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Lions and Bollo-Free Bears, Oh My!

King Hippo

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Happy Thanksgiving, one and all.  Welcome to installment one of today’s carnival.

Chi**** (-3) at Detroit (12:30, CBS)

We have replaced Bollo de la Verdad with sommet called Chase Daniel.   Yeah, I bet you did notice.  Somehow, this only moved the line 1.5 points, which I think vastly understates how key a competent titty-kisser has been to the Bearistocrats! offense.  Plus, the Cuck Lions usually turn into Fuck Lions this one, magical day every season.  This was gonna be fun fantasy watching for me, as Bollo is my Baby Buster backup (say that 5 times fast), plus I got Fat Kicker (MI) off waivers to sub for Zeuerlein.  But now I am stuck starting…Elisha.  Yikes.

This is also on CBS, thanks to the powers-that-be not shoehorning an AFC side into the turkey’s ass this year.  Somebody has to cross-flex, whether that’s their truth or nae.

Previewing today’s slate:

Also, here’s a bonus bit of music goodness for ye degenerates:

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The Maestro

I’m at the age now where I’ve seen like three different girls I hooked up with in college get engaged over the last six months. The feeling is definitely not pangs of longing, especially since I’m in a superb relationship of my own, but it’s definitely… a little like Ray-J, maybe?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hope this game ends 2-0 Bears

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...

lol this game is such shit

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

As the prophesy foretold

1
Fronkenshteen

Let’s take the MNF road team from 3 days ago and put it back on the road for a 12:30 Thursday game. They’ll be fine.

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Horatio Cornblower

Horatio’s pre-Thanksgiving weigh in: 216.5.

Tune in tomorrow for an entirely different number!

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

weighing for Hippo to give us the over/under number

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King Hippo

219.5

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

over for sure ( Sorry Horatio)

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Horatio Cornblower

Hey, no offense. I’m taking the over as well.

/219.5 is actually an excellent O/U line. I’d guess 220.5-221, based on our bathroom scale of questionable accuracy.

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...

Rooting for a 4-2 final.

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King Hippo

/taking the under

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ballsofsteelandfury

Let all those that think the NFL is great due to the Rams-Chiefs game be forced to watch this game as a reminder.

1
King Hippo

there can be no good without evil for comparison purposes

1
Redshirt

I just love watching a kick/punt blocker who can’t reach the kicker/punter, but still acts like he’s trying to block the kick/punt so he doesn’t get yelled at in the film room for not trying. He almost looks like a livesized Electric Football guy moving on the field.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[overhears Queen]

[runs in from kitchen]

THIS BETTER BE A FUCKING JOSH GORDON COMMERCI…aw, fuck.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Four punts in the first quarter is *pretty* good, but it’s not going to set any records. Get it together, guys.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

HOLY CRAP RANDY MOSS DID WHAT HE WANTED

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWGKmOVIcTc

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

ALSO HOT DAMN COULD RANDALL CUNNINGHAM THROW A DEEP BALL

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litre_cola

His special on the NFL network was excellent. The “talk show” that he had where he wanted to be like Arsenio Hall is superb.

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King Hippo

#SnacksSack

1
Redshirt

Over Timer’s been beeping for two minutes with no one responding. Not sure whether to go down and save dinner or just let the house burn down. Suggestions?

1
King Hippo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XchwE9zVdnw

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I THINK THIS ONE KEPT THE STEELERS OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS (SORRY MAESTRO)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zki61ZmKf4U

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The Maestro

Lol don’t be sorry, I fuckin’ hate the Stillers!

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Here’s a novel idea: give Jordan Howard the fucking ball

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I support this opinion.

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The Maestro

Counterpoint: no.

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

EASILY MY FAVORITE CALL ON THANKSGIVING EVER (AND IN MY PERSONAL TOP 5) BOB TRUMPY FUCKING RULES

https://youtu.be/TrU8z4w8T-4?t=56

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scotchnaut

/kinda glad I went into work today

Supplier on conference call: “Can you bring in “X” of extra product before Jan 1? If you do I hit my numbers and it’ll earn your company an extra [low six figure number].”

Me: “You can’t see my boner over the phone, can you?”

