2018 Quotables – Week 12 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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So Week 12, huh? Well, your injury report information is a novel available here. This isn’t important to fired Jacksonville Offensive Coordinator Nathaniel Hackett though. Because, you see, he got fired.

Oh, this reminds me — I was listening to the Cardinals post-game radio show on Sunday (this is actually what a I care about; I only watch the game a pre post-game viewing so I know what everyone is bitching about) and some old dude called in and was like, “I don’t know why everyone keeps saying this is the worst offensive team in the league. I can’t think of any team whose play is this offensive!” The joke was met with dead silence.

Anyways, my point is stick to Quotables, SonofSpam. Some humour just doesn’t translate well to the world of call-in shows. With that said, here are your Week 12 Quotables!


“I would think that’s the kind of hit you’d try to have your recently injured QB avoid taking, but what do I know?” -Some Wise Internet Commenter

“Yo, make sure this gets to Dez’s mother.”

Guess the Bears weren’t ready to give…..Chase.

“Now make sure you wash your hands and shampoo real good, Baker.” – Cindy Hyde-Smith

YOUR 2018 Pittsburgh Steelers

Trainor had to make this outfit to avoid paying Jerruh astronomical licensing rights.

Here we see Tre’Davious White passing the NFL concussion protocol.

Wait wait wait. So you’re telling me the Giants wide receivers are focused on performing kicker trick shots yet that team is somehow 3-8?!

 

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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Downfield Matriculator
Downfield Matriculator

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Bending it like . . .

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Later at the Salvation Army HQ;Minister Perkadil notices that some of the money smells like his wife.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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That’s not a quality issue with the image at the end there, that’s Tomlin trying desperately to cause a glitch in the Matrix, rolling back Ben’s software to the 2008 version.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Sure, it’s funny to him now, but when the Giants try to franchise tag Odell as a kicker in a few years, we’ll be the ones laughing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Neutral” arbitrators have already drawn up the paperwork to rule in the NFL’s favor.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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I know it seems like a bit much, but when was the last time a Buffalo defender had a chance to celebrate a meaningful incompletion in the 4th quarter?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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“YA SEE THAT ITCH?! THAT’S THE TRADEMARK MOVE OF A FINE WOMAN WHO JUST GOT OFF RIDING JER-FORCE ONE! YEEEEEEEE HAWWWWW!”

King Hippo

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It’s not over until the fat man pickerceptions! Oh shit, it’s over.

SonOfSpam

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Jerry Jones: “DAMMIT, BILL, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP???”

Bill (assistant in charge of entertainment): “Uh, you said we need to get the talentless blonde with the fat ass…”

Jerry Jones: “MOTHERFUCKER I MEANT WADE PHILLIPS!!!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A Meghan Trainor sounds like a 1957 specialized apparatus used to get women used to wearing a girdle.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Who laughing about all those off season mime classes now?

SonOfSpam

I will keep calling radio shows until someone in Arizona laughs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Calling them what?

SonOfSpam

Wireless Marconi Abominations.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That probably confuses the hell out of them; especially the sports and political stations. Good job.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Ha ha ha, SHILL-ary and O-Bummer…man, that’s good stuff…” – Arizona radio listener, following SoS’s next call.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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It’s obvious who had a “case of the toots” in the tunnel prior to team introductions.

Sharkbait

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Showoff

–Blair Walsh

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Nailed it
– Mr. Ayo

nomonkeyfun

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“Good God. He’s dumber than Terry Bradshaw.”

-O. Epps

ballsofsteelandfury

This deserves all the pluses.

nomonkeyfun

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“Hey coach. Isn’t it in Jacoby’s best interest to have me get blown up on this play. Oh, Hodor.”

-A. Luck

nomonkeyfun

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If they receive only $1,999,999,979.00 from the players the Salvation Army will have paid off the advertising fee they gave to the NFL.

nomonkeyfun

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“Even a black man can fail up in the NFL. What a league.”
-H. Jackson

“Dude you work for Mike Brown.”
-rest of the world

“Exactly.”
-Jackson

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Joe Buck doesn’t want to know where he was keeping that cash and is disgusted by the entire act.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I haven’t seen something white get crushed like that since Irsay’s last pill party.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Guys, I’m about to torpedo my dollars per pass thrown stats, the least you could do is follow me out there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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It’s an outrage that Hue had to work harder for that handshake than for his next coaching job.

