Your “Double-Check Your Listings, There’s Only One Game On” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Fine, there are two other games on the 4pm slate but I maintain they are more theoretical than actual. Sure, I guess ‘players’ will be ‘playing’ and acquiring ‘stats’ that can be used by ‘agents’ to negotiate ‘contracts’ and ‘endorsements’. And yes, the ‘money’ paid to those individuals will be used to acquire ‘cars’ and ‘houses’ that will surely impress ‘females’. Those females will likely get injected with ‘goo’ and go on to form ‘small meat bags’ in their lower ‘torsos’. But you tell me, how do I get my ‘share’?

TO THE GAMES!

Texans/Broncs:

The very recent wide receiver past (D. Thomas) doesn’t really collide with the present wide receiver future (Courtland Sutton) when these two squadoos strap on their game corsets. But something will be made of this to a very sparse viewing audience. Both qb’s will be looking at significant pressure being applied and if Keenum has a wee bit of time he should have success against the intramural-level corners the Texans employ. Denver’s 2nd best running attack is going against Houston’s #1 rated ground D so is this a low-scoring one-score tussle?

Chargers/Seahawks:

The original Legion of Boom has gone by the wayside personnel-wise but the same habit of turning the ball over 2+ times per game remains-a vital stat contributing to Seattle winning four of their last five. No slouches themselves, L.A. has won 4 straight and only lost to the Chiefs and Rams.

Rams/Saints:

This is your legit NFC Champeenship game and each side is pretty much 100% healthy-each missing only one starter on D. After a gorgeous start Goff has cooled off and averaged a mere 232 yards passing the last three games. There’s not enough Cooks in the Rams O as far as my fantasy team is concerned. In You Win Some, You Taysom News: Them Rammers best not get themselves in 3rd and short spots on the regular or it all might come crashing down. Here’s a stat that blew what’s left of my noggin-wr Thomas has 58 catches on 64 (64!!!) targets. That’s nuts.

Let’s dream a little dream. Not a big one-those get out of hand.

 

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, that ought to do it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hope that penalty fucks them right in the ear. Not because I agree with excessive celebration penalties but because I’d like to see Goff come back.

Brick Meathook

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Spur

Aaron Donald should be allowed to kick Peters in the mouth.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“What about me?”
-Dante Fowler

rockingdog

yes thomas with the TD!!!!
thank you brees!!!
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Don T

And it’s a flip phone! +1 for archeological find.

Don T
ballsofsteelandfury

Isn’t that Hippo’s phone?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That coverage was worse than a Kardashian’s

King Hippo

and THAT is why you go for it

BrettFavresColonoscopy

When I’m at an NFL game, I feel like an asshole for trying to get fellow fans to quiet when our team is on offense and contemptuous that I even have to.

Doktor Zymm

So, I couldn’t possibly do my job, because there would not be enough people to run my company without immigrants and H1B visas. And as a person with a basic fucking understanding of economics, I welcome even unskilled immigrants with open arms. This leaves me at a pretty general level of pissed offedness, so it’s with this background, going into the night game that I ask, should I open a third bottle of wine, or just drink straight bourbon and yell impotently at a cloud?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bourbon, open the window, let everyone hear you howl at the moon.

Horatio Cornblower

This

Doktor Zymm

My neighborhood is mostly Indian immigrant families, so I would just be that crazy white chick who doesn’t have kids, which I think I probably already am, so…probably best not to promote that in case anyone is looking to have an affair and thinks I’m easy pickings

Doktor Zymm

Which I wouldn’t say if it hadn’t already happened.

Horatio Cornblower

Family discussing the guy in hospice just now:

Me: If I ever get to that point you mash that morphine button like it’s the best tweet ever.

Son: Keep you alive as long as possible, got it.

Me: Not what I meant.

Son: Heroic measures, got it.

In short, I need this site to last another 50 years so one of you can come over and kill me.

King Hippo

can’t trust any of mine that way, either

Doktor Zymm

If you aren’t conscious and the only way I can inject the opiates is eyeball, I have the go ahead?

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, I’m not doing anything tonight if it’s the good shit.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m not planning on making it that long.

King Hippo

SAME!

Viva La Tabula Raza

The Republicans are doing everything in their power to make it so that none of us make it that long.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Hey, he hasn’t made much sound lately in that locker. Think everything;s okay? … Yeah, everything’s fine.”

Horatio Cornblower

This is frighteningly close to the truth.

Gratliff

Getting a DNR as soon as I’m old enough to get colonoscopies.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I had my first colonoscopy 3 years ago. I’m a lot younger than that statement suggests.

Gratliff

You have to go get the Logan’s run palm crystal thing now. Sorry, those are the new rules.

Doktor Zymm

That statement would suggest you are 43

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I am considerably younger.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

But my body is 74

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve met you; you don’t look a day over 67.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t think you need to get a colonoscopy until older, but you should start getting prostate exams at 40, and once you have a finger up your ass, why not go all out?

Gratliff

This is the best argument for colonoscopies/happy marriages.

