Your “Finally, London-free Football? Not so Fast” Sunday Morning NFL Open Thread

First thing first. If I may borrow from a Paul F. Tompkins bit-these folks that are flummoxed by a time change that occurred while they were sleeping? I don’t get it. “Oh, I was late for work because of the hour difference in time that took place a day before. Is the milk still good? Do I have a great, bushy beard? Who is the president?” And so on.

Next: This post is up this early because there are some footy appetizers before the NFL main course.

Man City/Southampton:

I’m still getting my feet wet on this thing and the only reason I follow this Man is because of that man-Kevin The Broom. And yeah, he’s out again for 5-6 weeks. It’s becoming a lot like tracking the career of Greg Oden. What do I know about their opponent? Most of the players live south of Hampton.

Chelsea/Crystal Palace:

I know Zaha and Eden Hazard. There.

TO THE GAMES!

Bears/Bills:

Poor Nathan Peterman. He never had a chance. I’m guessing the Bears get a big old win due to many sacks and more than a few intercepts and fumbles. De Mack out-scores the Bills.

Chiefs/Browns:

Clemson threw 77 spaghettis against the wall yesterday and Mahomes may be considering that a personal challenge. The problem here is that Gregg Williams is the neanderthal that descended from the Buddy Ryan coaching tree and I wouldn’t put it past him to throw a bounty on the Wunderkid’s  head.

Jets/Fins:

The Game That Nobody Watched. Moving on…

Lions/Vikings:

If you’ve got wr Golloday you should play him. The gap between cb1 and whoever is the cb2 on Minny is abyss-like. Marvin Jones 3 should get all the negative attention from the duct tape that is Xavier Rhodes and Golloday should thrive.

Falcons/Potato Skins:

Crowder and Thompson are out vs. Atlanta but act on that itchy feeling you have about their replacements. The Atlanta D scored a whopping 4 fantasy points against the Giants. The Giants!

Bucs/Panthers:

Harvard is back in the house! Hide your best Chardonnays and easily-impressed co-eds.

Steelers/Ravens:

Ben no like bad city that start with B. He 3-7 and throw more to other bastardmans than teammans when he visit. Head hurt already.

Give yourself a hug but keep your hands above the waist, perv.

 

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Doktor Zymm

You know, I really kinda dig these ostensibly hideous Browns unis. The socks make it really obvious when they completely fail to tackle K.Hunt

rockingdog

shit. hunt already has a TD.

King Hippo

Maybe GREGGGG didn’t make everything all better?

clint greasewood

Can they change “The Andy Reid Coaching Tree to
“The Andy Reid BBQ Plate”.

rockingdog

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King Hippo

this season really has aged Emo Carr, huh?

King Hippo

Impressive by Ratbirds to anticipate, catch, and RETURN the quick kick. That NEVER happens.

Doktor Zymm

I really want Devin Funchess to do well for the sole reason that it’s really fun to say BUNCHESS OF FUNCHESS

King Hippo

just SO MUCH FUN to say and/or type

King Hippo

non-gritty fullbackDOWN!

Gratliff

Never change, Fitzpatrick

King Hippo

I enjoyed it, raise yo fist!!

/also needed that FunchessDOWN goddamnit

King Hippo

Senor is currently favoured to whip mah ass by 26 in our 1st place on the line DFO ball battle. Jeebus, I liked he needs to get laid varietal better. 😀

Gratliff

Can Matt Ryan not suck ass for exactly one game? [*Redacted] s running away with the division by playing the worst teams the league has to offer.

Doktor Zymm

Don’t worry, if they do win the division, there will be serious carnage in the wild card game

King Hippo

Redacteds D is legit, yo. We need to get Ryan Kerrigan to meet cute with Dok now.

Doktor Zymm

Him plus Preston (who’s on a contract year btw) are monster pass rush. And the secondary has gotten way better.

And dude, I would grin so hard if I got a selfie with Ryan Kerrigan!

Gratliff

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Doktor Zymm

Although they apparently can’t tackle for shit….

King Hippo

scraped together enough Lesser Footy winnings this morning (nicely done, El Badajoz with 10 men!) to throw a $50 down on the Chefs -9 (+105). Seems like a traaaapppppp, but fuck it.

Wakezilla

My friend, you’re screwed because I definitely see the Chefs winning by less than 9.

King Hippo

this would…not be a new phenomenon

...

I’m a little bit sad the political adds will end on Tuesday because I can’t get enough of dour, crypto-fascist suburbanites threatening to leave the state if Democrats are elected and thinking that’s a reason to *not* vote for them.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been getting text messages from the CA Republican Party, warning me of the direness that will happen if Democrats are elected in my deeply blue district, lol

...

