Your “Finally, London-free Football? Not so Fast” Sunday Morning NFL Open Thread

First thing first. If I may borrow from a Paul F. Tompkins bit-these folks that are flummoxed by a time change that occurred while they were sleeping? I don’t get it. “Oh, I was late for work because of the hour difference in time that took place a day before. Is the milk still good? Do I have a great, bushy beard? Who is the president?” And so on.

Next: This post is up this early because there are some footy appetizers before the NFL main course.

Man City/Southampton:

I’m still getting my feet wet on this thing and the only reason I follow this Man is because of that man-Kevin The Broom. And yeah, he’s out again for 5-6 weeks. It’s becoming a lot like tracking the career of Greg Oden. What do I know about their opponent? Most of the players live south of Hampton.

Chelsea/Crystal Palace:

I know Zaha and Eden Hazard. There.

TO THE GAMES!

Bears/Bills:

Poor Nathan Peterman. He never had a chance. I’m guessing the Bears get a big old win due to many sacks and more than a few intercepts and fumbles. De Mack out-scores the Bills.

Chiefs/Browns:

Clemson threw 77 spaghettis against the wall yesterday and Mahomes may be considering that a personal challenge. The problem here is that Gregg Williams is the neanderthal that descended from the Buddy Ryan coaching tree and I wouldn’t put it past him to throw a bounty on the Wunderkid’s  head.

Jets/Fins:

The Game That Nobody Watched. Moving on…

Lions/Vikings:

If you’ve got wr Golloday you should play him. The gap between cb1 and whoever is the cb2 on Minny is abyss-like. Marvin Jones 3 should get all the negative attention from the duct tape that is Xavier Rhodes and Golloday should thrive.

Falcons/Potato Skins:

Crowder and Thompson are out vs. Atlanta but act on that itchy feeling you have about their replacements. The Atlanta D scored a whopping 4 fantasy points against the Giants. The Giants!

Bucs/Panthers:

Harvard is back in the house! Hide your best Chardonnays and easily-impressed co-eds.

Steelers/Ravens:

Ben no like bad city that start with B. He 3-7 and throw more to other bastardmans than teammans when he visit. Head hurt already.

Give yourself a hug but keep your hands above the waist, perv.

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
466 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Spur

Stafford is fucking moron.

King Hippo

oh, Fat Stafford. NEVAR change!

Doktor Zymm

Field Goal kicking can’t actually be that hard. Give me a month and I’m there

King Hippo

I was just getting ready to ask why the fuck DET would punt on 4th and 4 with 8 minutes to play

King Hippo

and is it 7 days a week off-season?

King Hippo

Todd Bowles, wondering what he did in a former life to deserve this.

Doktor Zymm

Mt. Vernon Davis, still alive and can jump over stuff!

King Hippo

he’s a fun dude, if not for Tiny Hands and AP, you’d have a pretty fun team

Doktor Zymm

And the coaching staff and the ownership….
I really hope they have fun out in the woods without all those assholes

WCS

Well, that, and this guy:
comment image

King Hippo

LOLfins/Jest is like the only competitive match, and RZ has shown maybe 2 plays of it. Says all one needs to know.

JustStopDude

New Sheriff in town folks. #Browns pic.twitter.com/kXqZ9IuGby

— Mike Polk Jr. (@mikepolkjr) November 4, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

King Hippo

Hee hee, Tiny Hands hit AP in his taint/balls with a pass, and coked-out RedZone guy shared with the class

...

What an inexplicable INT

King Hippo

es Bollo?

...

I don’t know if Trubisky just grossly overthrew the ball or someone completely blew a route, but it was one of the easiest picks I’ve ever seen.

Fronkenshteen

GUS GUS GUS

JustStopDude

Its official. The Browns Defense has quit this game.

A bit later than than expected.

Spur

Not cool Brown fans. Throwing crap at KHunt.