Old School Zero

Well, I know who’s NOT being named as a decision maker in your medical direction. Glad I’m not going to be the only one!

King Hippo

I would go for it

King Hippo

watch RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! punt and never get it back now

Mr. Ayo

They will be touching it again, actually.

King Hippo

same general principle I guess

Beerguyrob

Well, the vacating fans do not care about the Paul Allen tribute. It’s like he died for nothing.

King Hippo

we all do (or will)

Horatio Cornblower

Why are all the coaches wearing military gear? Is the NFL honoring the 5000 brave soldiers sent to the border to stop 3500 starving Hondurans?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s almost veterans day and the pentagon’s check still hasn’t arrived

Old School Zero

Finally… The game is over. Now to play more Hollow Knight and maybe come back for the GB-Pats game because nothing like Polite Midwestern Racism vs OWAH HEREHTAGE IS IMPAWTANT Racism

Horatio Cornblower

Boston isn’t racist, and I know this to be true because the racist-as-fuck Boston sports radio hosts never stop saying that.

Gratliff

Hollow Knight good? Been holding off because I have just so many fucking games in my backlog at this point, but it sounds good.

Old School Zero

It’s the best metroidvania since Castlevania Symphony of the Night, with enough Souls-like elements to make it feel modern. Not always tough, but fair when it is. I’m really, really enjoying it; though like one review says, the first couple of hours aren’t the best, but make it through a couple early areas and it just opens up dramatically.

Brick Meathook

I like this because I don’t understand any of it.

Gratliff

He’s saying it’s good and hard.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll take “Things I Didn’t Hear On My Wedding Night” for $800, Alex.

King Hippo

that dumb fucker GAVE the 500s 3 free points at the end of the half by trying a 62-yard FG with too much time left, then PASSED UP ANY CHANCE to do better than a 51-yarder to win. He better be fired the instant he leaves the field.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Gratliff

…Why do you not just load up on the line and hope for the best? Did they not watch the Super Bowl a few years ago that they were in?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Bummer for young kicker, but HAHAHA.

King Hippo

all on coach, not kicker. Anybody without shit for brains at least TRIES for 5-10 more yards

Gratliff

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rockingdog

bahahahaha!

King Hippo

Vance Joseph is so goddamned stupid

blaxabbath

Big if true.

Old School Zero

BLEERGH GORGES ON YOUR GARMONBOZIA FROM ANOTHER ROUGHING THE PASSER CALL

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/Googles
//returns from googling
///puts on monocle

Indeed.

////asphyxiates on creamed corn

Horatio Cornblower

That’s a full day right there.

King Hippo

take it all back, Keenum is the BEST!!!

rockingdog

baby buster!!!
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King Hippo

re-CLENCH

Old School Zero

The DONK-EEEEEEEEEEEEK punch?

King Hippo

Watt lined up offside, no BLEERGH

King Hippo

TEs giveth and TEs taketh away

King Hippo

annnnnddddddd UNCLENCH

Doktor Zymm

So, some of my co-workers have stories about going to out of the way towns in Colorado and having encounters with what I would have thought were dead racial slurs. I ended up telling them that by leaving the bounds of Denver, they were over the edge of Civilization as we know it, and based on everything I know and everyone I’ve met, I think that’s about right…if you’re a highly skilled person of Asian or Latin extraction, even if you were born in the US and speak perfect English, you should not go outside major cities, even in blue states, because assholes will pretend not to understand you, and will call you whatever applicable slur while serving you shitty Denny’s food.

Old School Zero

This is also true for Oregon outside of Portland and Eugene, and increases the farther east you travel in the state

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I saw more Confederate flags in 2 days in Medford than I saw in many parts of the South in 2011. That wasn’t expected.

...

Oregon has an, uh, interesting history with de jure white supremacy that would rival anything you’d associate with the Deep South.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oregon and Indiana are arguably worse than anywhere in the South that isn’t Jerry Richardson’s house.

...

I laugh when the KKK and the Democrats tied together and seriously applied to modern political associations because of Indiana’s long history of being both a KKK and Republican stronghold.

Old School Zero

I mean, the founding constitution of the state involved trying to make it exclusively white… and it’s not like that legacy has really been eliminated. They’re just more polite about it now.

Doktor Zymm

I cannot believe the number of really awesome coworkers I have who have been called the Asian C-word. I bet it’s all of them, but I’ve only been privy to one conversation where they spoke about it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ve stopped saying the word that rhymes with bunt.

[Zymm whispers]

Oooooooooh. I didn’t think ANYONE used that word post-Blazing Saddles

Horatio Cornblower

Why would you stop saying runt?

...

I don’t even sing along to the song Lump anymore just to be safe.

Brick Meathook

“Chinaman” is not the preferred nomenclature.

Horatio Cornblower

I prefer ‘Yellow Peril”; really gets me quick service at the take-out joint.

...

While urban centers are generally better, I’ve heard (and seen on video) enough stories of rather obvious racism in places such as Portland that I don’t consider those places as safe as they seem.

