First thing first. If I may borrow from a Paul F. Tompkins bit-these folks that are flummoxed by a time change that occurred while they were sleeping? I don’t get it. “Oh, I was late for work because of the hour difference in time that took place a day before. Is the milk still good? Do I have a great, bushy beard? Who is the president?” And so on.
Next: This post is up this early because there are some footy appetizers before the NFL main course.
Man City/Southampton:
I’m still getting my feet wet on this thing and the only reason I follow this Man is because of that man-Kevin The Broom. And yeah, he’s out again for 5-6 weeks. It’s becoming a lot like tracking the career of Greg Oden. What do I know about their opponent? Most of the players live south of Hampton.
Chelsea/Crystal Palace:
I know Zaha and Eden Hazard. There.
TO THE GAMES!
Bears/Bills:
Poor Nathan Peterman. He never had a chance. I’m guessing the Bears get a big old win due to many sacks and more than a few intercepts and fumbles. De Mack out-scores the Bills.
Chiefs/Browns:
Clemson threw 77 spaghettis against the wall yesterday and Mahomes may be considering that a personal challenge. The problem here is that Gregg Williams is the neanderthal that descended from the Buddy Ryan coaching tree and I wouldn’t put it past him to throw a bounty on the Wunderkid’s head.
Jets/Fins:
The Game That Nobody Watched. Moving on…
Lions/Vikings:
If you’ve got wr Golloday you should play him. The gap between cb1 and whoever is the cb2 on Minny is abyss-like. Marvin Jones 3 should get all the negative attention from the duct tape that is Xavier Rhodes and Golloday should thrive.
Falcons/Potato Skins:
Crowder and Thompson are out vs. Atlanta but act on that itchy feeling you have about their replacements. The Atlanta D scored a whopping 4 fantasy points against the Giants. The Giants!
Bucs/Panthers:
Harvard is back in the house! Hide your best Chardonnays and easily-impressed co-eds.
Steelers/Ravens:
Ben no like bad city that start with B. He 3-7 and throw more to other bastardmans than teammans when he visit. Head hurt already.
Give yourself a hug but keep your hands above the waist, perv.
Stafford is fucking moron.
oh, Fat Stafford. NEVAR change!
Field Goal kicking can’t actually be that hard. Give me a month and I’m there
I was just getting ready to ask why the fuck DET would punt on 4th and 4 with 8 minutes to play
If I was locked in a room six days a week, given all the books that I like and given a shit-ton of coke and asked to comment on NFL games every Sunday? That might be my perfect life.
and is it 7 days a week off-season?
Todd Bowles, wondering what he did in a former life to deserve this.
Mt. Vernon Davis, still alive and can jump over stuff!
he’s a fun dude, if not for Tiny Hands and AP, you’d have a pretty fun team
And the coaching staff and the ownership….
I really hope they have fun out in the woods without all those assholes
Well, that, and this guy:
LOLfins/Jest is like the only competitive match, and RZ has shown maybe 2 plays of it. Says all one needs to know.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Hee hee, Tiny Hands hit AP in his taint/balls with a pass, and coked-out RedZone guy shared with the class
What an inexplicable INT
es Bollo?
I don’t know if Trubisky just grossly overthrew the ball or someone completely blew a route, but it was one of the easiest picks I’ve ever seen.
GUS GUS GUS
Its official. The Browns Defense has quit this game.
A bit later than than expected.
Not cool Brown fans. Throwing crap at KHunt.
in the #MeToo era, no less
KHuntDOWN! Yay, odds for $52.50 in Hippo’s account!!
This fucking team…
-every frustrated porn actress ever
found a good scott adams interview:
https://www.brunswickgroup.com/scott-adams-dibert-trump-i8559/
why is Flaccid Flacco still playing? LAMAR!
love the sad face shots in BelieveLAND
holy merde, Buffalo SCORED??
It was immediately after halftime so the Bears could’ve still been on the crapper.
makes sense! ya gotta go, ya gotta go
How goddamn hard is it to pronounce SCHERFF WITHOUT AN ‘I’???
A.A. Ron is still the GOAT, but I’d posit that Baby Buster and Mahomes-y are the best QBs in the NFL, at this moment in time.
Frank Gore has had a long career, and is maybe 10% the player Barry Sanders was.
If I’m not mistaken, he’s had reconstructive surgery on both knees and his hip. He’ll be on crutches by the time he’s 48. As far as I know he’s a humble, indestructible bastard that never claimed to be in the same space talent-wise as Sanders. He’s a tank that has persevered.
This is true, I didn’t mean to shit on him as much as the over-reliance on cumulative records
Got it.
Mahomes-y is just ridiculously good at teh footy
manifestly unfair
He has a future in this league (assuming he doesn’t play for a team than breaks him )
THREE penalties on same Chefs play
Every time I see Ben’s face react to being hit, I’m reminded that he’s mostly held together by habit at this point.
I kinda wish I was visiting home, for the sole reason of listening to Redacteds Sports Radio
all JuJus must die! – Ratbirds defensive coordinator
“Penalties on both sides. Holding – Offensive. Trying to Kill Someone – Defense. These fouls will offset. Repeat 2nd down.”
I just read a blurb from an article about a Boomer couple who are deeply upset that the house they inherited from one of their recently deceased parents fetched $1.67 million instead of the $1.75 million they were rightfully entitled to.
Awfully selfish of mom to due during a dip in the housing market.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-0lAhnoDlU
“Aerosmith singing about eating the rich? There’s a word for that.”