King Hippo

in the #MeToo era, no less

King Hippo

KHuntDOWN! Yay, odds for $52.50 in Hippo’s account!!

JustStopDude

This fucking team…

rockingdog
King Hippo

why is Flaccid Flacco still playing? LAMAR!

King Hippo

love the sad face shots in BelieveLAND

King Hippo

holy merde, Buffalo SCORED??

Redshirt

It was immediately after halftime so the Bears could’ve still been on the crapper.

King Hippo

makes sense! ya gotta go, ya gotta go

Doktor Zymm

How goddamn hard is it to pronounce SCHERFF WITHOUT AN ‘I’???

King Hippo

A.A. Ron is still the GOAT, but I’d posit that Baby Buster and Mahomes-y are the best QBs in the NFL, at this moment in time.

King Hippo

Frank Gore has had a long career, and is maybe 10% the player Barry Sanders was.

King Hippo

This is true, I didn’t mean to shit on him as much as the over-reliance on cumulative records

King Hippo

Mahomes-y is just ridiculously good at teh footy

King Hippo

manifestly unfair

Doktor Zymm

He has a future in this league (assuming he doesn’t play for a team than breaks him )

King Hippo

THREE penalties on same Chefs play

Redshirt

Every time I see Ben’s face react to being hit, I’m reminded that he’s mostly held together by habit at this point.

Doktor Zymm

I kinda wish I was visiting home, for the sole reason of listening to Redacteds Sports Radio

King Hippo

all JuJus must die! – Ratbirds defensive coordinator

Redshirt

“Penalties on both sides. Holding – Offensive. Trying to Kill Someone – Defense. These fouls will offset. Repeat 2nd down.”

...

I just read a blurb from an article about a Boomer couple who are deeply upset that the house they inherited from one of their recently deceased parents fetched $1.67 million instead of the $1.75 million they were rightfully entitled to.

Awfully selfish of mom to due during a dip in the housing market.

Gratliff
Gratliff

EDIT: I have no idea where that video came from. This is what I was going for:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bf8NDP_FxFQ

tomsellecksmoustache

You should check out Matt Bevin, the governor of Kentucky. He’s fighting an appraisal of his property. First, the state ruled it worth $2.9 million, he appealed and they valued it at $2 million. Unsatisfied with that he claims that it’s only worth $1.3 million even though he paid $1.6 million to buy it off of a campaign backer. I’ll let you guess his political party.

...

I wholeheartedly reject the idea that a comparably wealthy member of the other party wouldn’t do something like this.

King Hippo

/not as brazenly, maybe

tomsellecksmoustache

But this is also a man that wants to solve a budget deficiency by denying teachers their pensions, and he doesn’t feel that he should pay the tax on his properties appraised value like the rest of us. At least the other party would search for a way to close the budget gap through means that don’t harm individual home owners.

King Hippo

this is true.

Redshirt

How in the heck is Nathan Peterman still in the league? You telling me there isn’t a QB on the streets desperate for a job? I know for a fact that Jeff George is still alive and probably still wants to play.

King Hippo

they just signed the Sanchize, I believe. or one of the myriad other Troi Boiz washouts

ArmedandHammered

Sam Bradford is available.

Doktor Zymm

In a rare show of sensibility, I have closed my blinds before getting drunk enough that I walk around with my robe open

King Hippo

of all the ppl in sports media, he might be the very worst (non-Skip Bayless category)

Brocky

I mean…… even worse than buck, aikman, or colinsworth?

ArmedandHammered

He actually has less airtime than those guys, but somehow transcends them in the amount of awfulness he generates.

King Hippo

Collinsworth is CLOSE

Gratliff

Anyone here actually have a drawing tablet for computer work that they’d recommend? I’m in the market for one for Christmas because I’m beyond tired of sorting through an endless stack of paper full of drawings. Funny story: The last time my kid lost all his shit for trying to bypass my web filtering and parental controls to look at titties, he started drawing naked women instead. Not only was it solid hustle, but me and his mother both agreed it was easily the best display of talent he’d shown so far. He’s gonna be huge on DeviantArt.

herodotus450

I don’t; isn’t wacom really the only donkey show in town on that front?

