Your “Double-Check Your Listings, There’s Only One Game On” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Fine, there are two other games on the 4pm slate but I maintain they are more theoretical than actual. Sure, I guess ‘players’ will be ‘playing’ and acquiring ‘stats’ that can be used by ‘agents’ to negotiate ‘contracts’ and ‘endorsements’. And yes, the ‘money’ paid to those individuals will be used to acquire ‘cars’ and ‘houses’ that will surely impress ‘females’. Those females will likely get injected with ‘goo’ and go on to form ‘small meat bags’ in their lower ‘torsos’. But you tell me, how do I get my ‘share’?

TO THE GAMES!

Texans/Broncs:

The very recent wide receiver past (D. Thomas) doesn’t really collide with the present wide receiver future (Courtland Sutton) when these two squadoos strap on their game corsets. But something will be made of this to a very sparse viewing audience. Both qb’s will be looking at significant pressure being applied and if Keenum has a wee bit of time he should have success against the intramural-level corners the Texans employ. Denver’s 2nd best running attack is going against Houston’s #1 rated ground D so is this a low-scoring one-score tussle?

Chargers/Seahawks:

The original Legion of Boom has gone by the wayside personnel-wise but the same habit of turning the ball over 2+ times per game remains-a vital stat contributing to Seattle winning four of their last five. No slouches themselves, L.A. has won 4 straight and only lost to the Chiefs and Rams.

Rams/Saints:

This is your legit NFC Champeenship game and each side is pretty much 100% healthy-each missing only one starter on D. After a gorgeous start Goff has cooled off and averaged a mere 232 yards passing the last three games. There’s not enough Cooks in the Rams O as far as my fantasy team is concerned. In You Win Some, You Taysom News: Them Rammers best not get themselves in 3rd and short spots on the regular or it all might come crashing down. Here’s a stat that blew what’s left of my noggin-wr Thomas has 58 catches on 64 (64!!!) targets. That’s nuts.

Let’s dream a little dream. Not a big one-those get out of hand.

 

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Doktor Zymm

Okay. Bourbon and soda it is. Also, my fantasy team is blowing in typical odd week fashion, but for once I’m up against a team even worse than my 89 point projection….it’s like last year even week Jaguras playing the Browns

Horatio Cornblower

Personally, if the 1972 Miami Dolphins were to disappear while on a cruise through the Bermuda Triangle I would not be at all upset.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Doktor Zymm

Additional fun thing about living in California. I get to be the boogeyman of all the shitty states! THEY DON’T WANT TO BECOME LIKE CALIFORNIA! Because the LIBRUL policies we have here have led to an EXODUS of people fleeing the booming economy and voting for similar shit in other states and GOD FORBID they become FAILED STATES like the largest economy in the US!!!!

hippofant
hippofant

I like all the idiots who take to online video games made in California to bitch about how California is a failed state.

Gratliff

Californians should start living up to the reputation and do shit like dragging the guillotines over to the almond farms during droughts and burning down the 3 million dollar one bedroom homes in Silicon Valley.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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hippofant
hippofant

Why do Californians eat avocado toast?

Because they can fucking afford avocado toast.

Also because it’s delicious.

Doktor Zymm

Dude, I can drive half an hour and buy a bag of avocados for $1/avocado. I’ll put avocados on everything because it’s cheap and amazing. I’ll make a goddamn avocado bikini, and it’ll be cheaper than a cloth bikini cause Trump put tariffs on cloth.

Spur
Spur

2 yards. you have Garley and dont even try a play action?

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I’ve seen better calls.