Your “The (Helmet To The Head) Hits Keep Coming!” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Enough dilly-dallying! TO THE GAMES!

Raiders/Cards:

The Gruden-led (rhymes with rudderless) Oakland squad is not doing very well. Hell, when your te has a whopping 30% of your qb’s 10 passing TD’s, something’s gotta change. That change took the form of trading their lone offensive threat. Wha? Now because of injuries the Raiders are staring at the possibility of Dwayne Harris and Seth Roberts being their starting wideouts. Tis not a wonder they’ve scored but 147 points all year long. The Cards have something to say about that though. They’ve managed a paltry 124 total for an average of 13.7 per game. Still, they’ve got a rook qb that’s doing the usual struggly thing. Rb Johnson seems to be heating up, having got past the century mark in total yards the last two games. I can’t see him regressing vs. this lot. Christian Kirkwood would appear to be a rising talent, so one might say that there are pieces in place for the Cards.

Broncs/Bolts:

Here’s your hot AFC West action. Careful, it might burn up your chosen media device! Joey Bosa is scheduled to return, giving the Chargers something to bother Keenum about. On t’udder side, Chubbs and Miller are pressuring and sacking like no one’s business. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the reality that L.A. is 7-2 and only one game behind K.C.

Eagles/Saints:

Much like the Steelers/Jags tilt from the earlier slate, this was to be a lovely game to take in. Like the Jags, Philly just didn’t deliver. One can’t help but think that they’ll reel off 5 straight wins at some point but maybe not this week. If they somehow get the W they’ve got the Giants next and maybe they start rolling.

Polish your eyebulbs, there’s more work to do.

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Who has the entry ‘FishTaco006’ in the DFO eliminator?

rockingdog
rockingdog

throw it to mike thomas!!!!!!!

rockingdog
rockingdog

denver broncos get the W!

Fronkenshteen

That guy in my money league who I can never beat?

(dramatic pause)

Yeah, I still can’t beat him.

blaxabbath

Arizona sucks.

rockingdog
rockingdog

throw it to cook!

blaxabbath

I got a little work to sneak in outside and if ARI could lose this game, being able to listen to the postgame show would make this work go much faster.

blaxabbath

Has anyone used one of those inflatable jacuzzis? I kind of want to get one but not if it’s a hassle or unreliable or whatever.

Redshirt

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/man-who-yelled-heil-hitler-heil-trump-at-fiddler-on-the-roof-im-so-embarrassed/ar-BBPPKPo?ocid=spartanntp

This reminds me of the time the local chapter of NAACP dressed up in white robes and hoods and burned a cross at a Black Lives Matter rally.

blaxabbath

These Nazis could learn a lot from their strong ally, Jeff Flake, on how to behave when not burning a cross.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I cannot tell you the number of times that I have had to explain to people that just because a rapper or a comedian uses the N-word…I will not tolerate them using it in front of me.

“Yeah but what about Eddie Murphy?”…

“I would tell him to knock if off too”

herodotus450
herodotus450

Speaking of injuries, how many quarteredbacks had to go down for the Broncos to turn to Case Keenum?

Game Time Decision

Who gets rehired first, Kaep or Peterman?

Redshirt

NFL lawyers to Goodell is Peterman gets signed before Kaepernick.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Bart Starr gets hired before Kaep.

Redshirt

(watching “Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith”)

“You’re the Chosen One, but we don’t trust you.”
“We don’t like your friendship with the guy we don’t trust, but we’re going to isolate you from us.”

“Why did you betray us?!”

Also, I haven’t seen so much great talent gone to waste since Batman & Robin, four out of seven Bengals playoff teams, the Reds playoff teams in the ’95, ’99 and ’10s, Ken Griffey Jr. as a Red, Greg Cook as a Bengal, humanity….

ballsofsteelandfury

Right?

I’ve made it a point to rewatch the series from the point of view that the Rebels/Jedis are the bad guys. It’s kinda fun.

Redshirt

Jedi/Republic Senate are Britain/France/Allies. Republic are Germany. Sith the Nazi Party.

litre_cola

Hey well would you look at that Zach Ertz can catch a football. MAYBE THROW IT TO HIM DAKOTA JESUS.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I imagine Dallas Goedert got his name because the parents were yelling at the Cowboys to go for it when they were being asked what they wanted to name their kid.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Or named after where he was conceived, like my sister, Post Teacher Convention Accident Cole!

blaxabbath

With wins over SF and Oakland, why would ARI want to play for draft position?! It’s not like their team isn’t one huge gaping roster hole.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Huge gaping roster hole was what the 90s Cowboys called their crack whores

blaxabbath

Or simply, Melania.

Doktor Zymm

Fitzy is always a good bet, even if he’s like, what now, 40?

yeah right

Welp, those enchiladas aren’t gonna make themselves.

To the kitchen!

Doktor Zymm

Lindsay and Ingram giving my DFO team a gasping chance (I’m gonna lose)

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

“Well time to whip out my Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpet Fleshlight”

Fronkenshteen

Thomas? Please?

Gratliff

jesus fuck

Fronkenshteen

comment image/revision/latest?cb=20100419032018

Gratliff

comment image

Doktor Zymm

How do you come to the conclusion that ‘Derwin’ is what you should name your child?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

If you’re in Chicago you go fer “DERWIN” that’s why!

He’s also a junior.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

I love the SuperDome. I like getting it, too.

Gratliff

Brees isn’t human

litre_cola

Great play by the Chicken Cooper Miller.

