Happy Thanksgiving, one and all. Welcome to installment one of today’s carnival.
Chi**** (-3) at Detroit (12:30, CBS)
We have replaced Bollo de la Verdad with sommet called Chase Daniel. Yeah, I bet you did notice. Somehow, this only moved the line 1.5 points, which I think vastly understates how key a competent titty-kisser has been to the Bearistocrats! offense. Plus, the Cuck Lions usually turn into Fuck Lions this one, magical day every season. This was gonna be fun fantasy watching for me, as Bollo is my Baby Buster backup (say that 5 times fast), plus I got Fat Kicker (MI) off waivers to sub for Zeuerlein. But now I am stuck starting…Elisha. Yikes.
This is also on CBS, thanks to the powers-that-be not shoehorning an AFC side into the turkey’s ass this year. Somebody has to cross-flex, whether that’s their truth or nae.
Previewing today’s slate:
Also, here’s a bonus bit of music goodness for ye degenerates:
This isn’t even the same goddamn sport that we were watching Monday.
I hope everyone involved in this halftime act drops fookin’ ded
found a funny:
all the
small things
at thanks-
giving
uncle’s
racist
mom’s
high
dad’s
pissed
say it ain’t so / sweet potatoes
cousin’s now goth / hot topic clothes
Just once can we get some goddamn Low Cut Connie for one of these halftime shows?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ybg-ezDmA4
Hoo boy, almost an hour before noon and already had the “They’re not kneeling to protest the flag” conversation.
I may have to break the no beer before noon rule.
Just do it. It’s Christmas, after all.
Do it!
Do it.
it’s past noon somewhere
Alright, fuck it I’m going in.
31 minutes.
NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW RECORD
Hello beer my old friend.
Drink and get loud about it
I do like this Bears D. They scheme up good and hit like motherfuckers.
all this fat talk is encouraging me to go make my game-time meal (kale salad)
You not drinking yet?
nah, just pills until the 2nd game at least, otherwise me go sleepy time
see, Tony Romo noes his merde
force it to Golladay over the middle, morons
Matt Patricia looks like that guy at the bus stop that smells weird. He doesn’t smell bad, just…weird.
yeah, looks like
I like that they picked up the flag. If you are standing in place it should be impossible to get flagged for OPI.
Caleb Hanie cries jealously
I’ve had about enough of Mizzell.
HUZZAH, not-Leonard Cohen!!
Thanksgiving really has only one carol, try this at your famiy gathering:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dSUdzgmCik
Gritty new Aquaman looks nothing like the guy I remember from the comics when I was a kid.
How can he be gritty if he’s a) in water and, b) not white?
no Jeeeeem, I believe the competitive eating pros are Andy Reid’s “disciples”
This game stinks.
Time to go make the dressing.
What the fuck is my money league opponent doing starting Taylor Gabriel (and getting more points than me outta Jordan Howard)?
no goddamned complaining, your insane Chase Daniel play is working!
Who’s covering Golladay so well? Stick him in the slot for chrissakes.
That’s the kind of direction that wins AVN awards, son
Local Food Lion now sells 2 lb. bags of “2 beef bones. I made a beef stock that you can hold in front of a window and not see through at all. What should I use it in?
Chili.
“Coffee”
A. Reid, Kansas City, MO
HA!
Bolognese sauce.
IV drip.
Dawg on Dawg violence
“Hell yeah!!!!!”
– M. Vick
Inadvertent whistle
“YES. NEED DOUGH.” – Andy Reid at a carnival
Needs moar powdered sugar.
Now throw downfield to Golladay dammit!
JUst weighed in at 233.8? Am I winning?
/ I’m losing
I’m north of that but don’t feel like finding a scale to feel worse about myself
pretty sure I’s still under 2 bills
/but not by much, and my build means 185 is really pushing it
//yes I can has shame
“You’re a little light, but not too far off.” – Dr. Ronny Jackson (before popping a handful of pills into his mouth)
I’ve been battling depression since I moved to Calgary. I am well north of that.
That’s Calgary’s official municipal sport
2 more field goals and a defensive touchdown and I can stop drinking.
I support this.
Tarik now
He was indeed open
I’m fading Cohen in money league, Daniel in DFO-ball. BIG EXHALE
And then there’s that throw.
RUN THE FUCKING BALL
If you’re a Lions DB, get the seppuku katana ready
WHACK
4.0 YPA for that $7M backup
If you haven’t read about this fucking dingus yet, may I offer some fun halftime reading material/ non-political dinner table anecdote. Enjoy!
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/world/2018/11/21/american-believed-dead-after-encounter-with-remote-indian-tribe-hostile-outsiders/
Yeah, and now apparently there’s American talks to #civilize” them
Some people just can’t comprehend the international language of “fuck off”.
Finally took this thurs/fri off work this year and I really don’t mind a game with punts. Every point is worth more, no? It’s like a soccer game. Pleople don’t love that game for the high scoring, it’s the massive value of each goal that makes them so good. You don’t celebrate every 2 point jumper like you do a big TD in a game where you might not see another. And… back to the beer
Sounds like you can give your brother-in-law shit about leaving Kerryon in his lineup, too
I WAS DRUNK LAST NIGHT OK!!!
Also. You drafted a Lions tailback? Do you have Dez Bryant starting too?
I am playing Senor Weaselo in the DFO league and he is in 1st so I made a large blunder.
Sharkbait and I are locked into the battle for the cellar, of course.
I noticed he asked about him. I thought he knew his stuff. Put the kid in a closet and get on the damn injury report
Plus three!!!
FUCK LIONS! That play ONLY happens for them on thanksgiving.
this indeed
This game can be ridiculous but it needs to end with a healthy Bears defense.
CONSIDERING BLOUNT AVERAGES 2 YARDS A CARRY ITS A GOOD IDEA TO USE HIM AT 3RD AND 2 AND BELOW. OR NOT,
lucky chucklefucks
dagnabbit, 43-yard FG was just what Hippo need
Romo gets better by the week, methinks.
white RB alert!!!
3 runs and a 52-yard FG, insurmountable lead
Trey Burton has been a disappointment this year.
FOOTBALL MOVE FTW!!!!
(or rather the loss, I guess)
RUN, FAT BOY, RUN!!
Oh did Stafford break contain?
hey, there are turkey legs somewhere on that sideline
At least that wasn’t Chase’s fault.
/drinks
In honour of yeah right’s baking skills:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urEeUMqRhA4
Oh that is a fine tune.
/[whispers] spirit animal
Biggest gain of the day for Bears 15 yard personal foul. nice.
Chase Daniel just needs to keep drawing roughing the passer penalties until they’re a yard from the end zone.
And then Parkey can hit the upright?
Is Kerryon Johnson even playing?
nope, knee owie
Carry on, then
FUCK.