Spending ten times the amount of the tax increase on real estate transaction and moving costs while decreasing my income to own the libs

King Hippo

like teh ppls who spend $40 in gas to save $3 in sales tax? LMAO

Doktor Zymm

Eh, living pretty much anywhere else is a good move from a financial standpoint. Taxes aren’t really higher here in CA, and we get actual public services in exchange for them!

King Hippo

#PrayFOARIndiana I guess??

Doktor Zymm

That’s like praying for syphilis

King Hippo

Believe me, you can do worse! – Mark S., Hollywoo, CA

...

These people won’t say they’re probably moving to Arizona or Florida no matter what because even if you cut taxes they’d still grumble about the being tired of the winters or something.

Regardless, they act as if they have leverage even though they’re nowhere near as vital to the state as they think they are.

King Hippo

#MakersNAWTTakers!!11111

...

Months back, my employer brought in some speaker who’s a VP or something at one of the big payment processor companies and she ended her talk by addressing the problems of income inequality (which actually didn’t dovetail with prepared remarks at all) but had mentioned earlier that she left NY for FL because of “ridiculous” taxes and I was ready to throw my chair at her lol

King Hippo

deffo sounds like a white person with a management degree

...

She opened by saying she’s had lots of opinions and is going to tell you them which is always a sign the person’s opinions are somewhere between tedious and terrible.

King Hippo

chair throwing sounds like a very mild reaction then

Doktor Zymm

Stripe?

Doktor Zymm

I just looked at my schedule for next weekend, and I’m apparently going to a wine pairing lunch, followed by the Renegade Craft fair (which has free cocktail samples) and the Beer and Bacon classic on Saturday. Then I’m waking up early to go kayaking before football on Sunday morning. This is a very Good Idea.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m exhausted just reading your itinerary, but that’s probably due to my advanced age.

Doktor Zymm

I just keep scheduling myself like I’m still 20 and it tends to work out pretty well. The real secret to staying young is to avoid having a family and kids that distract you from irresponsible drinking.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Worked for me for the 40+ years since I graduated high school.

Unsurprised

Beer and Bacon Classic? I think we have one of those up here, too.

Doktor Zymm

I think they’re nationwide. I keep getting event emails for a Chicago one

Unsurprised

Then I’m waking up early to go kayaking before football on Sunday morning. This is a very Good Idea.

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Doktor Zymm

d’awww!

Wakezilla

“Jets/Fins: The Game That Nobody Watched”

With the LOLphins Defense being put together by Scotch tape, this will be a YUGE game for Darnold.

Doktor Zymm

You would think they could at least spring for some duct tape, or gaffers tape.

Wakezilla

Ross is still paying for bribes to keep him out of jail

Doktor Zymm

Happy Early Guy Fawkes Day all! Let’s go blow some shit up for British History and anti-Catholic bias!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Checking in to say Happy Birthday, Ian and Fuck the Bills! Off for more bonding time with lady BFC’s fam

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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rockingdog

party!!!!

Unsurprised

Selfie

Unsurprised
Viva La Tabula Raza

Wait, Doctor Ruth is still alive? I would have expected she’d fucked herself to death by now.

rockingdog
theeWeeBabySeamus
Unsurprised

Goddamn welfare bears

Doktor Zymm

Right? My forest management tax dollars PAY for those nuts and berries!

...

Make the bears pay the bear tax. I’ll pay the Homer tax.

rockingdog

got my snacks. do you?
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theeWeeBabySeamus

If by “snacks” you mean “vodka”.
Then yes.

Fronkenshteen

He’s cantoring!

blaxabbath

“And when we see the uniformed servicemembers in the airports, they can’t help but thank us. So it’s a two way thing.”

-Terry “Good Nazis on Both Sides” Bradshaw

blaxabbath

Seriously — what is going on in TB? Rapey J escalates to $21 million next year and, if he’s getting benched, I’ll assume they don’t want him back in any capacity. But isn’t he the reason Dirk got the HC job? Assuming they don’t make the playoffs, does TB fire Dirk and let Rapey J walk in the offseason?

Or do they double-down on the magik and make Fitzpatrick a player-coach?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ryan Finley.
Unfortunately for Ryan Finley.

yeah right

I’m going to get crazy with breakfast today!

Has an orange, a hard boiled egg and a piece of multi grain toast- dry.

Unsurprised

Wild man!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whoa, whoa. Pace yourself there you crazy fuck.

blaxabbath

yeah right-gyver.

yeah right

The REALLY crazy part?
I put a couple of grinds of Szechuan pepper on my egg!

I am the fucking mayor of Favortown!

blaxabbath

I don’t know who this Charissa is but this show is terrible.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Does she exchain it all?