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You’ve got some X?
Asking for a friend.
Drink plenty of water.

1
King Hippo

c’mon, get in FG range, you cucks

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’M GOING TO POST MY PERSONAL FAVORITE THANKSGIVING FOOTBALL MOMENTS. APPARENTLY HE HAD A BUM KNEE FOR THIS ONE:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BN8A68mwcw8

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The Maestro

Cocaine can make a man do superhuman things, truly.

1
The Maestro

Streaming the game on my phone while here in the classroom, and commenting on the classroom computer. I’m clearly living my best life.

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Senor Weaselo

Who needs music anyway?
/You’re finally teaching music, right?
//Speaking of how do I get 11 2nd graders to can it? Or 11 3rd graders coming from lunch? Asking for a friend. Your friend. Me.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Stafford’s wife looked like she was being held hostage, right? Instead of mouthing “Happy Thanksgiving”, I saw, “Please help me!”

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King Hippo

I mean, if you had to sex up that fat fuck…shudder

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

“Tell me about it…”
—Melania Trump

2
Redshirt

(sexual survival monologue) “Think of the alimony. Think of the alimony. Think of the alimony. Think of the alimony.”

3
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

MATT STAFFORD’S WIFE’S TEETH AREN’T JUST WHITE, THEY’RE CHINA WHITE

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The Maestro

I’m enjoying the all caps today. It means the bourble is already flowing, in my mind.

1
litre_cola

So B1G football this morning?

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

THE NORRIS DIVISION TITLE IS AT STAKE

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scotchnaut

[runs into comment section]

“Did I miss anything?”

[bends over, takes large wheezy breaths]

3
ballsofsteelandfury

One word: Squantofuck

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Viva La Tabula Raza

ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER v2.0 OR WHAT?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mizzell? Did they put a practice squad guy out there to make Daniel more comfortable?

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...

Trying to place Chase on this official map of backup Bears QBs
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ballsofsteelandfury

WHERE IS JAY CUTLER?

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...

He was never a backup so he gets his own.

Also chaotic evil is wrong. It should be Cutler smiling.comment image

2
Redshirt

He didn’t care to even show up for the Alignment Chart.

1
The Maestro

Where is Henry Burris??!

1
Redshirt

How do you play nine seasons and only start three games. Chase Daniel must be a stud at clipboard holding and coffee runs.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

It’s gotten him that smoking hot wife…

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The Maestro

I aspire to be the man, truly. $28 million to start three times in nine years. What a life.

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

THESE LIONS JERSEYS LOOK LIKE IF PETER PAN WERE A CRIP

3
Redshirt

I watched Creed II last night. It was pretty good. It was kind of like Rocky IV 2 but more serious instead of the self-parody, while borrowing tropes from the other Rocky movies but with original takes and not outright copying. If you liked Creed, you’ll like Creed II. Also the fights were some of the best. At time overacted (oversold), and in reality the ref and doctor should’ve stepped in and stopped them, but they never stopped Balboa-Creed I so of course they never stopped in this movie.

I also had a Arbynator. It was not that good. I didn’t order Horsey sauce, but the Arby sauce on bottom was more a glaze, there was a drop of Cheddar sauce, and the curly fries threw off the texture of the sandwich, not to mention half of them were soft and most. Also, the next time I make a comment that makes you want to demand for me to be doxed, drawn and quartered, please remember I took an Arbynator for you guys. I think that’s earned a Mulligan Comment.

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I AM WATCHING A LEGAL STREAM OF THIS GAME (A COP BUDDY GAVE ME THE LINK SO ITS ALL GOOD) AND THE CHAT IS INTERESTING

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit. I was just cleaning out Dave from the trip home, and I found three little mini bottles of vodka which apparently had fallen out of the bag and rolled under the seat after a liquor store visit in Florida. Bonus vodka!!!!!

THIS IS THE BEST THANKSGIVING EVER!!!!!

(also I knew I didn’t drink that much that day….whew)

1
...

Successfully made my way back from an extended trip to Bourbon County and ready to get Chase Daniel’d.

1
King Hippo

Go cut that thing off Tracy Wolfson’s face, before the liquid confidence wears off.