Old School Zero

Oh, definitely. Portland’s progressive facade is crumbling in the face of gentrification and development as well as some pretty key targeting from fringe nationalist groups. It’s bad from all sides.

...

There’s a tendency among liberal-minded folks to think if you live in an urban center, have a degree, and are generally cosmopolitan that you can’t be racist and well… no lol

Old School Zero

Yeah. It can take a long time to recognize systemic economic discrimination and one’s part in it, especially in a time and place where just trying to eke out enough of a living to find a place to live means paying into that system and stepping on someone else without knowing it… Good intentions paving the path to hell one minimalist coffee shop anchored mixed-use high rise at a time.

...

Months ago I was in a bar next to a couple that had moved to Avondale (a trendy neighborhood in Chicago) and they were talking about how they opposed the alderman’s anti-upzoning measure along a main corridor in the town. The alderman wanted to slow the development that had priced people out of Logan Square. (Whether this would work or not is another discussion, but I get the intent.) These folks had wanted to live in West Loop (a pricey popular neighborhood) but were priced out and now they were eager to displace to the existing residents so they could have the same shit.

I actually got angry enough listening to them that I got my check and left lol

Old School Zero

I can definitely relate and probably would have reacted the same way.

Doktor Zymm

A huge amount of low density zoning regulations are actually a product of an era of housing discrimination. There was a lot of collusion to create conditions to make it difficult or impractical to integrate neighborhoods, and this was part of it. Now people are reluctant to repeal it despite the fact that it’s shitty and impractical because they aren’t free of the discrimination that enacted it in the first place. The same ‘community degredation’ arguments show up, but call it what you will, it’s still just fucking racism.

Doktor Zymm

Not even integrate neighborhoods, because these were new neighborhoods, but to create segregated neighborhoods where they had not existed before. There were 50 years of government regs that created this shit, so no pretending it was ever natural.

Old School Zero

Definitely. It doesn’t even take that many years of history to see that it’s systemic and intentional.

blaxabbath

Yep.

Gratliff

I knew a 25 year old in Michigan’s UP that used to use the word “jig” as a slur, which is some 1920’s shit. No idea.

Brick Meathook

Here come DA RAMS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, Hippo, it’s just like the old gypsy BFC said!

litre_cola

Wait, you are Roma?

King Hippo

Aren’t we all, in spirit? – Jim T., El Paso, TX rail yard

King Hippo

that’s good gypsy HUSTLE!!!!

King Hippo

/still think NO wins, but like the fight

King Hippo

what a throw, Buster!

King Hippo

the fuck does RZ keep showing this hopeless SeaTruther shite?

litre_cola

Because Vannett touchdown, that is why!

King Hippo

PACMAN!! chuh fucking chuh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If I ever show up someplace in a light beer sweater, put a pillow over my face and press down.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’ll wait until you had about 15 of those light beers so the struggle is a little easier.

Horatio Cornblower

We just got a call from a friend with a father in hospice care looking to find a Coors Light for her mother. Liquor stores in CT close at 5 on Sundays, because why not? and they were desperate.

Checked the fridge for something relatively light but the best I could do was a 6.8% ABV.

But that’s about the only reason I would have rushed out to buy anyone a Coors product.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

She would have liked that milk stout

Horatio Cornblower

Like that’s still around.

King Hippo

Demaryius giving us an assist!

King Hippo

c’mon, Donks!!

Doktor Zymm

Look at the stat lines….Baker Mayfield is the Good Alex Smith…

Doktor Zymm

The Texans: Consistently avoid doing anything notable enough for notice, including sucking enough for a safety

Old School Zero

Sucking Safety 101: Don’t Believe Him When He Says It’s Just A Raised Mole

King Hippo

goddamn, this bleedy cotton ball is ON FIRE!!

Doktor Zymm

*The Refs* “Both teams blow, but in different ways than you initially thought, let’s replay this travesty!”

rockingdog

hahahaha the 2 texan DB’s hit each other!!!! hahahahaha

rockingdog

come on brees…. mike thomas has 121 rec yrds now get him that TD!!!!

King Hippo

JESUS CHRIST, Keenum, have a clock in your head

King Hippo

and a non-popgun arm, SIGH

Doktor Zymm

The Chargers are going to the playoffs, huh?
*birds chirp…no other noise*

Old School Zero

I wouldn’t put my money on it. Mediocrity always finds a way to juuuuuuust disappoint.

litre_cola

There may be a scheduling conflict with the LA Galaxy so they are going to play in Barstow.

King Hippo

open hayfield in Wichita!!

King Hippo

Needs MOAR He-mannuel Sanders

Beerguyrob

They called tripping to get Seattle ready for the NHL.

Doktor Zymm

Khakis are pants for people who are afraid to throw off their PANTS MASTERS WHILE ON TELEVISION

Beerguyrob

Well, this place is emptying quickly.

King Hippo

at least you got to laugh at Caleb Sturgis?

Beerguyrob

Before he’s cut.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I didn’t think he was Jewish