Unsurprised

She seems fun.
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tomsellecksmoustache

“You want me to put my mouth on what?”

blaxabbath

I want to know why all those other LSU fans are cheering while getting their asses kicked.

Unsurprised

Booze

rockingdog

ahh you found it before me! rats!
well…. good job!

Unsurprised

I just have a link to rip twitter videos, which is annoying as fuck that they turn all the gifs into videos, but I understand why because mp4 files are smaller than gifs.

http://twittervideodownloader.com/download

...

*whispers*

she’s really hot and her intense look of disdain only enhances that

Unsurprised

I can’t get enough mad redheads

Doktor Zymm
Unsurprised

I started listening to Dave Chang’s podcast because ‘why not’ but his most recent episode is with a guy from The Ringer (he’s on Simmons’ podcast network. Eh …) on how much the NFL is changing in terms of strategy and coaching and it sounds like fucking Martian to me because that just can’t be.

Unsurprised

So, anyway, since I don’t actually follow the NFL anymore, are things like the spread offense being implemented and changing the game more now than even a year ago?

rockingdog

hahaha wouldn’t it be funny if Cleveland gets the upset W over the chiefs today?

Doktor Zymm

I would be entertained, but I’m pretty much entertained by everything the Browns do and Baker Mayfield is my fantasy QB

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It would be WONDERFUL if the first thing to happen to the Browns after firing Hue Jackson would be a huge win over a legitimate Super Bowl contender.

Unsurprised

It would be perfectly Brownsian

Spur

Folks. Everyone slept in? Good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The worst part about today is having to wait an extra hour for CTEball to start.

rockingdog

Finally at home and am gonna have red zone going on all day. But first….chelsea match!!! yea!
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Doktor Zymm

My projector has been yelling at me for the past few months to replace the bulb. I bought a new bulb, but I’ve been far too lazy to replace it. I think I will continue this trend today and play some RDR2 before the games start instead.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Every time I see that (RDR2) I think R2D2 and it takes me a second to realize what the hell people are talking about.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Glad to hear I’m not the only one.

yeah right

Quick question: since youngest right works for Microsoft and I’m going to upgrade in order to play that game and she gets 25% off, is it worth buying the XBOX 1 X, or should I buy the cheaper system?

/ still has a 360

Doktor Zymm

Couldn’t tell ya, I still just have my PS4. It’s been about 10 years since I collected consoles.

yeah right

That’s funny. Youngest right doesn’t tell her Microsoft coworkers that she only has a PS4. Might not go over too well.

I can’t help it I’m a Microsoft guy.

Doktor Zymm

I got really pissed at them when they froze my account for no reason and even after three weeks of back and forth with customer service still couldn’t get it unlocked. I don’t think I had a balance, but I couldn’t access any games I didn’t currently have downloaded, so I still lost out pretty badly. I left the platform and haven’t gone back, probably won’t unless Sony does something just as bad.

herodotus450

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Viva La Tabula Raza

This ought to peg the obscurometer, at least among some of the younger commentists.
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Unsurprised

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Anyone who bets on football should seriously consider taking the under on the Miami-Jets game.

yeah right

Hell yes. We were watching Miami vs Duke yesterday and they were playing in a fucking pond.

I’ll be right back.

yeah right

Done. Ten bucks on the under (42).

Doktor Zymm

If only they let you bet the under on viewership numbers..

blaxabbath

I understand the answer is greed BUT….

How do we spend hundreds of millions of dollars on these stadiums and then let the stupid playing surface basically become unusable?

Doktor Zymm

I assume it’s crossover marketing with those XTREME mud runs that have been so popular in the last few years

Unsurprised

Because the owners didn’t steal the fortunes necessary to buy pro teams by writing checks for trivial things like playable fields.

Unsurprised

RIP RG3’s knees

theeWeeBabySeamus

This time next week, I’ll be driving into Florida.

Yesterday, my alma mater beat the living shit out of Florida State.

My best friend from college married a stinking Florida State alum. She and I have a little feud going on (it’s friendly, she loves me) but I don’t know if I should msg her and ask her how she liked yesterday’s game.

So instead, I msg’d him and asked how pissed off she’d be if I rubbed it in a little bit?

tWBS: On a scale of 1-10, how pissed would the missus be if I msg’d her right now and gave her a little shit about today’s game?
tWBS’ Friend: I wouldn’t recommend that right now.

😀

Unsurprised

She was something

theeWeeBabySeamus

So I went in to check my fantasy lineup and only just noticed that everyone on my bench is on bye this week.
And I do mean everyone. So I got no options.

Hello 7 week losing streak, so nice to see you.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey you leave her alone, she’s doing just fine.

