My head is killing me, most of the games were turds, so don’t expect too much from this wrapup.
OK, maybe the Saints are the best side in footbaw, after all. What they did to the Striped Pylons (on their own, shitty turf) was just brutal. Methinks everybody on the team scored, even the walk-ons. You can officially consider Cincinnati ded.
Our RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! pals continued to show chinks (no ofence) in their armour, barely hanging on to beat the SeaTruthers at home (36-31). Cooper Kupp also blew his knee out again, likely for keepsies this time. Still, 9-1 is 9-1. But it’s not feeling like 9-1 with promise right now. They desperately need sommet curse-like to befall NO.
Meanwhile, the Bearistocrats! Prophecy looks better and better, though Detroit is kinda shitty. Bollo de la Verdad had a monster game, as did the defense (until letting up a bit in garbage time). Cody Parkey donked 4 – fucking four!! – kicks off the upright. Not that it mattered, but ’twas very interesting.
Rounding out the Top 4 are the Chefs, who had a tougher than expected fight at home with Birdcano. We welcome David Johnson back to the land of the living, and we will see if there is now tape that others can copy on how to slow the Mahomes-y express. But like with RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!, 9-1 is 9-1. This is Week 11 Monday Night Footy from Mexico, by the way. Fucking can’t wait.
Falling out of the Top 4? New England, who got ass-blasted in Tennessee. Seems like anytime they go against someone familiar with their shenanigans this season, the emperor all of a sudden has no clothes. And Dreamboat is no longer elite physically whatsoever. That’s 2 back in the loss column of KC, which is crucial for a P*ts-less Superb Owl (homefield will make all the difference, plus they would likely have to play #3 seed Yinzburgh).
Humps/Jaguras was a close, meaningless game. 29-26 to Team Gravy, thanks to a late fumble ruling by the replay booth.
As with Jacksonville, still a fork in the Falcons. You go into Believeland at 4-4 and come out with a double-digit loss? That’s a wrap, y’all. Good on #ThePauls for putting a complete 60 minutes together. Nick Chubb is really good. UGA can grow some fookin’ tailbacks.
The Matt Barkley Bills – no, I did not stutter motherfucker – put up 41 points on the road. OF COURSE they were playing the Jest. But even so…yikes.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly maybe had an aneurysm during Q4 of the Raiders sad, sad 20-6 loss to the Shitty Clippers. Turns out Emo Carr doesn’t believe in your mainstream concept of four downs – which is fine, seeing as maybe he belongs in Canadia (in footy terms) anyway. Somehow, the Shitty Clippers are 7-2, but I wouldn’t be shocked if they lost at “home” to my Donks next week. They are just kind of there, like old patio furniture.
For once, Bay of Green did as it should this season, beating the piss out of Miami (31-12). Aaron Jones is a really good RB, which only took Captain BlueBunny like 6 weeks too long to figure out. LOLfins just more or less LOLfin’d as they do. As did the Brock…Brock…dun dun dun dun dun BROCK LOBSTER! (that may be the last time I get to do this)
Redacteds 16, MRSA 3. Res ipsa loquitur.
As I type, the Non-gendered Cowpersons lead the Defending Champion Iggles 6-3. Dakota Jeebus has really bad mechanics to go with his ten cent head. Just incredible arm talent that often covers up for same. Perhaps this game will be worthy of edits, but I doubt I will care in the unlikely event that it does.
Finally, ALL THE HIPPO LULZ at Scott Walker and Kris Kobach. Tuesday couldn’t happen to a nicer pair of assholes.