It’s gets so busy at the soup kitchen in December. As the weather turns the traffic increases, so they tell me. I’ve been kicking myself for quite some time now. Why the hell have I never thought of this until now? Volunteering here was one hell of an idea. There’s a shit-ton of ‘talent’ here that no one gives any thought to. Perfect.
I do have to say that I much prefer ladling/spooning out the various fares on offer rather than wiping tables. The smell that comes off these guys when you’re bussing makes my eyes water sometimes. That’s why I prefer to dole out the mystery casserole from behind the steam tables. I get a little bit of grumbling about portion sizes here and there but lately the men and women have been well-behaved. It can’t be the season, can it?
The one fella that does give me a hard time on the regular is Gus, the dishwasher. Any time I ask him to hurry on the dishes or cutlery (this place, like most others, runs on a paper-thin budget so there’s not enough plates and forks to go ’round) he let’s loose a string of expletives. I’m not afraid of most people given my favourite ‘hobby’ but the deep scar that runs from his left eye down to the cleft of his chin speaks volumes.
It was a Sunday and I’d shooed the last of the homeless out of the place. By this time the woman-Marie-that ran the program trusted me to lock up and had given me the keys to the place. Gus was scrubbing away and the dishwater whirred and whooshed its way through the rinse and wash cycles. I grabbed a meat tenderizer and felt the heft of it my hand. The filet knife had just been sharpened earlier today. I walked up behind old Gus and let him have it on the back of his head. He slumped forward over washbasin like a rag doll and the knife went through his Adam’s Apple like butter. The blood gushed into the sink as I propped his body up as long as I could.
It still took quite a bit of time to mop up everything but all in all, I thought it was some of my best work. His body fit nicely into the plastic-lined trunk of my SUV. A short trip to the parkway and then home to celebrate. Happy Holidays, indeed.
Chargers/Steelers:
It’s so hard to measure the toughness of any San Diego squad given their postseason failures so I’m thinking that if they can take this one on the road on the east coast then the team might be onto something.
Give me what you got.
The refs didn’t catch that false start?! Bring back the Replacement Referees!
If I ever rule, I’ll make it law that if your gender-swapped FaceApp picture is hotter than you are, you’ll be forced to switch gender.
If that makes dudes groom more, I’m all for it
What a great character.
Lundqvist is the anti-tank commander.
I see the Ice Bombers came back! Yay!
19 seconds left in OT
Found a stream for the unimpeded skate and shoot.
Yay! Ice Bombers win!
So anyway, how about those… uh… new… stuffs? Anyone seen that… thing… that came out?
I haven’t seen Hot New Movie, but I’ve heard it’s overrated
At least Xmas Ape isn’t dead.
Can’t have Xmas without the Xmas Ape. IT’S THE LAW.
Much like the majority of life, that missed extra point likely doesn’t matter
Chargers know the game started, yes?
May be an early night for me.
When the ball hits you in the back? Pass interference. When balls hit you hit you in the back? Maybe rethink your life
In the first scenario, you’re getting paid for a ball to hit you in the back. Are you also getting paid in the later scenario?
Maybe? It’s kind of how I picture Dee Dee Ramone’s life
If Bosa could remove BENs spine that would be great.
Knowing my luck, he’s an invertebrate.
That’s how he oozes into women’s bathroom stalls.
Saw a license plate in Menlo Park the other day, ‘AUNTIFA’
LOL, Officials be like ‘Aw shit, we weren’t watching, do over!’
OOOOOOOOOO YEAH
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rblh_0d7Qlw
…
Well, this is going about how I expected.
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
But… why?
I’ll give it until halftime to become a competitive game.
Same.
Seriously this is too many.
More than 0 is too many, this is WAY too many
But which one is the wife?
I could make a good joke here, but I have a personal rule not to make jokes of celebrity’s non-celebrity kids.
How many are Irish twins?
8
Is he married to one?
Super drunk.Go sleep now. Love you.
Sweet dreams
Don’t let the bed bugs bite.
/exits the linen closet
Nobody go in there. I, uh… opened a portal to the room temperature raw meat dimension. “Accidentally.”
Is the Romaine thing your fault?
“Insufficient Evidence”
HW Bush famously was quoted as saying he doesn’t remember where he was when Kennedy was killed. That’s some shandy shit.
So I learned this weekend that Nixon was in Dallas on the day Kennedy was shot too.
At the Pepsi convention!
JFK’s assassination is probably the most fascinating moment in history due to all the intersecting paths of powerful people.
The real answer, of course, was Cuba.
It’s sad that the Watt family gave all their kids such shitty names that they all go by initials
Their sister Britney earned hers the hard way, I’m told.
Cosplay night?
Hand towels aren’t really terrible until you use it as a handkerchief all night
Possible Quotables Picture for your Consideration
http://img-s-msn-com.akamaized.net/tenant/amp/entityid/BBQofcu.img?h=768&w=1366&m=6&q=60&o=f&l=f
Ice Giants are trying to Giants this game away
That is cool by me.
I would totally buy that hat in an Athens Psirri junk shop
Why are fish cakes tastier when they have that pink swirl on them?
They…just are. Probably because that is The Way Things Should Be.
The only Manning to step foot on an NFL field this year who can accurately target an unarmed black man running thirty feet away.
I don’t know if it’s just because I’m more cynical or older or what, but I just really don’t give a fuck about HW dying at all.
It’s valid. The Bush’s have been heavily rewarded for their service. No further appreciation necessary.
