Your “Finally, London-free Football? Not so Fast” Sunday Morning NFL Open Thread

First thing first. If I may borrow from a Paul F. Tompkins bit-these folks that are flummoxed by a time change that occurred while they were sleeping? I don’t get it. “Oh, I was late for work because of the hour difference in time that took place a day before. Is the milk still good? Do I have a great, bushy beard? Who is the president?” And so on.

Next: This post is up this early because there are some footy appetizers before the NFL main course.

Man City/Southampton:

I’m still getting my feet wet on this thing and the only reason I follow this Man is because of that man-Kevin The Broom. And yeah, he’s out again for 5-6 weeks. It’s becoming a lot like tracking the career of Greg Oden. What do I know about their opponent? Most of the players live south of Hampton.

Chelsea/Crystal Palace:

I know Zaha and Eden Hazard. There.

TO THE GAMES!

Bears/Bills:

Poor Nathan Peterman. He never had a chance. I’m guessing the Bears get a big old win due to many sacks and more than a few intercepts and fumbles. De Mack out-scores the Bills.

Chiefs/Browns:

Clemson threw 77 spaghettis against the wall yesterday and Mahomes may be considering that a personal challenge. The problem here is that Gregg Williams is the neanderthal that descended from the Buddy Ryan coaching tree and I wouldn’t put it past him to throw a bounty on the Wunderkid’s  head.

Jets/Fins:

The Game That Nobody Watched. Moving on…

Lions/Vikings:

If you’ve got wr Golloday you should play him. The gap between cb1 and whoever is the cb2 on Minny is abyss-like. Marvin Jones 3 should get all the negative attention from the duct tape that is Xavier Rhodes and Golloday should thrive.

Falcons/Potato Skins:

Crowder and Thompson are out vs. Atlanta but act on that itchy feeling you have about their replacements. The Atlanta D scored a whopping 4 fantasy points against the Giants. The Giants!

Bucs/Panthers:

Harvard is back in the house! Hide your best Chardonnays and easily-impressed co-eds.

Steelers/Ravens:

Ben no like bad city that start with B. He 3-7 and throw more to other bastardmans than teammans when he visit. Head hurt already.

Give yourself a hug but keep your hands above the waist, perv.