Gratliff

They seem to be the biggest one. MonoPrice has one with a full screen that detaches from the computer and works alone for a fraction of what most of the market goes for, but I don’t know if it’s worth the extra money for that functionality or not. That way we could take his shit and he’d still be able to draw, but it might be a bit much for an 11-year old.

ArmedandHammered

I do love Monoprice’s stuff. I have started buying most of my stuff from them if I can.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Halftime update: the farmers market is still solid and Peterman is as shitty as expected.

Doktor Zymm

Pre-CTE Browns film. Also Pre-LOTR. MYSTERIOUS BEASTS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YabQCwpQIxA

herodotus450

Gene Simmons as Truman Capote as Paul Tagliabue was the best part.

Spur

Art Modell as Saruman was out of left field.

herodotus450

People who call themselves Libertarians and people who call themselves pescetarians need to all pair up and stand next to each other so we can save on concrete shoe cost before we throw them all in the east harbor.

...

Most of the libertarians have embraced their latent fascist side now.

Doktor Zymm

That’s the Mises caucus

Gratliff

Holy shit. Andy Reid found a new way to fuck up a clock play

Doktor Zymm

As long as he hasn’t found a new way to fuck up cock play

Gratliff

He’d have to find his cock first

Brocky

What’s this about fucking clocks?
comment image

tomsellecksmoustache

I refuse to acknowledge 5 and 8 o’clock.

Spur

Must be the Daylight Savings messing him up

JustStopDude

I never thought I would say this…but Andy Reid is not fucking up here.

This officiating crew is all over the place.

King Hippo

Love how Andy Reid keeps attacking.

Doktor Zymm

I forget, what happens if someone fumbles during a 2-pt attempt and it’s returned all the way? Is that still just 2?

Brocky

comment image

King Hippo

think you do get 2 the other way now, like in college

JustStopDude

How the fuck do this happen every week? Every week the Browns play, the announcers are surprised they are not kicking extra points….

The Browns don’t have a field goal kicker. They haven’t had one in weeks. They literally cannot kick extra points or field goals.

Doktor Zymm

Because it’s weird that a team can’t hire someone to work for league minimum?

ArmedandHammered

Haslam probably considers it a waste of money since there are not really any good kickers available. Can’t say I blame him.

JustStopDude

They have brought in other kickers. Its been a shit show. Since they got fuck all in the way of actually doing anything this year, its not a concern.

Its just jarring that every fucking week its the same song and dance “wha? The Browns are going for two?!?” as if this isn’t expected.

hippofant

Is Chris Kluwe still available? Or is he too woke for the NFL or whatever?

tomsellecksmoustache

To people that still play fantasy football, do you find your Sunday’s unnecessarily stressful? I gave it up about ten years ago and I get two (mostly) stress-free days each weekend. I can’t imagine worrying about lineups and yards ever again. I just drink and pass out.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t play a money league, so it’s just the shit talking, and comparing teams with random strangers, so that’s pretty fun

JustStopDude

Holy shit the Browns actually score a TD in a 2 minute drill!

WHAT WORLD IS THIS?!?!

Doktor Zymm

He has outscored Alex Smith in fantasy points every week, despite having a worse record

Doktor Zymm

Is Cohen dead, or is Buffala just shutting him down and ignoring JoHo?

Brocky

comment image

King Hippo

I don’t think the Bills is very good, y’all. Hate to be such a negative nelly.

Spur

i thought Ridley had a bad hammy? He just ran for 40 yards.

rockingdog

that was a great catch.

Gratliff

Skins are bad

Doktor Zymm

It’s Great O v. Good D + Crap D v. Shit O
So yeah, Falcons

Spur

It has its uses – Buffalo Bill

Brocky

Lololo