-Alanis Morrissette
EDIT: I have no idea where that video came from. This is what I was going for:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bf8NDP_FxFQ
You should check out Matt Bevin, the governor of Kentucky. He’s fighting an appraisal of his property. First, the state ruled it worth $2.9 million, he appealed and they valued it at $2 million. Unsatisfied with that he claims that it’s only worth $1.3 million even though he paid $1.6 million to buy it off of a campaign backer. I’ll let you guess his political party.
I wholeheartedly reject the idea that a comparably wealthy member of the other party wouldn’t do something like this.
/not as brazenly, maybe
But this is also a man that wants to solve a budget deficiency by denying teachers their pensions, and he doesn’t feel that he should pay the tax on his properties appraised value like the rest of us. At least the other party would search for a way to close the budget gap through means that don’t harm individual home owners.
this is true.
How in the heck is Nathan Peterman still in the league? You telling me there isn’t a QB on the streets desperate for a job? I know for a fact that Jeff George is still alive and probably still wants to play.
they just signed the Sanchize, I believe. or one of the myriad other Troi Boiz washouts
Sam Bradford is available.
In a rare show of sensibility, I have closed my blinds before getting drunk enough that I walk around with my robe open
“I’m the longest-serving white fat-fuck on the Fox half-time show. I get to talk first and talk over you if I please.”
-Terry Bradshaw
of all the ppl in sports media, he might be the very worst (non-Skip Bayless category)
I mean…… even worse than buck, aikman, or colinsworth?
He actually has less airtime than those guys, but somehow transcends them in the amount of awfulness he generates.
Collinsworth is CLOSE
Anyone here actually have a drawing tablet for computer work that they’d recommend? I’m in the market for one for Christmas because I’m beyond tired of sorting through an endless stack of paper full of drawings. Funny story: The last time my kid lost all his shit for trying to bypass my web filtering and parental controls to look at titties, he started drawing naked women instead. Not only was it solid hustle, but me and his mother both agreed it was easily the best display of talent he’d shown so far. He’s gonna be huge on DeviantArt.
I don’t; isn’t wacom really the only donkey show in town on that front?
They seem to be the biggest one. MonoPrice has one with a full screen that detaches from the computer and works alone for a fraction of what most of the market goes for, but I don’t know if it’s worth the extra money for that functionality or not. That way we could take his shit and he’d still be able to draw, but it might be a bit much for an 11-year old.
I do love Monoprice’s stuff. I have started buying most of my stuff from them if I can.
Halftime update: the farmers market is still solid and Peterman is as shitty as expected.
Pre-CTE Browns film. Also Pre-LOTR. MYSTERIOUS BEASTS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YabQCwpQIxA
Gene Simmons as Truman Capote as Paul Tagliabue was the best part.
Art Modell as Saruman was out of left field.
People who call themselves Libertarians and people who call themselves pescetarians need to all pair up and stand next to each other so we can save on concrete shoe cost before we throw them all in the east harbor.
They tend to vote Democrat. Save it for later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bM0wVjU2-k
Most of the libertarians have embraced their latent fascist side now.
That’s the Mises caucus
Holy shit. Andy Reid found a new way to fuck up a clock play
As long as he hasn’t found a new way to fuck up cock play
He’d have to find his cock first
What’s this about fucking clocks?
I refuse to acknowledge 5 and 8 o’clock.
Must be the Daylight Savings messing him up
I never thought I would say this…but Andy Reid is not fucking up here.
This officiating crew is all over the place.
Love how Andy Reid keeps attacking.
I forget, what happens if someone fumbles during a 2-pt attempt and it’s returned all the way? Is that still just 2?
think you do get 2 the other way now, like in college
How the fuck do this happen every week? Every week the Browns play, the announcers are surprised they are not kicking extra points….
The Browns don’t have a field goal kicker. They haven’t had one in weeks. They literally cannot kick extra points or field goals.
Because it’s weird that a team can’t hire someone to work for league minimum?
Haslam probably considers it a waste of money since there are not really any good kickers available. Can’t say I blame him.
They have brought in other kickers. Its been a shit show. Since they got fuck all in the way of actually doing anything this year, its not a concern.
Its just jarring that every fucking week its the same song and dance “wha? The Browns are going for two?!?” as if this isn’t expected.
Is Chris Kluwe still available? Or is he too woke for the NFL or whatever?
To people that still play fantasy football, do you find your Sunday’s unnecessarily stressful? I gave it up about ten years ago and I get two (mostly) stress-free days each weekend. I can’t imagine worrying about lineups and yards ever again. I just drink and pass out.
I don’t play a money league, so it’s just the shit talking, and comparing teams with random strangers, so that’s pretty fun
I play in 2 money leagues and have done so for 21 years. There’s no serious emotional investment at this point. I’ve won, I’ve lost. Whatever…
Holy shit the Browns actually score a TD in a 2 minute drill!
WHAT WORLD IS THIS?!?!
THIS JUST IN:
Baker Mayfield is competent!
He has outscored Alex Smith in fantasy points every week, despite having a worse record
Is Cohen dead, or is Buffala just shutting him down and ignoring JoHo?
I don’t think the Bills is very good, y’all. Hate to be such a negative nelly.
i thought Ridley had a bad hammy? He just ran for 40 yards.
that was a great catch.
You monkeys that took the under in the Miami game are sitting pretty right now.
Skins are bad
It’s Great O v. Good D + Crap D v. Shit O
So yeah, Falcons
It has its uses – Buffalo Bill
Lololo