/has never watched a Hallmark movie but remembers her as being pretty cute

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t give me that shit. She’s 36 years old. I’ve done worse…THIS year.
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ballsofsteelandfury

Plus, I’ve got two reasons why she’s all woman
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ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll christen them titties…
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theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

Unsurprised

Wow. I never realized how much Eden Sher looks like her.
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Unsurprised

And half as old.

ballsofsteelandfury

She’s friggin hot, so she can do no wrong in my book.

theeWeeBabySeamus

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!

blaxabbath

We went out for the big steakhouse dinner last night so I woke up about 4a feeling bad. Wife and baby were up at 5:30 so he got an early feed. Went back to bed when she left at 6:39 and He’s back on schedule for this 9a feed. This feels like it will be a long fucking day though.

Thank goodness the Cards are not playing….

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Between the bye week and today, I find I look forward to football on Sundays a shitload more when the Raiders are not playing. I wish they would forfeit the rest of the season so I could feel this way every week.

blaxabbath

No! They need to beat ARI at home!

yeah right

Later today i’m going to fry up some bone in pork chops. Not too thick.

I marinate them for a couple of hours in whole milk and a couple of teaspoons of salt.

Heat up a cast iron skillet, take the marinated chops and dredge them in a mixture of panko breadcrumbs, fresh rosemary, minced garlic, dried thyme and another teaspoon of salt. Add a tablespoon of oil and a tablespoon of butter to the skillet. Cook for about 5-6 minutes per side. Can be kept warm in a 200 degree oven if working in batches. Serve with choice of sides, seasoned rice and some corn today and maybe some toasty garlic bread.

I would recommend a dry white wine, perhaps a pinot grigio or a couple of buckets of beer.
Enjoy.

rockingdog
ArmedandHammered

When I saw that last night I knew she was going to be the subject of many a gif and probably inspire a whole new meme.

herodotus450

Forget about balls (heh), my proposal is that we fall back an hour, every day! Unlimited extra-hour-benefits!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have a friend that basically did that with his sleep schedule. I can’t remember if he effectively gained an extra day of life or lost one.

ballsofsteelandfury

My proposal is to keep Daylight Saving Time on year round. No more changes after next Spring.

What say ye?

herodotus450

You’d like that, wouldn’t you…
[Pulls off mask from balls’ face]
Old man Springfield! The owner of the mall? Oh I get it, you want it brighter out later so more people will go shopping!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think that is insane. The clock is built around a simple premise – that noon represents the time when the sun is at is highest point in the sky.* Once you throw that out the window, “what time is it” effectively has no meaning and becomes completely arbitrary. It’s ridiculous to change the entire concept of how clocks work just because everyone wants to sleep later.

*yes, yes, this is dependent on where in a time zone you reside, and where the earth is in orbit, but the basic concept is what matters.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I should make it clear that I believe we should be on *standard time* on a permanent basis.

ballsofsteelandfury

The basic concept is flawed. Following that logic, time zones should be a standard 15 degrees wide. That’s already broken, so why stick with a concept that’s already not strictly followed?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean if you are going to redefine the clock so that local time doesn’t have any connection to physical reality, it would make the most sense to just use GST for everything and define schedules (school hours, store hours) on a local basis.

ballsofsteelandfury

You do realize that local time already doesn’t have any connection to physical reality in many places around the world, right? I mean, we have half hour timezones!

Dolph Ucker

When I run for President, one of the main planks in my platform will be the establishment of Weekend Savings Time (WST). Every Friday at 4pm, the clocks will be set ahead to 5pm; every Monday at 8am, clocks will be set back to 7am. Longer weekends. Winner!
Other planks in my platform include the abolition of ATM fees, a bridge to Hawaii and changing the national anthem to La Bamba. More to come.

ballsofsteelandfury

Elect this man!

Unsurprised

the abolition of ATM fees

Abolish all bank fees and I think you’d genuinely win in a landslide.

Doktor Zymm

Fuck no. They tried this back in the 70s or so and they stopped because tons of kids were getting killed in the dark on the way to school. Plus, up in the Northlands where winter is bleak and horrible, morning sunlight is more effective against seasonal depression, so you can probably also expect a spike in in the suicide rate.

ballsofsteelandfury

For this reason, timezones should have both a longitudinal and latitudinal component.

Unsurprised

Metric Time

litre_cola

Fuck you farmers. 18 month old mini humans do not adhere to your bullshit clock rules. I hope you can harvest a bit more….IN NOVEMBER!!!!! FUCK YOU SO MUCH FUUUUCCXKKKKKJKK

JustStopDude

Counter point…I woke up nice and refreshed..with the pleasant surprise that my bar skank woke up early and had left already.

litre_cola

Well sir, I envy you then for both the slumber and sex.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I believe there should be a dedicated movement to counteract slut-shaming and it should be known as slut-encouraging.

Unsurprised

o7

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