That’s not a dig at Mayfield, no one should ever have hired Hue again.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Definitely didn’t need LeVeon Bell this season.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Same exact dance Kirk Cousins tried to pull off

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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It’s harder than it looks!
–Cody Parkey

BrettFavresColonoscopy

(also probably a guy who needs a stunt cock)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jesus, Blax, not sure some of your captions are going to be beat this week.

Game Time Decision

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Shankalor is not amused by this trickery and will punish kickers for all of eternity

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Off topic; Hippo now has a place to spend his money rather than losing it gamboling:
https://www.shinesty.com/collections/the-brandon-mcmanus-collection

In particular:
https://www.shinesty.com/products/white-horse-boxer

THE BRONCO’S BULGE HORSE BALL HAMMOCK BOXERS

King Hippo

but underwear is inherently fascist!

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Should have been a penalty, Speering the architect.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Being my arch enemy, I’ll put that in column A, which makes me beam.

LemonJello
LemonJello

That’ll buttress any sagging support you encounter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are not getting a hall pass for this.

nomonkeyfun

“Jews, death camps, I know nothing about any of this. I was just a technocratic intellectual who would have killed Hitler if I had the chance.”
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Interesting path to an Albert Speer joke.

nomonkeyfun

The route passed in a Treblinka of the eye.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Well, when his football career ends, he has a bright future directing planes to their gates at the local airport.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Southwest should make this part of their “When you really wanna get away” campaign.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“I’m donating a dollar for every pound of lead paint chips I ate growing up.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Not enough.”

-Mom

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Let no one continue to say that Sean Lee’s increasingly desperate pleas to see a trainer have fallen on deaf ears.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A little hitch in her get-along. I wonder what fetish wear “country pop” people wear. OK, maybe that is not a good question.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“I haven’t seen a Daniel so eager to take on some lions since I got bored and made up some crap about a ‘prayer decree’ to spice things up a little bit around the palace.” – Darius the Mede

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“Twenty-one? That’s crazy, that’s the same number as the age that my girlfriend’s ID says she is!”

– Mark Sanchez

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s see…
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I know – I just wanted to see what would happen and clipping it leads to a forbidden zone. Here’s what it was:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I still like the quote; it speaks to me.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Forbidden Zone? I thought solids weren’t allowed there since the attempted assassination of Ungo the Moist.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“Listen, you’re not going to last long playing in the AFC East if you take perfectly legal shots like that on quarterbacks wearing the number 12.” – Jets defenders

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“She’s making a crockery of the unitard I wore as a Data Crowbar!”
-E. Smiff

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Understood.”

T. Green

Downfield Matriculator
Downfield Matriculator

She’s not mocking Emmitt, the number just happens to be her weight . . . in stone

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Is this what they call “a Rouge” in Canadia?”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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♫Hello, grayness, my old friend♫

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dick.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Hey! You look just like my last head coach! I didn’t know he had a twin brother!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The quote from him was that Jackson left the team and went to a division rival…….. I’m pretty sure he didn’t leave voluntarily, Baker, old pal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The whole Tre’Davious White video is fantastic.

Game Time Decision

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How long do you think it will take for the NFL to figure out what “bass” and “treble” really mean ?

Game Time Decision

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That’s a penalty. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HIT MY TOMMY LIKE THAT.
Oh, wait, wrong coloUrs.
Carry on then
-Gisele Bundchen

Game Time Decision

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That awkward moment when your creepy Uncle says hi at the family dinner

Sharkbait

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OBJ imagines the ball is Pat Shurmur’s head

Game Time Decision

more like Elisha’s head

Game Time Decision

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The NFL is really trying to increase it’s DWTS viewership with this interpretive dance of the flag explanation

Game Time Decision

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Rookie hazing has really mellowed in this PC world