Also, 94. Goddamn. How old do you have to be before it’s not sad?
He’s the last marginally competent Republican as president, so that’s about it as far as mourning
WE ? NEED ? MORE ? SHADY ? INTELLIGENCE ? DIRECTORS ? IN ? OFFICE ?
Not sure which ’88 campaign moment i liked more: when after the U.S. shot down a civilian Iranian airliner that he’d never apologize for the actions of America no matter what the facts were or the blatant race-baiting of the Willie Horton ad.
His best ’92 campaign moment was pardoning Weinberger and the five others who could’ve gotten him sent to prison for Iran-Contra. And having the DEA entrap a 16yo kid outside the White House to justify the War on Drugs.
It really is amazing to see the “Bush is the exact opposite of Trump” pieces in light of those pardons because people would have a fucking conniption and scream “THIS IS NOT NORMAL” if Trump pardoned people to protect his ass
I made that point yesterday. No one cares. As far as liberals are concerned, the world didn’t exist before November 8, 2016.
As someone who was born homeless during the early years of the Reagan era, and grew up experiencing the wrong side of trickle down economics, I’ll never understand the love affair with 80’s Republicans, but goddamn did they know how to act like bad-asses in front of a camera.
People suck.
That’s what is so terrifying about all the hagiographies. Eventually, the Republicans are going to elect someone as competent again and we won’t even get the benefit of Trump accidentally telling the truth sometimes like when he just admitted that our relationship with Saudi Arabia is worth too much money and influence in the Middle East to give a fuck about one dead columnist.
He was the former head of the CIA, so anyone thinking he wasn’t elbow deep in filth is kidding themselves.
CIA Director vs. Secretary of State: Which is less war criminal-y?
Potato/Potato, there. It’s not like State and CIA heads actually work at odds with each other. They’re all neck deep in the same shitpile.
Meanwhile, Dolores Umbridge isn’t even allowed to testify about Saudi Arabia, because we’ve reached that level of evil
He was CIA director when our CIA-trained buddies in Chile and Argentina were following their advice and forcing relatives to rape each other, raping them with dogs and/or rats, and throwing people they hated out of helicopters.
So you’re saying he was an early meme innovator?
Yes.
The Brazilians also used those rape techniques, including on former President Lula. (This is what every dictatorship in Latin America did because we taught it to them at the School of the Americas and through hands-on instruction in those countries).
When Jair Bolsonaro cast his vote to impeach her, he dedicated it to the head of the secret police and thus the man who tortured her under the military dictatorship. That is our new Latin American partner and The Economist’s cover boy for rescuing South America from the scourge of, well, antifa.
Hope you aren’t attached to the rainforests!
Seeing liberals (and it was only liberals. Republicans seem to hate him as much as they hate McCain because both spoke out (while doing nothing of substance because they don’t actually differ ideologically) against Trump) online wash Bush’s balls during World AIDS Day of all days was a fucking kick in the nuts to a lot of people. It’s not like mourning Hitler on Holocaust Remembrance Day (Reagan would be Hitler), but it is like mourning Himmler on that day, and I am perfectly comfortably in that comparison.
Tempo, Sergeant, tempo…pick one and stick with it, please.
I don’t even know which team I’m hate-watching at this point
Meanwhile, in France:
?w=639
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRM7ihloCfGk3zyxyrXmUcsU-6jgHo3U2KvblDTTzFkhxXOaqfUew
So…I’ll be in France the 10th to the 12th. That’s not good…
Molotov form not up to snuff? It’s not hard, feel free to practice beforehand
Just tell them your American. Everyone likes Americans!
As someone who spent *mutters high dollar value under breath* to buy nearly every Bourbon County Stout available the most interesting barrel-aged stout I’ve had this year is a small brewery that aged stout in an Islay scotch barrel.
/continues weeks-long awkward laughing at Scotchies a-little-too-detailed homicide stories.
I think I’ll be going to Tonopah, NV for Memorial Day. I dig mining museums.
Have you checked out my Butte?
that is halfway between Reno and Vegas. When you drive to it, you can see it in the distance, an 1 hour away. It has a decent “Ghost Tour” as well.
Congratulations to Packers fans on Blue Bunny’s firing.
Where’s that ‘nope’ octopus gif?
Sure why not. Shovel it down my gullet. I’m just a fucking raccoon at this point
Dude, don’t claim raccoon unless you can back it up with hilarious broom stealing anecdotes and creepy adorable tiny people hands. Basically, unless you’re Trump but likable because you’re a trash eating urban scavenger.
Same
I’m sure half the people in my office already see me as a gross scavenging animal so I’m just leaning into it and enjoying my treats
I’m just assuming that the main reason to watch this game will be bitching about the refs. This should be an ‘ACKTUALLY’ wet dream of a game
It’s not like Diana wasn’t going to do the same. This would just cut out the middleman.
I’m sad that the nickname ‘Figgy’ never caught on for Cam Newton. I blame racism.
*clears throat and strps up to mic*
More like Neil deGrabass Tyson, amirite?
Bill Nye has managed to be awkward without violating boundaries, so boo on you NDGT
WTF Neil??
I should probably be dragged for this joke as he’s been accused of Cosbying a woman which isn’t jokeworthy
‘Let’s watch the pre-game show’ she said while slowly killing herself with alcohol
ESPN Reporter: “Can you explain what happened to you that night?”
K.Hunt: “Alcohol was involved. I was a complete dumbass.”
At least the man can accurately summarize himself