2018 Quotables – Week 10 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)

Week 10. I still have no idea what the deal with 75% of the NFL team is this year (usually I’m around 50%, honestly). Not that this should really matter for this weekly hit piece but I do try to spread around the attention. But when there’s about four really good teams, five atrocious teams, and a big blob of ‘potential’ in-between — I don’t know, here’s a guy hitting the uprights like one-half dozen times?

Nah. Please see below instead.

 


Add this to the DAL/PHI gameday file.

Guys getting wrecked then flailing to grab the assailants’ legs is one of my favorite NFL sequences.

“Can we give Reid a fine AND a reward?” -Angry Democrats

Timely flag.

In TAWMMY’s defense, it’s not like he takes injections that make him a better third down receiver.

Most excited I’ve seen Missourians about a black man just helping himself to expensive electronics.

And just like that, Kyle Love passed the concussion protocol.

Presented without comment
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
Please Login to comment
48 Comment threads
18 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
17 Comment authors
Rikki-Tikki-DeadlyHoratio CornblowerUnsurprisedMoose -The End Is Well NighBrettFavresColonoscopy Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Horatio Cornblower

comment image?resize=500%2C281&ssl=1

The last time I saw a pile-driver like that Steve Austin broke his neck.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image?resize=500%2C281&ssl=1

I haven’t seen Tennessee’s field lines fuck up the other team like this since that play-off game against the Bills.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image?resize=500%2C280&ssl=1

This hit was so hard it raised Ben’s reading level to 4th grade.

Horatio Cornblower

By the way, not sure why I bothered with this one, since LemonJello locked this one up and salted it away with that Shazier’s toes comment.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah, man, you gotta stay in the game. You never know when LemonJello is gonna get popped for a PED violation.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

KNOWN AS “HOMER SIMPSON SYNDROME”

YOUR BRAIN IS CUSHIONED BY A LAYER OF FLUID ONE-EIGHTH OF AN INCH THICKER THAN NORMAL. IT’S ALMOST AS IF YOU’RE WEARING A FOOTBALL HELMET INSIDE YOUR HEAD. WHY, I COULD WALLOP YOU ALL DAY WITH THIS SURGICAL 2×4 WITHOUT EVER KNOCKING YOU DOWN, BUT I HAVE OTHER APPOINTMENTS.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

THIS PLAY HERE I CALL IT THE TUNA NET BECAUSE IT WRECKS DOLPHINS AND WE ALL HAVE TO PRETEND TO CARE

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

“YEAH, FUCK YOU! HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?”
–a strawberry

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

Now everything’s gone grey

nomonkeyfun

comment image?resize=500%2C281&ssl=1

“You know what. I’m actually happy these fuckers left. Oh, yeahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!”

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

Look, when I want to test if Marvin Lewis knows the difference between his ass and a hole in the ground, I don’t expect some furry to fuck it.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

comment image

I like to think of this as a metaphor for stumbling towards the end of one’s career.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

comment image

This game is like that last furry convention where I went into that room labeled BDSM which I thought meant Bengal’s Depression Support for Mascots and was asked top or bottom and I thought they meant bunk beds so I said bottom.

nomonkeyfun

Wow. That was a very… specific reference.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Church camp as a child was very traumatic…….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Game Time Decision

comment image

I thought the Pathers bye was week 4.

Also pictured is all of DFO when trying to watch that “game”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

LemonJello
LemonJello

/through gritted teeth
“Don’t fucking touch me, Buck.”

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

comment image

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

comment image

And when I wake up, this will have all been nothing but a dream…

nomonkeyfun

comment image?resize=500%2C281&ssl=1

“If I really wanted to assault a Texan, you wouldn’t have to wait 13 months to realize it.”

Enrico Pallazzo

comment image

When you’re told that Cardinals and Raiders play each other this weekend.

SonOfSpam

comment image

“Hey look – a tiger enthusiastically going face first on the turf.”

