Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 10, 2018 Season

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

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My head is killing me, most of the games were turds, so don’t expect too much from this wrapup.

OK, maybe the Saints are the best side in footbaw, after all.  What they did to the Striped Pylons (on their own, shitty turf) was just brutal.  Methinks everybody on the team scored, even the walk-ons.  You can officially consider Cincinnati ded.

Our RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! pals continued to show chinks (no ofence) in their armour, barely hanging on to beat the SeaTruthers at home (36-31).  Cooper Kupp also blew his knee out again, likely for keepsies this time.  Still, 9-1 is 9-1.  But it’s not feeling like 9-1 with promise right now.  They desperately need sommet curse-like to befall NO.

Meanwhile, the Bearistocrats! Prophecy looks better and better, though Detroit is kinda shitty.  Bollo de la Verdad had a monster game, as did the defense (until letting up a bit in garbage time).  Cody Parkey donked 4 – fucking four!! – kicks off the upright.  Not that it mattered, but ’twas very interesting.

Rounding out the Top 4 are the Chefs, who had a tougher than expected fight at home with Birdcano.  We welcome David Johnson back to the land of the living, and we will see if there is now tape that others can copy on how to slow the Mahomes-y express.  But like with RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!, 9-1 is 9-1.  This is Week 11 Monday Night Footy from Mexico, by the way.  Fucking can’t wait.

Falling out of the Top 4?  New England, who got ass-blasted in Tennessee.  Seems like anytime they go against someone familiar with their shenanigans this season, the emperor all of a sudden has no clothes.  And Dreamboat is no longer elite physically whatsoever.  That’s 2 back in the loss column of KC, which is crucial for a P*ts-less Superb Owl (homefield will make all the difference, plus they would likely have to play #3 seed Yinzburgh).

Humps/Jaguras was a close, meaningless game.  29-26 to Team Gravy, thanks to a late fumble ruling by the replay booth.

As with Jacksonville, still a fork in the Falcons.  You go into Believeland at 4-4 and come out with a double-digit loss?  That’s a wrap, y’all.  Good on #ThePauls for putting a complete 60 minutes together.  Nick Chubb is really good.  UGA can grow some fookin’ tailbacks.

The Matt Barkley Bills – no, I did not stutter motherfucker – put up 41 points on the road.  OF COURSE they were playing the Jest.  But even so…yikes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly maybe had an aneurysm during Q4 of the Raiders sad, sad 20-6 loss to the Shitty Clippers.  Turns out Emo Carr doesn’t believe in your mainstream concept of four downs – which is fine, seeing as maybe he belongs in Canadia (in footy terms) anyway.  Somehow, the Shitty Clippers are 7-2, but I wouldn’t be shocked if they lost at “home” to my Donks next week.  They are just kind of there, like old patio furniture.

For once, Bay of Green did as it should this season, beating the piss out of Miami (31-12).  Aaron Jones is a really good RB, which only took Captain BlueBunny like 6 weeks too long to figure out.  LOLfins just more or less LOLfin’d as they do.  As did the Brock…Brock…dun dun dun dun dun BROCK LOBSTER!  (that may be the last time I get to do this)

Redacteds 16, MRSA 3.  Res ipsa loquitur.

As I type, the Non-gendered Cowpersons lead the Defending Champion Iggles 6-3.  Dakota Jeebus has really bad mechanics to go with his ten cent head.  Just incredible arm talent that often covers up for same.  Perhaps this game will be worthy of edits, but I doubt I will care in the unlikely event that it does.

Finally, ALL THE HIPPO LULZ at Scott Walker and Kris Kobach.  Tuesday couldn’t happen to a nicer pair of assholes.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Who do you folks think is the third-worst team in the NFL? I have the Raiders as the worst and the Raiders also as the second worst.

SonOfSpam

Could be the Raiders, Giants, Jets, or the Raiders.

Game Time Decision

Browns Bills Blake Bortles

yeah right

Think the Giants are going to demonstrate their ineptitude with aplomb this evening.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like how I’m going to have to drop a guy from my fantasy team (Jordy Nelson) cause he’s fucking retiring.

SonOfSpam

If you had Jordy Nelson on your fantasy team, his retirement is not your biggest problem.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My fantasy team is actually not that bad! 6-3 soon to be 6-4 thanks to Kissin’ Titties.

SonOfSpam

Shoulda bid more on Matt Barkley.

blaxabbath

I’m gonna trade my Jordy for X.

blaxabbath

Pardon me….

I am going to trade Jordy Nelson for a hit of X.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m watching a really weird Spanish movie called ¿Quien mató a Bambi?

Andres Iniesta makes a random appearance.