2
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

MATT PATRICIA IS CRYING BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE’S A LOCKER ROOM MUTINY AWAY FROM LOSING HIS JOB

3
clint greasewood

Time to crack open this Wild Turkey 101

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I LIKE THIS ANTHEM BETTER THAN THAT WHITE BROAD WITH VOCAL FRY

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ballsofsteelandfury

Happy Thanksgiving to you, Jim! And, of course,
Courtney, the kids, your mistresses in Miami, Dallas, and D.C., your ex- girlfriend in the Midwest that keeps sending you nudes, and that one hooker in LA you keep raving about!

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I HAVE DAN DIERDORF’S OLD CBS JACKET. WE MADE A BET THAT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A WHITE SPEED RECEIVER, AND THERE ISN’T BUT HE SENT THE JACKET ANYWAY GOOD MAN

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I MISS THE SHIT OUT OF JOHN MADDEN AND PAT SUMMERALL

2
King Hippo

especially Peak Alcoholism Pat Summerall

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ballsofsteelandfury

Me too, Uncle Ed, me too.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Is this a Tony Romo game?

0
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

WHENEVER PEOPLE SAY OUTLAW GUNS, I SAY OUTLAW KHALIL MACK’S LEFT ARM CAUSE THAT IS LETHAL

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wow Boomer Esiason comparing Khalil Mack to JJ Watt as if Watt is the better player.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Well, he IS whiter…

4
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

JJ WATT IS TO WHITE PEOPLE WHAT RACHEL DOLEZAL IS TO WHITE PEOPLE

4
BrettFavresColonoscopy

We need a Chase Daniel drinking game. Drink every Hackenburg esque pass, finish your drink ever turnover, ejaculate every touchdown?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Every Lions TD off an interception, right?

I mean, I’d like to cum at least twice today.

4
Fronkenshteen

Parlayed: Golladay over 6 catches, Zeke over 94 yards rushing, and Breesus over 24 completions.
FUN!!!

0
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

HOLY SHIT AARON MAYBIN WEARS TIGHT PANTS. YOU COULD SEE HIS DESPAIR OF BEING ON THE LIONS THROUGH THOSE THINGS

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

YAY DETROIT AT NOON ON MY DAY OFF. I’M EITHER A FOOTBALL FAN ON THANKSGIVING OR A SERIAL ARSONIST

3
Senor Weaselo

It can be two things!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

SQUANTOFUCK is my new favourite thing.

2
yeah right

Today’s cheeses include 2 wedges of English cheddar, some grated parmigiano reggiano, a swiss style California cheese called Holy Cow, some cave aged gruyere and some habanero jack. One wedge of cheddar, the gruyere and the parm go in the mac and cheese the rest are just fancy eatin’ cheeses.

That’s about 45 minutes for cheese prep alone.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Is today a subtle hint from the NFL that the AFC sucks ass?

1
yeah right

I don’t think that’s subtle at all. That’s up front and declared.

2
yeah right

I dropped my few remaining shekels on Detroit.

We can rebuild on this!

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Brocky

I have no idea how old ya are, and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Detroit won today, but still, after Sunday night this fits
comment image

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hippo, let’s see how strong the prophesy is. With Goff off slacking off this week, I’m starting Chase the Cup against you in DFO fantasy

2
King Hippo

WOW! Bold. I may end up sticking Lamar! in for DAK DAK DAK DAK DAK!, depending on what the voices in my head say.

1
Fronkenshteen

O LAMAR! GON RUN

1
Brocky

How the fuck you doing boys?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Rotund

1
yeah right

Tanned, rested and ready!

2
litre_cola

Happy Thanksgiving to you lot. I have not worked this day for 20 years it is like a Litre-holiday. Now time to smoke some weed, drink some breakfast wine and eat bad food.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

In what order?

1
litre_cola

Exactly as it is written bfc. Wake and bake, 10 am glass of white, now to cook a greasy breakfast.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Showoff.

On a similar note, my weed didn’t die while I was in Florida. Biggest one even had some growth on the buds while I was gone. But had to cull a male plant when I got home. Dirty little bastard.

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