– Unsatisfied Lindsey Vonn

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
“A black man with something vaguely gun-shaped in his hands? I see he likes to live dangerously.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

EAGLES FAN 1: Ha ha, look at Dak eat shit!

EAGLES FAN 2: [cannot respond because mouth is full of horse manure]

Downfield Matriculator
Downfield Matriculator

comment image

These Eagles, I call them George W. Bush, because they make a flashy show of support for the troops while failing to achieve the primary objective

/mission accomplished

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

“See why I only want to pay them 3/5 their salary!?”
“We both know that’s not why, Mr. Richardson.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

https://reddit.app.link/iKSzGKtIOR

“This guy isn’t even good at missing kicks the right way”
–Blair Walsh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

Now that’s what I call “battery” right, Eagles fans? Zeke? Nigel Bradham?

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
“TRIGGERED!”
/pisses pants
/curls up in fetal position
-T. Green

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
Displaying this kind of football competence is a sure-fire way to get either cut or traded from Jon Gruden’s Raiders.

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
The coaching staff wasn’t sure that recreating a photo from the flight deck of the Akagi off Midway Island was an appropriate Veteran’s Day tribute, but the league allowed it.

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
This hit was so brutal, Ryan Shazier felt it in his toes.

King Hippo

oh, outstanding!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, that gets a handshake.
comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a candidate for Quotable Of The Year.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Jesus Christ

Horatio Cornblower

Good God, man.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THAT COMMENT HAD A FAMILY!

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

I haven’t seen a ham go down that hard since last Easter.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Andy Reid at Easter Brunch is the eighth wonder of the modern world.

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
“Usually, when a guy gets blown up that badly, he’s wearing a Semtex suit with Primacord trim.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
“I heard ‘Pollard! Pollard’s coming!’ from the sideline and my knee just gave out on me.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image
“Somebody, anybody, give me the Harambe treatment, please! I can’t take much more of this.”

Sharkbait

comment image

Blacks…saluting troops??
*Fox News explodes*

nomonkeyfun

comment image?resize=681%2C365&ssl=1

/The NFL fines Vets $1,000 each for this service to them.

nomonkeyfun

comment image?resize=500%2C269&ssl=1

“Hey, Who Dey, you’ve just been traded to the Jets.”
“Dear God, please anything but that.”

nomonkeyfun

comment image?resize=500%2C281&ssl=1

“He finishes that well in the bedroom too.”
-G. Bundchen

“Why the fuck do you think I was glad he dumped me for you.”

-B. Moynahan

Game Time Decision

comment image

Kids this is what happens when one takes too many pills to try to dull the pain of what you are about to witness, again.

ballsofsteelandfury

– King Hippo

Game Time Decision

comment image
You know it’s a bad hit when the other teams trainer rushes out to you.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Was the secret theme of this week’s offerings,”Hello Darkness, My Old Friend”?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Apparently the Bengals mascot received advance notice of Hue Jackson’s hiring.

Game Time Decision

comment image
If the ball wasn’t so inflated, I could run with it.
-T. Brady

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Based on the number of fat white assholes screaming at a black man who earns a lot more money than they do I would have assumed this footage was of Don Lemon covering a Trump rally.

Game Time Decision

comment image
Hurt less than hit car with out helmet. Bike go Vroom vroom. Owwie spots fine. Ben get Choco-taco now?
-Ben

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

“My husband can not [expletive] catch the ball and run with the ball at the same time!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

“Perhaps senpai will notice me when he sees what I have done to this Dolphin.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

I haven’t seen a charger get hurled to the ground with such fury since the last time one of BFC’s flights got delayed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I also relocated that Charger to Los Angeles, whether or not it was wanted there.

King Hippo

comment image?zoom=2.5&resize=488%2C273&ssl=1

Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.

King Hippo

shit, HARF and to the left. HARF into the left is probably better. My comedic timing sucks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not cheating to use the edit button.

Sharkbait

In an NFL First, a player films his own penalty.
comment image?resize=500%2C281&ssl=1