins out.  1-loss Bama gets in again, after all, they won the title last year that way.  LSU gets in as the SEC champ and #1/2 seed.  And the Bayou Bengals have the defense to have a puncher’s chance under the Death Valley lights, though I only bet the absurd 14.5-point spread.  Bonus is this is always the most violent fixture of the JV slate, so is great for satisfying one’s ever-present blood lust.

Oklahoma at Texas Tech (8:00, ABC)

Just in case, ABC is also showing the Northern Steer Fucker Alliance, perhaps blowing their annual chance at sneaking into the playoffs v. Guns Up!!  Plausibly interesting match, in any event.

Stanford at Washington (9:00, PAC-12)

Wow, this got relegated all the way down to conference network only?  Maybe lacks the sizzle it did 3-4 weeks ago, but still a pretty solid matchup.  And the Trees will cover +10, easy.  These are roughly equal sides, in my view.

Cal at Washington State (10:45, ESPN)

But NAY!  That last one ain’t even your tweaker match, as we have an excellent one on the Paloose.  Wazzu has struggled into the Top 10 this week, just as they did last season ahead of playing the Bears…when they lost 37-3 in Berkeley.  One expects revenge is on their minds, but the Cougs also just used up quite a bit of emotional energy v. the Quackers.  Really looking forward to this.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Please Login to comment
88 Comment threads
74 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
20 Comment authors
Horatio CornblowerWCSKing Hippoherodotus450Redshirt Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
WCS

I’m not even excited, just exhausted.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Pettaway: also what the prostitute told me after my credit card went through.

Redshirt

“Personal Foul, #7 Offensive, Being Human and Showing Emotion.”

Unless he personally taunted a Longhorn player or fan.

WCS

Good God.

Redshirt

Come on, Surprise Drop Kick!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Just working on my comedy routine in this gap between the afternoon and eve games.
Pennsylvanian: “So what’s your favorite college team?”
Utahan: “The Utes.”
Pennsylvanian: “Yes I know they’re young what are they called?”
Utahan: “The Utes.”
[hold for laughter]
Watch out Abbott!

herodotus450
herodotus450

“For of all glad words of tongue or pen, The best are these: ‘Florida is losing.'”

yeah right

The Reedley Tigers hosted Monterey Peninsula for their homecoming game today. According to the “experts” this was a game ether side could win.

35-14 Reedley Fucking Tigers! Nine and oh and guaranteed at least a share of the conference title and a bowl game!
comment image

yeah right

They also held the #1 running back in the conference to 81 yards. My nephew might be on his way to getting PAID.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Actual headline on the yahoo sprots college football scores page: “Joel Embiid said he owns real estate in Andre Drummond’s head, and it might be true.”
THIS IS WHY WE MAKE FUN OF YOU, NBA FANS!

WCS

Defense is spent.

Redshirt

Iowa-Purdue are doing a masters class in clock mismanagement.

Senor Weaselo

THIS RODRIGO BLANKENSHIP, I CALL HIM KENNY BLANKENSHIP BECAUSE HE JUST EXTREME ELIMINATED KENTUCKY.

scotchnaut

Papa John’s commercials seem so much more…subdued these days.

scotchnaut

Michigan 21-0

Penn State defense doing a great job of just hanging in there.

/wha?

scotchnaut

Mizzu blowing the doors off #11 Florida 28-10 (in Florida)

scotchnaut

That mid-afternoon nap gave me so much positive energy!

/jk. I want to take another one

Senor Weaselo

Well looks like tWBS isn’t gonna go full rampage… yet.

Senor Weaselo

As someone who does read Uni Watch, why the fuck is Kentucky wearing black?

blaxabbath

At the pedicure place with the Mrs for her birthday. A few thoughts:

1) they have on NCSU/FSU – I’m surprised they have JV football on considering the bulk of the clientele but, at the same time, I can’t think of anything more appropriate.

2) I like how NCSU has the Wolf logo at midfield.

3) The dude seated next to me getting the delux package is definitely the prosecutor from making a murderer.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I started getting pedicures about two years ago. Once a month. I consider it getting good foot maintenance, and I get the deluxe treatment with abrasive scrubs and all sorts of good cleaning. No nail polish, though! Once you get a pedicure you will wonder where this has been your whole life.

I got the idea when I read that Chad Ochocinco got them, again to keep his money-making feet in good order. I HAVE USED CHAD OCHOCINCO AS A ROLE MODEL

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Welp, it’s just the first half and Bevo is already shitting bananakakes in Austin.

Redshirt

Michigan is blowing out Penn State. I’m ecstatic that Penn State that losing big but I’m broken that Michigan is winning big. Its cancelling out.

herodotus450
herodotus450

[watches shitty commercial for shitty Robin Hood moivie]
Huh, feature films turned into Bud Light commercials so gradually I hardly even noticed.