Gratliff

That USO montage was pretty fucked up

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Holy shit, this Shout Factory website has a lot of stuff besides MST3K, I think I have found a new website to waste a lot of time. Complete series of 1999, The Saint, Sapphire and Steel, The Prisoner, Secret Agent, The Weird Al Show and even Fridays. They even have the original full series of ReBoot and ThunderBirds. I have found me a never ending rabbit hole.

Doktor Zymm

You know you can visit the Prisoner set?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Really?! Damn I would love that. I loved that show when I first saw it.

I had never heard of Sapphire and Steel but after reading the wiki for it, it sounds damn trippy. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sapphire_%26_Steel

Doktor Zymm

Also never heard of, but will check it out, cheers!

Petronel
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Wasn’t the Shout Factory Jimmy Swaggart’s church?

Doktor Zymm

Are infoshops still a thing? I know the NYC, BAL and PHL ones I knew are gone. Where do anarchists go for inflammatory literature nowadays?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Where every one else does, the internet?

Doktor Zymm

Yeah…but sad, I don’t want to order poorly printed badges for $1 each plus shipping from some shitty website

Gratliff

Saints feel like they’re just here to rip whatever swagger was left in Philly out of its soul.

King Hippo

time to blankly stare at the wall for awhile

Old School Zero

A Rivers-Gates TD is so retro it’s already been greenlit for a fresh Hollywood remake.

King Hippo

what a bunch of fucking shit from these officials

Doktor Zymm

So…who exactly IS Danny Boy?

herodotus450
herodotus450

A plumber I think. With all those pipes a callin.

Doktor Zymm

Alexa says he’s a member of House of Pain

King Hippo

“Home” crowd is deflated by the Donks doing their usual Donks thing

yeah right

Habanero Jack is a delightful non- traditional cheese.

Old School Zero

I’ve had a chipotle-threaded cheddar that’s excellent

yeah right

There’s a California Central Coast cheese maker that does a local version of a Swiss cheese that’s called Holy Cow and it’s fucking special. Good cheese on the West Coast.

King Hippo

that was a perfectly good hit

litre_cola

That hit was fine by Graham.

Doktor Zymm

Speaking of anarchists, while I think they’re mostly full of shit, I should look up the Oakland Food Not Bombs and volunteer

Doktor Zymm

Closest one is in Berkeley. Fuck that shit, they’re not real East Bay.

King Hippo

WOO, time for some Birdcano/pre-Vegas fun!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Yes. Chumbawamba is on here

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

Those guys could make a big comeback if they’d release a song about bodies hitting the floor. I think people are ready for a new one of those.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

The current Zeitgeist is wishing for death, so I think you’re dead right.

King Hippo

hey now, I was wishing for death before wishing for death was cool

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Sadly, the true trend setters are seldom rewarded.

Doktor Zymm

Ah, the Anarchist band that got disowned by anarchists because they had a hit that was put on swim teams sweatshirts, and then they tried to get arrested by playing on the roof of a building without a permit but it didn’t quite work

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Those lovable rooftop-playing moptops!comment image

Doktor Zymm

Coked out Red Zone guy is getting a bit old, but I think only working one day a week is slightly preserving his youth and his ability to be coked out Red Zone Guy

King Hippo

I assume he just bathes in embalming fluid in between

Redshirt

Either he’s Darth Vader in his black dome or a Borg alcove regenerating for 162 hours.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

I cannot wait until Raider fans tear that stadium to pieces in the last Oakland. game Shit’s gonna look like Caligula meets Apocalypto.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I forget if it was the Dodgers or Giants, but fans of one of those teams ripped up terf after the last game in New York.

Game Time Decision

They save on demolition costs that way

Doktor Zymm

Dude, that’s some pretty solid concrete, we’re gonna need some dynamite, fucking senator’s wives ain’t gonna do it

Doktor Zymm

I won’t lie, I love New Orleans for many reasons, amazing history, fantastic music, excellent atmosphere, but it’s also a city where I can make legit friends in an afternoon at a bar, and that goes a long way. The west coast kinda blows at non-work friends.

yeah right

Every time I’ve been to New Orleans I’ve met folks during the afternoon at a bar that would then join us for another wander down Bourbon Street.

One on my absolute favorite cities ever. Deep love for that place.

Doktor Zymm

I’m 100% for a DFO con in NOLA, all the love

yeah right

Hell yes. Fully seconded.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

I’m not allowed in the city, sorry

Fronkenshteen

QUICK! Name the team that beat the saints this year.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

FITZMAGIC!

Fronkenshteen

Chicken dinner!

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

Riverboat Ron will probably take a week 17 win against the Saints backups, of which I assume Aaron Brooks is still somewhere on the roster.

King Hippo

He’s gotta get rid of that ball, yo

Game Time Decision

Number 47 on the Saint was the runner up in the Clay Mathews look alike contest

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

And Tom Petty’s corpse was #1

rockingdog
rockingdog

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Kinda Fabio-esque.comment image

Old School Zero

Since when does Jason Mewes play football?

Doktor Zymm

With the exception of the P*ts, I’m pretty okay with who’s looking Super Bowlish

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

The Pots? But Ricky Williams is long retired!

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

And Martavis Bryant isn’t able to help the Raiders with a second-half rebound.

King Hippo

I’m ok only with Chefs, Bearistocrats!, and RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!

Doktor Zymm

No NOLA?

King Hippo

I guess they’re ok, still a bit too narrative for me