SonOfSpam

I don’t speak Espanol, but if it’s about the sapphic adventures of a stripper named Bambi, I’ll give it a look-see.

litre_cola

What a fucking shit show last night. I was so sure that the Iggles would pull it off. I am not ready for a world where the Potato Skins win a division.

ballsofsteelandfury

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nomonkeyfun

Don’t worry, Andy Reid will eat them alive in the playoffs.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s wonderful that people are starting to write about the inevitable decline of Tom Brady and how the joyride may be over…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am hoping and praying that he has one last Chiefs humiliation left in him.

nomonkeyfun

Soon, it will happen.

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Game Time Decision

i am curious to see how they do without tom and not really having anyone learning the role
/team meteor

Sharkbait

It’s not going to go well at all. “Fans” will say Brady shouldve been traded instead of Garoppolo

Game Time Decision

it will be a weekly P*ts schadenfreude ( or however you spell it)
/can’t wait.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mornin’. The locals were as livid as expected for Cody “This is a dumb name even if it didn’t kind of rhyme” Parkey.

blaxabbath

“I got your dumb name right here! [grabs crotch]”

– Barkevious Mingo

Petronel

Also oblig:

rockingdog
rockingdog

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Petronel

Jared Goff approves of this message.

And, oblig:

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rockingdog
rockingdog

sad pats fans here in New England are sad.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Let me know when they are sad enough to kill themselves and I will have a send-off party.

nomonkeyfun

As did the Brock…Brock…dun dun dun dun dun BROCK LOBSTER! (that may be the last time I get to do this)

White QBs are a precious natural resource. One can always count on coaches to reuse and recycle these turds.
Horseballs still gets signed to be a starter. We have many years of Brocklobster ahead of us.

blaxabbath

Osweiler has yet to don a Buffalo jersey though money says ARI would bring him in as an “accomplished veteran” to help groom Rosen.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I gave my jerseys (Cooper, Carr) away to my housekeeper’s kid yesterday.

nomonkeyfun

If I wanted to be cruel to a housekeeper, I would send them to Wealselo’s house the day after the Hot Sauce expo.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a banner.

blaxabbath

“Remember back when kids were killing each other for Raiders coats? That’s the kind of prominence we are returning to this franchise.”

-J Gruden

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
blaxabbath

In the last ~14 hours, I’ve never heard so many excited cucks proclaim [with a wink], “There are no moral victories but…” reviewing Birdcano not being decimated by KC enterring the 4th Quarter. Ron Wolfley, the Cardinals radio analyst and weekday AM show host can barely keep his CTE-raddled brain in his skull this morning. The Cardinals! Steve Wilks! They were IN IT entering the fourth quarter! Against the Chiefs!

I realize now what I hate most about sports reporters: they’re like FoxNews contributors. Never held accountable for their shitty analysis. Never called out for not reporting on valid topics. Each day the slate is wiped clean and they can spin ANYTHING into a positive. “We got our asses pounded in the House but we picked up one more Senate seat in another backwards cousin-fucking state! ANOTHER HISTORIC ACHEIVEMENT FOR THE OBESE MAN WHO FUCKS HIS OWN DAUGHTER, TUCKER!”

You know those ads they put in magazines that are designed to look like an article or published medical report so they have to add the fine print at the top of the page, “This is not #content but a paid advertisement”? These hacks are the audible version of those things. “Everyone is asking; is Josh Rosen the next BEETS — because he’s a super food!” or “Should people be buying the Cardinals, buying gold bullion, or buying both?!” or “No one ever said expectations for this team were unreasonable. We’ve know who this team was going to be since preseason” then doesn’t mention that they all had Arizona at 19-0 in the preseason forecast.

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ballsofsteelandfury

This is why I don’t understand why any of you listen to sports talk radio.

The only good ones I’ve ever heard are Petros & Money and that’s because they are self aware enough to make fun of normal sports talk.

blaxabbath

Mostly just to reaffirm to myself my own righteousness.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

After the Bears game we tuned in mainly to hear the Cody Parkey backlash for the hate, but man, a LOT of “here’s what the coach should be doing, it’s disappointing he hasn’t learned X yet” and they’re dead fucking serious.

Cuntler

I saw some random Bears fan say the following on twitter regarding Nagy: “I like the results, I just don’t like how he is doing it.” He apparently wants a 1983 style offense with Matt Suhey and his neckroll in as fullback for Jordan Howard. I thought Nagy would suck because of his visor/bald head judgment, but he has impressed me a ton. The Bears could shit away the division and I will still be happy that they don’t have double digit loses. I am looking forward to next Sunday against the Vikings. Should be a good game.

Sharkbait

Essentially broke even on GAMBLOR yesterday. Too much faith in the aforementioned Mahomes express.

Don T

Mariota healthy, Corey Davis looking like a first rounder, Tits with no drops, mean D, and a coaching staff eager to stick it to Belichick…
Tine to break out the Bubbles, peeps
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blaxabbath

Get your hopes up. These Tits gonna win out.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I mean, dare I bring Derrick Henry back from bench banishment?